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Chapter 15

Mikael and Lisbeth were exhausted, no matter how much carefully they planned or how much they scheduled and coordinated their routines Aaron managed to tire them out. At about two weeks old he did not have a set-sleeping pattern. He would wake his parents at random times and demand attention. It was tough, both parents were sleep deprived and just tired. The peaceful moments they had were used to catch some sleep before the baby woke up. They had no outside help; Annika was not interested in repeating the sleep deprivation nightmare that was having a newborn baby. She limited herself to sympathetically say, "Don't worry it gets better after he sleeps through the night."

Lisbeth remembered when Giannini and Nilla dropped for a visit. They called the day before and asked if they could finally meet little Aaron, Mikael invited them the next day but forgot to mention it to her.

Lisbeth was surprised to see them when she opened the door.

"Hey Lisbeth, how are you?" inwardly both Annika and Nilla thought she looked like hell. She was pale and had a dirty white tank top.

When they came in they saw Mikael, he looked even worse, he was wearing pajamas and was yawning.

"Hey girls, why didn't you call?" They were not surprised, he looked like he needed sleep and so did Lisbeth.

"Why don't you and Lisbeth take a nap while we clean up" interjected Nilla. Her father looked grateful, Lisbeth just shrugged and followed him to the bedroom.

They were asleep within five minutes. Annika and Nilla took out the garbage, diapers and frozen pizza cartons. They washed and dried bottles and did some laundry for the baby.

After three hours Lisbeth came out, she ignored them and took a milk carton and put herself a glass. After leaving the empty glass in the sink she went back to the bedroom. Aaron started crying abut they heard a shushing sound and the baby quieted. The women had to leave, fortunately Mikael woke up and so did the baby.

Mikael stepped out of the room with Aaron in his arms, "ladies, I give you Aaron Mikael Blomkvist." The women approached the bundle in his arms.

Nilla was the first to comment, "Dad, he is so beautiful." Her brother decided to open his eyes and Annika proclaimed, "he has your eyes."

"That's what Lisbeth says," he smiled fondly as if remembering something pleasant.

Nilla could not understand his father's relationship with Lisbeth but she knew that he was happy. The happiest she had seen him in years, she respected Lisbeth, she went through hell and managed to keep going and survive.

"She is right, Mikael I think you guys need someone to help you with this handsome baby. You guys look half dead." Annika was worried about them; she knew the baby would surely not set a sleeping pattern before he was at least three months old. If they continued like this they would burn out of energy.

"We do not feel comfortable with strangers taking care of Aaron." Sally was in fact paranoid when it came to the baby's security. He actually agreed with her on the issue, maybe he was paranoid too, but he still remembered how easy it was for strangers to break into someone's apartment. Even with Lisbeth's alarm systems he was still wary when it came to home security.

Annika and Nilla stayed until 8:00 PM, his sister was driving Nilla back to her apartment. After they left Lisbeth and Mikael took a shower, they hit the bed and slept until past 11:00 PM, Aaron needed a diaper change and he was hungry too.

The new parents continued with the irregular pattern for a while. It was one wondrous night when Aaron was almost three months old when there were no sounds at night. It was 11:30 PM and all you could hear in the Blomkvist bedroom was silence. Mikael woke up expecting to hear his son crying but nothing. He shook Lisbeth, "Sally wake up," she did. She looked at the alarm clock and then at Mikael who had his finger in his mouth.

She whispered, "Finally, let's hope he doesn't wake up later." Always the optimist he thought. Their son slept through the night for their first time, what a relief. How ironic, the baby managed to sleep through the night while the mother's insomnia would begin in a couple of weeks.

It was early in the afternoon, they were eating in the kitchen, Aaron was taking a nap, he had an exhausting morning; he crawled all over the apartment. He was a very active seven-month-old boy. Mikael and Lisbeth were planning summer vacation activities, when someone knocked on the door. It was Zalachenko, he pulled a gun and aimed at her but Mikael stepped in front of her. Zala shot him in the chest, she was paralyzed, and her father went into the other room. She reacted; Aaron was there. She saw Zalachenko kill her baby boy, a gunshot to the head.

Zala spoke "You will never be happy you whore." She did not care, her Mikael and Aaron were dead and it was her fault. She hugged her boy and went to where Mikael's body was. She sobbed, heart-wrenching sobs, someone was shaking her and calling her name. "Lisbeth, Lisbeth, Lisbeth wake up. Love wake up now. You are freaking the shit out of me."

She opened her eyes, she was in her bed and Mikael was holding her. She stood up, Aaron was peacefully sleeping, and he looked to be around three months old. She then looked at Mikael his hair was a mess and he was in his boxers.

"Lisbeth, are you all right? Come here love what's wrong? You were crying and trashing around the bed. I had to shake you to wake you up."

She walked back to the bed and hugged him, She silently cried, Mikael shushed her and held her tight. He was worried; he assumed she had a nightmare. But this one must have been a particular nasty one. When his Sally experienced nightmares, she woke up poured herself a glass of water and usually briefly hugged him, after that she went to sleep.

This time he had to wake her up, she walked to Aaron's crib and confirmed that the baby was there and then she just looked at him as if she was confused that he was there. He stopped his musings when he heard her voice.

"Zalachenko killed you and Aaron and then said that I would never be happy. He wanted to kill me but you stepped in front of me. Then he, he" here her voice broke and she sobbed again. "He killed our son, and I saw it, I couldn't do anything." She cried and hugged him again.

"It was just a nightmare love, nothing but a horrible nightmare." He then kissed her forehead and rocked her as if she were a child. She calmed a little, but she did not go to sleep.

The next morning she looked like hell, Mikael was going back to work today. She would stay with Aaron, her job as part of Milton Security gave her enough flexibility to work from home. She did not want to hire someone to take care of her son.

Lisbeth was fidgety and scared, the nightmare had repercussions, and she was recovering from a painful experience. She needed time to come to terms with this nightmare. The idea of living without her baby or Mikael was unbearable and she hoped that this nightmare was a just one-time scenario.

She went through her daily chores; she fed Aaron, and started her research on a new client. The baby took naps and she played with him. She playfully bit his feet or danced around with him. The only person who saw this side of her was Mikael, perhaps this was why when she had the nightmare she related her nightmare to him.

Mikael got home from Millennium, "You have no idea how good it felt to write and be back to the office," she raised an eyebrow. "You know what I mean, I love my work."

"I know that Kalle, you do tend to mention it, a lot." She added.

"How are things with Berger and Eriksson," she wanted to know more about the business deal Millennium declined. "Things are great, Malin managed to score a great batch of free lance journalists and Erika is happy with the work at Millennium."

She looked thoughtful; he was not falling for her trap. "Why the sudden interest in the magazine?"

"Nothing, just making conversation. Remember you have to get Aaron to the hospitals for his check up." He groaned; he hated hospitals as much as she did.

"Lisbeth, you should come with us."

"Nahh, I'll pass."

"You know, eventually you'll have to take our son to medical appointments. What if I get sick or I can't take Aaron that day?"

"We'll arrange something if that happens, I will probably cancel and schedule one when you can."

He sighed, he would go along and take Aaron to his check up but he would find a way to get her to go to one of those.

They went on with their lives for about two weeks. Same routine and schedule but something was different. Every night when they retired, Lisbeth had nightmares. Tonight she actually relived one of her childhood memories. She was about five years old and was reading a book; Camilla was playing with a doll. The door opened, he was there.

Little Lisbeth feared that man, he was bad, and he would come and lock Camilla and her in the bedroom for hours. Her mom would scream and there would be other noises and sometime people would come over, other men, they were also scary.

Camilla ran to him and hugged him. She didn't know why her sister did that, couldn't she see that this man was bad news? She however kept away from him. He sneered at her.

"Oh little girl, why don't you come and hug your daddy?" she glared at him. He seemed infuriated and approached her.

"Zala, don't" she heard her mother say. His hand was raised but he dropped it at the last minute.

Her mother and the man left; tonight he did not lock them. Lisbeth was cautious and did not leave the room, she would not lose this opportunity, she would find out what was happening. She waited until Camilla was asleep and left the room, she hid under a coffee table and waited. The man was eating dinner in the kitchen. She heard her mom's steps she was coming to the living room.

"Zala, please just don't hurt me."

"You deserve to be punished, I know you're betraying me." He grabbed her mom's face and pulled her hair. "You little whore, you know better. How many times do I have to tell you? Do not talk about me with other people!"

"But Zala, the girls needed to start school, and the teachers needed the information. You are their father." Her mom was trying to reason with this man but he just backhanded her and proceeded to beat her with his bare hands.

"You whore, how can you be so stupid?" He sounded angry; Lisbeth could hear her mother's painful wails and cries. Agneta was pleading with him "please stop, Zala stop. I love you don't hurt me."

Lisbeth could not handle it, she had to do something and then she remembered what her teacher said yesterday. They should always call the police when they needed help. She was scared, she had to cross the room, grab the phone and make the call. The man was still beating her mom. She went for it, he did not notice. Lisbeth called.

"Someone is beating my mom" the police dispatcher took down her address and assured her they would be there within the hour.

She hid back under the coffee table and waited, her mom was barely crying but she could hear the man insulting her. Lisbeth saw him kicking her. Then she heard someone knocking.

The man looked surprised and opened the door. Two officers came in; they saw a woman lying on the floor.

"Sir, did you do this?" one of them asked.

Zalachenko replied, "I won't say anything until my legal advisor arrives. Tell your superior my name is Alexander Zalachenko."

The other officer looked under the table and saw her. He pulled Lisbeth out, "What are you doing here?" he asked, he was appalled, what if this little girl saw this guy beating this woman. His suspicions were confirmed when the girl spoke, "I saw him, he did it. He killed my mom."

Lisbeth was crying, mom was not moving, she's dead and she did nothing to save her. She should have defended her. It was all her fault for not calling the police earlier.

The policemen took her and Camilla to a police station while their mother was in the hospital. Lisbeth wanted to see when they put the man away. Instead of seeing him arrested she heard an interesting conversation.

"This is the last time Zalachenko. I won't have you destroy the Section. Leave the woman and her children alone. Get lost for a while."

She did not fully understand what that meant. What she understood however was that he was going to come back.

He did, three months after the incident, Zalachenko came back and beat her mom. It was then where her mistrust for the system began. The police would not protect her; she had to defend herself.

She woke up, it was strange she expected to be in her old bed at her childhood apartment. Lisbeth was scared; she noticed a hand around her middle and a crib in one corner of the room. She remembered, she was home, with Mikael and Aaron.

Mikael felt her moving around and mumbling. He did what he always did whenever his Sally had a nightmare; he hugged her and kissed her neck. Lisbeth would pretend that she did not care and would go and get herself a glass of water but just minutes before she gets up she squeezes his hand.

Lisbeth stood up, checked on Aaron and got her glass of water. When she went to bed and she hugged Mikael. He asked her "do you want to talk about it?" Lisbeth avoided eye contact and shook her head no. Her nightmares/memories were not Mikael's problems and she always dealt with her problems alone.

Mikael stroked her hair, he knew it soothed her; he knew so much about her and at the same time so little. His curiosity always got the better of him and he wanted to know everything about her. It was only fair, she knew him better than anyone else. From the moment they met he was an open book. She researched him and he gave her the tools to know him as a friend and later on as a lover.

"Lisbeth I know this is hard, we have been through so much together. You know I love you and Aaron more than anything and I want to ask you something."

She did not look at him or gave him any indication that he was listening but he continued. He knew she was not sleeping, therefore he had her attention, and it was always like this. He had to be the first trying; it was not uncomfortable for him to assume this role. He had accepted the fact that his Sally would always need to know his intentions and that he had to be very clear and straightforward with her, at every setting or situation.

"I know you have nightmares and that probably have had them since you were a child. I believe that for your own good you should talk to someone about them. It will be hard but you have to let all of these emotions out, this is not healthy and I don't want you to struggle and be in pain."

She stiffened, she made a promise years ago and she would not break it. Lisbeth Salander would never talk to a psychologist or a psychiatrist ever again. Not even her love for Mikael would change that fact. She was aware that he was worried; he felt the tension around her. She decided to give him an answer and wanted him to support her and bear with her.

Lisbeth raised herself and faced him, "I will only say this once; I will not talk to any psychologist or psychiatrist. No matter how hard you try I will not change my mind."

Mikael looked at her and simply said "talk to me, just tell me whenever you are mad, scared or something is not letting you sleep."

"I won't judge, criticize or tell on you. I think you might be tired of hearing it but I love you. I will never let you go. I know I sound possessive and obsessive but it is the plain truth." He paused and looked at her straight in the eyes she had moved around and was now on top of him. Her eyes had always mesmerized him; they were so expressive and could tell you exactly what her mood was. The general public ignored this fact and labeled her as an unexpressive cold person but that was not the case. Her eyes told her true story. Most of the time she was scared, perhaps this made her so brave, she was always alert and defensive. She waited for the attack and prepared herself for the blows that would come her way.

Palmgren was right, her technique was to get a bigger weapon to annihilate her enemy. Lisbeth however was unable to understand that he was looking out for her, even now after a baby and a so-called "established relationship" she had trouble communicating her feelings to the person she loved. Mikael understood that his Sally was not a puzzle for him to solve, he was aware of the fact that she did not need fixing. Her Sally was brilliant, dark past and all because that made her who she was. Sally needed to let it all out; all these negative emotions and repressed fears were dragging her down, they were making her doubt herself and their relationship. He had a feeling that if things continued in this fashion he would be alone again. He had no doubt that she would take Aaron with her.

He told her how he felt; he left nothing out "I almost lost it the last time you left. I swore that I would never tell you this but I have this sensation that if we continue like this; you being quiet and having nightmares and me just watching you become depressed; it will destroy us."

"The last time I was on a very destructive path; I drank myself to sleep for a week. If it weren't for Annika who came and analyzed your departure you would have come home to either an alcoholic or a dead Mikael. When you left, that was the worst experience in my life. You once told me you were scared of the power I held over you. I can honestly say that you have more power over me. These silences and the fact that you are having nightmare after nightmare kill me. I cannot watch you self-destroy. Please, Sally just please talk to me. It doesn't have to be tonight but at least try for us."

Lisbeth maintained eye contact and told him, "The nightmares have nothing to do with you. The only one that directly involved you was the first one, and you know all about that one." She kissed him softly and continued, "I love you too, I don't want to talk about these things because I don't want to burden you." He was about to interrupt her but she kept on going.

"I know you want to protect and take care of us but I still feel like you will disappear on us. I don't want to lie; I don't want to be vulnerable in front of you. I have always been able to take care of myself. The only thing that has been constant in my life has been the control I have over my decisions. After I was released from the psychiatric hospital I have made all the decisions regarding my life. It has always been me against the world. And then I fell in love with you, we have Aaron and I feel like this will all eventually just collapse around us."

"Mikael this is just like when I was a child, Zalachenko would leave and things were great. My mom usually healed from her injuries and got a job. Camilla and me would go to school and things were normal. Just before I felt like he was gone forever he would come back. Camilla went back to being a sociopath, seeking Zalachenko's approval, he would beat my mom and threaten me."

Mikael kissed her lips, her eyes, and her cheeks and hugged her tightly. "That bastard is dead, he won't hurt you or Aaron. He will never harm you again."

She responded by kissing him again and saying, "Mikael I need time, I won't leave you but I need time to handle these fears I have." She hesitated before telling him, "These last two weeks were a mixture of nightmares and memories, sometimes he comes back and finds me but I'm alone. You and Aaron were never mine those are the worst because that bastard reminds me that I'm worthless and don't deserve anything good. I can handle the memories, they happened, I hate to hear my mom crying and he smiles and yells at me and Camilla." She told him about tonight's memory.

Mikael listened attentively and asked questions "Is it ok if I ask you questions?" she looked like she wanted to say no but she nodded.

Lisbeth recounted her memory; Mikael kept interrupting at times when she blamed herself for the events that happened that night. "How old were you?" he asked.

"About five or six, I started school that year. He actually beat my mom because Camilla and me went to school." He stopped her right there.

"It was not your fault, I do not know many five year olds who call the police when a situation like this happens. If anything you prevented the death of your mother that night. You were brave enough to risk your safety and ask for help."

Lisbeth kept on telling him and by the end of her tale she felt lighter, as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. Mikael stroked her hair, she pressed herself to his side and drew circles on his shirt-clad chest. He rolled her so that she was once again on top of him. They slept like that, hugging.