A/N: Note that this story is only consistent with canon up to "The Spanish Teacher" (largely to catch the engagement but miss the get-married-soon stuff that would freak out amnesiac Finn even more), so I'm picking and choosing a bit with respect to song significance after that. Rachel's NYADA audition was different, but her Nationals solo was the same.

Much thanks as always for the reviews, and keep them coming!

"Sounds like they're back," Finn said as he straightened with a sheepish smile. "Still want to play?"

"Sure," Rachel replied impishly. "A sport I may actually be better than you at, how can I resist?"

Finn chuckled, and he went to help Blaine set up the badminton net.

First to play were Blaine and Rachel, since they'd both played before, and after their demonstration Finn and Kurt gave it a try. Success was mixed, but they had a good sense of humor about it so it was fun.

They then paired up for doubles: Rachel and Finn versus Blaine and Kurt. The two boys had the edge on skill, largely due to Blaine, but Rachel and Finn soon found that they had a different advantage; with small Rachel handling the shots close to the net and Finn using his size to cover the larger range behind, they had an easier time working together without getting in the way of each other. After a while Finn found it felt pretty natural.

Not so natural was paying attention to the game, with Rachel moving around in front of him in her cute and rather short sundress, sometimes even bending down to pick up the birdie. He stayed well back of her for reasons of the game and out of concern for potential accidents, but also because sometimes it was all he could do to stop himself from just grabbing hold of her. God, she was hot. And his, kind of, but not, and he wanted her but shouldn't do those things with her unless he really loved her... fuck. At least he could bring out the mailman memory, using the remembered panic to kill his growing arousal as his body craved her, realizing only too late that he was letting a shot from Blaine go straight past him.

Kurt stared at him, puzzled, but from behind Kurt Blaine gave a knowing smile.

"Hey Kurt," Blaine said. "How about I take you on, not that I don't appreciate the view I have but I'd like to see your face a little more."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "And here I was going to propose we switch positions." He looked back at Blaine, who waggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing the others to crack up. Kurt smiled. "Fine, you're on."

Finn walked back to the table and sat down. "It's good to take a break," Rachel said, sitting down next to him. "I don't know about you, but I was getting pretty hot, moving around like that."

"Yeah," Finn blurted out, caught by surprise as her words so closely matched his thoughts about her, then quickly covered. "Uh, yeah, me too." They hadn't talked about their kiss, and Finn was trying not to; he didn't know what it could mean aside from that he wanted her, and that she was willing to follow his lead at least that much. It was dangerous to try to label it at this point, he didn't know how he felt, and between his subconscious and her potential frustration neither of them could really be trusted to stop things if they went too far. He was glad he'd been able to stop himself, that day in her room; whether she might want it at the time or not, he figured she really wouldn't want him to be with her in that way until he remembered, and she certainly deserved better than him trying some sort of experiment or pushing it just because he could. But every time he kissed her he wanted to do it again, the barest touch of her lips was intoxicating and addictive.

The game between Blaine and Kurt was quickly deteriorating. The wind was gusting strongly along the net, and pretty soon the shots were landing so far off course that both players couldn't do anything except laugh.

"I think that's enough, Kurt," Blaine said. "We can't do anything in this wind."

Kurt looked over to where dark clouds were rapidly blowing in. "It looks like rain anyway. Probably a thunderstorm, it's been so humid."

"Let's get this stuff away," Finn put in, getting up and striding to the net. They took it down quickly and just managed to finish rolling it up when the thunder rolled and rain started pelting down. All four of them ran for the house, carrying the equipment inside with them.

Once inside they joined Carole and Burt in the living room and tried to decide what to do next. Burt suggested they watch a movie, but Finn took a quick look around at the other couples – Kurt on the floor leaning back against Blaine's legs, his mom and Burt next to each other on the couch – and vetoed it, thinking it too intimate. Not that he was against the idea of having his arms around Rachel while they watched a movie, far from it, and she was so tiny she could probably snuggle into his lap on the armchair, but he didn't want to feel like it was expected, of either of them. And it would be awkward either way, whether they did or didn't.

"Hey Judy," Blaine said, looking over at Rachel, who had insisted on perching on the ottoman. "How about we put on a show?"

Rachel giggled. "Well Mickey," she replied, matching his arch tone, "why don't you show us how?"

Burt looked questioningly at Carole. "Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney," she explained. "They did a set of kids-put-on-a-show movies way back when."

"Though it's much harder to put on an actual show," Kurt stated.

"But we can try a little impromptu entertainment, it's nothing we haven't done before," Blaine said. He got up. "If my duet partner will join me?" he continued, holding his hand down to Kurt.

"I would be honored." Kurt let Blaine help him up, and they conferred quickly before going to stand together in front of the TV.

Blaine started: (*)

Let the drums roll out
Let the trumpet call
While the people shout
Strike up the band

Kurt sang the next verse:

Hear the cymbals ring
Callin' one and all
To the martial swing,
Strike up the band

They continued on singing together, occasionally alternating lines, nodding to each other for cues. Finn was getting into it; it wasn't his kind of song, but the peppy upbeat music was contagious and he started tapping his foot along to the obvious rhythm. Unfortunately his drums were up in his room.

There is work to be done, to be done
There's a war to be won, to be won
Come, you son of a son of a gun,
Take your stand

Fall in line, yea a bow
Come along, let's go
Hey, leader, strike up the band!

The pair struck a finishing pose, and the others applauded. Blaine turned to Rachel as he returned to his seat. "Your turn now, 'Judy'."

"I -" Rachel froze suddenly, looking at Finn. "I don't know," she responded, turning back to Blaine.

Blaine gave her a comedically exaggerated nonplussed look. "Have you forgotten how to sing?" he asked. He looked inquiringly at Carole. "Is this amnesia stuff supposed to be contagious? 'Cause that's going to cause problems when she gets to NYADA."

Finn chuckled. Strangely, he didn't mind jokes about his memory loss, not friendly ones like that. It was only the serious stuff that was hard to take.

Rachel smiled too. "No, I'm just not sure what," she replied.

"Come on, Rachel," Finn cajoled, thinking that this was a great opportunity to hear her sing again. She had an amazing voice, and who knows, it might even help him remember something. "You must have lots of songs you know, that you've performed. Didn't you have a solo at Nationals? Puck told me you did."

Kurt coughed. "Not that one," he muttered.

"That's probably not a good idea," Rachel said, paling.

"What, why?" But Finn frowned at himself. I'm doing it again, insisting on being told when maybe I shouldn't be. And pushing her. "It's okay, I don't need to know," he corrected himself.

"No, it's all right – but I agree with Kurt, you'd probably be very uncomfortable with it and I would be too," Rachel said. "I sang 'It's All Coming Back to Me Now' at Nationals."

Finn grimaced. "Yeah, okay, thanks." Overwrought song about remembering, no thank you.

"And most of the songs I've done in Glee over the years had something to do with you," she continued. "Even when we weren't together. Make that especially when we weren't together. Kind of heavy stuff for a party."

Those might help bring memories back or might replace them, no way to know, Finn thought. They would pressure me and stress her, and I don't want to stress her out. Let's just relax. "Right," he said, agreeing that it was probably best not to force anything out right then. It's not like he knew any way of bringing a conscious memory back, so far nothing had worked for that. He was starting to despair of it ever happening, maybe feelings and subconscious stuff was all he was going to get and he was just going to have to deal with that. "But you've been singing your whole life, you can't tell me that there's nothing from before, something you could just come out with."

Kurt smiled at her. "Like something you've been working on since you were four?" he asked her with a knowing look.

Rachel blushed. "Well there is that."

"Then..." Finn gave her his best encouraging smile. "Please?"

Rachel smiled involuntarily in response, a grin she couldn't repress. "Are you sure you're not remembering something?" she teased him back. "Because that dimpled 'please, do it for me' smile looks very familiar."

Carole laughed. "That's because he's a Hudson, Rachel, Finn's had versions of that since he was two. It's far too effective for him to ever stop."

Finn laughed at this teasing, blushing a bit himself. But he soon resumed giving her that smile. "Well?"

"Who am I to resist that," Rachel replied. "And this song has so many associations for me there's no way to pick just one. Today it's probably the weather." She pursed her lips, then gave Finn a big smile. "All right. I did perform this song for Glee once, in competition, but the rest of the club was offstage." She went to stand at the front, smiled around at everyone, and started to sing: (**)

Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!
Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade!

She gestured overdramatically at the window where the rain still blew, a self-mocking smile on her face. She came closer to them, starting with where Blaine sat with Kurt at his feet.

I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir, at least I didn't fake it
Hat, sir
she sat on the couch arm next to Burt, tapped his baseball cap, and moved on.
I guess I didn't make it

But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
She sat on the other couch arm, next to Carole, and gestured at her with a smile, winning her a laugh from Carole and a grin from Burt.

Or freckle on the nose of life's complexion
She shifted over to the arm of the chair where Finn sat and softly touched his freckled cheek, for the merest moment.

Then she turned to face them all again and stepped back.

The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy, juicy, and you see I gotta have my bite, sir!

Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a comer
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer

Her eyes looked penetratingly at Finn, her expression passionate, and he saw a flicker of longing as her facade momentarily vanished. But she pulled herself back together quickly, and continued without missing a beat.

Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!

Her energy increased, both her speed and singing, and Finn could feel all the passion she was putting into it. She may have sung this a lot, since she was four they'd said, but the Rachel he could feel through the song was her, right now, her coiled need and frustration finding an outlet through it. Like drumming was for him, he figured. And as always when Rachel sang: Wow.

I'm gonna live and live now
Get what I want, I know how

Her face was tense, giving the lie to the words.

One roll for the whole shebang
One throw, that bell will go clang
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and BAM
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

She looked Finn straight in the eye, and her energy level rose again. God knows where she was getting all this from, she was so small but her energy engulfed the room. And this girl, this incredible powerhouse, she'd told him how she believed in him. He didn't know how he could be worthy, especially with the last three years gone from his memories, but he certainly wanted to be. He couldn't tear his eyes from her, he could barely even blink.

I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir, at least I didn't fake it
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it
Get ready for me, love, 'cause I'm a comer
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain
On my parade!

She finished with her head tossed back and arms wide, her eyes closed, her final note echoing in the small room. Then she lowered her head, breathing hard, and gave them a shy smile.

"Wow, I – " Finn rose to his feet and started clapping, giving her a big smile as the others joined him.

Rachel beamed and gave a small curtsy. "Thank you."

"Well I'm not following that," Blaine said. "That's why these things are called showstoppers, right?" He came over to give her a hug.

Rachel smiled at his compliment. "Well it wasn't before."

"It wasn't allowed to be before," Kurt put in. "But after that you could at least use a break. And I do need to ask you about something I was thinking about bringing to New York, no sense in our duplicating things too much."

"Yes, you should show her," Blaine said. "You have it all ready so it won't take long."

Rachel followed Kurt and Blaine to the stairs. "You mean you two were really packing earlier?" she teased, and the others laughed, though Kurt grumbled a bit as they went to his room. The others, Finn, Carole and Burt, smiled as they watched them go.

"Well that was incredible," Burt said. "But I could really go for a change of pace right now, so while the Broadway enthusiasts are out of the room let's switch it up a little," he suggested. "How about some classic rock?"

"Yeah," Finn said. "Like... the Stones."

"Good choice." Burt went to his stack of CDs and pulled out Let it Bleed. "This?"

"Sure."

The strains of "Gimme Shelter" soon filled the living room. A few moments later Kurt hurriedly came back, and looked in to see his father next to the stereo.

"Did you put that on, Dad?" Kurt asked, sounding oddly tense.

"Yes I did," Burt nodded. "Is there some problem with listening to the Stones for a while?"

"No, no problem, just... curious." He looked back up the stairs to where Rachel and Blaine were following him down, and he shrugged. All three of them slowly came back to the living room and sat down. There didn't seem to be a problem, though, as they were clearly enjoying the music.

The album played on, next starting the slow "Love in Vain".

"Could we skip this one?" Rachel asked, frowning.

"I guess we could, why?" Burt responded.

Finn wasn't a big fan of the sound either, and cringed when he saw the title display. "It is kind of dragging," he said. "Let's just keep it loose, we're better that way."

"Okay." Burt grabbed the stereo remote and forwarded to the next song.

"Thank you," Rachel said, her manner easing.

They listened to the rest of the album, finishing with the final track, "You Can't Always Get What You Want". Finn smiled, enjoying this song particularly and hoping for what its words could mean to him right now. He certainly wasn't getting what he wanted, not even close, but just maybe he might get what he needed anyway. Whatever that was. He closed his eyes and started to sing along a little, enjoying being part of the song, and he heard Rachel join in with him. He thought he heard Blaine too for a moment, but then it was just himself and Rachel (and Mick), and he liked that. He opened his eyes as the song ended.

Blaine turned to Finn. "Sounds like you haven't forgotten how to sing either. Got anything for us?"

"Uh..." Finn tensed as he was put on the spot. Truthfully, there was a song in his head right now, but he didn't think it was appropriate to sing it, especially not in front of Rachel – he didn't know why it came to mind, but its message seemed all wrong for her. And singing along with a CD was one thing, doing it on his own was something else. Sure he'd been told he'd gotten used to people listening to him sing, and the idea was cool actually, but he wasn't comfortable with it. Maybe he could get back into it, sometime.

"I think he just did," Rachel put in, giving Blaine a pointed glance and then smiling at Finn. "It's so good to hear you sing again, Finn."

"Ah... thanks," Finn responded, blushing a little. "Not exactly your quality, obviously." Though he'd like to think they had sounded good together.

"Don't sell yourself short. I've been doing it a lot longer," Rachel stated. "And a lot more intensely," she added with a small roll of her eyes. "If you enjoy it, don't stop yourself."

He smiled back, a little sheepish. "Okay. Thanks."

Blaine yawned theatrically. "Well it's getting late, and I need to hit the road," he said. "It's been great, thank you for having me." He rose and went into the front hall, trailed by Kurt as they went to say a more private goodbye.

"I guess I need to get you home," Finn said to Rachel.

"Blaine could, you know."

"Take my guest home? Uh-uh. I pick up and I drop off, it's all part of the Finn Hudson service."

Rachel beamed. "And it's an excellent service, I give it five stars. Out of five, of course."

"You would know stars." Finn was rewarded by a giggle from Rachel. They stalled a little longer until they heard the front door close.

"You can stop staying out of the way now," Kurt called out from the hall. The four of them laughed and left the living room. Rachel said her goodbyes to Carole and Burt, gave Kurt a hug, and let Finn escort her out to the car.

"I'm not normally that reluctant to sing," Rachel told Finn as he drove her back home. "Not reluctant at all, actually, usually it's almost impossible to stop me."

"Just too many memories, huh?" Finn responded, glancing at her briefly before returning his eyes to the road.

Rachel nodded. "Yes. I wasn't expecting it, I suppose I should have once Blaine started with the idea, but when it came to my turn I came up blank. Other than songs that seemed too serious."

"Well if I do get my memories back I'd like to remember the previous times, so maybe it's just as well you didn't sing them again," Finn said.

"That's the problem you're worried about," Rachel commented. "That you'll confabulate, or get the memories confused."

"Yeah." Finn exhaled slowly. "I kinda hoped I'd've remembered the previous time I heard you sing that one," he admitted. "I did hear it before, right?"

"Yes," she replied. "From me, at our first Glee competition. And a lot more times from Barbra Streisand, she sings it in my favorite movie and I'm a bit obsessed."

"Huh."

"Nothing?"

"No, sorry." Finn sighed morosely. Damn. He tried to brighten the mood. "I did really like singing with you," he said. "I guess we've done that a lot, right?"

"Yes. Proven harmonies." She seemed to want to continue and say something else, but stopped.

"Must be all you, since I didn't know what I was doing."

"Not all me. You really are quite good."

Finn snorted. "I guess I'll have to believe you on that one."

"Of course." Rachel smiled. "I should know."

"Uh... yeah." That's what he'd been thinking earlier.

They went on for a while longer in silence, then Rachel spoke again. "Today was rather wonderful, Finn. Even without remembering me you set things up so well, and I appreciate how hard you tried."

"You deserve it," Finn said quietly. "I may not have seen it right away, but – you're really special." He looked at her again, a longer glance, their eyes briefly meeting.

"So are you," she replied. "Even if you think you're not, I know you are."

Finn exhaled. "Well then sometimes being special sucks."

Rachel chuckled ruefully. "It can. But not always. And it can be really wonderful."

Like you, Finn thought. But now he had another dilemma. He was starting to get used to those.

Doing previously familiar things with Rachel could help trigger memories, or so the shrink said, if he could relax while doing them. But relaxing was very difficult; anything that might be reliving their past was also majorly stressful for both of them, and he was getting really frustrated that nothing had worked so far. He was starting to think his memory was never coming back, not consciously. Sure, it was way too early to write this off, he supposed, but it was so hard to believe otherwise when he still remembered nothing. If anything, accessing things subconsciously was worse than being completely blocked, he wasn't sure he could really function properly as an actual person when phrases would come out of his mouth that he didn't understand and he didn't know what he might do next, and the split between what he wanted and what he remembered was disorienting.

On the other hand, being casual and fun around Rachel was great. When they both relaxed, they had a really fantastic time, they were happy, and he started feeling connected to her. But it was a lot easier to do that if it wasn't something they were potentially reliving.

Rachel was leaving on Friday, first thing. Did he want to try to recapture memories that looked like they might be walled off forever, or develop his feelings, that sense of connection? He didn't have very much time left, and if he screwed up again at the wrong time she could be leaving on a really bad note, which was the last thing he wanted.

So don't screw up, he told himself. Keep it fun. And who knows, maybe he could be that guy she loved even if he couldn't remember being him before.

They'd arrived at Rachel's house, so it was now or never. Or at least 'now' or 'let her go without letting her know you want to see her again', which would suck almost as much as 'never'.

"Have you ever been to the county fair?" Finn asked, looking at her speculatively.

"No, never," Rachel replied. "It's not really my sort of thing."

"Yeah, that's what I figured." He flashed her a small grin. "Want to go anyway?"

"Finn!" But she was smiling, which was a start. "As far as I know it's not really your sort of thing either."

"It's not, at least not more than just a thing to hang out at, I'm not interested in seeing someone's prize pigs or anything like that, and I know you're not since you're vegan. We can stay away from the animals. But I just figured, if you've never been at all, then there's no tension around it, right? We can go and just... look at stuff. Be silly, I guess. Forget about you and me and the past and all that, just hang out like we did at bowling, 'cause that was great. And since you're heading to New York, it seems a shame to leave Lima and have never gone."

"And here I was thinking I was managing to escape it."

"Then you'd never know what you were missing," Finn teased. "Come on, we could go Tuesday evening. And they use vegetable oil for the fries, at least they did the last time I went, so there'll be something you can eat, even if it's still not that good for you." Finn was being very earnest, and won a laugh from Rachel. "Is that a yes?"

She nodded. "That's a yes." She smiled. "I like it that you want to be silly. So when did you last go?"

"A couple of months ago," Finn said. "That's what it feels like, anyway, just before sophomore year. Quinn made me go watch the cheerleading competition but once the Cheerios were done I met up with Puck to watch the demolition derby."

Rachel paled. "Would we see that?"

"No, I -" Finn looked carefully at Rachel, who seemed suddenly panic-stricken. "It's mostly a weekend event, and I didn't think you'd be interested in watching things smash."

"No," she breathed, trying to recover.

"You're more than not interested, though." He put his hand on her arm. "You okay?"

Her breathing eased, and she looked up at him with a forced smile, nodding. "Just – bad memories."

"I thought I was the one with the bad memory here," Finn joked, and was rewarded by a small laugh.

"True," she said. "And that's why you don't know, because you don't remember the accident."

Oh. Right. "No," he said. "But yeah, I can see why you wouldn't be interested in watching car crashes."

"Or hearing them, the sound –" Rachel shuddered.

"So we'll stay clear of anything like that," Finn stated. He swallowed. "You know, from what I've been told, you handled it really well when it happened," he said softly. "Actually, from what I can tell, handling stuff is something you do really well, even if you don't think you do."

"So do you," she said. "Even if you don't remember it." She sighed, but it was a more happy sigh. "I've had a lovely time tonight, Finn," she said, "and I'm so glad we talked about those things. I'm sure Tuesday will be fun. See you then." She quickly leaned over to him and gave him a light kiss, her hand touching his jaw as she softly pressed her lips against his. "Goodnight." With that she headed into her house.

Finn smiled to himself as he watched her go. Much better, good going tonight, he told himself. But once she was out of sight he exhaled slowly, feeling the frustration return. He'd made the right choice, he was sure, in going for the 'fun' date over the 'meaningful' date, it was much less likely to blow up in his face, but it did mean no chance of progress. And then that was it, by the end of the week she'd be in New York and he'd be still here with his head full of holes, his new normal. Special, huh? Yeah, it sure sucked to be that kind of special.

Back at the Hudson-Hummel house, Burt and Kurt were talking quietly in the living room as Carole put things away in the kitchen.

"What was that bit about the music before, anyway?" Burt asked. "You looked really concerned that we'd put something on."

"Not really."

"We just wanted a change of pace, that's okay right?"

"Of course." Kurt paused. "'We'?"

"Yeah, me and Finn."

"Dad... who suggested that particular music?" Kurt asked pointedly.

Burt frowned. "It matters?"

"It might."

"Well," Burt said, thinking back, "it was really a joint thing. I suggested we change it up and put on some classic rock, Finn suggested the Stones and I dug the album out." He looked back at Kurt, who was staring at him. "Why?"

Kurt swallowed. "That song Rachel sang."

"Yeah, what about it? She performed it once for your Glee club, right?"

"Yes. She opened our first sectionals with it, the one where our setlist was copied and we had to improvise. Nobody can solo on the fly quite like Rachel. But Dad... the next song we did was the Rolling Stones, 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'."

"The number you said Finn showed up with to save your asses. That was it. The same one he was singing along to tonight." Burt leaned forward and stared back at Kurt, stunned.

"Yes."

"Shit. Sorry." Burt thought for a moment. "It could just be a coincidence."

"I know. But it might not be. And we can't ask Finn, if he's relaxed and things are starting to come back, even like that, we don't want to tense him up and have that get in the way."

"Yeah." Burt frowned. "Was that why you stopped Blaine from singing with him? I saw that nudge."

"Partly. Mostly I just wanted to let Rachel have it, she misses singing with Finn. But I had hopes. And I know she did too, you saw the look on her face."

"Well we just have to keep supporting him and watch out for stuff like that, that's all we can do."

Finn drove home, happy about his plans to go to the fair with Rachel, but still tense with holding back his frustration with himself. He felt so trapped by the broken connections in his head that left him with just enough to want and not enough to make it real.

The same song he'd been thinking of before was still going around in his head. He found a bit of it that seemed more appropriate for him, something to believe in, to cling to and help shore up his hope, and he started to sing out: (***)

got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat

His voice sounded good, and he felt better to express himself like that. He wished Rachel was singing with him, though. She should be, like she had earlier.

I'm ok, I'm alright
ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Someday... he hoped, twisted inside by frustration. Please.

Can anybody find me...

Somebody to love, he thought as he stopped singing. She's right there, I don't need to find her. I need to find me. Can anybody find me? He snorted wryly at himself. Then, the song exorcised from his head, he drove on in silence.

* "Strike Up the Band", from Strike Up the Band, lyrics by Ira Gershwin.
** "Don't Rain On My Parade", from Funny Girl, lyrics by Bob Merrill.
*** "Somebody to Love", as performed by Queen, lyrics by Freddie Mercury.