AN: it's been a little bit since I updated, but now I'm back at school, and have rehearsals almost every night and so very little time to write. So updates will probably come weekly now.
DISCLAIMER: Downton abbey isn't mine!
A month has passed, Matthew is now living at Downton, and Mary is five months pregnant
"Edith, you're so beautiful!" Mary exclaimed when Edith stepped out in her bridal gown. "Thank you!" Edith giggled happily. The day was almost here at last, after all the time they'd had to push it back. "Oh Edith, I'm so happy for you!" Sybil smiled from the bed where she sat in her nightgown. "I can hardly believe that tomorrow afternoon I'll be a wife!" Edith looked at herself in mirror, pleased with her reflection.
"Edith, I want to say thank you for putting back your wedding when Matthew was coming home." Mary said sincerely as she stroked her pregnant belly gently. "It was the least I could do for you Mary. You're my sister; I want you and your husband there." Edith smiled at her sister. "Let's get you out of this dress and ready for bed dear, you need to look your best tomorrow!" Sybil smiled. "Yes, a good night's sleep is important before your wedding, you won't be getting much sleep tomorrow night." Mary teased, and laughed at Edith's blush.
"Mary, are you sure you can't sleep in here with us?" Sybil asked as she unbuttoned Edith's back. "I do want to, but Matthew really shouldn't be alone." Mary insisted. "Do you suppose you could stay a little while longer?" Edith asked with a blush. "Have some questions do you darling?" Mary asked. Edith blushed, and then nodded. "I suppose I can then, as your sister, it's my duty to help you." Mary teased, and Edith's expression caused Mary and Sybil to laugh.
In almost no time, the three girls where settled side by side on the bed, With Mary brushing out Edith's hair. "Mary, I know I've asked before but tell me honestly, does it hurt?" Edith asked, her hands trembling with nervous fear. "Yes, it does. But you don't have to worry. Gregory loves you. You love him, and you trust him don't you?" Edit nodded. "Then you've got nothing to worry about." Mary smiled. "Is there anything that would…help the pain?" Edith barely managed to choke out. "Edith, you don't have to look so ashamed, it's just Mary and I, and we're not going to tell anyone what you asked!" Sybil laughed. "Is there?" Edith asked a little louder.
"Relax, enjoy yourself, and don't cling to your misguided belief that it's something that only exists to make children." Mary told her with a half-smile on her face. "You want to get back to him, don't you?" Edith asked. Mary nodded shamefully. "It's like you're attached at the hip." Edith laughed. "He's my husband, the father of my child. I need him, and he needs me." Mary explained. "Mary, may I ask you something?" Sybil asked her sister without making eye contact. "Of course." Mary smiled.
"Is it hard to be married to him when you can't… you know?" Sybil asked. "Not hard to be married to him, no. I love him, he's my soul mate, and I know it. I don't say it as often as I should. It does make me…sad, that there can be no sharing of intimacy. But we share so much, it really isn't a loss." Mary half lied. "Do you miss it?" Edith asked. "I won't lie to you, I do… it's something very special. But what are more important are love, honesty, and caring. And Matthew and I have no shortage of that." Mary smiled. "I so admire you Mary… you're the strongest person I know." Sybil took her sisters hand. "Thank you." Mary smiled.
"You can go to Matthew now, just make sure to get some rest; after all I can't have my bride's maids looking tired!" Edith insisted, and kissed her sisters cheek. "Thank you. I'm so happy for you darling." Mary smiled as she eased herself off of her sister's bed. "Now, the two of you, don't stay up too late talking. You'll be sorry for it tomorrow!" Mary laughed as she exited the room. She walked quietly into the bedroom she'd been sharing with Matthew, seeing him still awake, and staring at the wall.
She smiled as she climbed into bed beside him, and kissed his neck. "I thought you'd be asleep darling." She settled in beside him, and let his arms wrap protectively around her. "I couldn't sleep. I was reading, but I just finished. I thought you might have fallen asleep in Edith's room." Matthew sighed. "No, we were just talking." Mary smiled and moved her thumb in circles on Matthew's chest. "About what?" Matthew asked.
Mary bit her lip nervously, unsure if she should say what she'd told her sisters. "Marriage." She said simply. "Oh." He nodded and gently readjusted himself. "Yes, they had to ask a few questions for there much older and much wiser sister." Mary laughed. "Mary…" Matthew trailed off. "What is it?" She asked, ready to get up and do something for him, whatever it was. "It's nothing." He assured her. "I'm sure it isn't anything darling. You look perplexed." Mary frowned. "I just don't understand why you're still here." He sighed, making Mary's eyes tear up.
She gently entertained their fingers, and kissed his fingers. "I'm here because I'm your wife. And I love you, no matter what your physical state of being is." She felt her tears begin to spill. "Darling, what's wrong?" He asked, still not used to seeing his wife cry. "It's just that… you must think very little of me and my morals if you think that I would leave you just because you can't sleep with me." Mary sobbed. Matthew wrapped his arms more tightly around her, and kissed her hair "No, darling that isn't what I think! It's just that I…I don't think I deserve you." Matthew sighed.
"Matthew! Don't say such things!" Mary pulled herself closer to him, letting her body press against his. "I'm sorry." He felt tears in his own eyes. "I love you Matthew. And I'm sorry- I hate to have you see me like this- It's just because of this baby! It makes me cry too much, and I never cry!" Mary sniffed and tried to wipe her tears away. He leaned down and kissed her tears away softly. "I love you, Mrs. Crawley. And I adore you." She smiled up at him, and settled down again, slowly letting her breathing even out.
As Matthew watched his wife fall asleep, he noted how positively beautiful she was. The way her long eyelashes brushed her cheeks and her lips gently parted in her sleep. She felt so absolutely wonderful in his arms, as if he was made only to hold her as she slept. He could swear he felt something in his leg where her body was pressed to his. A warmth, a pressure, something. He'd mentioned it to Doctor Clarkson, only to be told he was probably just remembering the feeling. But he could swear… no, it was better not to hope. He leaned back, careful not to disturb his sleeping wife, and held her tightly to him, and quickly thanked God for giving him Mary, before falling into a deep sleep.
AN: So there it is! Another Chapter down! I'll try to update again as soon as I can, but probably not until next week! Don't worry though; this story will not be abandoned!