A/N: This is another one of my own ideas, rather than a prompt. It is canon up through the season finales of S6 and S2 (as far as I'm aware).

Summary: Still struggling with the events of the last few months, Caroline seeks to regain control of her life, as per Elena's parting words. She takes some time for herself, faithfully writing letters to her friend in her journal every night, cataloguing every moment from when she left Mystic Falls to when Elena wakes up. These excerpts tell the story of Caroline's journey to an epic love told through Elena's eyes.

Warning: This does not have a happy ending. Bittersweet, maybe, but not happy.

Elena felt like she was floating in nothingness. She had no sense of time or the space around her. It was sleep with no dreams. She couldn't hold on to a coherent thought for more than a few seconds.

And then she took a breath and sat up, looking wildly around, and everything came crashing back to her, and the first thing she realized was that Bonnie must be dead.

The second thing she realized was that the last person she ever would have thought would be at her bedside was, in fact, present.

They were alone.

"Klaus?"

He remained silent, simply pushing a huge stack of leather-bound notebooks–journals–towards her. "These are for you."

"What?" Elena asked, rather inarticulately, a bit overwhelmed with all of the emotions and memories hitting her at once.

"They're Caroline's. Just read them," he said, and then she blinked and he was gone.

Confused, she opened the first page of the journal with the sticky note taped to it, marked 1. Typical Caroline.

June 2nd, 2012

Dear Elena,

It's been a week since you were put under the spell, and I've been procrastinating on starting the journal. I didn't want to talk about it…well, write about it, but it probably will get worse before it gets better. And your last wish was to know about my life (and Bonnie's), and I'm going to follow through with that.

Anyway, the things that have happened since you fell asleep (I don't know what else to call it, so we're just going to go with that) are:

Damon left. No one knows where he is.

Tyler left after he triggered his curse again.

Liv's dead.

Kai's dead.

Matt nearly died, but I compelled him the best doctor in Virginia since he refused my blood, and he's going to make a full recovery.

Bonnie has been her room for the whole week feeling sorry for herself, and I can't get her to come out.

Stefan cornered me and said he'd wait for me to come to him

Obviously that list is not exhaustive, but those are the major bullet points. I feel like everything is falling apart without you.

I feel like it's awkward for me to talk to you about Stefan, but I hope that when you read this everything will have been resolved. He sat me down and told me that love makes you lose control, and I don't need that right now. Control is the only thing I have, and he doesn't seem to get it. I feel like he turned me back into whiny, clingy Caroline, and I hated her. I still do. He thinks that he can run in and save the day and make me better and make me like myself again, but even if he could, I don't want him to. I need to do this for myself, and he just doesn't understand.

There have been a few times for the last few days when I've seriously wondered whether he ever really knew me at all.

Enzo ran off with Lily, and honestly I miss him a lot. He was my best friend while Stefan was gone, and I kind of wish that he still was. I might go off to find them. I know you wanted me to take care of everyone, but I need to take care of myself first, you know? I need to get my life back.

I'm going to leave Mystic Falls the day after your birthday, I think.

I'll try to write every day, but I doubt it will happen. I will definitely keep future-you filled in on my life, though. I promise.

Love,

Caroline

November 20th, 2012

Dear Elena,

Stefan finally found me last week. I know he's been trying to track me down, but I didn't realize that he was so serious about it.

Apparently he doesn't understand the meaning of the word "wait" and thinks that it's a synonym for "follow her around non-stop while she makes up her mind," rather than "minding your own damned business and giving her space until she makes up her mind."

At least Klaus knew the difference.

Anyway, I'm leaving Chicago tonight because he knows this place way better than I do, and I need to get away. I know I need to face him sooner or later, but right now is not that time.

Bonnie's fine, still dating the guy she met in Salem.

I still miss you. We both do.

Love,

Caroline

July 18th, 2013

Dear Elena,

Remember how I told you Stefan found me a few years ago (and I got away)? He did it again.

I'm fine, and I'm sick of him not respecting that. I don't need him preaching to me about how to get my life together when he clearly can't do it for himself. He thinks that I make him a better person, but he just makes me feel bad about myself, and I don't need that.

I think I liked the idea of Stefan more than I actually liked Stefan.

I also think that he's still 100% in love with you.

I wasn't his first choice before, and no matter how much he claims I am now, I just don't believe him.

I told him very bluntly to fuck off when he tracked me down at my apartment next week, and he doesn't seem to understand the meaning of the phrase. He also clearly still doesn't understand the meaning of "wait." I told him that, and he just sort of gave me that guilt-trip look and said he'd been waiting for me, but it's bullshit.

I'm sorry. I know this entire entry-letter-thing has been me venting, but I just don't really have anything else going on. When I read it over though, I think I've made up my mind.

Let's hope he understands the meaning of "I'm not in love with you" better than "wait" or "fuck off."

Love,

Caroline

July 19th, 2013

Dear Elena,

That did not work out how I thought it would.

I told him and he looked at me and said that was what I said to Klaus too, and look how that turned out.

Ex-fucking-scuse you, Stefan, but no. That is not how Klaus and I turned out. Klaus and I turned out to be nothing, especially now that I know about his demon-spawn.

Oh, right, I probably didn't say anything (and even if I did, here's a refresher), but Klaus knocked up Hayley (so he apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word 'wait' either, though to be fair it wasn't like I expected him to be celibate)(or fertile)(and I doubt he expected any of those things either), and now he has a baby girl named Hope.

She's around two now, I think.

Caroline had scribbled out an entire sentence, but Elena saw:

Any… long…kid's alive I have no…nywhere near Klaus…

Elena had already realized that Caroline and Klaus must have had some connection after, as Caroline so eloquently put it in all of her entries, she'd gone to sleep, and she'd known that it would probably happen even before she was put under the spell.

And from what I've heard, Klaus has taken up with some blonde that looks suspiciously like me, so maybe he just has a type and had no intention of waiting after all.

Elena snorted as she read the passage, muttering to herself that it was more likely Klaus pictured her friend in his mind while he fucked this girl. She had never seen anyone so ridiculously obsessed with anyone (and she'd dated Damon).

Anyway, I told him that he was crazy, and he just sort of gave me this pitying look and sped away. I don't even know how to feel.

Well, I know how I feel, which is not sorry at all, but I feel like that's not what I should be feeling. Shouldn't I feel sorry? Regretful? I don't know.

I wish you were here to help. Bonnie's boyfriend doesn't know about vampires (or anything else supernatural) yet. She's trying to ease him in slowly or something, so I can't go over. Honestly I think she's avoiding me. I know she blames herself for you being asleep, but I think she thinks I blame her too.

I miss you (and Bonnie) so much.

Love,

Caroline

January 12th, 2019

Dear Elena,

I finally got Bonnie to talk to me for more than five seconds by banging on her door, demanding she let me in, and shoving a grimmoire in her face that I stole from Liv and Luke's abandoned house (not even sorry).

It looks like there might be a way to reverse the spell, but the ingredients are hard or super rare. One of them is doppelganger blood, and we thought there were no more doppelgangers, but apparently when you got put under the sleeping curse nature decided to intervene with more of this balance ridiculousness. Like, seriously? Can't we be done yet?
I guess not.

Anyway, since you can't give blood because of the cure (and because the spell is for you), we have to find your doppelganger, which could take years (it did take Klaus nearly 1000 to find you).

Anyway, we're speaking again, Bonnie and I, not Klaus and I, obviously, and she's working on it. Hopefully we'll have a solution soon.

Love,

Caroline

Elena smiled at how her friend seemed to not realize that she was mentioning Klaus every other sentence. She wasn't exactly okay with Caroline dating Klaus, but it had been…she didn't know how many years, and if her friend trusted Klaus to be at Elena's bedside when she woke, then obviously he had to be at least somewhat trustworthy.

Elena sighed, wondering why she hadn't gotten a call from Caroline or Bonnie yet. It had been two days since she'd woken up, and she'd stayed in the bedroom of this house was, because who knew what horrors awaited her in whateverhtefucktheyearwas?

Whoever's house it was had thoughtfully stocked it with food and clothes (she had a feeling that this was all Caroline's doing). It was still weird though. She would have thought that the mob would descend within hours.

She'd looked and there hadn't been a phone she recognized, though Klaus had left a paper with a list of phone numbers and a small silver device she assumed to be this year's version of a phone. She'd contemplated calling someone, but her instinct told her to finish Caroline's diaries first, so she was…

October 10th, 2022

Dear Elena,

From the date, you know it's my thirtieth birthday, and I'm alone.

Bonnie stopped by earlier with a cupcake, but if you've read between the lines, you'll know that I've been on the road too much for the last few years to make any real friends.

So, don't be mad, but I think I'm going to have to ask Klaus for help with this.

I know you hate him, but he has a lot of knowledge about this stuff (and trust me, turning up at his doorstep will be much more painful for me than it is for you).

I'll let you know how it goes.

Love,

Caroline

October 12th, 2022

Dear Elena,

Klaus's kid (Hope) is annoyingly adorable. She knew who I was, which I'm not sure how to feel about, but when she answered the door she got this really weird look on her face and sped off up the stairs (and I do mean 'sped' as in 'vampire sped' as in 'this ten year old can use vampire speed').

The only word I got out of my mouth was "hi" before he asked me what I was doing at his house.

I told him that he was being rude and asked him if he normally treated invited guests that way, and he just got that weird smirk on his face and apologized and told me that I was welcome to stay for as long as I wanted.

I think that accepting might have been my first mistake (and I'm 99% sure I'm going to make more).

He makes me feel wanted, and I like that, but I mostly like that he believes that I can make my own decisions. I know that I haven't exactly told you in graphic detail, but from this you know that I've had more than a few one-night-stands and a few longer term boyfriends, but they just never felt right.

It scares me that Klaus does.

Anyway, he took me out to dinner at some hole in the wall that surprisingly wasn't ridiculously expensive (but better food than I've had in a long time), and I told him everything.

He seems to be on board to help, and I wish I could say that I didn't know why.

He makes me nervous, and I feel like I have your voice in my head screaming that this is a terrible idea and that he's killed so many people, but was Stefan really any better?

Were any of us any better?

I didn't apologize for sleeping with him that day in the woods, and I won't apologize for feeling something for him, but just because I feel it doesn't mean I should act on it, right?

Right.

More later.

Love,

Caroline

October 10th, 2028

Dear Elena,

I don't want to get too graphic, but birthday sex is the best.

The. Best.

I'm writing because I'm having trouble picturing your face when it looks completely disdainful. I hoped it would jog my memory, but it isn't.

All I can think of is my birthday funeral thing you guys threw for me, and it's really lucky that he practically makes me forget my own name, let alone depressing birthday memories, because otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be crying during sex.

All the sex.

Nope, still can't picture it.

I miss you.

Love,

Caroline

Elena continued to devour Caroline's journals, almost desperate for information—any information—on the events that had passed.

Reading between the lines (and judging by the dates), she knew that Tyler was MIA, and Matt had recovered, had a wife, three kids, a white picket fence, and general happiness (and Elena couldn't help but feel happy for him). Caroline and Stefan hadn't talked in years, though she knew how Damon was because he and Bonnie still kept in touch (and assured Elena on more than one occasion that though Damon had flings, he hadn't moved on from her).

Caroline wrote how the process to create the spell was going, how proud she was of Hope (who she clearly saw as a step-daughter) when she graduated high school and moved out, how she and Hayley were sort-of-not-really friends now…The list went on and on.

Over time, Elena noticed that the language Caroline used changed. She rarely mentioned Klaus by name anymore, and the pronoun "we" came up a lot, which made Elena smile in spite of herself. Caroline did deserve to be happy, probably more than any of them.

Even if it was with Klaus.

There were some days when Caroline's handwriting was rushed and almost messy as she was excited about some new development, and others where it was crisp and neat, where she clearly was trying to stay optimistic.

Five days after she'd woken up, Elena grabbed what she was almost sure was the last journal (Klaus seemed to have given them to her in order, but she'd look around later just to make sure). She paused at the lump under her fingers before flipping the journal over to see a deep hole in the back cover, frowning, Elena decided not to worry about it, viciously press down the fear that was unfurling in the pit of her stomach.

So far, each journal had used every single page, even if the last entry had to be cramped in around the sides. Elena swallowed, taking a deep breath, reassuring herself that Caroline probably was just on the next one, since this one had been ruined. It looked fairly recent anyway. Determined to finish it before the afternoon so that she could call Caroline and Bonnie, she began to read.

February 13th, 2052

Dear Elena,

Klaus took me to a really nice restaurant for an early Valentine's Day present (sometimes it still surprises me which holidays have survived and which haven't), and he mentioned you for the first time in years without reference to the spell.

He wanted to know if there was anything special he should plan for when you woke up, and I obviously have a giant list that I was totally happy to give him. I have so many plans, and so many things I want to show you when you wake up, and not just because you'll be on limited time.

Just that thought makes me want to cry.

I really hope you wake up soon, Elena.

Love,

Caroline

June 22nd, 2052

Dear Elena,

Klaus and I are on our way to Mystic Falls to see you for your birthday (like we do almost every year, as I've said, though you won't remember it). Bonnie had her 60th birthday a few months ago, which I know you know because you can add (and because it's your 60th too), but indulge me.

We're getting close to breaking the spell, I think, and I'm hoping to do it before Bonnie dies (not only so that the work won't be wasted, but also so you can see her).

You'll know that when you wake up, though. I do have some pretty bad news though. Matt died last week. He died from the—

Elena couldn't make out parts of the next paragraph, but managed to decipher the words "cancer," "mom," and "funeral."

—Sorry, I know the lead is smudged. I don't have a pen or a sharpener, so I hope you can read it through that (and the tear marks).

Caroline talked a bit more about the funeral, and Elena felt her throat close, wishing that she could have seen her childhood friend (and first love) one last time before he died. She turned to the next page and frowned at the few words on the page, followed by a streak of lead across the page, and a pencil-sized hole through the pages and back cover.

Anyway, we're almost there an—

She flipped through the rest of the book, and it was blank. Sure that she must have missed that there were more journals somewhere she started checking all over the bedside table where Klaus had left the stack, and then on the floor, growing more and more panicked by the second.

She finally grabbed the crumpled note that Klaus had left with instructions on how to use the new phone technology in his perfect calligraphy, as well as a listing of several phone numbers of people that she knew.

She'd wondered why it hadn't been Caroline's handwriting, and had thought that she must have put Klaus up to it, but now…

Elena dialed, holding her breath as the phone rang.

"Elena," Klaus's voice spoke over the line.

It wasn't fragile, but it was flat and terse.

"Where are the other journals?"
"There aren't anymore journals," he said, and his voice did crack that time, but she heard the simmering fury underneath it.

"What do you mean there aren't anymore journals."

"I would ask if you've forgotten how to speak English during your nap, but you appear to be perfectly adept at it, so I'm not entirely certain what you don't understand."

"What happened, Klaus? I need to know," Elena insisted, her voice growing shrill as the fear and dread wrapped around her chest because she knew.

But for some fucked-up reason, she had to hear him say it.

"It was a drunk driver," he said tonelessly. "I was merging and Caroline asked me to turn up the radio, so I did, and I didn't look, and the truck was going ninety on a highway, and it slammed into her side. The pencil she was using went through her heart."

"But–"

"I spent a year trying to bring her back from the dead, but witches told me it couldn't be done. I still don't believe them, and I'm still trying to find a way. In any case, she had been working on breaking the curse for years, and so…" he trailed off.

"It was her dying wish," Elena said, her throat closing.

"That, and you having her journals."

She heard him take a shaky breath before continuing, his voice back to its normal tone.

"I've sent the Bennett witch on a plane to you with her children and husband. She has been working on the spell as well, though I doubt it will be complete before she passes. Caroline probably won't return until after you pass either."

"But you are going to keep trying, right?" Elena asked, though she knew the answer, and she had never been so thankful that Klaus Mikaelson existed as she was in that moment.

"However long it takes."

A/N: I did warn you...
This was my first attempt at writing solidly sad angst. Let me know what you thought.
Hugs!
-Angie