Chapter Twenty-One

Circulus Vitiosus, Circulus Virtuosus
"Vicious Circle, Virtuous Circle"

She was running.

Midna didn't know when she had begun to sprint, or why her long strides were carrying her through a twilight-colored void, but her legs didn't seem to want to obey her mind at the moment – or her body for that matter. The Princess felt fatigued; almost as if the soles of her bare feet were bleeding out all her energy, draining her beyond the physical limits of her true form and with no end in sight as to what she could only see as torture.

Abruptly the Twili came to a stop before a deep black wall of sorts in the otherwise calming glow around her. She looked upon the veil that seemed to stretch for infinity in all directions; wondering how and why it was this moment that she had halted and a blockade of darkness appeared before her. The royal was breathing heavily as she attempted to catch her breath; lungs hungry for air from the exertion she thought would never cease but was eternally thankful when it had.

She stared at the darkness, unnerved by its presence and the fact it seemed to close in on her, yet she knew neither she nor it were moving in the silence as twilight particles slowly drifted upward around her. Without warning a voice came from beyond the shadowy curtain that threatened to fall about the Twili's figure and consume her.

"Hello, Midna."

The Princess squinted her fiery eyes in a vain attempt to see the one that spoke almost sinisterly; tone hateful and mocking with obvious ill intent.

"You're early. I hadn't expected that, but I can see it as a nice surprise! Hmm… I will be kind and give you something to think on until a later time. Of course, only if you wish to do so."

Footsteps on what sounded like stone echoed in the otherwise silent emptiness, and the Princess could tell whoever hid beyond the darkness was approaching. She tensed, sensing as if they would pass through the screen before her and suddenly attack. Instead they abruptly stopped and the Twili briefly caught sight of the robes worn by the one behind the shroud of blackness. They were familiar. For a moment Midna thought it was her cloak that she had given to Link, yet knew it couldn't be, as the garment was slightly different and not as much resembling Twili attire but somehow what she thought would be native to the world of Light. The royal inhaled sharply when she swore she might have even caught the gaze of a tearless eye staring at her from the cloth.

"When the time comes, what will you do, Twilight Princess?"

Midna awoke sweaty and panting, abruptly sitting upright as her red eyes snapped open to be greeted by the painfully bright radiance from the sun of Hyrule that streamed through the windows of her chambers. She squeezed her lids shut a moment later, taking deep breaths to calm herself and think on the words the one in the blackness spoke as she struggled to say something to settle her own nerves.

"It was just… a dream…"

When Link woke up he wasn't feeling all too well. It's not as if his emotional pains were hurting him as much as they were the previous night, as the Sheikah had forced himself to set aside the heavier thoughts to get some sleep, which had quickly overcome him thanks to exhaustion. Instead his current unease was of the physical nature. Upon waking, he looked to the lines on his skin. They had become much lighter and could be mistaken for his real veins other than the fact they turned at unnaturally sharp angles. In addition to that his whole body felt sore and slightly bruised, but that may be in part because he never moved to the bed and spent the night on the wooden bench beneath the window of his room.

After changing into the simple trainee knight's tunic that the guard had left outside his door upon Link's request, he headed down the halls towards the dinning area that he and the royals ate in the previous night. Before their departure to their rooms, Zelda had informed Link and Midna to meet her over breakfast. The Sheikah didn't bother to hide his eyes now, as the Hylian had told him the day before while waiting for the escorts to their chambers that no one in the castle would think otherwise of his strange irises; thanks to the fact that many foreigners of different ethnicities were currently guests in the palace for diplomatic matters. He decided to wait until today to show that though, not wanting to worry Midna with his expression of seriousness he hid beneath the hood he wore the past night.

Now that Hyrule was saved and back to normal, trade with other countries and kingdoms was commonplace once more. Link remembered how the Princess of Light explained about many tourists flocking to the new attractions of Hyrule and the bandits were taking advantage of this. Something about all of it was still bothering him, but the Sheikah couldn't place why; being far too distracted by more personal problems, as he spent every free moment thinking over all he had faced just recently.

Midna appeared to be in deep thought when he approached, but the Twili abruptly looked up to see Link making his way towards the table in the dinning hall. The Sheikah noticed the Princess still wore her cloak and assumed it was because of her even more drastic appearance than his. Now that he thought on it, the royal Hylian's instruction on looks was directed solely to Link and not intended for Midna to take heed of. The native of the Light realm hoped that the Twili wasn't uncomfortable in any way; still having to hide and not knowing for how much longer she would be concealed behind a veil similar to what Zelda wore upon the then-Hero's first meeting with the Light ruler.

"Hey, how did you sleep?" the Princess asked neutrally as Link pulled out a chair.

"Good enough. And you?" for the briefest moment he considered telling her he didn't feel entirely well, but quickly decided against it. She didn't need to know that, and wasn't sure how to tell the Twili anyway.

"That's good. Well, I'll say the beds here aren't the same as the ones in the Twilight Realm, but it's not like we have much choice, do we?" she smiled mildly, memories of her nightmare coming to mind. Midna tried her best to keep the mood cheerful with her statement, but something just still didn't feel right between herself and Link, in addition to her frightful panic she had experienced less than an hour ago upon waking. Before the Twili could think on any of it in more depth, the Hylian ruler entered the room, back in her formal robes of before their journey.

"I hope everything has been well," Zelda spoke, taking a seat at the table.

"Yes," Midna said tersely to quickly move the imminent conversation in the direction she wished. "But I do want to go back to my realm soon. As you said last night Zelda, I fear for leaving my people and wish to return. It's my fault for not thinking all this through," Midna spoke, brushing aside all other thoughts at this moment and instead recalling not just their previous discussion, but also her own internal struggles that regarded Link before she had drifted off into a fitful slumber.

"Midna," the Sheikah spoke. Almost wishing to say something but not knowing how, or what, to speak for that matter. The Princess turned to him with the call of her name. He took a breath, organizing his mind as Link brought to the table a topic from the discussion his listened in on the previous night. "I understand you don't know how long until the magic the Fused Shadows is replenished enough to go back, but do you at least now how much they have right now?"

The royal looked to him in silence for a moment before focusing her attention on the subject of his words and summoning the relics; letting them hover about her form. Just as the night before, Zelda had instructed the servants and guards to not disturb them so they were free of worry from anyone overseeing the ancient power at this time. Midna closed her eyes and focused, brow furrowing at her intense concentration. She sighed after a few moments and once more hid the magic.

"They've regained enough for matters such as warping around Hyrule like I had done during the battle with Ganondorf, but they're far from strong enough to create another temporary portal back to the Twilight Realm."

"I see…" Zelda spoke. Link noticed from her expression that the Light Princess seemed to be in deep thought. After a moment or so her eyes focused and she turned the conversation in another direction. "After I saw you off I met with a select few of my council and have discussed the matter of the bandits with them. Search parties have set out and we hope to finally find and capture the group within a few days or so," Zelda explained.

"That's good news. After all the trouble Link and I went to in making sure this kingdom was free of misfortune I was a bit upset to see you already had more problems after only a year," the Twili said in a way vaguely like her past jokes in hopes of eliciting a smile from one of the others at the table. Even though things were far less stressful, everyone still seemed to be much more serious than Midna wanted. It angered her the slightest; especially with the tension from all on her mind, but she tried not to let that get to her in addition to the dream that hovered in the back of her head like dark clouds.

"It seems nothing can attain true peace forever," the Hylian spoke in response, not consoled by the semi-playful statement of the Twilight Princess. "It is a cycle, just as all things are."

Link cringed at her words, but luckily it seemed none had noticed.

When they were done eating Zelda took her leave to attend to her royal duties, leaving Midna and Link alone. The Twili had much on her mind and wanted to somehow address the topic she was going to bring up the other night; finishing what she started and following through with it, or instead telling Link that he shouldn't worry about what she had said. Yet the Twili knew though that she couldn't do either, at least not at this time, so instead something else escaped her lips.

"I know you're going to miss Colin, and I'm sorry."

Link looked to her, startled by the sudden statement. He wasn't quite sure where it came from considering none of them spoke of the boy since his departure the day before. There was a pause between the two, silence filling the air for a short while before the Sheikah smiled sadly, beginning to speak tentatively.

"It's… not your fault, okay? I will miss him, but he told me… Colin said he's happy for me. I know he's going to miss me as well…" Link drifted, voice becoming quieter as he continued, "they all will… but at least they'll know I'm safe this time." The Sheikah's tone then returned to its normal volume, but his gaze didn't meet hers. "I want to go back with you because after everything we've gone through," Link hesitated, remembering their struggles. "I can't exactly picture how my life was before and as much as I love being in Hyrule, I just don't really belong here anymore. I know I'm more than welcome but I can't stay. Your world… I've come to really like it. Even if I can never come here again after the Fused Shadows regain their power enough to travel back, I think that maybe I've started to put my regrets of leaving Hyrule so suddenly to rest," Link explained partially, feeling fearful from his own statements. He was purposely vague with some of his wording, not realizing how hard it was to be open about it all. He wondered why everything became so much more difficult so suddenly. After his words though, he didn't feel as hurt as he had before he spoke.

Midna looked to him sadly. The Twili took a deep breath and sighed, standing from her seat.

"Well, see you around. I'm going to take a walk. The other night Zelda said no one will be in the west garden and I need some air. Her palace is far too stuffy for my tastes. I much prefer mine," she stretched her arms above her head; acting as if Link's words and actions didn't bother her in any way, even if deep down she was afraid.

The Sheikah stood with her and responded to the Princess.

"Yes, and enjoy your walk. I'm… going to my room again."

Midna paused, face the slightest bit sorrowful but she quickly put on a mild smile once more and turned to leave before he could see it fall from her face. Lightheartedness was something even the Twili was struggling to fake, even after all she had been able to twist into something else on their travels.

After she knew she was out of hearing range from the sensitive Sheikah, Midna mumbled to herself words she just as easily could have said in her mind yet wished to speak aloud to no one but herself, if only to get them off her heavy chest.

"I want everything be as it should, nothing blocking us from one another… Is that what the nightmare meant?" the Twili asked herself, quickly deciding that it couldn't be, as a dream was just a dream – nothing more. She wouldn't think on it any longer, and that would be best. The Princess felt that instead she should concentrate on Link. "Since we now know what the other feels, why is it so hard to show it?"

A few days had passed. The Twili and Sheikah still remained in a somewhat stressed friendliness; something Zelda had taken note of even with the now much busier schedule she had since they returned from their journey. The Princess had to make up for her absence and hadn't had the time to enjoy the company of the two since the discussion they held regarding Midna's Fused Shadows and their power. Occasionally the Hylian would catch a glimpse of Link or the cloaked Twili, but she didn't confront either, at least not yet. She wanted to see what they would do, but Zelda was getting to the point where she felt as if intervention was needed, and was trying to find a time to do so. Of course the Princess would spare a moment to speak with them if they wished now, but at this time she couldn't go out of her way to seek their open ears; forcing herself to hold off and let the two do what they thought was necessary as she addressed other matters.

Zelda was a bit frustrated at everything. Her search parties hadn't brought her any news regarding the bandits, and the Princess desperately wanted that matter to be solved before moving on to others.

"Zelda, do you have a moment?" Link asked, catching the Hylian as she walked the halls. The royal was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed him as she traversed her palace in concentrated silence.

"Yes, of course," the Princess spoke, showing nothing of her worry, although Link appeared to be distressed himself. He pulled something from behind his back and held it before him. Zelda's gaze went to Link's hands and what they grasped.

"I… don't deserve to wear this any longer," the Sheikah spoke nervously as he referred to the green tunic he held out to her. "I've abandoned that responsibility. I'm not the Hero anymore. I'm just a person, one who is running away from everything to try and grasp my own selfish happiness…" Link's sight went to the cloth he held as his voice faded.

"No, you are wrong."

He met her eyes, slight shock apparent on his face. Zelda smiled calmly and with the slightest bit of despondence. She hoped he would stop clinging to things such as this. The Princess knew it was partly that which caused the stress between him and Midna, but there were still greater forces at play.

"Link, know that even though you are not the Hero of this era any longer, your soul is still the same, and that is something that cannot be changed. You are far from selfish. You may have moved on from that duty as of now, but you most definitely have not abandoned it. Please think on this," Zelda spoke, kindly taking the ancient uniform from the now Sheikah but once Hero. With the action she gently gripped his hand, turning it to show the mark of the Triforce. "Within you are you. Do not doubt yourself or your worth. Your soul has such a unique value, and nothing can diminish that. Move forward with confidence, even if it may prove to be a narrow and difficult path to tread," she released his hand, letting Link glance at the mark on the back that had become the slightest bit fainter over the course of the short time since he awoke in the Grove. He met the eyes of the Princess with the words she continued to speak. "I see it has been difficult for you to confront me regarding this topic, it hurting as you shared your words, but in their wake, some pain has been relieved, has it not?"

Link looked at her, expression blank. He slowly nodded, amazed that the Princess was able to read so deeply into his introverted actions. Until now he hadn't realized just how much better it felt to be reassured, and he wouldn't have known if he hadn't taken the risk he did to expose that. The Sheikah was glad about his decision to finally confront the royal; taking a few days to muster the courage necessary after the quickly downward spiral he seemed to have fallen into. Maybe it wasn't so bad to be open…

"Thank you for entrusting this to me and do not pain your mind with thoughts such as ones you plague yourself with," Zelda spoke, breaking the trance she noticed Link had entered.

"I… thank you Zelda," he replied, at a loss of words. The Princess could tell he was relieved – even if it was just the slightest. She also noticed he was tired, not just from the fact the Sheikah spent most of his time in his room, but because of his demeanor. Luckily Link's physical appearance was slowly returning to normal. Zelda could hardly see the lines on his skin but they were still present. Of course his eyes would never again be blue, but that was how it was meant to be. He had chosen that option in this life after all.

Link nodded slightly after a moment of silence; turning from the Princess and walking away to leave Zelda on her own; letting the royal think over matters that concerned her.

As he made his way down the halls Link felt the slightest bit more confident yet he still wasn't free of worry; thoughts of what his darkness the Hero's Shade spoke hovered in his mind. For now he still avoided the topic of his relationship with Midna and instead tried his best to shift his concentration to that of his parents' wish. Link still didn't fully understand how he could mend the bond between the Hylians and Shadow Folk, but upon the feeling the relief of Zelda's words, his mind was the slightest bit clearer and Link came to the conclusion that his next step meant heading to the Hidden Village.

The Sheikah needed to see Impaz.

Midna had been spending most of her free time in the gardens of the west wing that Zelda had mentioned not long after their arrival at the castle. The Twili could tell Link didn't want to be with her right now, and was deeply confused by that. The Princess had tried to get him to talk by knocking on his door, yet he never answered no matter how often she tried. It frustrated her, and she had begun to wonder if he had been completely honest with everything he told the Princess. Midna knew that he still hadn't explained everything, and was afraid of what he was hiding.

A stick snapped and the Twili looked up, standing from the bench she sat at beneath an apple tree in order to greet the one who approached.

"I thought you were busy," Midna spoke to Zelda as the Hylian came to a stop before her.

"I am. The bandits are on the loose, you two need to find a way to return to your world, and…" the royal of the Light realm drifted, leaning over to pick up an apple from the grass. She turned it in her hand, inspecting the smooth surface only to come across a large bruise on the backside from where it had hit the ground. "Midna, there is still much between you and Link. It is there, even if it is hidden or being pushed aside in a way."

The Twili gritted her teeth.

"Are you saying I can't see that?! It's obvious to me! But he's not himself and it's not right! After all this, I thought things would be back to normal, but it's like they're almost worse. He's safe again, and I'm so, so happy about that… but I can tell that he isn't. What's wrong?!"

Zelda's sea blue eyes were wide, not expecting the Twilight Princess to snap.

"I'm sorry… I just want his happiness and in turn that would make me happy as well. But it's like we're afraid to make that happen. I don't understand it."

"I see. Thank you for sharing this with me Midna. I know it has been very hard between you and Link. The two of you have struggled and sacrificed much. It is difficult for me to see you like this and I wish for the best. Neither of you have done anything wrong. A change such as what the two of you are experiencing is normal, especially so considering the recent turmoil. Because of Link's actions you are not familiar with, you have been wavering between desperate concern and mild acceptance. You love him, and Link truly does know that. He just needs his space to come to terms with it all, and that is completely natural for him. Your unease that has only ever increased is making him more distant, yet I know the two of you want closeness."

"Why is he acting like that then? He said he loves me, but only after I told him. If he really wants to be close, why can't he just be by my side… He struggled so much to let me know what he felt, and now with him acting like he is, that's making me doubt he really wants to be with me." The Twili looked to the ground, lightly kicking a fallen apple under the nearby bench with her words. Zelda followed her sight, and the eyes of the two met as the Light Princess spoke.

"In part, it is your concern that drives him away. He wants more than anything to be happy with you, but for him to find how to do so… It is challenge."

"How can we then? How can we understand each other?" Midna asked, face full of dejection.

"It may be an uphill battle, but I sincerely wish the best for you two. After all that you have endured know that I am here to help. You don't deserve any more suffering; yet the pain won't go away until you two truly understand the needs of the other, and in turn that of your own; or perhaps, the other way around. It all depends on how you go about with sharing your truths."

"Then what… can be done?" the Twili let out a breath, trying to ease her own tension. Midna rubbed her temples, closing her eyes for a moment. Zelda smiled sorrowfully.

"You must give him the space he needs – at least partially, and I see you have done that the slightest; or have tried. You must let Link know that you are concerned for his wellbeing, but do not force closeness upon him as of now. He will open up at his own pace. In truth, I had a brief discussion with him not much time ago. He feels worthless, so I attempted to reassure him that his thoughts are false, but he needs to come and accept that on his own. I do not know how long it will take him to do so, but he must see that light. Link has much he is currently dealing with and wishes to distract himself with other thoughts and actions; putting your relationship on the sidelines until then. Let him take the time needed. Encourage him with subtle kindness. Only then once his struggles in this world are put to a rest can he begin to face those of his connection with you. From there, in turn you must tread carefully. If you wish, take what you see as a step forward. How Link reacts will vary greatly upon his state, and you may never know when the right time to make a move will be. There is always a risk in your actions. It may distance you more, and you know this, do you not?"

Midna looked to the Princess before her, processing the wise words she spoke. After a few moments of silence, which was broken by the chirping of a bird, the Twili replied.

"Yes, I do. That's why I'm afraid… so does that mean I have to let go?"

Zelda shook her head slightly; setting the damaged apple she had gripped through the conversation on the nearby bench.

"Do not let go completely or you may never find him again. Give him the support he needs by being just barely present, yet there if necessary. Now," Zelda took a deep breath, starting to hint at her future plans and prepare the other Princess for what she had in store. She reached for the tree branch above, gently plucking a fresh fruit from the bough.

"There are ups and downs in life – and love. You must understand that. There is a way that makes them easier to face, and it is essential, yet at the same time it may be painful," the Hylian spoke as she looked to the bright red apple she held.

"What do you mean?" Midna asked, wishing for anything that would help mend the bond between her and the one she loved.

"Tell me the difference between the apple I hold and the one on the bench," the Hylian royal instructed, turning the freshly picked fruit in her gloved hand.

Midna stared at the Princess, thoroughly lost by the sudden change in topic, but answered her query nonetheless.

"The one you're holding is fresh, but the one on the bench is bruised."

"Yes," Zelda spoke, leaving it at that.

"…Your point?" The Twili questioned, lifting an eyebrow in confusion as she glanced between the ripe and rotting fruits that matched her eyes.

"What would have happened to that apple if I had left it on the ground long enough? Or if this one was never picked?"

"How am I supposed to know? We don't have apples in the Twilight Realm!" Midna said, throwing up her arms in exasperation. She was tired of Zelda's cryptic words. This was getting them nowhere. The Twilight Princess expected further explanation – not a seemingly random quiz.

"Midna, you have seen this on your journey, I know you have. What would have eventually happened to either of these apples?" Zelda repeated. The royal of another world looked to the fruit, remembering when she and Link had come across apple trees on their travels and the first time the Princess in the body of an imp tasted the shining red food. She had seen Link silently picking a single fruit from the branches of a tree and biting into it. Midna had followed his action, taking one off the ground from where she hid in his shadow. Immediately after sinking her fang into it she had spit out the rotten apple in disgust, shrieking at Link and wondering how he enjoyed something that foul. The Hero at the time explained that the ones on the ground weren't good for people, but were for the tree.

"It would have one day rotted. Guays would eat the fruit and seeds, carrying them off, or the apple would have decomposed where it fell. Eventually the seeds would end up buried in the ground either way, and a new tree would grow," Midna eventually responded, calmest she had been since Zelda's approach as she recalled the same message that was given to her by Link.

"Exactly," the Hylian spoke, tossing the Twili the ripe apple she had picked only moments ago. Midna jumped as the fruit came arcing in the air towards her and clumsily caught it; not expecting the Princess to toss it to her. "It is a cycle, just like all things are. Think on what that means in the whole of things, and especially what each of these apples know about their condition and how they got to it."

Midna inspected the fresh fruit, turning it in her hand to make sure it was free of bruises or marks as she wondered why the Princess spoke of the apples as if they had a consciousness. After completing her examination and finding the bright red surface to be pure and free of defects, the Twili looked up. Zelda was nowhere to be seen.

With a sigh the Princess took a bite of the apple, savoring the sweetness the fruit held. She was still confused by what the Hylian had meant with her words and was somehow unable to shake the feeling it was all connected to her in a deeper way that she hadn't yet seen; similar to how her second mouthful of apple was unpleasant thanks to a bruise hidden beneath the skin.

A/N: Since it seems multiple people have expressed confusion regarding Link's shift of attitude in the previous chapter compared with his display in chapter 19, I'll do a little clarification. I don't want to go into too much depth and spoil anything though! xD

In one of my classes this semester I've been researching Adult Attachment Theory and thought I could apply what I've learned to this story. I decided on Link's attachment style as being relatively Fearful-Avoidant. It is one of the less (if not least) common styles. To summarize, when a Fearful-Avoidant is confronted with significant actions (positive or negative) from those they care for, they will go into a state of reclusiveness to cope, all while dealing with doubt and distracting themselves with other issues. In Link's case, all that happened over the course of the previous day or so proved to be too much for him to handle at the time, even when trying to accept it all (and pretending that he did), so instead he retreated. The amount of impact that "triggers" a Fearful-Avoidant to, well, avoid varies greatly.

Many people find the actions of Fearful-Avoidants confusing and counter-productive, especially so because they truly do want to have deep romantic connections. For Fearful-Avoidants, this contradiction is normal, yet may seem unexpected and spontaneous to those who do not have the same attachment style.

As for Midna… I don't want to mention her style because if you know about the workings of the theory, then you'll probably see what will be happening through the next few chapters.

Anyway, I hope that makes a bit of sense and I'm sorry about the confusion. With that out of the way, I just had to include something about apples because of Zelda U. Deep apple analogy and life lesson, don't fail me now! xD (Don't think too much into it though… Or I guess you can. I don't care. :P)