Author's Note: Hello Lovely Primroses. I'm so for the delay but I've been so busy with school. We are getting very close to the end of this story so keep it up. This chapter has a lot of crying and dramatizing so if you don't like it, well there are plenty of fish in the sea and stories here. Hope you like it and let me know what you think, please. Here is Chapter 41. Enjoy

I don't own The Hunger Games

Chapter 41

Katniss's POV

The pain is the only thing I can focus on until it finally starts to alleviate. My boy with the bread is holding me in his strong arms and it makes me feel so much stronger. He is caressing my arm and the feel of his hand on my skin sends a delicious warmth through my veins. Each one of his kisses on my face is a promise that it doesn't matter what new challenge life is preparing for us, we will overcome it together.

"There is something I need to talk to you about." I hear Peeta's voice very distant.

"hum?" I murmur. I try to make myself focus on what he is saying but my eyelids feel so heavy.

"I was talking to the doctors earlier about your examination results." He says. "Katniss, I've asked you so many times if something was wrong and you just blew me off saying you were just fine." His voice is accusing in such a way I've never heard when directing to me. My blood feels cold and I'm suddenly scared about where this is leading.

"I…I don't…understand." I whisper. He sits up brutally, bringing me with him. I turn my head to look him in the eye and they are a crystal clear shade of blue, a mixture of emotions.

"Well, let me make it more clear for you. Do you remember the past couple days how you were always so out of yourself? You were always out of it, like you were somewhere else. Your body so weak that you could barely breathe without shaking….." He stares at me like he is expecting for me to explain myself.

"I…..I was just nervous…" I lie.

"You are a terrible liar Katniss. Tell me, where in the world did you find morphine?" All the blood drains from my face. How did he find out?

"Peeta…I….I…"

"There is no need to explain that now." He raises his voice and grabs both my shoulders painfully tight. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Sobs are suffocating me, stuck in my throat.

"I-I-I'm so-sorry." I say, trying my hardest not to let the tears flow.

"Katniss, it's not about being sorry." He lets go of my arm and jumps off the bed. His hands are tugging at his hair as he walks around the hospital room. "You don't know what this could cause. What did you want, to become an addicted? And what about me, huh? What about us?" I don't have the strength anymore as I let the tears flow, followed by heavy sobs.

" I could've lost you. Don't you see what this was doing to you? YOU COULD BE DEAD!" he yells. A doctor and two nurses come running frantically through the door, one of the nurses come to me while the doctor and the other nurse try to make Peeta leave the room.

"N-n-no l-let him –s-stay. P-pl-please." I sob. Peeta looks straight into my eyes one last time before he walks out. "No!" I cry. I tug at the IVs connected to my arm, trying to free myself and go after him. I can't stand this, Peeta is the person I love the most in this world, I can't have him mad at me. "P-P-PEETA!" I feel arms trying to hold me down but I won't have it this time. I kick and scream for them to let me go. It doesn't take long for the familiar pain of a needle being inserted into my skin and I black out, still begging for Peeta to come hold me in his strong arms.

Peeta's POV

I sprint out of the hospital room and back to the waiting room. Haymitch and Greasy Sae, who were both talking like old friends, look up at my teary face with worried looks on their faces. I throw myself at the farthest chair and cover my face with my hands. Breathe in. Breath out. You idiot! You just yelled at her when she needed you the most. What kind of mutt are you? And the worst of all is that this was all me! No capitol or Tracker Jacker venom to blame this time. All me! All despicable me!

"Peeta?"Haymitch calls.

"Boy, what happened?" Now it's Greasy Sae's tired voice. I don't answer any of them. I just keep panting hard and cursing myself. How could I be so heartless? Isn't she the most important thing in this life for me? Why would I do that?

"Peeta we are talking to you!" Haymitch must think that I'm in the middle of a violent flashback. Barely he knows that this monster is just the real me. What aches the most inside my chest, making my heart burn in such a painful way, is the desperate look she had on her eyes. She was pleading for me to stay! She was pleading to not be left alone with those people she doesn't know.

"I'm a monster…" I whisper.

"What was that boy?"

"I said that I'm a monster!" I say louder, finally meeting their eyes. Greasy Sae takes a chair next me and takes one of my hands in hers.

"Take a deep breath and tell us what happened?"

"I found out that she was taking morphine this entire time. She was suffering alone all this time. Instead of being there for her and helping her get through it I yelled at her. I YELLED AT HER! I'm such a monster. I failed her again….I failed her again…." Greasy Sae wraps her arm around me, a comfort action from a mother that I have been craving for so long.

"Don't say that Peeta. It was just a moment. There is a lot happening and I know how much you are worried about her. She will be fine and you two will discuss this more calmly later." She soothes.

"Did you say morphine?" Haymitch asks. "Where the hell would Katniss find morphine?"

"I think we will have some time to discuss all this with Katniss later huh? Now we must focus on calming down, especially you Peeta. She will need you more than ever when she wakes up now."

We spend the next hour or so waiting. Haytmich is staring at the wall blankly while Greasy Sae continues to caress my hair, comforting me. We wait until a nurse, the same nurse who rushed to Katniss's side when they stormed into the room, comes and takes a sit on the opposite side from us.

"She is awake and begging for you again. She keeps sobbing and saying that you hate her. What happened?" she asks.

"We had a misunderstanding and I was a jerk." I say flatly. The nurse smiles apologetically.

"Well, I'm pretty sure she is dying to make things up and I can see that you are too. Do you want to come see her?" I hesitate. I'm afraid to hurt her again. But I want, I need, to be with her so bad…

"Can I see her first?" Haymitch asks before I have the time. The nurse looks at me for what I guess is approval. I nod and they both get up. I grab Haymitch's arm when he passes by me.

"Watch what you are going to say to her. Hurt her, or make one single tear fall down her face and you will be sorry." I'm not sure where that came from but his reaction to the whole morphine news got me slightly suspicious.

"Don't worry…." And they are gone. I sit there, Greasy Sae next to me, waiting for the time when I will finally be able to look into those silver eyes I love so much and say how sorry I am.

Katniss's POV

I lay miserably on the hospital bed, waiting for the nurse who promised she would try to bring Peeta here to talk to me. I'm still confused by all that happened. But I can't blame Peeta from snapping at me. I should've talked to him about all this, but I was so afraid; afraid to have to face my nightmares and terrors with my own strength, afraid that I would have to feel every single negative emotion that curses through my head, afraid I would lose my dandelion….

But, like always, I only thought about me. I don't know the consequences of my choice and I just hope it won't hurt Peeta more than it already did. I just hope I can look into his azure irises at least one last time, I want to tell him how much I love him and how thankful I am for everything he ever did for me, at least one last time…..

"Katniss?" I hear someone whisper my name, bringing me back from my deep thoughts. I turn my head and see the nurse and Haymitch waking in.

"Hello Sweetheart." Haymitch. He was not the person I was expecting. Maybe Peeta was so upset he left; maybe he is finally tired of having to put up with my childish stunts and took off to find himself a better life, with someone worth of him. My heart is breaking, little by little, and it's the most painful feeling but I can't bring myself to stop my dark thoughts. Maybe he is walking around town talking to some beautiful girl with just as beautiful blue eyes and blonde curls. They are probably holding hands and enjoying each other's company. She will probably hold him and whisper soothing things in his ear while he talks about his miserable life with the retired Mockingjay, that if he still remembers who I am. She is probably leaning in for one of those deep and passionate kisses he would once reserve just for me….

"Hey, hey, hey there. It's okay now." I hadn't realized I was crying until Haymitch's old warm hand wiping my cheek brings me back from my terror land; only this time it wasn't exactly anything scary. I look into his boring gray eyes, so similar to my own, and he seems to understand my question. "He wanted to come in but I asked to talk to you first. I promise I will be brief so you can be all over each other very soon." He gives me a reassuring smile. "He is very sorry for what happened and wants to be by your side so badly." His words seem to finally glue my broken heart back to one whole piece somehow, but it is still bleeding and very sore.

Haymitch turns around and nods at the nurse, I silent request to be left alone with me. The nurse nods back and walks out of the room, and suddenly the atmosphere turns colder.

"Peeta told me about the whole….eh….morphine thing." I feel my muscles tense and I enter my self-defense mode. Here it comes again. "No Sweetheart. I'm not here to yell at or criticize you. I just want an explanation. Where did all this start and why." I try keeping my voice steady as I begin to explain.

"When I was in the Capitol….The…Dr. Aurelius…uh…I found where they kept their stock of morphine and I took some before we left." I explain briefly. I leave out the part that I also found a small stock of nightlock pills; I brought some with me but got rid of them as soon as I felt like I was losing my mind from temptation. I didn't want to end like this, not after so many lives that were sacrificed so I could live.

"And you have been taking them for how long Katniss?"

"A couple months. It…it started with small dosages, one pill or injection once in a while, but it got out of control." I whisper. "I don't want this Haymitch. Please forgive me. I need you and Peeta to forgive me. I wasn't thinking and…." I have to take a deep breath to stable myself. Haymitch pats my shoulder and brings his hand up to caress my hair.

"I know how it feels Sweetheart. But you are still very young and you have a source of hope. You and that boy need each other so much that it would break one if something happened to the other. He loves you Katniss and you must rely on him, not a stupid Capitol drug."

"I know Haymitch. I love him so much….I was so scared that I would start depending on him and something was going to happen. I don't want to lose him Haytmich." I lean in and let my head rest on his shoulder since he was kneeling next to my bed. I let the tears flow while I pour my heart out to my former mentor. "I can't lose him. I love him. I'm so afraid…I can't lose him." I sob over and over again. It's the truth. I'm so afraid that once again everything we know and all the good things in our lives, in my life, will be taken away.

"Shhh, you will be okay, both of you. Shhh…" I continue my sobbing speech until a feel another warm hand on my side. At first I think it may be Haymitch's but I would recognize his touch anywhere. "…can't lose him…" I turn my head slowly and it feels like electricity sparking through me as I meet the gaze of my boy with the bread. My hope. My dandelion. My lover.

His warm hand stops on my waist and caresses it. He is looking so deep into my eyes that I swear he can see straight through my soul. That is the moment when I know. I know that he is thinking of me the same way I think of him. His Mockingjay. His hunter. His hope. His girl. His lover.

But we have a lot to talk about and I know I must explain myself to him just as I did to my mentor.

Here we are folks. I'm sorry again for taking forever but I promise next chapter will come yet this week. I'm finally done with my AP classes and now I will have more time to write. I will probably ("probably") finish this story this week and start on my new one. Thanks for reading and please leave a review, they mean a lot to me. See you next time.