A/N: more swearing than usual in this chapter, for reasons which should be apparent.
Some have asked how long this story will be. It's a bit like a triathlon, and we're just into the run stage.
The next two weeks passed quickly. Finn got used to his classes, finding the writing hard work but manageable and the psychology increasingly interesting. They'd learned a bit about perception that echoed some of the things his shrink had told him, how what we think we see isn't necessarily what's there, and he took an odd sort of pleasure in reading about people with screwed-up perception due to brain damage. While he was still frustrated at his lack of memories, and daily changed his mind about whether his brief fragment of Rachel was a memory or just a fantasy, overall his brain really wasn't all that screwed up compared to what some others had to deal with. He didn't think he'd want to study that stuff long-term, but it was interesting to find out about.
Meanwhile, Finn wasn't the only local Glee alumnus who found something missing from his life. Though he'd hate to admit it, Puck had found something he actually missed about school – Glee Club meetings. The group of Glee misfits had been friends, people who cared about him beyond whether or not he could kick their asses or pull a prank with them. And he really missed performing. He was working on his guitar a lot, wondering if they could get some sort of band together sometime, but most of all he just missed kicking back and singing whatever he felt like. So when a new all-ages pub opened and word got around they were looking for activities to fill some of the less popular weeknights, Puck went to talk to the owner.
Easiest way to start was karaoke, and the pub had a machine, so one Tuesday night Puck arranged to use it and was helping set it up before the others arrived. He was just about to test it out when a noise at the door drew his attention, and, yeah, the place wasn't quite that wheelchair-accessible. He hurried over to the door to hold it for Artie.
"Hey, Puck," Artie said, rolling in.
"Good to see you, Wheels," Puck said, extending his fist for a dab. Artie grinned and touched his hand to Puck's. "You're the first one here."
"Well I know Tina said she's definitely coming. Who else?"
"Blaine swore he'd make it, can't pass up any opportunity to sing. Brit's busy with dance class. Not sure about the Irish Mafia, they said they want to but might have something going on. Next time, maybe. And Finn's coming by after he's done work."
"Finn!" Artie beamed. "That'd be great. Is that why you set this up, for Finn?"
"No, that's extra, it's 'cause I want to," Puck admitted. "I miss it, hanging around in the choir room singing stuff. Can't stand the school part, and I'm done anyway, so I figured we could do it like this." He shrugged. "The pub's new and they're trying to get their karaoke night going, so they're fine with us hanging out as long as we buy some food and don't screw their license up by drinking. And sing well, but for us that's easy. It's a weeknight, people won't be drunk enough to put up with too many crap renditions of emo and country songs like you hear at most places."
"Sounds like you've given this some thought," Artie said.
Puck shrugged. "Might be cool to own a bar, someday. Gotta know what works and what doesn't. I just have to test the machine out, so go pick us a table."
Tina showed up about five minutes later, followed fifteen minutes after that by Blaine.
"So is Finn coming?" Blaine asked, nodding towards the empty chair Puck had left between the two of them.
"He said he is, once he's done at the shop," Puck replied. "He's pulling longer hours now that Burt's back in DC."
"Think he'll sing?" Artie asked.
"He sings along to stuff," Tina offered. "When we went bowling he sang along to some of the music the alley was playing. He sounded good." She gave a cute smile. "Rachel joined in at the end, it was so sweet to hear them sing together again."
"I've heard him singing along too," Blaine said. "He didn't want to sing on his own though. I wouldn't have thought he'd be so reluctant, not Finn, but I guess he didn't sing in public back then. How did he get involved in Glee, anyway?"
"I think Mr. Schue coerced him," Artie said. "He got into it pretty quickly, though."
"Yeah, he told me at the time it was for extra credit, but a long time later he said Schue had blackmailed him." Puck frowned. "Not something we can really repeat, and he didn't have that much confidence singing until Berry got to him." He shrugged it off. "But look, if we're comfortable he'll be comfortable, so no pressure, just do your thing. And we'll have a good time, which is why I set it up anyway, and I want to keep doing it."
They went ahead and ordered food, and then started to sing while they waited for it. First up were Blaine and Tina, with some pop number Puck didn't recognize, something really new they wanted to try out to see if it was worth trying to do it for Glee. Next Artie gave them some MJ, Puck answered with some Billy Idol, and then they broke to eat.
They had just finished and the plates were mostly cleared when Tina, facing the door, lit up. "Finn!" They all turned to see Finn's tall form entering the pub, and they waved him over enthusiastically.
"About time you got here," Puck said.
"Hey. You guys weren't waiting for me, were you?" He shot a skeptical look at the table, which showed evidence of their meals.
"Nope," Puck said. "But I think they're hoping we'll order more food. You must be starving by now since you worked late, right?"
Finn laughed. "Nice to know what I'm good for," he said, grabbing the menu that still sat on the table and sitting in the vacant chair.
Puck chuckled. "I notice you didn't say you're not. Order at the bar when you're ready, it's faster."
Finn ordered himself some wings, and ate them while watching and listening to the others sing. He was clearly comfortable, relaxed and having a good time, appreciating the others' numbers, but even when he'd finished eating he made no move to do anything himself.
They then started some dedications, Blaine singing "They Can't Take That Away From Me" to the absent Kurt, followed by Tina singing "I'm Happy Just to Dance with You" for the absent Mike.
"I'm next," Puck said. He stopped by Finn's chair as he went to the stage. "Wanna join in, dude? It's simple, hell it's Kiss, they don't do complicated. You can help out with the choruses."
"Ah, okay," Finn grinned with a shrug. "What the hell, why not." They went to the stage and moved a couple of stools so they could both sit.
"This one's for my little girl," Puck announced, then he waited through the intro and started singing: (*)
Beth, I hear you callin'
But I can't come home right now
Me and the boys are playin'
And we just can't find the sound
As he moved to the chorus, Finn joined in, smiling as he sang. And shit, that was harmony.
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh Beth, what can I do?
Beth, what can I do?
As they moved into the next verse, Puck opened his mouth to sing, but stopped as he realized Finn was continuing on.
You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone
Puck listened to his friend, recognizing the quality of voice... and then had to stop his jaw from hitting the floor as Finn gave the verse's opening line the same ending inflection as he had two and a half years ago. Holy shit, what the fuck is happening? He glanced sidewise at Finn; he didn't seem to be zoning out, he was really doing this. Then he looked out to their friends, seeing Artie and Tina whispering to each other, their eyebrows raised, clearly having noticed this as well.
Puck pulled himself back into it just in time to join the chorus:
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh Beth, what can I do?
Beth, what can I do?
Then Finn let Puck take over again, just like they'd done it before.
Beth, I know you're lonely
And I hope you'll be alright
'Cause me and the boys
Will be playin' all night, all night
Puck released the last note slowly, but his mind wasn't on the song as much as what he'd heard from Finn, how he had sounded just like he had when they'd sung "Beth" in the choir room for Quinn. Did it mean anything? Damned if I know. Finn knew the song already, and the words were on the screen (not that either of them had needed to look at it). But he had sung it exactly the same as he'd sung it then. And now he was smiling, nodding over at Puck, seemingly fine. Not having gone automatic or reacting to memories, just as if they'd never done it before.
They went back to the table where the others waited, none of them moving to do another song.
"Did I sound okay?" Finn asked as he sat down. "You guys seemed a little weird."
"Uh, yeah, you were great," Tina said, trying to cover.
"It's just good to hear you sing again," Artie put in.
"Yes," Tina agreed, a little too cheerily. Puck gave her a warning look.
Finn smiled tentatively. "Well it felt good. I'll, uh, be right back." The others followed Finn with their eyes as he headed for the men's room, and then turned to each other.
"Okay, that was freaky," Artie blurted out.
"Yeah, it's like déjà vu only for sound," Tina agreed, shuddering.
"Déjà entendu?" Blaine offered, confused. "What's going on, guys?"
"We've sung it before," Puck said. "Exactly like that."
"And we do mean exactly," Artie said. "Same split, same harmonies, inflections, everything. And that 'empty' lift isn't like that in the original, that's Finn. Finn from before. Same with the chorus harmony, the whole thing's normally a solo."
"And he doesn't seem to have a clue," Tina added, puzzled.
"That's weird," Blaine said.
"No kidding." Puck exhaled. "I'm going to look in on him, see if I can find out how deep this goes or something."
Puck sauntered into the men's room and saw Finn standing at one of the urinals, his back to the door. "Hey dude," Puck said, trying to be nonchalant, checking the paper towel dispenser. Finn didn't reply. After a moment Puck went to another of the urinals himself, glancing over at his friend who stared ahead. "Hey –"
"Don't," Finn said curtly, still looking at the wall in front of him. "Seriously." Finn finished up and put himself away, then went to the sink, washed up, and left without a word.
When Puck finished and left the men's room, he saw Finn at the bar getting another coke, and tried to approach him again. "You okay? You kind of blew me off in there."
Finn flashed him a bit of a stinkeye. "Poor choice of words, dude," he said. "And if we've gotten to the stage where we stand around with our dicks out and start talking, then that's something I don't want to remember."
Puck chuckled. "Yeah, okay, bad location. Sorry. You just seemed like you were thinking about something when you walked off."
"I guess." Finn paid for his coke, but he didn't move away from the bar.
"Anything you, uh...?" Puck asked hesitantly, not really wanting to get all girly and talk about feelings or ask if Finn 'wanted to talk about it'. 'Cause seriously, not their thing at all. He tried to remember what had been going on with Finn back when they'd sung this before – some of his problems with Kurt, wasn't it? How did he even remember that? Oh yeah, Finn in that shower curtain outfit was burned onto his eyes for all time, that's how. Puck shuddered at the remembered image. If this amnesia stuff wasn't so seriously screwing Finn up, he might have some fun teasing him about that.
"Thinking about you and Quinn, actually," Finn replied quietly, looking at his drink. "And your kid."
Um... oh shit. "You know I'm sorry about that whole thing," Puck said tentatively, wondering if he should go back to the others before Finn decided to go apeshit on him. Finn had taken finding out the full story about Beth unexpectedly calmly, but Puck had wondered for a while if something would click someday and he'd be on the receiving end of a fist again. But the dude did not look tense, at least not that kind of tense.
"Yeah, I know. It's not that, just... you really cared about her and your daughter, didn't you? And she cared about you."
"Yeah. Well I know I did, I can't be sure about her but I think so." Puck breathed more easily but his mind raced. Okay, that's what I was doing with this song. We sang it to Quinn and that was kinda my point with it. "It's all done though, we're just too different."
"Different's good. Can be, anyway. Being more the same on the outside sure didn't help her and me, it just seemed like it should be right but it wasn't."
Puck didn't know how to respond. This is new. Like really new, we've never talked about this before ever. Probably a good reason for that, this is dangerous emotional shit. And is he remembering any of that stuff he's saying?
Finn looked away, staring at the mirror behind the bar. "Like my new life, I got myself in a twist about this new family I suddenly had, missing my dad, getting a stepfather, gay stepbrother, all that. It's really different, but it's cool."
Fuck. Yes. That's what was going on. He's got to be tapping into it. Right? Puck looked down at the bar again, hiding the stunned look he was sure he had. This is more than just singing the song the same way, it's connected to the other stuff too. And it's not autopilot, no way, he's really thinking about this now. But he doesn't know it's connected. Fuck. Now what?
Now, apparently, was following Finn back to the table where the others were. Okay. He caught Artie's eye as they returned, and shook his head. Maybe they should tell Finn, but what? Hey, maybe you're not getting a flashback but the rest of us sure are. No. Puck had heard Finn vent about the instructions from his shrink, do stuff you used to but don't think about it, Finn said it made sense but he didn't see how he could do it. Now he was, or at least he was getting there, but the whole "don't think about it" bit would go away if he knew he was doing it.
So they smiled, talked about whatever, and the others kept picking out songs and singing them, back to how they'd been before. Then, as Tina was up singing "Heart of Glass", Puck turned back to Finn to see that he was looking in the song binder.
"Gonna give it a shot, dude?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure, why not," Finn said, still looking at the listings. "If I can find something I want to do. Can't be too much worse than you," he teased.
"You did sound pretty good."
"Yeah, I think I did. Guess my voice is still in shape." Finn frowned a little at the page, then nodded to himself. Tina finished, they all applauded, and then Finn took a very noticeable deep breath and made for the stage, to the surprise and encouragement of the rest of them.
Puck leaned back, ready to enjoy whatever Finn had picked out... then sat up, concerned, when he recognized the intro. Finn's stance behind the mike was tense. Then he started to sing: (**)
It was a Monday
A day like any other day
I left a small town
For the Apple in decay
It was my destiny
It's what we needed to do
They were telling me
I'm telling you
I was inside looking outside
The millions of faces
But still I'm alone
Waiting, hours of waiting
Paying a penance
I was longing for home
I'm looking out for the two of us
I hope we'll be here when they're through with us
Finn's voice was good, but his face was practically a snarl, with his jaw set, forehead scrunched up and eyes narrowed. As he continued with the repeat, the fierceness eased, showing more of the pain he'd been masking with it. The longing came through in his voice as well.
I was inside looking outside
Oh the millions of faces
But still I'm alone
Waiting, hours of waiting
I could feel the tension
I was longing for home
I'm looking out for the two of us
And I hope we'll be here when they're through with us
I'm coming home
The song had a sax solo, and Finn stood hunched at the mike, waiting, tapping his foot on the floor and his fingers against the mike stand, drumming along.
"He doesn't look that comfortable," Tina said quietly.
"You think?" Puck muttered. "Dude doesn't decide to sing 'Long Long Way From Home' unless he's got issues."
"Especially when he's lived in Lima his whole life," Artie put in.
"He's comfortable with singing," Blaine offered. "Whatever's going on with him, he's expressing it that way."
"Yeah." That's something, Puck thought. A start, maybe. But is he just gonna have to deal with it, or can he fix it? He could feel the pain and frustration coming from his friend, and he wanted to help. Finn had seemed so close to breaking through, after they'd sung "Beth". They needed more like that, somehow, but how could they do it without Finn knowing?
As Finn started in on the coda, they couldn't doubt that he was expressing himself, getting out the frustration with himself and his situation that he felt.
Monday, sad, sad Monday
She's waiting for me
But I'm a long, long way from home
Sad, sad Monday
She's waiting for me
But I'm a long, long way from home
Sad, sad Monday
Oh she's waiting for me
But I'm a long, long way from home
Finn exhaled noticeably as the song finished, and he headed back to the table, his face unclenching. "Sorry if that got a bit intense," he said, giving a tight rueful smile and acknowledging his friends' applause. "Guess I have some stuff to work out."
"No kidding," Artie commented, but was shushed by Tina.
"Hey, that's what we do," Blaine said, nodding at Finn. "Got stuff bugging you, find a song and sing it out. We've all been there at some point, and it beats keeping it inside."
Finn nodded back, his smile more natural. "Cool." He turned to Puck. "So when do we do this again?"
"Every other week." Which could give them a chance to figure out what the fuck to do.
* "Beth", as performed by Kiss, written by Peter Criss, Stan Penridge and Bob Enzin.
** "Long Long Way From Home", as performed by Foreigner, written by Mick Jones, Lou Gramm and Ian McDonald.