Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Warning: There is mentions of self harm and abuse

On another note I have to say this is by far my favorite chapter in this story.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

"You want to know what's really sad and I hate myself for being so weak for?"

"No." he said to her.

"After everything, all the degrading outfits, the names, the silence, the ignoring, the times you left on days that should have been important to us, all the times you couldn't bring yourself to look at me, all the times you had to take a potion to have sex with me. Even after all that, I still love you. How pathetic is that?"

"I lied." He said to her making her turn to look at him.

"Well I lied too, to myself. To you, to everyone. Tell me yours and I will tell you mine."

"I never took a potion to obtain an erection to have sex with you, never. It was just another way to hurt you if you thought that I had too. It was only ever a mild form or pepper up potion."

"I lied about these scars, only a couple are yours the rest was the other time I was weak."

"Hermione, come down I have something I want to show you."

"No, I like it here."

"When was the other time you were weak?" he asked.

"Between my fourth and sixth years, his name was Connor. Believe it or not, he treated me worse than you did."

"What did he do to you Hermione?"

"Told me everything a girl wants to hear, then drugged me to have sex with him. After that I might as well of been nothing."

"What do you know of my father?"

"Nothing, I never saw the memories."

"There was nothing of him there. You've heard of death by a thousand cuts?"

"Yes."

"That's how he killed my mother, he did so as surely as if he pulled a gun and shot her. He was abusive, physically and mentally. I swore I would never lay a hand on a woman, I never have. But there are times that I think maybe I should have, you surly would have healed quicker than the abuse I dealt out to you."

Hermione looked at him, he never lowered his head. He held her gaze, she jumped down from the ledge taking a step toward him. She watched as he swallowed, then saw the tears fall from his eyes.

"Don't say that Severus."

"No, I was just as bad as he was. The only legacy he left me was his nature, I know how to hit without there being any evidence. I know how to kill someone with words, a little at a time, just like him."

Hermione took a few steps closer but said nothing.

"He use to… to beat on mum out of fear, all because he feared us. Then it was her and I he beat on, I was so damn weak I couldn't wait to get to school. Of course that didn't stop him from beating on her, then me during the summer."

He removed his robe, then his frock coat before unbuttoning his sleeves as he talked,

"I couldn't take it, the night he threw me down the stairs I was….." he looked up at her before saying, "Hermione I understand what it is to think your weak, I know that at least it's a pain you can have some kind of control over."

He rolled up his sleeves as he talked then held out his arm to her, she looked at him then at his arm. The dark mark was long gone, but then she saw the scars running up and down his forearm. When she gasped he said,

"I'm so sorry I did that to you, you'll never know." He went to his knees in front of her, tears falling freely. "You'll never know how much I detest myself for making you feel that way. I could see nothing for the anger I was carrying with me over what at the time I thought you had done. I was so wrong, so very wrong to treat you that way. I spent four years after you left looking for a way to get you back to me, I've spent the last four months trying to make amends for what I did to you. Now I know I don't deserve it, none of it. I don't deserve your love, I will never be able to make up for hurting you like that. Knowing all of that still doesn't keep me from wanting it with every piece of my broken soul, it doesn't keep me from wanting to beg you to forgive me for everything I ever did wrong to you. It doesn't stop me from hoping that you'll someday be able to forgive me for it all, that you'll give me your heart as you have mine and are able to trust me not to shatter you again."

Hermione had tears streaming down her face, it was the most honest he had ever been with her. She dropped to her knees in front of him saying,

"Oh Severus….." she took a big gulp of air trying to calm her tears so she could talk. "I have one question, why did you cry that night?"

He didn't have to ask what night, he knew it was the memory he showed her. He took a big breath of air before saying,

"Please don't ask me that, I didn't show you the whole memory. I left part out because you…. I didn't want…. I was ashamed of what I had done to you, and what I did after."

"What did you do?"

"Please, don't make me tell you."

"Show me."

He held out his right arm to her, it took her a minute to realize what he meant.

"You see Hermione, I'm just as weak if not more than you are."

The next thing he knew she flung herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck sobbing, trying to tell him something. He wrapped his arms around her, knowing that this wouldn't last but wishing with all that he was that it would. Finally he picked up what she was trying to say and pulled back saying,

"What?"

"I don't want this memory if it's going to cost me you, it's not worth it. We were doing fine until this memory, I want that back. I want to heal from all the hurt, I use to think that you needed perfect to fix you, now I only need you to fix me. I'm not saying that it will easy, or that it won't take time. But I want to try."

Hermione didn't care if it made her weak, was it so wrong to love him and want his love in return? It was her choice to make, she was at a crossroads and this time she wanted him to know that she was here because she wanted to be with him.

"I only have one request of you."

"Anything." He said with more hope than he felt in a long while.

"I want you to remove your memory of it also, all of it."

"Hermione…."

"No, those are my terms. I don't want either of us to remember it, it was a mistake you made. I honestly don't know if I could ever get past it and I would rather forget it than have it and not have you at all. I just want to give us a fighting chance, and I don't want you carrying that memory around with you either."

Severus looked at her, she wanted him. His heart sang. All he had to do was remove one memory of something he had done wrong, so very wrong. She had been right, they were doing pretty well until tonight.

"Okay, I'll agree."

"Kiss me Severus, like you mean it."

"Hermione…."

"It's just a kiss."

He framed her face in his hands before capturing her lips with his, when her tongue darted out touching his lips he deepened the kiss. Their tongues slid against each other, then he explored her mouth etching into his memory this moment, the feel of her mouth against his. The feel of his fingers moving though her hair, her hands moving down his chest to rest on his waist. A fleeting thought of how he was almost fifty and had never had the delight of something this intimate.

Finally she ended the kiss, placing small kisses at the corners of his mouth before pulling back.

"See just a kiss. Now let's go and get rid of these memories."

Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.