The World is Snowblind Chapter 7, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

June 29, 1767~

I have never liked Arthur's...acquaintances. Back when I lived in England, there would always be some, muttering about the house; coughing and hacking or giving off their truly appalling comments of everything and everyone. When I left I thought I would never again have to see those men, yet that blissful idea burned away when a boat full of them arrived at the docks one spring morning.

"Ah—Arthur my good boy. Hear, take my coat."

"Dear Lord! Look at this house. It's a right bloody mess."

"Yes, quite. And you too are the shear resemblance to one of those damn beggars on the streets, Kirkland."

"When was the last time you dusted, Kirkland. You know how sensitive my nose is to dust."

Alfred and I snickered from behind the doorway of the sitting room as we watched the men pile on coat after coat and comment after comment on a bedraggled Arthur.

The day had actually started out normal:

Alfred and Arthur had dragged out an assorted collection of guns and had spent most of the afternoon shooting away out on the back lawn while I spent my time preparing lunch for the house—Miss Jamie had asked me to go fetch a certain Samuel Maverick from town so he might help her prepare the lunch. Samuel had, obviously, accepted. In the end, though, Miss Jamie and Samuel found it much more amusing to giggling and whisper to each other in the sitting room than making lunch. So I took it upon myself to feed the residents of the house and cooked the whole meal by myself.

By the time the men had arrived, both Alfred and Arthur were covered in sweat and gunpowder and still stood in their work clothes, while I had layers of different foods and ingredients from the kitchen. Speaking for the three of us, the sight for our guest was nothing to applaud.

Arthur scooped up the coats and managed to place them all on a rack before turning back to the men, his lips cocked in angles that could hardly be considered a smile. "Gentlemen. I had no notice of your...arrival," Arthur said, teeth tightly grinding into each other and hands rubbing. "I would have clean a bit more if I had."

From the crowd came a plump man with shaking cheeks. He stuck his thumbs in the front slits of his tight vest. "Well if the mailing system around this God forsaken town was better, maybe you would have gotten it when we sent it."

I heard Alfred snort behind me and grabbed his hand. I looked back out to the men. They really did all look the same to me. Tight suits, large wigs or slicked back hair hidden under carefully placed hats, bright red faces which could clearly show their love for alcohol, and dreadful manners which failed to consist any respect for another human being. These types of people I could certainly do without.

I felt Alfred's large hand grab my shoulders as a tall, lanky man asked Arthur about us. Alfred leaned down to my ear, "Right Mattie. Here we go." Seconds after, Arthur called our names and Alfred pushed us into the front room.

We stopped in front of the men a casually tried to brush off that days filth from clothes as Arthur introduced us. "Gentlemen, this is Alfred. I'm quite positive you met him once before..." Arthur paused and glanced at Alfred, "though you may remember him...differently."

Alfred stuck his hand out, only to switch it with his other when seeing a smear of black powder covering his palm. "Very nice to meet you all, sirs."

Instead of returning the handshake, the men started to chatter.

"This is that little boy who was with you in Sussex, Kirkland?" a short man said.

"By God, he's as big as a horse!" a taller one said.

"And as strong as one too by the looks of it," another said.

An elder of the group got closer to Alfred and stared up at him. "You'll soon be joining the King's regiment, eh. Well I hope Mister Kirkland here has been teaching you all about the honors of fighting for our great empire."

Alfred's fake smile twitched but held. "Of course."

Arthur coughed then gestured to me. "And this is Matthew." All gave me a blank look. "...Bonnefoy's boy."

"Ah, yes. That bloody Frenchman. I had forgotten he even owned more land than France," the fatter man from before chimed in over the others. All laughed and I hid my anger at the back of my throat. "Anyway, Kirkland," the man continued, "Mr. Alan will be joining us this meeting, so..." he gestured to Arthur's clothing and over all state of dirtiness.

Arthur blinked then jumped slightly. "Mr. Alan?"

The men chuckled before the fat one snorted. "Yes. He'll probably be here any minute, now."

Arthur lifted one side of his nose in a reached grimace before regaining his smile. He turned to us quickly. "Boys," he said, "how about you two go get freshened up a bit, hmm."

Alfred answered for both of us with one, "Sure thing, Arthur" before grabbing my shoulder and leading me to the stairs.

Alfred moved quickly, jogging behind me, and his knee finally found its way to my rear. "Watch it Al." I elbowed him in the stomach, earning a giggled sorry. Once at the top of the stairs, Alfred turned to the right hallway and pushed me to the wall.

"What are you doing...?" I asked only to be cut off with a childish, "SHH!" We waited there, watching the opening to the stairs, before Arthur's footsteps could be heard. Arthur made his way to the top of the stairs and looked over at us.

Alfred whispered over my head, "What's happening, Arthur?"

Arthur looked to the floor and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose; a sign of pure mind-numbing fatigue. "I got them all in the sitting room, damned old fools," he said darkly over his shoulder. "I'll go back down there and talk with them in a moment."

"And what do we do?" Alfred whispered again.

Arthur stared at the two of us before shrugging his shoulders. "Stand and look pretty, I guess."

Alfred laughed and moved away from me. I watched as the others disappeared behind their bedroom doors before going to my own.

I shut the door and locked it. I walked over to my closet and fished out my best looking clothes, a combination of a light purple dress shirt and a brown vest and pair of pants. I placed the clothes on my bed and started to undress. I slipped out of everything but my under-garments. I shivered as the cold air of my room crawled over my bare skin. I reached for my shirt but froze. In the mirror across the room I saw myself. I frowned.

I walked over closer to the glass and stared at my reflection. A skinny, pale, weak looking little boy stared back at me. I glanced at all the boney details of my body and sighed. So ugly, I thought. My frown deepened and, in a sudden moment of complete irritation, I raised my arms and puffed out my chest. I found myself looking more foolish than I had ever been before. My ribs stuck out like a dried fish and my arms shook as I tried to flex my imperceptible muscles. I dropped my arms and my shoulders slumped.

I knew I would never be like Alfred, or Davidson, or even Arthur, but the fact of it all still made me feel useless.

I jumped when a knock at the door came. "Mattie, you almost done?" Alfred's voice echoed through the door.

"Yes! Coming!" I shouted and moved back to my bed. Alfred kept talking aimlessly from outside in the hallway as I pulled on my clothes. I grabbed a pair of shoes from under my bed and jogged over to the door. I open it and stared up at Alfred. His face seemed miles above my head.

He smiled. "Ready to go?"

I sighed as I slipped my feet into my shoes. "No."

"Great," Alfred laughed and put his hand on my back. He led me back to the stairs and he walked out in front of me. I watched as Al's broad back got farther and farther away. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he looked back up to me and held out his hand.

I grabbed the railing and started down the steps. I jumped down the last three boards. Alfred formed his hand around mine and squeezed it tightly. Before I knew it, we entered the sitting room and dread of the moment began.

The men had taken every seat available in the room, though four or five still had to stand. Miss Jamie, who I believe was in the middle of some alone time with Samuel when they were so rudely interrupted, was now rushing around the room, frazzled, reassuring the men that appetizers were on their way. Samuel, on the other hand, stood petrified in a corner as three of the men bombarded him with questions, his face frozen in absolute dismay. A pair of men chirped up and gestured Alfred over with a lazy wave from their boney fingers.

My hand instinctively tightened around Alfred's as he started to pull away. He looked down at me with a smile and slowly slid his hand out of mine. He moved over to the other side of the room and began to talk with some of the men, leaving me to stand unprotected.

At that moment, everything started to seem louder and more defined. The men's voices hit me from the front while the sound of Davidson rustling in the kitchen hit my back. From all angles there was noise. I flinched as Arthur stepped past me suddenly, now dressed in one of his finer suits, the smell of the soaps he used practically suffocating me. The sound grew again and all the smells of the room made my head feel tight. Everything was so close.

I started to feel smaller and smaller, like the room was moving around me ready to swallow me whole. The sun that traveled in through the windows grew brighter and my eyesight blurred. I closed my eyes and cupped my ears. Everything was so close. I open my eyes again and the room did a tilt. My stomach turned and my heart started to jolt in my chest. I dropped my hands to my middle and squeezed it. The air in my lungs felt like lead weight. Everything was just so close to me.

I saw Alfred giving me an alarmed look out of the corner of my eye and started to walk over to me. I squeezed my eyes shut again and tried to breathe deeply. Air caught in my throat I my heart beat faster. I could feel the room tilting again and my stomach again shook. The throbbing in my head smashed against my skull.

I felt my knees buckle. My body started to fall backwards and the feeling of air rushed past me. Everything was too close...

I hit something stiff and hard. I waited then opened my eyes. I looked out to all the surprised faces that looked back at me.

"Watch it, boy. We don't want you to fall, now."

I slick, easy voice came from behind me. I looked up suddenly and found another face staring down at me. A man with pulled back black hair and an equally black suit was standing there. His face was bright and young and his lips had the lines of a constant smile etched around them. He was in many ways a fine example of a perfect gentleman, but his eyes told another story; there bark brown circles held a flicker of malevolence and deceit. They were so dark and harsh that they cut into my face as he studied it.

Miss Mary's glowing face popped out from behind the man. "Oh, um... A Mr. Alan is here for you, Mister Kirkland."

I still stared up at Mr. Alan even when Arthur came and pushed me away, but only because Mr. Alan still stared at me.

"Mr. Alan! What pleasure it is to see you again," Arthur said grabbing Mr. Alan's hand and shaking it.

Mr. Alan gave me another look before looking at Arthur, his face brightening with a smile. "Of course the feeling is mutual, gentlemen."

With that, all of the men rushed by me to shake hands and give greetings. I stood unmoving at the back of the crowd when I felt Alfred's hand grab my shoulder. I looked over at him then let him lead me over to one of the seats that only seconds before was occupied by one of the men's rears. I sat down tiredly and stared at my feet. Miss Jamie, Samuel, and Miss Mary made their way over to us and looked down at me.

"Oh, are you alright Mister Matthew?" Miss Mary said, whipping out a rag and dabbing it at my forehead.

"I think Mattie here just had a little panic attack," Alfred said, brow furrowed but eyes worried.

"Oh, well I'm not surprised," Miss Jamie said with a huff. "Those men in there are so terribly rude—and I don't care if he is some big judge back in England, I don't like that Mr. Alan character. Uh-uh! Not one bit."

"I thought I was about to faint as well. They got me cornered and asked me what station of the army I worked in," Samuel said, face still frazzled.

"Oh, poor Mister Matthew. How about I go check if we can get some food in your tummy and get you feeling better, hmm?" Miss Mary said, turning towards the kitchen before I had time to decline.

Miss Jamie and Samuel started to talk amongst themselves while I kept to the floor. I felt Alfred kneel down next to me and slide his palm to the back of my neck. "Are you alright, Matthew?" he whispered into my ear, so seriously that my name came out fully from his lips.

"Yes..." I said in return. "I really am."

Alfred smiled at me fondly and stood back up, though his hand still squeezed my neck. I looked over to the crowd of men and watched as Arthur and Mr. Alan nudge out of the group and stand on the outside of the men:

"Gentlemen; now that everyone," Arthur said glancing slightly at Mr. Alan, "is here, let us move to the library where we can all get on with this meeting." Arthur pointed over to the door on the other side of the sitting room.

The men all mumbled to their neighbors before forming a crooked line and walking towards the door. As the line of guest slowly disappeared into the library, Arthur held back and walked over to myself and the others. He stopped in front of me and I looked back down at the floor. I could feel his eyes staring at me. He looked away to Alfred and said, "This little meeting of ours will probably last the rest of the day. You all," he said lowly, referring to all who stood around, "mind yourselves."

As Arthur kept talking, I looked up across the room. Mr. Alan's horrid eyes were the ones to meet mine. For some reason, I didn't feel unnerved and I held the stare. I could tell he knew I knew who he really was. He could see that I was not one of those fool who fell into his performance. He was a terrible actor on my stage.

Alfred nodded when Arthur stopped talking. "Of course, Arthur."

Arthur blinked then turned and walked back over to Mr. Alan, who finally looked away. "Alright. Let's get this damn thing over with, hah?" Arthur smirked lightly and started walking to the library.

Mr. Alan didn't move but looked back at me. I glared in confusion as I watched his lips grow into a slick smile. "Actually," Mr. Alan said, making Arthur pause, "I would greatly enjoy if you would join us, Mister Alfred."

Both Alfred's and Arthur's eyes shot open. Alfred glanced around the room for a moment before pointing to himself. "Me, sir?"

"Him, sir?" Arthur said from behind Mr. Alan, his face hard and pale.

Mr. Alan turned to Arthur and cleared his through. "Yes. We can always use some…new voices in these things," he said, starting towards the library. He stopped slightly when passing Arthur. "Don't you think?"

Arthur stared at a spot in the air as Mr. Alan walked on by into the library. Alfred stood anxiously next to me, shifting from one leg to another. He looked at me quickly then walked over to Arthur. He smiled lightly down at him. "Ready Arth—"

Alfred began to speak but Arthur turned, silencing him with the absence of attention. Arthur grabbed the door handle of the library. He stood there stiffly and waited for Alfred to come over. Alfred walked cautiously over to him and through the doorway, shoulders flinching slightly when Arthur hurriedly stepped behind him and shut the door.

I stared at the closed door and felt my stomach tighten. Everyone left in the room seem to give a combined sigh. Miss Mary walked in at that moment with a cup of cream and chocolate. She padded over to me and stuck the dessert in my hand. "Oh, hear Mister Matthew, eat some of this then," she pulled a spoon out of her apron and stuck it in the cup.

I stared down at the dessert and frowned slightly. My appetite was non-existing. My stomach felt hard and I didn't think that I had it in me to eat anything. I rolled the cup absently in my palm. "I'm not that hungry."

Miss Mary snorted and shook her head. "Oh, sugar always makes the body easy. After your episode, you should really eat some."

I frowned over at her. "I didn't have an episode."

Everyone turned around as Davidson stormed in from the kitchen. "Hey! Ya all know that those desserts are for after dinner!" he shouted.

Miss Jamie turned towards the other and frowned. "Oh, don't you get all huffy. Mister Matthew needed some and besides, no one was going to eat your desserts tonight anyway."

Davidson and Miss Jamie started to bicker while Miss Mary stood by, shaking her head in disapproval. I felt Samuel scoot next to me and lean over the arm of the chair. "Are you not going to eat that, Matthew?"

I looked over at him then at the cup of dessert. I sighed. "No."

Samuel smiled as I handed over the treat. I watched him shove a spoon full into his mouth then looked away, back over at the shut library's door. The weight in my middle seemed to grow. Something was happening, I knew it. Something was changing, and just like always, I had no idea how to stop it.

—

It was a good time after midnight till the men exited the library. Up until then, the others and I moved into the dining room.

Miss Jamie and Davidson never ceased to fight and Miss Mary did her very best to restrain herself from hitting both of them in the back of the heads. Samuel managed to finish my dessert, along with five more cups of the darn stuff. I, as usual, did nothing. Just sat quietly, not hinting to anyone that a heavy pressure was slowly growing inside of me.

When the men came out, they all filed into the front room and crowded around the front door. Everyone got up from the dining room and joined the crowd, I immediately running to Al's side. I looked up at him, ready with questions, but he did not look back. He just stared at the floor blankly.

Mr. Alan and Arthur came in last. Arthur made his way to the front door and opened it. He turned to the crowd and cup one hand over his lips:

"Gentlemen!"

All the men stopped talking and turned their attention to Arthur. He smiled tightly. "Thank you all for joining me today. And a special thanks to Mr. Alan for lending us his presence," he stopped then started to clap. The other men applauded lightly, all looking at Mr. Alan. He smiled that terrible smile and bowed.

With that, Arthur ushered everyone out the door. The men trampled down the walkway and slowly began to disappear into the night, like the bugs they were.

Mr. Alan, of course, was the last to leave. He took it upon himself to kiss every cheek and shake every hand of the house before ever moving towards the door. While shaking Alfred's hand he commented on how wonderful it was having him in the meeting. "Truly an honor, Mister Alfred."

Alfred looked directly into the other's eyes and flashed a played smile. "Of course, sir."

Mr. Alan smiled then turned and looked at me. I took a slight step back and watched him make his way over to me. I hid my hands casually behind my back.

"Oh, please. I haven't yet the pleasure of shaking your hand, Matthew," he said. He stuck out a gloved hand and waited, the smile still etched into his face.

I glared then move one hand. The moment my hand touched his, five cold fingers —even with the gloves—wrapped around me. I felt myself being pulled closer to him and soon found his face extremely close to mine.

His eyes lost their glint and his face seemed to harden into a horrid figure of hate. He had become his true self just for me. His voice came out deathly low, the fake manner of speech completely gone. "I hope this meeting will be just one of many, Matthew. But the next time, I expect a smile to be on that awful little face of yours," he hissed quietly, only audible for my ears. He back away and his fingers unraveled from my hand. He stared back down at me, his face back to his façade. I glared even more.

"Good-bye, Matthew," he said with a smile, ruffling my hair. I jerked away.

Mr. Alan gave me one last look then turned to Arthur who still stood waiting at the door. "Lovely to see you again, Kirkland," he said, grabbing his hat from under his arm and placing it on his head.

Arthur nodded briskly. "The same."

Mr. Alan glanced Arthur up and down then walked on by, finally leaving to join the darkness outside, his back easily blending with the shadows of the night.

Arthur shut the door with a relieving sigh. He turned back to the rest of us who stared in anticipation. He looked between us then trudged past, up the stairs and to his room, not saying a word. Everyone was silent and unmoving for a bit then started to separate into their own rooms.

Miss Jamie sent Samuel out with a kiss to the cheek then went with her mother up to their room for the night. Davidson returned to the kitchen to clean up the dishes that sat dirtied leaving me and Al to walk up the stairs by ourselves.

He followed behind me and when we got to the top I turned and stared down at him. "What's wrong, Al? What happened in the library?"

Alfred stared back at me then shook his head. "Nothing…"

I felt irritation wash over me. "Well something must have—"

I stopped talking and stared in slight surprise as Alfred punched the wall next to him, imprinting the curves of his knuckles in the wood. "You want to know what happened?" he said, loudly. I glanced to Arthur's room nervously and Alfred lowered his voice. "You want to know?" he whispered. "I walked into that room ready to speak my opinions and go along with that meeting, but all I got to was sit there! Every time—every time—I raised my hand or tried to speak, Arthur would hush me! He wouldn't let me do anything but watch as the meeting flew by!" Alfred stopped taking and raised a hand up to his face, dragging it down his mouth. "And do you know what?" he spoke again. "They agreed on a new tax right in front of me."

I stared at him wide eye and watched his eyes shift over my face. "Right in front of me, Mattie."

He looked at me as if waiting for me to say something comforting. I shook my head. I didn't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry…"

Alfred's angered face fell and he just looked at me. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. He looked at the ground sadly then turned to his room. He opened it quietly then walked in, shutting it without another word.

I stood still for a moment then moved to my room. I entered through the doorway and locked the door behind me. I staggered over to my bed and fell face down in the sheets. I didn't care to take off my clothing or cover myself with the blankets, I felt like I could hardly move.

So much had happen all in one day that, when it was over, the tiredness finally came down on me. The uninvited men, my little episode, Arthur and Alfred with their ever changing moods, Mr. Alan and I's hidden hate for each other, all of it made my head spin. I felt my eyes begin to sag and I breathed in a gust of air. I sighed into my pillow and shut my eyes. The pressure in my stomach was still there and a small throbbing in my head pounded at my skull. I could feel the sir around me turn slightly, like everything suddenly seemed different. And that's when I knew that the real world had finally caught up with me. Nothing would ever be the same. The good times had been and gone.

Yeah, chapter 6! Thanks for reading and remember, reviews are lovely!