At his next psychiatrist appointment Finn haltingly explained his morning activities involving Rachel's picture, sure that he was turning completely red. Those offices had better be soundproofed, especially since this was the hospital his mother had worked at for most of his life. Once he'd finished he tore his eyes from the floor and looked over at the doctor. He'd thought Belhaven was completely unflappable, his expression always stoic and not showing any reaction, but this time the man's eyebrows were up under his hair and he seemed to be momentarily stunned into silence.

Eventually the doctor spoke. "Well, Finn, while it's not something I would have suggested, it does seem to have all of the characteristics of a suitable activity," he said slowly. "Your rationale is certainly unusual, but it's sound, especially the idea of your not being fully awake at the time. So, ah, hmm." The doctor paused. "So how does it feel – ah, is it familiar?"

Finn looked at the floor again. "Sort of," he tried to explain. "Sometimes more than others. Yesterday morning at first I thought I should save it and go be with her for real, which doesn't make sense now because she's gone to New York and anyway we weren't even close to doing that before she left. So that could have been the old me, thinking that." He exhaled. "I don't know."

"Is that as far as it goes, or does it lead to something else?" It was Finn's turn to stare awkwardly now, hearing that question. "In your mind," the doctor clarified.

"I have a little, uh, fantasy," Finn admitted. "Of being with her. Not the picture, though, she's like she was for our last date, at the fair. That was two days before I started doing this, so it was the last time I'd seen her."

"The time you bluffed your old classmate."

"Yeah. But later, I went on the Ferris Wheel with her, all close together, it felt really good. And sometimes in the morning when I do this it's like that, at least she looks and feels the same, same dress even, but more's happening."

"Around you?"

"Uh, no, there's nothing around, at least there doesn't seem to be, I might not notice. We're doing more, at least we're going to. Like instead of just being close together with my hand on her waist we're going to keep going, and she wants to and I want to, and I'm really excited..." He broke off. It was very hazy, which considering when he had the fantasy wasn't surprising. "That's all, really. Then I, um, take care of myself, uh, in real life." Finn's eyes were squeezed shut, initially to help him visualize but also because he really didn't want to see any reaction from the doctor. This was extremely private stuff, it was very hard to make himself talk about it.

"And you don't remember doing anything like that, with anyone, do you?"

"No." He knew he'd been sexually active, but he'd forgotten all of it. Apparently his first time had sucked anyway, pity he couldn't just remember the good stuff and forget that. Though right now he'd settle for a nasty memory just to prove he could get anything to come back.

"Hmm."

Back at 'hmm'. Finn frowned and stared at the doctor. "So do you think it means something? I thought it was just a fantasy, just wishing we'd gone further before she left, put together with what I was doing. It's really short, not connected to anything else like you said memories should be."

"Like memories should be when they come back strongly," Belhaven corrected. He pursed his lips. "I don't know, Finn, it's your mind."

"I wish it knew that."

The doctor chuckled. "Yes. And what you're saying about this, it does sound like it could just be an extrapolation of your date with her, coupled with your activity. Just an extension, sort of linking the two." He scribbled a bit more on his notepad, then looked back at Finn. "Or it might not be."

"No?" That got Finn's attention. Could it be real?

"Given how much you've forgotten, it could at least be incorporating an aspect of a lost memory," the doctor replied.

"That's vague." Finn frowned again, his hope falling.

"Yes. But you don't have any known conscious memories to put into what you've described."

"So my subconscious is coming out to play again," Finn muttered. He'd hoped for more.

"Maybe." The doctor shook his head. "I wish we could tell when a memory is or isn't real, but we can't. Once it's in your head, you can't tell whether it's from something that actually happened; even what we perceive and remember is just our internal interpretation, it's not a recording. And it is possible to remember without realizing that you are. Real memories do tend to be more extensible, since they're more connected to other memories, but it's not a yes/no test."

At least it might be something, Finn told himself, trying to stave off disappointment. Might be a memory – and what a memory if it is. But if it was a memory, he wanted more of it, a lot more. And he wanted it to feel real, not foggy, though that glimpse was all he seemed to get.

The next day's mail brought a further annoyance, some documentation from the SUV-driving maniac's insurance company. Apparently they were not being remotely helpful about paying Finn's medical expenses, wanting some sort of agreement in advance. Burt took one look at it, swore, and said straight-out that it was a bad deal and they needed to talk to a lawyer.

"We'll go talk to Hiram tomorrow," Burt said to Carole and Finn that night. "It's ridiculous that they can't deal with the short-term expenses now, sure they want a limitation on the whole thing but you can't agree to that when you're still in recovery. And that lunatic was clearly at fault, he's been charged and it'll stick, so this is a crap offer to limit liability. Hiram will sort it out."

The next afternoon all three of them met with the lawyer, a tall older man with greying dark hair. The others clearly knew him well, and he certainly knew Finn; a friend of Burt's, Finn assumed as he smiled and responded to the lawyer's polite inquiries.

The man took one look at the paperwork from the insurance company and scoffed at it. "Nice try," he said. "We can certainly do much better than that, especially with the statements provided about the accident. Sure Finn doesn't remember it, but other motorists have made statements, and the passenger witness is impeccable." He gave a strange smile as he said that.

"I am concerned about the potential for conflict of interest, though," the man went on. "I can take the case in the short term, which is what you need it for now to claim the monies to pay for Finn's treatment, but if this turns into a suit for damages based on long-term effects then I might potentially need to refer you to another firm, depending on how the situation plays out." He frowned and glanced at the picture frame that faced him on his desk.

Carole and Burt exchanged looks with Hiram, then with each other, clearly giving this some thought, though Finn didn't understand what was being talked about. What potential for conflict of interest? Who else would have an interest?

"We trust you, Hiram," Burt said at last. "I know you'll do right by Finn. And if the situation changes, we'll deal with it then."

"I'd rather you than any other lawyer," Carole insisted. "Of course you're involved, but it's in the right way. I don't want a lawyer who could be more concerned about the money than about Finn's recovery, and you have the same priorities that we do."

"Of course," Hiram said, leaning forward. "We all want a complete recovery, no matter what that might mean for the case. But you need to know that if he doesn't get it, and we have to start talking about compensation for the long-term effects of the change to his life, that Finn's won't necessarily be the only claim, and I might not be able to represent him any more."

"Hold on," Finn said, confused. "What other claim are you talking about? And I'm not a kid anymore, you're talking about representing me, so I need to know what's going on and what this conflict is."

Hiram looked from Finn to Carole, and then back to Finn. "I'm sorry, Finn, it seems we weren't properly reintroduced," he said. "You seemed to recognize me so I didn't think anything of it."

"Everyone acted like you should be familiar so I just went with it," Finn admitted. "I get that a lot these days."

"Of course." Hiram handed Finn his business card. "And you're quite right, you're an adult so I should be dealing with you directly." Finn looked at the card, which read Hiram Berry. "I'm Rachel's father, so naturally my interests lie with hers. When it comes to your recovery, of course hers and yours are the same, but in the long term, it's possible that they might not be."

"But I've met Rachel's father. LeRoy Berry." Finn panicked. "Am I having more memory problems? I remember meeting him at her house just before she left for New York."

"No, that's all right, Finn." Hiram smiled reassuringly. "LeRoy and I are both Rachel's fathers."

"Thank God. I just – if I start having trouble remembering things that happened since the accident, then there's something seriously wrong." Finn exhaled. "Wait, Rachel has two fathers?" 'My dads', she said a few times, he remembered. I just didn't notice that she meant more than one.

Hiram laughed. "Yes, we had her through a surrogate," he said, turning the picture in front of him around so that Finn could see it: Hiram, LeRoy, and between them Rachel.

Finn glanced at his mom for confirmation, and was relieved to see her nod. "Okay then." So Rachel must be that girl, the one Puck had told him about from his Temple, way back when. He and Puck had bonded as kids over their common fatherlessness, Puck's dad being a deadbeat and Finn's being simply dead, so when he'd heard there was a girl with two dads he'd been a little jealous, that she had two when there were two boys who didn't really have any. Then Puck had said she didn't have a mom, and he'd felt better 'cause he'd never want to give up his mom. We were, like, ten or something. But that must have been Rachel that Puck mentioned. Weird. But even as he brought his mind back out of those long-ago childish thoughts, he reeled. He had actually proposed to a girl with two fathers, without having to? He couldn't imagine having the guts to deal with one, much less two, and those two especially – they both seemed to like him, but Hiram was even taller than he was and LeRoy had that intense way of looking. This man that he'd turned into must've been pretty strong and confident. Or just really, really in love.

"So, Finn, now that you know who I am and what the potential conflict is, do you agree to have me represent you in this initial suit, to cover your medical and other immediate costs?"

Finn thought about it, but it seemed to be all right. Rachel believed in him and wanted to help him, and he didn't want the kind of future that would have her interests and his own be so different. "Yes, that's okay," he said. "Like my mom said, we all want the same thing."

"Certainly. And as your lawyer what you tell me is completely confidential," Hiram explained. "Even from my daughter. Though I'm quite sure she'll never speak to me again if I don't do right by you, so there is an extra incentive for me here."

"Okay."

"Now, your therapist is probably having you keep a diary, correct?" Hiram saw Finn nod. "Yes, that's typical for these cases. Ensure that you keep it up to date. You can even expand further on things on your own, it's important to have as complete a record as possible to support any future claim for damages."

"Okay." Damages. Finn hated the word and the thoughts it brought out in him. Like I'm broken beyond fixing and they're going to have to figure out how much that other guy was worth. He swallowed, looking at the smiling image of Rachel in the picture. And he'll have to punt me to some other lawyer once they decide that I'm not going to be good enough, because Rachel lost that guy too. "Anything else?" he asked, desperate to be gone from all this talk of the destruction of who he'd been. He'd thought he'd gotten past that, been hoping that he could be enough for his life and for Rachel, even now, but maybe that was just a dream. A fantasy, like that fragment he'd been getting probably was.

"No, I can take it from here, as long as I get any bills forwarded." Hiram stood and gave Finn a concerned look, taking in his pained demeanor. "Look, Finn, this is all worst-case talk," he said. "That's what lawyers do, make sure everything is covered. From what I hear you've been reconnecting with a few memories, even if you can't access them consciously yet, right?" Finn nodded softly. "So let me take care of the other things for you. You take care of yourself. And stop beating yourself up about what you don't remember. You're still you."

Finn breathed, trying to shunt his negative thoughts away, clinging to the sound of Rachel's voice, telling him: 'I believe in you.' Maybe not talking to her wasn't the best idea, he could certainly use hearing her say that to him again. But that wouldn't be fair to her, to keep interrupting her to prop him up. If he screwed up her big chance in order to help himself, there really would be damages and a conflict of interest. He needed to try to get his act together, himself, if he wanted to earn his life back. He exhaled again, pulling himself together. "Okay. Thanks." Finn stood, and his mom and Burt followed suit.

"Okay. And if you need anything, call." Hiram smiled, shook everyone's hand, and then showed them out.

At the start of the next week Finn went to LCC to start his first college classes, posting a quick status update about it once he arrived. One feature of not remembering three years of high school was that he probably wasn't quite as sick of going to classes as he might be otherwise, he realized. And the courses he'd picked had a purpose, unlike what he remembered of school previously he was taking this stuff because he felt he needed them for something.

Finn's motivations for the two courses were different. The writing course was specifically to see what he was capable of and give him more practice, but the psych course was more for interest, as well as giving him a start to see if he could manage college more seriously. Even the thought that he was taking a course because he was interested in it was unusual, but he was glad that there was something like this available. One thing about having amnesia, he mused as he went to his first class, it really makes me think about thinking.

Of course it wasn't going to go very deep into things, and this was just the first class, but Finn found himself getting quite interested in the list of topics on the course syllabus and in the background information on the history of psychology. There had been some very strange old ideas about minds. He took notes much more diligently than he could remember doing before, and at the end of class he sat for a moment as he made sure his organization was okay.

A girl who'd been sitting closer to the front walked over to him and stood there until he looked up.

"Hi," she said, giving him a big smile. "I'm Kayla."

Finn gave her a quick smile, still largely intent on his notes. "Finn."

She giggled. "I know. I'm from McKinley too, one of the Cheerios."

Oh. Finn was embarrassed, and looked up at her again. She didn't seem familiar at all, other than having the typical long bleached hair and dark even tan. A lot of girls made themselves look like that. "Sorry."

"No, that's all right. Everyone's heard, I mean about what happened to you. Lost three years and all that. Must suck."

"Ah, yeah. That's why I'm here really, trying to find my footing." He smiled ruefully. "I have a high school diploma but no memory of how I got it." She smiled back at him. "Uh, did I know you before?"

"In passing. Like I said, I was a Cheerio, so I spent two years cheering for you. Go Hudson!" Her smile widened as she chirped at him. "So, I was wondering if you wanted to work on some of this stuff together? I could maybe help you."

Uh, is she flirting? "Ah, no thanks," Finn stammered. "I kinda need to find out what I can do on my own, it's important," he said.

"Oh." Her face fell for a split second, but her smile came back quickly. "Well we could just get together, if you'd like to," she continued, simpering at him. "I'm sure you could use some company."

Yes she is coming on to me. And no thanks. Finn didn't want to be rude, but he wasn't sure how else to give her a firm brush-off. He didn't need to deal with stuff like this along with the rest. "Well if you know about me you should know I'm involved with someone," he said. Might as well be straight about it. I could start wearing that 'I heart NY' shirt Rachel sent, but that's probably way too subtle.

"Still? I mean, you forgot three years, haven't..." she trailed off, looking disappointed but still trying to flirt.

What, she's trying to catch me when I'm down? "I don't want to forget," Finn stated plainly, his reticence vanishing in the face of the girl's obvious rudeness and attempt to take advantage of him. "I had a life and I want it back, I'm not looking for a new one." He shoved his notes away and got up abruptly.

"Sorry," she said, pouting, still attempting to charm.

"That's fine. Just... I'll see you in class. Bye." He nodded at her, keeping it impersonal and holding in his annoyance at what she'd been trying to do. Though I suppose I should expect some of it, he thought as he made for the exit. And I wasn't turned on at all by that girl, helps me be sure that Rachel's really something special 'cause with her I feel like I've been electrified.

He looked over the psych syllabus again that night, noting that they would have a unit on memory in about six weeks. Still, he had the book, he could read ahead for what was probably the first time in his life, though it shouldn't be anything that the shrink hadn't been through with him. But Finn was getting very frustrated. He knew he had to relax, get things to feel natural again, like the doctor kept saying, but he wasn't used to being inactive. And he couldn't sit around and wait for his memory to come back, if it ever did, that'd just have more people treating him like that girl had, like he couldn't be the man he'd been before the accident. Like he'd been feeling when he'd talked to the lawyer (Rachel's other dad, he reminded himself) and heard all the stuff about damages, like he was damaged.

He didn't want to be damaged. Having found out what he could have had, he didn't want to settle for so much less.

So don't be damaged, he told himself. You want a future? Get yourself one. Finn went to his computer and dug up an email from a few weeks ago. He looked at it for a few minutes, marshalled his resolve, and wrote a short question in reply. It doesn't hurt to try and get things going, he told himself. It's just keeping my options open. And like Puck said, if I want to be eighteen-year-old me I should try doing what he's supposed to do.