Early Thanksgiving morning, Rachel had just showered and dressed when she was interrupted by a loud banging at her apartment door. She opened it curiously, then laughed when she saw Megan and Amanda.

Megan held a large coffee cup out to her. "Hi. This should get you going."

Rachel took it with a smile, but still didn't know what was going on. "Going where? My dads don't arrive until early afternoon."

"And my train doesn't go until noon," Amanda said. "If we hurry we can get a good spot for the parade."

"Parade?"

"Yes, parade, the thing that nobody's going to rain on," Amanda quipped. "Thanksgiving in New York, Macy's, large balloon spectacular, sounds familiar? You haven't lived until you've seen them up close, and if we watch it near the start I can see it all and still catch my train." She hefted her large shoulder bag, already packed for her trip back to Boston.

"Didn't we talk about this?" Megan asked. She shrugged at Rachel's confused look. "Well we meant to, sorry. Luckily you're already up. Drink your coffee and get some spring into your step."

Rachel sipped at the coffee. She was caught rather by surprise, but she found she didn't care – their enthusiasm was so infectious, and she was still blown away by how wonderful it was to have these two friends who'd taken to her so quickly. She'd never had that before, never had anyone who just met her and liked her straight away, practically demanding that she do fun things with them. As long as she could meet her dads when they arrived, the rest of her plans didn't matter. And the parade should be great. She gave her friends an excited smile and grabbed her purse. "Let's go."

They staked out good spots on Central Park West and waited, Amanda entertaining the other two with hopefully highly exaggerated stories about the past Thanksgiving antics of her extended family. "I don't dare not go," she stated at one point. "It's not far, and I'd hate to find out afterwards that I'd missed a food fight with the candied yams or anything like that. It hasn't happened yet, but two of my cousins get so close, every year, that it'd be just my luck to miss the one time it happens."

"You're lucky your hair is red," Rachel said with a giggle, which won a snort from Amanda.

"Oh I can duck. But you're right, at least the stuff should blend in."

Finally the parade started, and Rachel realized why they'd been so insistent that she go. She'd seen it on television before, but that was nothing compared to the feeling of having those gigantic colorful shapes floating above her. She immersed herself in the wonder of the moment, only pulled out of it eventually when she saw a girl being hoisted up onto her tall boyfriend's shoulders, and thought of how it would have been with Finn. Even from the ground and surrounded by much taller people, the balloons were amazing; with Finn's support, she would have felt she could touch the sky. Next year, she told herself with hope and determination. Next year, and it'll be even more wonderful having seen it differently before.

After the parade she went with Megan to see Amanda off at Penn Station, then they hung around Times Square until it was time for Rachel to meet her dads at their hotel. Megan was having dinner with her current boyfriend's family, with a fair amount of trepidation because it felt too serious a step for her, so she was headed home to change.

Rachel's dads had texted her from their cab, and she was waiting for them in the hotel lobby when they arrived. Cries of "Rachel!" "There's our princess!" told her they were there, and she raced to meet them.

It felt so good to have them here. As they hugged her tightly, the familiar love of theirs enveloped and supported her, reminding her that no matter how much she might have to struggle with other things, she always had that.

They checked in and she went with them up to their room, asking about their trip, how things were back home, the usual sort of pleasantries. They, in turn, told her how grown up she looked and that they always knew she'd flourish in New York, no matter how much they missed her at home. She sighed happily, comforted by this.

They walked around for a while together, finishing at the vegan restaurant Rachel had booked for Thanksgiving dinner. She felt very adult doing that, showing them around part of the city and being in charge, their father-daughter relationship adjusting to the new situation. The meal was excellent, as expected, and they complimented her on her choice of place.

It was also so different from their small family meal at home last Thanksgiving that she was only sometimes reminded of it, that long weekend with far too many parents around. She and Finn had been lovers for just a few weeks then and had had such difficulty finding somewhere to be alone. While this year's dinner had the same people, her and her dads, the rest was very different, and she felt different. Yet under it all she still had the same desperate craving, needing Finn.

On Friday Rachel's dads came to see the apartment, and then she gave them a tour of NYADA.

In the dance rehearsal rooms they ran into Megan, who had been practicing her part for the December show, and she joined them for the rest of the tour. Rachel's fathers were very happy to meet their daughter's friend.

As they walked down the hall connecting the rehearsal rooms to one of the large auditoriums, a young blond man turned a corner, saw them, and quickly moved away. Megan laughed as they saw Paul Tervo retreat so rapidly.

"Who's that?" Hiram asked. "He looked almost scared of you."

Rachel reddened. "I suppose he is," she said ruefully.

"Oh, don't be sorry," Megan told her. "He deserved it." She turned to Rachel's dads. "He's not scared of her, not exactly, he's scared to be around her or seen with her," she explained.

"I don't see the distinction," Hiram frowned. "I hoped you wouldn't have difficulty with people here, honey," he told Rachel.

"I haven't, just..." Rachel sighed. "Paul was interested in me and wouldn't take no for an answer, so I had to make my point more strongly. Of course I hadn't told him why I wasn't dating, I hadn't wanted to unleash my drama on the people here, not all at once, but I shouldn't have had to."

"Of course not," LeRoy put in, encouraging her to continue. "Anyone should simply respect your answer."

"Anyway, one day he pushed me too far and I told him why I don't date."

"Rather loudly and in the middle of the quad," Megan put in, earning her a sharp look from Rachel. "Hey, you should be proud. It was quite the rant and he deserved it. Especially since he kept touching you."

"He touched you?" LeRoy cast an angry look in the direction that Paul had gone.

"Not in a bad way," Rachel explained hurriedly. "But it was certainly a personal style of touch, I told him not to, and he kept doing it."

"So she told him off," Megan said. "Your little girl can take care of herself, trust me. Everyone heard it or heard about it. She's quite the hero to the musical theater crowd, we're a small group here and very protective of our own."

"And now he's afraid of you?" Hiram started to smile. "Didn't he apologize?"

"He tried, sort of, but it was more about how it wasn't his fault because he hadn't known about Finn –"

"And it shouldn't have mattered," Megan chimed in. "And then he was after her to accept his 'apology', and Amanda told him that the proper way to apologize for harassing someone is not to keep harassing her with the apology."

"Which I think he actually understood," Rachel commented.

"Oh, 'Mand can be very direct when she ditches the Latin," Megan said. "'Just say sorry and get lost' is direct."

"So that was him getting lost?" LeRoy asked, starting to chuckle.

Rachel smiled. "I think so. He's not in our program, he's a drama major, so we're not around each other that much now that he's given up."

"And he's hoping that people will forget his embarrassment if he's never seen near you again," Megan remarked with a smirk.

Rachel laughed. "That too."

LeRoy and Hiram both looked carefully at their daughter, but she didn't seem to be bothered by the story she and Megan were telling. She was doing well.

Rachel's dads were staying until Sunday morning, so she had further opportunities to show them around New York. Of course they'd been here many times before, but she tried to add a more personal touch to the places she showed them, and they went along with it in a very endearing way. They had done the same about the apartment, she realized, since they were the ones who had found it in the first place. It was sweet, how they were letting her be the host, though of course this was also a good way to find out how she was doing and what she'd been up to. They'd even taken in her half-empty room without comment, which was more than Kurt managed a lot of the time. And they'd gone to watch her rehearse at NYADA, and that had felt normal, dancing and singing to their effusive praise in much the same way she had her whole life. They couldn't come back for the show, which wasn't new either, but at least they could see her this way.

Rachel spent more time at home that weekend than she usually did, and it felt more comfortable than it usually did. She certainly enjoyed being able to cook dinner for her dads again, and in her own kitchen as well. All very grown up. But still without the man she loved by her side, the one she'd envisioned being with her when they welcomed her parents to their home together. And her dads couldn't help the affectionate looks and touches that they exchanged between themselves, as normal a part of them as breathing. They'd be wrong without those. But she should have had that too.

Christmas, she told herself. Focus on the show, get through the term, and we'll see where we are at Christmas. The way Finn had looked at her after she'd sung to him on his birthday – she could use a lot more looks like that. And his mouth on hers, and his strong arms around her... but she'd start with that look and go from there. Again. As many times as she had to.

Sunday evening Rachel was in the kitchen of the apartment, cleaning up after her supper, when Kurt returned. She went to greet him with a hug. "Welcome home," she said. "How was Thanksgiving?"

"It was fine," Kurt said. "Great to see everyone."

"And how is Blaine?" Rachel moved away to allow Kurt to come in and sit down.

Kurt beamed. "Blaine is wonderful. He says hello and hopes we'll leave some of the triumphs in New York City for him next year."

Rachel smiled at this, but soon quieted and saddened. She didn't begrudge Kurt his visit with Blaine, or his expectations of their future reunion, but like everything else it was a reminder of what she'd lost. And she couldn't bring herself to ask about Finn, not right now. She turned away and started to walk to her room.

"Finn gave me a message for you," Kurt called after her, and she turned back, her heart suddenly lifting.

"Really?" her question was barely breathed.

"Well I'm not making it up," Kurt replied, his voice encouraging. "Want to hear it?" Rachel almost ran back to the couch, and she sat looking hopefully at Kurt.

"He has 'islands', he said," Kurt recounted. "Specific things he remembers, not connected together, but he's been working on ways of bringing things back. They work sometimes, but it's hard and it's not that reliable. But he's hopeful, and you're in some of them, and he's really looking forward to you coming home."

"Oh..." Rachel gasped, tears coming to her eyes. He's remembering. Finn is remembering, and he's remembering me. Maybe it's only a start but it is a start.

"And he wants to sing with you. Apparently singing helps." Kurt clasped his hands together. "Puck's got some sort of regular karaoke night going for the gang that's still in Lima, and Finn's really been enjoying it."

"Just try to stop me," Rachel said, smiling through her tears.

"I wouldn't dare even if I wanted to."

"What do you think about how he's doing?" Rachel asked tentatively.

Kurt shifted his eyes. "Ah... I'm not sure what you mean."

"That was what Finn wanted you to say. But what do you think yourself? I'm not asking you to break any confidences, but you know how worried I am about him, I need to know how you think he is. Please."

Kurt frowned, then sighed and relented. "He's Finn. A little different, more awkward, and more confused from time to time than even at his previous worst, but he's Finn." Rachel nodded, encouraging him to say more. "And he's crazy about you. More than he's willing to say and probably more than he even knows, but he is, he's just really unsure of himself. And with good reason, even at his fastest growing he wouldn't have changed so much so fast, every time he remembers something more his perspective changes, and he still has a lot missing."

Rachel teared up again. "Are you sure?" she gasped.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Finn being unsure of himself is relatively normal, but you?"

"But how can you know?"

He gave her an encouraging smile. "As even you must admit, though we love him, Finn is not one of the world's great thinkers. But I have seen him think more carefully and with more determination than I would have ever thought possible, and he's doing it for one reason only. He's trying to remember. And as far as I can tell, the only thing he really cares about remembering is you."

"Oh..." Rachel rose and enveloped Kurt in a hug. "Thank you," she choked out, her head muffled by his shoulder. Kurt rubbed her back.

"One way or another, he's yours," Kurt said. "Even without remembering the rest. You just need to be patient."

Rachel gave Kurt a last squeeze and pulled back to look up at him. The life was returning to her eyes, and the look on her face reflected her own renewed determination. She could be patient, but only as much as she had to be. "What can I do to help?"

"To help?"

"Yes. What sorts of things help him remember? Music, you said. Anything special?"

Kurt blinked, apparently having a hard time keeping up with her sudden shift. She supposed he'd gotten used to how she'd been recently. She waited as he paused, frowning intently, clearly considering how to put it. "Similarity to things that happened before," he said. "Like phrases you've said, songs you've performed, things like that. As close a match as possible. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does and it's the only thing that has."

"So I should remember those things accurately myself so I can use them," Rachel stated. She could help Finn; this gave her an energy back that she hadn't entirely realized she'd lost. She could help Finn, and she would. She was so very touched at Kurt's description of how hard Finn was working on his memories, and how he was doing it for her. He shouldn't have to fight it alone.

"Yes. But he has to be relaxed, so you probably have to slip it in somehow."

"Right." Rachel nodded determinedly, then thought about what some of those things might be. Music, as similar as before, something he could just come across, but significant... and she smiled. "I have an idea," she said, glowing. "But I'm definitely going to need help."

A week later, Finn was spending part of his Sunday afternoon drumming, since his mom was out and he could really let loose. He had his playlist on shuffle, as usual; so far it had been on a British kick, giving him some Stones, Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, and he figured he'd take a break after another song or two.

He smiled as he heard the opening notes of his favorite Journey song. He started singing as well as drumming, enjoying himself, realizing after a moment that there wasn't a vocal track; it must be something he'd practiced with for Glee, he decided. (*)

Just a small town girl
living in a lonely world
she took the midnight train going anywhere

He was relaxed, drumming along, pausing from singing as another voice suddenly washed over him:

Just a city boy
born and raised in South Detroit
he took the midnight train going anywhere

Rachel.

And he saw her, wearing a red shirt, smiling at him, their eyes connecting. Their arms stretching out, reaching for each other.

Finn's face exploded in a grin and he drummed on, continuing to sing, his energy building. Feeling that connection again as he remembered it.

A singer in a smoky room

Rachel, again:
A smell of wine and cheap perfume

Then their voices blended and he could feel them come together, arms loosely around each other's waists, eyes still meeting.
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Their eyes had linked, but it was more than that, their shared joy in singing. Starting to connect with each other, feeling that there was something between them, a type of understanding, something real. Not for the last time, but this was the first, where it all began. Rachel. And they sang on, together, the other four were around them but he really only saw her.

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin', somewhere in the night...

Finn grinned, feeling the resonance of the happiness and energy he'd felt singing then, but more than anything so happy that he had this, that he'd remembered the start of it all. And it felt real in a way that the other memories hadn't, actually part of him, maybe because it was the start, so soon after the last of his old memories.

In fact... Finn stopped the music and let his mind flow, agape.

He thought back a little, finding what had led up to that song as well, Mr. Schue getting him to join Glee Club in exchange for overlooking the drugs that had somehow been found in his locker, all the grief that Quinn, Puck and the team had given him, but how he'd felt music touch him and wanted not to lose it. Deciding to return to Glee even though Mr. Schue was leaving and Finn was off the hook.

Everything back to the start of sophomore year, really, the memories linking together as if they'd never been gone.

"Yes!" Finn threw his head back and yelled in triumph. He didn't know what this recording was doing in his drum playlist, it certainly hadn't been there before, but... he mentally kicked himself on realizing that he did know. Rachel had recorded it for him, once she'd gotten his message, she must have. And she'd had someone, his mom and maybe others, put it on his iPod. He usually didn't bother taking it to work, he just left it by the drums. Which was good, he'd let them keep pulling things on him if they worked like this, Rachel holding her hand out to him now kind of like she'd actually done then.

She really was amazing. And he was so happy he remembered this, joining Glee Club, meeting her, singing with her. Starting to connect with her as they sang together.

But as he followed those threads of memory, there was more. Much more. More Glee, more Rachel, more everything.

Talking to Rachel at his locker, Quinn coming up and being vicious. He don't think he'd noticed how mean she'd been to Rachel at the time, he'd been too worried about what she thought of him, but he remembered it, and he sure noticed it now. It probably helped that Quinn had admitted to it, hard to believe he hadn't been more concerned about dating someone who could be so casually cruel. At least she seemed to have grown out of it now.

That outrageous and highly uncomfortable (but still fun) "Push It" number at the assembly. Still better than disco, even knowing how much crap they caught for it afterwards.

Even... singing with Rachel, practicing on the stage at McKinley. His idea, and whatever excuses he'd made to himself at the time, he'd really wanted to spend more time with her and get closer to her. His voice was rough but she was encouraging him, then he suggested they take a break, and she'd laid a picnic blanket out. Rachel kneeling down in an extremely short skirt.

Holy... Finn was ecstatic as all this came to him. He remembered all this... starting to fall in love with Rachel. He hadn't known at the time, but that was what this was. He'd even sort of tried to tell her how she affected him, but he hadn't really understood it himself. The memory and his interpretation of it, all there.

His hand over his heart, and her hand on his. "It's beating really hard."

His thumb wiping the drop of cosmo from her lip, feeling the softness that was so inviting.

Her deep brown eyes, wide and vulnerable. "You know you can kiss me if you want to."

"I want to."

Those words... she'd tried that on him again, that day in her room, but he hadn't known it.

And kissing her, that time it really was the first time, laying her back on the blanket under him, feeling the soft pressure of her mouth under his... it felt so good. But the whole thing was really arousing, he came in his pants and had to run off, leaving Rachel in tears behind him. They'd come pretty close to that on the repeat, too.

And then...

Then he couldn't stop thinking about her. She seemed so much nicer than Quinn really, didn't play games or get mean the way Quinn did, sure Rachel was kinda crazy but... it suited her. She let herself be herself, she didn't try to hide it or claim any different. She was pretty cool, and honest with him, and when she sang it touched him deep inside. And he couldn't stop thinking about her.

But he couldn't do anything more with Rachel as long as he was with Quinn, and it would be insane to split up with Quinn – he was the quarterback, she was the beautiful head cheerleader, they should be together right? He'd be walking away from all that popularity and everything else that Quinn always said would be the rest of high school for them. And his friends were giving him a hard enough time about joining Glee, if he traded Quinn for Rachel he'd be next in the dumpster. But he couldn't stop thinking about Rachel and what it had felt like to kiss her, how much he liked talking to her and being around her. How amazing it was to hear her sing, and sing with her. How she made him feel real, like maybe he could do something with his life, and how she listened to him in a way that Quinn never did.

He was trying to come to a decision, maybe see if he could talk to Quinn the way he talked with Rachel or find out he couldn't. Really this was just something he had to work through before making the big change that he needed to, but then Quinn was avoiding him so he couldn't talk things over with her, and then... his world crashed in and any choice disappeared when Quinn told him she was pregnant and convinced him it was his.

Wow.

And... that was it, the end of those memories. But still, wow. That was weeks, right at the beginning of it all, the time that Rachel had wished that he'd had. And he did love her, much more than a little. Weird to see how confused he'd been back then, but he hadn't known what to make of those feelings of his. He knew now, even though they were newly growing, he'd been falling in love with Rachel. And he felt it now, as well.

Only he was also really pissed at Quinn, knowing now how he'd connected with Rachel and how Quinn's lie had torn them apart. Water under the bridge, and she'd really helped him back in July, but... she'd been right in the bad things she'd said then about her younger self. She'd done a number on Puck, too, he couldn't imagine Puck had been happy to lose out on his own kid, at the time. If Quinn hadn't cared so much about status they could all have been happy.

And Finn's regained memory slammed up against the same wall now as his relationship with Rachel had back then.

Finn went eagerly to his next psych appointment, making a side bet with himself that he'd get at least an 'extremely promising' from Belhaven this time. He grinned at the doctor and told him what he remembered now, what had triggered it, and best of all that it felt real, integrated into his other memories and himself. He actually had a hard time figuring out where the newly regained stuff started, and figured he only could because he'd spent so long thinking about his last known memory before that.

The doctor gave him a genuine smile. "That's great, Finn." Finn decided that 'great' was better than 'extremely promising' – the dude was actually using normal words, and not a single 'hmm'. Bet won.

"It's interesting how well you connected with the recording," Belhaven added. "Without anything else really having to be the same."

"Uh, yeah," Finn said hesitatingly. He hadn't thought about it that way, but that was right. It hadn't been a big performance or anything like that either. Maybe this really was getting a whole lot easier. "The split was exactly the same, though, how we did the vocals before. She would know so she got it spot on." He thought a little more. "And it wasn't really a performance or anything like that, but it was really important for us and got my energy going." Finn waited as the doctor thought, starting to wonder himself why it had worked and what it meant about what else might work.

"It's possible that because you just heard her, you had to visualize her, and that helped bring the memory back."

Sounds plausible but... "Hold on," Finn blurted, not liking what this might mean. "Does that mean it could be harder to remember if she was actually here?"

"It might," the doctor said, nodding. "For the way you're bringing back memories right now, it seems as if your mind is supplying the missing pieces to what you're experiencing because the experience itself is incomplete. You heard her but you didn't see her, so your memory supplied the image to go with what you heard."

"But that's not the same as what happened before, when I performed, everyone was there and I still remembered it."

"That was a very close match, from what you've said. And you still added things that weren't there, like the audience, the way performing makes you feel, and that likely helped bring back the rest. Every regained memory you've told me about, there's some way in which the memory is better than the trigger. The high of performing. Seeing Rachel there and connecting with her. Many other things. It can come down to whether your mind feels that there are holes for it to use memory to fill in. If you're involved with what's happening right then, or the trigger is as good as the memory, you're less likely to have that."

And real Rachel would be better than remembered Rachel. Shit. Finn groaned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"But as usual this is just a possibility. It's also possible that you'll remember a lot more when you're with her again, you're so much farther ahead than where you were when she left."

"So she could make it easier for me to remember... or she could make it a lot worse."

"Yes."

"Damn," Finn breathed. He'd been looking forward to seeing her again, so much. And she was coming back in just a few weeks.

"That's for things that are by accident, of course. There's the potential to engineer something that might help, if holes are left deliberately, but I wouldn't recommend it. You've had to be very relaxed every time, from what you've told me."

So she might help, but most things probably wouldn't, like I didn't remember when she redid the kiss. Fuck. It was so frustrating that just when he thought he was finding a way out, and getting close to being able to properly reunite with Rachel, it seemed like her return would make it harder for him to regain who he was. Because no matter what they tried to redo, having her with him would always be better than just remembering her.

Aargh.

* "Don't Stop Believin'", as performed by Journey, written by Jonathan Cain, Steve Perry and Neal Schon.

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