A/N: Abridged summaries:
1. Klaus parks badly. Caroline feels the need to inform him of this.
2. The most Twilight thing I've ever written (and it doesn't even have vampires) (not an insult)
3. Sequel to Temporary Guest (Chapter 5)

"You came back and caught me in the middle of leaving a note on your windshield containing detailed explicit commentary on your parking job" AU + "Some asshole customer is screaming at you for doing your job and I can tell that you really want to yell back but I'm assuming you can't so excuse me I'll do it for you." AU

Caroline was late.

She was late, and it was raining, and apparently this goddamn parking garage had no spaces. Her eye twitched when she saw the rather battered-looking SUV parked just on the edge of an empty parking space that she'd now driven by three times. The owner wasn't quite double parked, but they were far enough over that she'd have some serious difficulty getting out, especially since the back bumper was jutting out a bit more than it should have been. The car on the other side of the parking space was tiny, and though she wasn't all that familiar with different car brands, she could tell that it was expensive.

And that if she fucked up parking, her car would flatten it like a pancake.

Checking the clock again, she decided that if she took it slowly, she'd be able to park well enough that she'd be able to get out if Douchebag SUV Owner came back and left.

She'd just cross her fingers and hope for the best.

Biting her lip in concentration and doing her best to ignore the fact that there was clearly someone waiting behind her for her to go, she carefully edged herself into the space. She grabbed her purse and umbrella, and prayed to whatever deity was listening that Douchebag SUV Owner would come back as soon as possible (and do everyone a favor and leave).

She finished her shift at the bookstore in the mall eight hours later and headed back to the parking lot. There were now a lot more empty spaces, but the SUV was still present (though the tiny sports car had apparently left, thank god).

She huffed and climbed into her car, tossing her things in the passenger seat and edging out of the space, mumbling to herself about people who couldn't park.

Like, really. If you have a car and you're in a gigantic lot, it's just common human decency to fix your shitty parking job. And it's not like Douchebag SUV Owner could have missed how terribly they parked.

To be honest, she was surprised the car hadn't gotten keyed.

She wanted to give them a piece of her mind so badly. And really, she justified to herself, she was doing them a favor. How could they possibly know they fucked up without anyone telling them (besides the fact that it was earth-shatteringly obvious, of course)?

It was the decent thing to do, she decided. She'd leave a kind note informing the driver that they were a total fucking asshole, get back in her car, and drive home.

She parked a few spaces down and bent to reach the glove compartment, grabbing a sticky note and a pen and getting out, locking the door behind her and stuffing the keys in her jacket pocket. She bent over the hood of the SUV and began to write.

To whom it may concern,

I understand that driving can be difficult to master.

However, I suggest that next time you park in a crowded garage you take a moment after you've parked to check your car's location in relation to the incredibly conveniently located white lines showing where your goddamn car is supposed to be, and make sure that you are inside them, and your back bumper isn't sticking the fuck out into traffic.

It's really not that hard to get your ass back in the car and adjust your shitty parking job. Make everyone's life a little easier, and–-

"Why are you writing a note on the hood of my car?"

She looked up slowly, trying to tone down her death glare, to see an annoyingly attractive man that she vaguely recognized from that stupid hipster tea shop with a rather bemused expression clutching a cup of coffee.

He was probably drinking it ironically.

"Do you not see your parking job?" she asked, standing up straight and gesturing rather dramatically at the parking space.

He frowned and looked briefly at the car before shrugging. "I suppose it wasn't very well done, was it?"

"You...you suppose? You literally are halfway out of the space–"

"That's not what literally means," he pointed out, his lips twitching before he took a sip of coffee.

"What are you, my English teacher?"

"No, I work at the tea shop in the mall, but that doesn't mean that I can't crack open a dictionary."

She suppressed a rather unladylike growl and instead took a deep breath, gritting her teeth and counting to five before exhaling slowly.

"This isn't funny."

He shrugged. "I don't see why not. You're completely worked up about my parking ability in a space that you clearly aren't even parked beside–"

"I was parked there."

"So you're saying that you successfully pulled out of the space to leave, and got into it perfectly fine to begin with, and yet you're still angry enough to leave a note on my windshield about it?"

Well, when he put it like that…

"I was trying to educate you for the good of humanity," she said, deciding that backing down at this point would be completely pointless.

He looked like he was trying desperately not to roll his eyes.

"Right. Well then, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get home."

"Go for it. Don't cause any driving catastrophes on your way out."

He huffed derisively and walked to the driver's side door, holding out his palm.

"What?"

"The note," he asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, there's no point now, I've already told you what I think."

"Oh, but I thought I should keep it so that I could be educated for the good of humanity."

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm, but pressed the note into his hand anyway, turning to walk back to her car.

"Really? 'To whom it may concern'?"

She could hear the laughter in his voice and whirled around to glare at him. "Well I didn't exactly know your name."

"It's Klaus," he said distractedly, his eyes scanning the paper.

"Well, I hope my feedback will help you improve."

"I'm sure it will, Caroline."

She huffed and took a few steps before freezing. "How do you know my name?"

"You're still wearing your nametag," he said, hiding a smug smile behind another sip of coffee.

She didn't dignify his words with a response.

XXX

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but if you don't have a receipt you can't return your purchase," Caroline said again through gritted teeth, hoping the rage in the other woman's eye was the stomping-out-of-the-store kind of rage and not the yelling-at-the-cashier (who's just doing her goddamn job) kind of rage.

She was not in luck.

"Listen. You sold this book to me yesterday. You know that I purchased it here."

She resisted the urge to point out that this was a huge bookstore and she rang up hundreds of customers every day, and that this woman wasn't particularly memorable until her face had turned this rather unattractive shade of puce that she was currently sporting.

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter whether I was the person who rang you up or not. If you don't have a receipt, you can't return the book."

"This is ridiculous. She's let me return books before without a receipt," the customer said, gesturing to her co-worker Katherine, who gave Caroline a quick eyeroll and a shake of her head before returning to shelving books, clearly having not done anything of the sort.

"Well, it doesn't matter if you've been able to do it before. The fact is that if you don't have a receipt, I can't help you return the book."

"Stop saying that. I heard you the first time," the customer snapped. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, but clearly you don't know what you're doing, so if you could please do your goddamn job and help me return this book–"

"She is doing her job. You're just not listening," came a tired (and familiar voice) from the side.

Klaus-the-Douchebag-SUV-Owner was standing there looking irritable, holding a paperback under his arm that he was clearly waiting to buy.

"Stay out of it. You don't know what you're talking about, and neither does she, apparently."

"Oh, trust me, Caroline is a fountain of information on what's considered appropriate behavior," he said dryly.

The customer took an exaggeratedly deep breath before glaring at Caroline. "Look. I don't know what's so hard about this. I just need to return this book. Why is that so difficult that you can't wrap your brain around it?"

"Why is it so difficult for you to wrap your brain around the fact that she can't help you?" Klaus asked exasperatedly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to buy this book before I get off break."

"The manager's office is off the historical fiction section behind the couches," Caroline offered helpfully, a stiff smile on her face.

"Thanks for that," Caroline said quietly, and he nodded. "That'll be $5.48 please."

He handed her his card and she swiped it before giving him the receipt and a pen to sign, turning to grab a paper bag and sticking the book in, the receipt in the front cover. "Have a good day."

"You too," he said, flashing a dimpled smile and grabbing the bag from her.

She reached down to put the receipt in the register and saw that he'd written something under the signature.

Tea after your shift?

He was obviously kind of an arrogant ass, but he had just been nice after she'd practically sworn at him in the parking lot. He couldn't be that bad.

And really, it wouldn't be very nice of her to leave him hanging like that, would it?

XXX

She clocked out of her shift and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder and walking out of the bookstore and up the escalator to the second floor, where she quickly located the tea shop.

Klaus smiled at her when she entered before turning back to the customer he was serving and finishing up their conversation, before pushing a to-go cup into their hands.

She walked up to the register, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the amount of tea choices on the board behind him. "Um, what would you recommend?"

He smiled slightly. "I don't actually like tea all that much, but the honey almond is weirdly popular."

"Aren't you British?"

"No. I fake the accent," he said dryly.

She glared at him. "No, but seriously. Isn't it some kind of crime for you to not like tea?"

"Not as far as I know."

"Okay, well the honey almond it is then."

He went to scoop some tea out of the plastic canister labeled with the name (how someone makes honey and almond flavors into tea leaves, she'd never know) and put it into a sieve in the teapot before washing out a cup with hot water.

"That seems like kind of a waste of water."

He shrugged. "Well, while it might not be for the good of humanity, it is my job."

She smiled slightly at his teasing and watched interestedly as he finished the process (half of which seemed completely unnecessary) and pushed the teapot and cup to her.

"You'll want to let that steep for awhile."

"Okay."

She moved to sit down at a nearby table and he joined her.

"I'm sorry about the distress I caused you the other day," he said, the look on his face showing her that he was not at all serious.

"Of course you are."

"I was late for my shift, so I sort-of let it slide and hoped no one would notice."

"I was late too. It took me forever to find a space," she said, trying to keep her voice from sounding accusatory.

She didn't seem to succeed, but his easy smile showed her that he knew what she meant. "Well, I hope the tea makes up for it."

"I'm more of a coffee person too, to be honest."

"Well, I'm closing up in about fifteen minutes. I could take you out if you'd like."

He somehow managed to sound confident and awkward at the same time, and it was sort of endearing. "For coffee?"

"Or dinner."

"I'd like that."

"I still love you even after everything you have done"

Caroline resisted the urge to scream as the bane of her existence walked into the student cafe and headed straight for her, taking the other seat at her table.

"Hello, Caroline."

"Go away."

"I don't think I will, thank you."

"Why? You seemed perfectly fine with it the other day."

His face softened. "Are you really that angry, love?"

"Yes," she said, her voice clipped, taking a sip of her latte and pointedly looking down at her textbook.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She didn't respond, but waited for more.

"I shouldn't have done it." She snorted inelegantly at his words, and he sighed. "Caroline, I'm sorry. What can I do to acquit myself?"

She shrugged, still remaining silent.

"I want to make it up to you."

"And how exactly are you supposed do that?" she asked coldly, looking up at him.

"I don't know. That's what I'm asking."

"Well, you'll need to figure it out. I'm done walking you through convincing me to forgive you, Klaus. This has happened too many times."

A flash of hurt flashed across his face, and he reached for her hand, which she snatched away, making him wince. "I love you, Caroline. I'm going to find a way."

She scoffed. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry."

She just rolled her eyes and packed up her things. "I don't want to have this conversation."

"Then don't," he said, following her as she stomped out of the cafe. "Just talk to me."

She shook her head and held her jacket tightly around herself as her boots crunched through the light snow on the ground, and she tried not to react to him following her.

"Caroline, I'm sorry. All right?"

"You say that every time."

And every time, I forgive you.

"How can I make you–-"

"You can't. You can't make me forgive you. You lied to me. You told me that you were going to class and instead you were off killing people. You've lied to me since you met me."

"I warned you."

"Oh, it's my fault, now? It's my fault that you pursued me for months even when I said no, and that you finally won me over with your stupid flowers and nice words and your douchebag drawings…No. No, you had the choice to lie to me. You could have told me the truth, Klaus, and you didn't. Just because you warned me in the beginning that you weren't a good person, doesn't give you blanket permission to be dishonest to me."

"You're right. It doesn't, but what was I supposed to tell you, Caroline?"

"I don't know. I don't know what you were supposed to tell me, but 'Hi, my name is Klaus and I kill people for money' would have been a great start."

"You wouldn't have given me a chance."

"Oh, and your strategy of not telling me worked out so well for you, didn't it?" she spat, trying to keep the tears out of her voice as she sped up, though he simply matched her speed, staying in step beside her.

"I told you months ago, Caroline. You could have walked away."

"I did walk away. You fucking stalked me to my dorm room."

"How else was I supposed to convince you to take me back?"

"You don't, Klaus. You let me go."

"I told you all those times that if you told me to leave I would. You didn't. You haven't told me to leave, Caroline."

"I'm telling you right now."

He grabbed her hand, and she was just too tired to wrench it away. She was tired of running and fighting, and she felt hot tears turn icy as they fell down her cheeks.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you want me gone, Caroline. Do it, and I'll leave."

"I hate what you do."

"That's not telling me to leave," he said, his voice eerily calm and he cupped her cheek.

She pushed him away, rubbing her eyes furiously with her palms. "I can't."

"Why not, love? If you want me to leave so badly, then tell me."

"Because I still love you. I still love you after everything you've done. It's bullshit, and I hate myself for it. You're toxic, Klaus. You're toxic and I need you out of my life, but I can't tell you to leave."

"Then don't."

She bit her lip and looked him in the eye and shook her head, backing away. "I need to go."

She saw him frown before she turned and she ran.

She heard him calling after her, but she didn't stop, even when her lungs burned and her legs ached, and when she finally got to her dorm room and peeled off all of her layers, she fell into bed and cried into her pillow.

XXX

She huffed when she heard the knock on her door, knowing perfectly well who it was.

She had been in her room for the past few hours, and she could honestly say that she'd been waiting for him to come. She knew he would. He always did.

"What are you doing here?" she asked tiredly as she opened the door to see Klaus standing in the hallway, clutching two starbucks cups.

"I brought you coffee. May I come in?"

She pressed her lips together and took the coffee, standing aside. There was no point in denying him, especially when for some completely fucked-up reason, she didn't want to.

"I'm sorry, Caroline."

"So I've heard," she said dryly. "If that's all you've come to say–"

"No. It's not. I love you, Caroline. I've fallen in love with you over the past year, and I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. I'm not a good person, and I never will be a good person. I don't deserve you, and I'll fail if I try to. The only way this will work is if you sacrifice your morals for our connection, and I don't think either of us wants that. I think you're right. I think that, at least for now, I need to let you go."

She felt like her entire world stilled in that one moment.

"What do you mean 'for now'?"

He gave her a small smile. "You said that it would be best for you for me to leave. You cannot deny that I'll always want what's best for you, Caroline. Maybe right now I'm not the best thing for you. But who knows. In the future, that may change."

"Keep dreaming," she mumbled sarcastically, though she wasn't sure whether the tug in her chest was because she wanted to start crying or because she was fighting down a hysterical laughing fit.

He bent to kiss her once, softly, his lips warm against hers, and grabbed his coffee off the desk, leaving without looking back.

She didn't call after him.

XXX

Six months later…

She nearly screamed when she saw him on her bed in her one-bedroom apartment.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed.

He just gave her a dimpled smile, the one that always made her heart race (and apparently still did), and walked up to her, resting his forehead against hers.

She didn't flinch.

"I came for you."

"Why?"

"I want you to take me back."

She bit her lip, hyper-aware of his hot breath on her face, his stubble against her cheek.

"Will you stop killing people?"

"No."

"Do you think that you could be good for me?"

"Not a chance."

"Are you going to lie to me again?"

"Never."

"This is a terrible idea," she said out loud, scrunching her eyes shut.

"I know."

"I shouldn't do this."

"Probably not," he agreed, smiling slightly.

She kissed him.

Sequel to Temporary Guest.

"Oh my god. We make food on that counter."

Caroline and Klaus froze, mouths agape as Rebekah shielded her eyes with one hand while she bent to pick up a frozen lasagna.

"I knew this would happen. Nik, I told you when you got here, you had to keep your prick to yourself–"

"But what if Caroline wanted my pri–Ouch."

"You deserve it," Caroline mumbled petulantly, pushing him away to scoop her shorts off the ground, slipping them back on.

"Sorry, love."

Both Caroline and Rebekah snorted derisively, and Caroline slid her tank top back on before moving to wash her hands at the sink and then helping a still disgusted Rebekah put away the groceries.

Klaus watched this movement while slowly doing his jeans back up. "So that's just the end of it? You beg me to take you against the counter and my sister walks in and you just go to put away groceries?"

Caroline turned to glare at him, though he swore her lips twitched. "I didn't beg. I ordered. And that does seem to be what's going on, doesn't it?"

He pressed his lips together and watched her bend to open the refrigerator, putting in the cheese and milk.

"Caroline, may I speak with you alone for a moment?"

"No."

"...No?"

She huffed, turning to him. "No, I won't talk to you alone for a moment, because you're just going to try to drag me to the guest room and–"

"Not in front of my innocent sister-ears please," Rebekah spoke over her friend shrilly, making Caroline pause and Klaus roll his eyes.

"Anyway," Caroline said, recovering quickly. "I'm just going to stay in the kitchen with Rebekah, where I'm safe."

"Safe from what? Your undeniable attraction to me?"

"Oh good lord, Nik. If Caroline doesn't want to shag you, then don't try to get her to."

He recognized the gleam of mischief in Caroline's eye, and smirked as the predictable, "Well, I never said that I didn't want to have sex with him," came out of her mouth, and Rebekah huffed.

"Fine then. Go off together. Shut the door. I'll play One Direction very loudly and hope it kills the mood."

"Now, Bekah, that's not very nice."

"Neither is seducing my best friend."

"That's ridiculous. I wouldn't have been seduced if I hadn't wanted to be," Caroline said crossly, taking a bite from a banana and smirking at Klaus as she chewed, as though knowing that his cock had twitched at the sight of her pink lips wrapped around the–-

"That's it. I've had it and it hasn't even been fifteen minutes. I'm going out. Please don't wait up. Get it out of your systems, and if you don't, do be done with tonight's round before midnight. Good. Bye."

"Well, no one ever accused her of being easygoing," Caroline mumbled as the apartment door slammed.

"Certainly not," Klaus replied before plucking the banana out of her hand and setting it on the counter, grabbing her arse and pulling her flush against him, capturing her lips with his.

She moaned as he thrust his tongue into her mouth before his hands crept under her tank top to cup her breasts, squeezing the nipples lightly.

She pulled back, her lips puffy and cheeks flushed, and pulled his wrists away, an eyebrow raised. "I'm the boss, remember?"

"I don't remember agreeing to this," he said petulantly.

"Do you want me to let you come?"

"Let me?"

She stood on her tiptoes to tug his earlobe with her teeth before whispering. "Don't you want to fuck my pussy? To hear me moan and see me writhe on top of you as I ride you? I'll scream your name, Klaus. Can your hand do that?"

Fuck, he was hard.

He'd experimented before, but he'd always been the dominant, and the fact that she seemed ready to push him on the bed and have her way with him was oddly arousing. The predatory look in her eye when she let her gaze float to the prominent bulge in his jeans made him swallow audibly, and she smirked, looking back up at him.

She trailed a finger down his shirtless chest to his abdomen, her fingernail scratching lightly at his skin, and she nimbly undid the button and fly of his jeans, pushing them down with his boxers and grabbing his cock in her hand, making him groan.

She stroked him slowly, her thumb ghosting over the tip as she licked her lips, making eye contact with him and buried her other hand in his hair, pulling his lips to hers and claiming him with her mouth as she stroked him harder.

He groaned into her mouth, his hips bucking into her hand, and he felt her smug smirk against his skin before she tugged his bottom lip between her teeth, pulling lightly at his hair.

"Do you want me, Klaus?"

"Yes."

She smirked and let go of him, hopping back onto the counter and settling there before unzipping her shorts. "Take them off," she ordered, extending her legs towards him.

He obligingly tugged her shorts down her hips and ankles, letting them fall to the floor.

"I want you to lick my pussy."

He raised an eyebrow, and she nodded to the floor in return. "On your knees. Lick me."
"No."

"I'm the boss," she reiterated.

"You don't have to prove anything to me, love. I know you're not a prude."

"I'm not trying to prove anything to you," she said firmly. "I just want you on your knees with your face between my thighs now. Whether you think I'm a prude is irrelevant to whether I'm coming on your tongue."

His cock was almost painfully hard and throbbing at the way her words-orders-rolled off of her tongue, and he moved to pull his pants off completely, but she slapped his hands away. He looked up at her, frowning.

"I will undress you when I'm ready. For now, I want you on the floor with your pants around your knees, and I want to see your cock hard for me."

He didn't know if he could possibly get any harder as he sunk to his knees, his face positioned between her legs as she moved forward, her legs spread wide. He could see how wet she was, and he almost unconsciously licked his lips.

"And Klaus?" she asked, as his lips moved closer to her dripping center.

"What, love?"
"Safeword is 'red'. Just in case."

She waited until he nodded slowly and then smirked, spreading her legs just a bit wider. "Good. I want you to tonguefuck me until I come."

He gave her pussy a long, hard lick and groaned as her hand buried into his hair, pressing his face against her lightly. "Keep going," she encouraged, rolling her hips against his face, groaning as his tongue stroked her opening.

"Yes, just like that…"

She moaned and writhed under his mouth, whispering filthy things to him about how good he looked on his knees with his face between her thighs, and how much she loved seeing his cock hard and throbbing for her while he pleasured her. She loved the sounds he made as he fucked her with his tongue, she said, stroking and tugging at his hair and she spoke, gasping out the words.

"I'm close," she panted, rolling her hips faster against his eager mouth.

She held him to her, her legs slung over his shoulders as she rode his face to her orgasm, moaning his name.

She was breathing hard when he pulled away, and she smiled slightly. "Stand up."

He did so, and she looped her fingers through his belt loops, pulling him to her and very deliberately letting the tip of her tongue run over his stubble and lips, licking her own juices off of his face.

"Let's go to my room," she said, her voice low as she let go and slipped off the counter, bending down to grab her shorts and pulling her tank top off as she walked away.

Needless to say, he followed her.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought in a review!
Hugs!
-Angie