Chapter 4

Invitation part 1.

A/n: This chapter is a phone call between Arty and Holly, not a diary entry.

Arty POV:

"Arty, we need to to talk." My father, Artemis Fowl the first said.

I have been avoiding this for days now, but this time my father is serious. And nothing can stop a determined Fowl. A normal teenager would be worried, but I am not a normal teenager. I am Artemis Fowl II. I am a criminal mastermind, and plot maker extrodinare.

A phone call interrupted my thoughts. Usually I would ignore it, but I have two very good reasons to answer it. One, I am trying to avoid talking to my father. And two, it wasn't a regular phone call. The buzzing ring was coming from a rather ostentatious ring on my middle finger. This 'ring' was in reality a fairy communicator, given to me by my... friend Holly.

"Father, I have a phone call I need to take." I called with a small smirk. Ah, satisfaction.

"Fine Artemis, but we will speak of this later." My father threatened. I couldn't help but gulp. Whatever was coming was not going to be pretty.

I shuddered slightly as I pressed what looked like a ruby on the ring. Out popped a hologram of my favorite elf. Major Holly Short.

My jaw dropped in surprise. Very little surprises me. People and elves are very constant, but Holly always has a way of shocking me. Her hair definitely did just that. Her auburn hair now sweeps her shoulders. I never knew that her hair was wavy. I quickly snapped my mouth shut. Hopefully, before she noticed.

"Hey Arty," she smiled. Holly is one of the few people who can get away with saying that. The only others are my mother, father, and Juliet. "You may want to wipe away the drool." Of course due to instinct I did try to wipe my mouth, which caused her to laugh.

"That was not funny, Captain." I said while purposly underanking her.

"I am a major, as you well know." Holly said, her smile frozen in mock anger.

"It must have slipped my mind." I said shrugging innocently.

"Artemis Fowl, you never forget anything."

"I'm hurt at your accusation. I am human."

"Barely." I heard her murmer. I should be hurt, but to me it is funny. "You know damn well, that I'm a major." Holly said. Still smiling.

"Yes, I know." I finally admitted, smirking. "But what I don't know is why you've suddenly decided to call me."

"Can't I just call to say hi?"

"Hi? Hi?" I asked increduously. I don't think I've ever even said that word before. Well, when in Rome.

"Yes, hi Arty. You know what normal people say when talking." she shrugged, and there was a slight beeping in the background. "Oh, hold on a minute."

"I await with baited breath." I said sarcastically.

I think I heard Holly say something about a sarcastic jerk. Of course, I may have been wrong. But, as we both know that is highly unlikely.

Anyway, Holly stood up,stretched, turned around and walked toward a table in the corner. At the beginning of the conversation onlh Holly's face was visible, but as she retreated her body came into view.

Holly is the type of girl that is beautiful, no matter what she is wearing. She has a nice fit body. The type to stimulate any boy's pubesent fantasies. Today, she was wearing a tight, lime green baby tee-shirt that showed her navel, and a part of her perfectly flat stomach. In darker green on the shirt, was the word 'Dance' in a fancy, flowery cursive. Obviously from Juliet, since it was in English.(Process of elimination. I know neither Butler or I gave it to her. That leaves only Juliet.)

She also had on a pair of black shorts that stopped just above her knees. They were tight enough. Her butt wiggled slightly from side to side as she walked. Her walk was (for lack of a better word.) enticing. Of course, everything about her was. Her lips. Her eyes. Her ears. Everything. Blasted puberty.

"Sorry Arty." she smiled. I hadn't even noticed her sit down. I need better self-control, and maybe a cold shower. "Let me adjust this camera." Holly zoomed it out until I could see her face and the flat expanse of her stomach clearly. Forming concise thoughts and clear conversation became... complicated.

"That's quite all right, Holly." I nodded. "Now back to 'hi'"

"Arty! Oh, for Frond's sake just say it." Holly sighed. I couldn't help but notice her chest rise as she breathed out. It wasn't as if I was looking. "Next time I call say 'hi', instead of 'hello' and 'bye' instead of 'good-bye'."

"Fine, Holly. I will." I huffed. Hi, honestly. Do I look like a child? Okay, don't answer that question.

"Well, you know there's another reason I called you?" Holly dithered as she folded her arms across her stomach and avoided eye contact. I couldn't help but think of that stomach, but I have to stay focused. She was obviously nervous. Probably not sure that I'll like what she's going to ask.

"Of course, there always is." I nodded expecting this. More business. You just can't escape it for very long. It always comes back to us saving the world, even though it seems like the whole world is against us. " What is it this time? Trolls? Demons or goblins? Opal Koboi finally resurfaced?"

"First of all, nothing. No, no, no, and no." Holly laughed. "Does there always have to be an emergency before I call?"

"There doesn't have to be, but there usually is." I countered.

"True." Holly admitted. "But not this time."

"Holly?" I asked. "You know I'm not getting any younger. You obviously want something. Spit it out. What is it?"

"You really know how to ruin things, Arty." Holly grunted. Arty, only three other people in the world can get away with calling me that. Honestly, I like the childish nickname the best when it comes from Holly's lips.

"Yes, yes. I'm an awful person. Now back to before if you please."

"Charming." She muttered. I cleared my throat rather loudly, while motioning for her to get to the matter at hand.

"Well I have my vacation in a couple of weeks, and so I'll have one and a half week off..." Holly began.

"So you'd like to stay here?" I guessed. "That could work." In fact it would be pretty good. Mom, dad, and the twins were going to London for two weeks. That would leave Butler, Juliet, and me. And, of course Butler absolutely adores Holly. The same with Juliet.

"No, no Artemis." she smiled. "Thanks for the offer." She didn't want to stay here? Then what could she want? I guess she'll get to it eventually.

"Then what do you want?" I asked genuinely confused.

"Well actually, I was wondering..."

"Yes, Holly?" I cut in trying to coax the answer out of her.

"Would you please be quiet so I can ask you 'do you want to come visit me?" Holly screeched in frustration.

"What?" I asked. Then I mentally slapped myself. That response. How eloquent. How smooth. Not.

"D'arvit, it wasn't supposed to come out like that." Holly swore. Poor thing, she was nervous. But it wasn't like me to make it easier for her. I haven't changed that much.

"You want me to stay with you?" I asked widening my eyes and opening my mouth a bit for dramatic value.

Of course Holly could see right through that.

"Yes, laugh all you want." Holly snapped. "I, Holly Short, am cordially inviting you, Artemis Fowl to my home for a week and a half."

"I graciously accept," I answered with a nod of my head.

"What?" Holly asked dumbfounded. Of course she would expect me to be much more diffficult. "No attitude? No sarcasm? What have you done with the Artemis I know?" Good question. I'm not that person anymore, and I guess that's good. But I do sometimes miss him.

"Oh, you'll get all of my sarcasm soon enough." I said with my best vampire smile.

"Try that on someone who doesn't know you, Arty." Holly was right. We do know each other too well to play the games we used to. Not that it matters. I'll still play and win, of course.

"Hmmm, true." I answered.

"Finally a breakthrough. Artemis Fowl the Second admits that someone else is right." Holly said clapping slowly and loudly.

And I'm the sarcastic one? "Yes, yes. Anyway what about my travel arrangements.? I snapped. "I can't well get my travel agent to book me a trip to the center of the earth. He'd think I was stark raving mad." Although, I may be.

"No, but that would be funny to see." She chuckled. I couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked when she laughed. Blasted puberty. I keep thinking of girls at the most improper times. "I'll e-mail them to you."

"Fine my e-mail adress is-" I began, but Holly cut me off.

"It's ," There's only one way she could have gotten that.

"Foaly?" I asked.

"Foaly," she explained. That damn centaur. Well, I guess I should have expected it. Hacking is our favorite hobby. Holly would say it's our way of showing we care. As teens say 'fat chance'.

"Would you mind asking him-?" I tried, but once again I was cut off.

"Oooh no." She said waggling a finger at me. "What ever hacking you or Foaly have done, will be talked about in two weeks."

"Fine," I puffed. Normally, I would never act like this. Holly just has this way of bringing it out of me.

"Well Arty, I have to go. I'm on break."

"Awww, you took your lunch time to talk to little ole' me." I smirked. "How sweet."

"Cut the crap." She grinned at me.

"Fine good, I mean bye Holly."

"Bye Artemis." She grinned enjoying my pain. Women. Can't live with em'...

"You enjoy that too much." I grinned. "Bye." I reached out to disconnect the call, but Holly stopped me.

"Oh and Arty, dress casual." Holly grinned as she disconnected the call. She always has to have the last word.

Wait? Casual? I know she means jeans. I do not wear jeans. Maybe I can get away with a pair of dress pants, and a nice, silk shirt. She'll kill me for it, but I think I'll take the risks. I don't even own a pair of jeans, and even though I'm wealthy, I don't plan on buying any in the near future. These musings were abruptly cut off by my father's voice loudly calling my name.

"Arty, get down here." he called. Father never used to be the type to yell, but now he has changed. He's much more playful and full of fun, especially when with the twins. It seems that I must go talk with Father. I suppose I have to ask his 'permission' for my trip anyway.

"Coming, Father." I called.

I walked downstairs expecting to find my father in his study. This is where we would usually discuss anything that was considered important, but as I have said father has changed. He was not in the study.

"In here, Arty." he called from the dining room.

My father was not sitting at the head of the table as I had expected. Instead, he was sitting right next to it. He gestured for me to take the chair across from him. Of course, I did. I suspect he chose this arrangement, so that he could view my body language and emotions. Of course, he should know by now that I am able to hide them both with ease.

"Arty, I believe you know what I would like to talk to you about."

"No, father. I do not." I lied trying to sound innocent. It was a stretch for me, but Fowls rise to each and every occasion.

"Liar." he laughed. "Your mother and I are worried about you."

"Father, I assure you there-" I began, but was cut off. Everyone seemed to be doing that today. Most annoying. I would like to be able to finish a sentence, once in a while.

"No, Artemis, there is something to be worried about. Two words: social interactions."

Oh, not this again. Recently, my family has taken to sticking their noses into my private affairs. In fact, they love to dissect every detail of my personal life. Of course, there aren't very many. Their sole conversation is about my lack of a girlfriend. Not that there's any girl out there who could hold my attentions for long. Social interactions, indeed, as if I have time for such things.

"I am very good at interactions." I smiled hoping he would drop this subject. Needless to say: it didn't happen. Fowls never give up. Usually I admire the trait, but right now, I wish Fowls let things go.

"Arty, how many friend do you have?" he asked folding his arms. I couldn't help but think of how Holly has folded her arms and slightly pushed up her. D'arvit. Focus!

"Father, I have plenty of friends." Well, 'plenty' is open to interpretation. 'plenty of friends for an anti-social, criminal, mastermind may have been more honest. Though I never claimed to be honest.

"Name three." Father said with a smug smile. My smug smile. He thought he had me.

"Butler, Juliet, and Minerva."

"I know that Butler and you have become very close, but I don't know if he can be considered a friend. Friends are usually close in age."

"On the contrary, Father. I've written an article on-" I started, knowing he was going to cut me off again. I was right.

"Do you ever confide in Juliet or Minerva?" he asked. No, I didn't. Not really. My true confidences are kept to myself. I'm not one to be 'touchy-feely' and share. I remained silent. My silence was enough of an answer for him.

"That's what friends do, Son." he admonished, his blue eyes troubled.

"Well, I have another friend." I said thinking of the elfin capitan. "Holly."

"I've never heard of her." Father said. He was obviously thinking that she was a figment of my imagination. In truth that's what any rational human being would think if I started talking about my 'fairy friends'.

"Well, she lives sort of far out." I said.

"Hmm, do you confide in her?" he asked.

"More than anyone," I answered truthfully.

"Maybe one day I'll be able to meet her." he nodded. In his own world, probably imagining what Holly looks like.

"Hmmm maybe." I mumbled. There is no chance of that ever occuring.

"But Arty one friend is not enough, you must do better." He said punctuating each word with his fist on the table.

"Yes sir, I will try to improve in the futrue." I nodded standing to leave.

"Sit down, Arty. I haven't finished with you yet. Now we have to get to the hard part."

"T-t-the hard part?" I gulped. You didn't have to be a genius to know this was going to be bad.

"Yes, my boy." Father said popping his knuckles. Deplorable habit. "Now we need to talk about ... girls."

"G-g-girls?" I stammered. Stammering, a sign of a lack of God, Holly didn't see that. Or Foaly. Or Mulch. Or anyone for that matter.

"Haha, nothing to worry about it'll be quick. And relatively painless." Artemis Fowl I laughed. "Of course this beginning part will be... akward, but it must be done."

"Fine," I said taking a deep breath. "I am ready now." I tried to be as calm as my outer facade.

"Arty," he cleared his throat. "Do you... do you like... girls... in that way?" I couldn't help but notice his emphasis on the word girls.

I was red. Redder than a tomato. Did he seriously think that I... batted for another team? That I...swung that way?

"Father?" I shrieked.

"Just answer the question, Arty"

"Yes Father. I do like girls. I feel attraction, just as any other teenaged male." I blushed. Logically speaking, I know that things can always be worse. But right now that's hard to believe.

"Well, that's good. Though you know your mother and I would accept you know matter who or what you liked." I wonder does he meant the what. Most likely not in the literal sense. I wonder how he would feel if he knew what I really think I liked.

"Yes, I know." I said. To be honest, this is one of the most akward conversations I have ever had.

"The reason I asked that, is because you've never seemed very concerned about anything outside of science."

"Trust me father. I think of other things." I admitted. It's true. At the moment, I can't get Holly Short out of my mind, and I don't know why. "A lot of the time."

"So, you've been through puberty?" he asked.

"Yes, father. I have."

"Good." he smiled. "Now since we have established that you do, in fact like girls... I think we need to discuss your dating history. Or rather lack there of."

"There is no one who catches my eye." I lied. To be truthful there was one girl, but she was off limits. Besides, she does not feel the same as I do.

"I find that hard to believe, son. At you age I found that every pretty girl 'caught my eye' as you put it." he smiled probably thinking back to those times. Even though I know my father must have dated other girls. I only think of him with mother.

"I guess we are quite different, then." I retorted.

"Not as different as yu might think." he smiled. I just looked at him. I'm sure that father was smooth, wereas I am not. To each his own, and my own is solving the unsolvable not dating.

"Whatever happened to that Paradizo girl?" my father asked shaking me from my reviere. "Minerva, wasn't it?" From the way he asked it was obvious he hadn't forgotten. He never forgets, especially something he deems important. He just wanted to gauge my reaction.

Minerva, a genius with startling ambition. She was pretty and funny and not my type. I loved her thirst, thirst to prove herself, and I knew she wanted me. But she's just not my type. Maybe in another time, but I must say that she does nothing for me. To be honest: I'm not really sure what my type is. She should be it. Smart, ambitious but she's just not it. I like a challenge, but she's not really that difficult. I don't know... After my return from Limbo, we began talking as friends, but it never progressed. Even though she wanted it to. I quickly quelled her attentions in a kind, and gentlemanly way. We're still friends though.

"Arty, come back to earth." My father said. "We were talking about Minerva remember?"

"Minerva, yes." I said snapping back to my body. "We are just friends." I said reddening more if that was possible. Ugh if Holly and company could see me now. Blushing and stammering. I would never live this one down.

"Umm-hmm." he nodded pursing his lips. Of course, he didn't think I was being completely honest. I can't exactly blame him. If I were in his shoes I would probably be skeptical too. It doesn't matter, I know what is true, and what is not.

"She's not my type father." I repeated shrugging.

"Your type? Why isn't she your type?" he asked. "I've never seen two people more alike. More similar."

He's right. She is just a female version of me. And that's the rub. I should like her. I should want her. But I don't.

"You are both geniuses. You both have the same sense of humor, or lack of. You're both ambitious and recognition seeking. You two give new meaning to the old saying : 'two peas in a pod.'"

Once again father had hit the nail on the head, but I know I can't feel that way towards Minerva.

"You are right of course." I admitted. To be truthful it hurt me to say those words out loud, no matter how true they may be. " Minerva is a wonderful girl, but she's more of the type I'd have a debate with. She's a great debater and so am I, but I don't think either of us is good at dating. Or expressing feelings. As far as I know a couple should be able to express their feelings for any hope of success in dating."

"Fine Artemis. I do sort of see your point." Father said and I sighed a sigh of relief. This conversation was almost over. "But you need to make it a point to talk to other girls our age."

"Of course." I lied knowing that that was not going to happen. Apparently, my father knew that too.

"I am serious" he scowled. "If you don't do it, then I will take it into my own hands."

"Yes father." I nodded. "Is that all?"

"Yes, Son. You may go now." he smiled as sI jumped out of my seat. I was almost to the door before I remembered Holly's invitation.

"Father?" I asked turning around.

"Yes Arty?"

"Well my friend invited me to their house for a week and a half. May I go?"

"Where does 'your friend' live?" he asked skeptically. He probably thought I was faking. No such luck.

"Down south." I answered as truthfully as I could.

"Hmm, fine you may go." Father said waving. "Oh and Son, have fun."

"I will." I said grinning slightly as I opened the door.

As soon as the door opened, five people fell into the room. Beckett, Myles, Mother (I mean Mom.), Juliet, and even Butler crashed into the room all holding glasses and wearing the apprehensive smiles of the guilty.

Needless to say, they had all heard my shame and embarrassment. I did the only thing I could. I girded my mental loins and stalked out of the room like your typical angry teenager.

"Stupid, nosy family." I muttered as I stomped up the stairs to my room. Two more weeks to go...

I plopped down on my bed and sulked. About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. I ignored it. I know it was childish, but I was angry and embarrassed. The next thing I knew the door was swinging open and Butler was coming in. Butler's not the type to wait around for an invitation. Usually I would admire his gall, but at he moment I'm too mad to care.

"Artemis, we're all very sorry we intruded, but we were curious."

"Yes, I suppose I understand. But as they say curiosity killed the cat." I admonished.

"Quite true, but cats have nine lives, and they always land on their feet. Well do you forgive us?" Butler asked his eyes pleading. As much as I may wish to let him suffer, I can't. I had already started to forgive them. My earlier anger had is quite a change from the old days. Back then, I could have held a grudge forever, even towards my family.

"If you answer one question for me?" I said posing it as a question rather than a demand.

"Anything." Butler nodded. I know he expected it to be about girls. And in a way... it was.

"When father began he asked me about my... gender preferences." I paused. "Did you ever think that I...?" I trailed off.

"No," Butler cut in, "I knew you liked girls or rather you would once you had the time. Once you were free from plots and schemes." Hmm, that's good. I hope the rest of them felt the same way about it.

"Artemis," Butler grinned. "I noticed you never mentioned your friends gender." Trust Butler to notice that.

"Female, as you well know."

"Haha, remember what you father said." Butler laughed.

"Yes, yes." I said impatiently.

"So, Arty going down south?" he said grinning knowing exactly what I had meant.

"Hmm, yes I am." I said. "Holly invited me down for a week and a half."

"I take it I can't go?" Butler asked.

"No no, I'm sorry old friend, but you'd scare the faries half to death."

"True," Butler smiled. His smile took years off of his face. It was a sight most people didn't get to see. I counted myself in the lucky few. Thankfully. "Besides, I doubt they have a room I can stand in." Well, he's right. His mountainous size would be quite a problem.

"See you later Artemis." Butler said turning to leave.

"Good-bye Butler." I said maybe a tad formal.

"Oh and Artemis?" Butler asked spinning around in a manner that seems impossible for one of his size.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Have fun." he said smiling. "And don't do anything I wouldn't do." he told me shutting the door firmly behind him. Leaving me sitting there wondering what in the world (or under it.) he could have meant.

A/n:

Whoo-hoo, four chapters up. The next chapter is the same phone call from Holly's point of view. I hope you enjoy it. Review. I want to hear your ideas. Oh, and if I use one of your ideas, a chapter will be dedicated to you. Thanks

Yours truly, madly, and deeply,

Einstinette