Author's Note: Woof. Angsty chapters are hard to write and make me...well...full of angst. Regardless, I had to split this chapter into two because it was just getting way too long, but the second part should be up soon. I hope you enjoy, and, I know I sound like a broken record, but you can't even imagine how much I appreciate all of your reviews, they really make my day :)

Planning a child's birthday party was one of those odd adult stresses that no one had prepared Quinn for. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror in her room. She wore a white sundress and her hair fell in soft curls. She looked good, the perfect image of a Beverly Hill's football star's wife. She picked up a pair of Justin's jeans that he'd left on the floor and threw them in the laundry bin and went downstairs. He had been home for three days, and Quinn was beyond overjoyed when she saw him. Justin had arrived home on Thursday, and Rachel had helped her prepare a fancy dinner for his arrival and Lily's birthday, complete with a homemade cake. They had even bought the tools for cake decorating and had managed to scrawl out a messy, "Happy 6th Birthday Lily! And Welcome Home Dad!" It had been nearly impossible to get the kids to sleep that night, but it was worth it for Quinn to hear Lily whisper to her father that she didn't wish for anything when she blew out her candles, because all she wanted was for him to be home, as she nodded off to sleep. Justin had picked her up and carried her all the way to their bedroom, and, for once, Quinn didn't get much sleep for a good reason. Friday was hell though, Quinn got the kids to school and had spent all day making last minute preparations for the party. She was just glad that the day was here, and it would all be over in a few hours.

"Where are the kids, Justin?" She asked, popping her head in the family room where Justin was watching the Dodger's game on TV.

"I put a movie on in the basement. They were getting in the caterers way." He didn't look up from the game."

"You mean they were getting in the way of you and your precious baseball game," Quinn said. Justin finally looked up at her, with the typical "stop nagging me, Quinn," expression. When he caught sight of her, his gaze immediately softened.

"You look great, babe," he said. She couldn't help but be somewhat charmed by the twinkle in his blue eyes. "Sit down with me." He gestured for her to join him on the couch.

"I can't, J, we have 30 kids and 50 adults getting here in thirty minutes…I have to make sure everything is ready."

"Isn't that why you hired the caterers, the clowns, the lifeguards, and all those people wandering around in our backyard?" Quinn just glared at him. "C'mon babe, I just want to spend a little time with my wife." Quinn conceded and snuggled into her husband's side, shutting her eyes. He smelled differently than she remembered, but she still felt comforted being held by his strong arms. Just as she got settled in, there was the sound of metal hitting the floor and yelling. Quinn kissed her husband on the head and walked into the kitchen. Two of the caterers were on the ground, legs tangled together with a tray of potato salad all over the floor, all over the caterers…and all over Lily's skateboard.

"LILY!" Quinn yelled, wondering where her daughter could have scampered off to so quickly. It turns out nowhere. Lily slowly rose from where she was crouched behind the island, in her Finding Nemo swimsuit with scuba goggles on her eyes, a snorkel hanging out of her mouth and her vans sneakers. There wasn't time for scolding though. "Apologize right now, young lady." Lily dropped the snorkel from her mouth.

"Sorry."

"Not to me, Lily, apologize to them."

"Sorry."

"Now go upstairs and get changed."

"But why do I have to get changed? It's a swim party…"

"Ugh, fine Lily, then at least go downstairs and play with your sisters until the guests start to arrive." Lily sulked down into the basement.

"We're so sorry, Mrs. Scott. We just didn't see the skateboard, and when I fell I took her down with me…" said the young caterer, looking a little like she was about to cry.

"Please don't worry about it. This happens more than you'd think. Really." Quinn smiled. "I'll get this cleaned up, why don't you just keep getting everything set up outside. There's like a vat of potato salad, right?" The woman nodded. "Okay, then nothing to worry about, right?" The caterers left and Quinn knelt down and got the potato salad cleaned up. She opened the fridge to check on the cake, it was all set, so she set off to find the candles. They weren't in the "junk" drawer, they weren't with the baking stuff…she wasn't sure where else they would be. She tried to remember what she had done with them after Harper's birthday when a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yo, Q, you know that there are two clowns smoking cigarettes in your driveway?"

"Do you know how ridiculous you sound saying 'yo' while pushing a double baby stroller and wearing a fedora?"

"Oh, fuck you, Q. Just because I have a stroller doesn't mean I can't say 'yo'. And can I just tell you how freaked out I am? Clowns acting like adults? It's like a dark glimpse into the secret debaucherous underbelly of the clown community."

"You know how San feels about clowns, Q," Brittany said, taking Olivia out of the stroller. Quinn laughed, remembering the time Brittany had forced them to go to Circus with her their junior year at college. Santana left immediately to the concession stand to get a beer, mumbling something under her breath about clowns. Three beers in, Santana was yelling obscenities at the clowns every time they came to their side of the tent, much to the chagrin of the parents around them. As Santana was starting beer six, one of the clowns she'd been particularly mean to just stopped and looked Santana directly in the eye. She burst out in tears and they weren't able to console her until they were back in the safety of her and Brittany's apartment. It was a bit of an understatement to say that Santana was afraid of clowns.

"Sorry, Santana. I told them they could have a cigarette outside as long as they clean up the butts and they do it before the guests arrive," Santana gestured to herself with the hand that wasn't holding her son. "You don't count as guests." Quinn grinned. "Plus, you're fifteen minutes early." Santana looked down at her watch.

"Fuck, Britt. Since when do we come early to parties?" Brittany just shrugged. "Since when did we become so lame," she cooed to her son. Quinn just rolled her eyes.

"Justin!" Quinn yelled toward the family room. "Brittany and Santana are here!" There was still no response. "You know we have Tivo! You can pause the game!" Just then Justin walked through the door, straightening out his black polo shirt.

"I know, babe! That's what I was doing. You know I've never been good with technology…it just took me a second." He sheepishly smiled at Quinn. He turned his attention to Brittany and Santana who had taken the babies out of their stroller and were now holding them.

"They're so big!" He exclaimed, patting Nico and Olivia on the head. "I can't believe how much they've grown!" Brittany nodded, beaming at her children. "And both of you look wonderful," he said, lightly pecking both women on the cheek. "You look like you're almost ready to start dancing again, Brittany." Brittany nodded.

"I want to get back to work after their birthday," she said, "but it's hard. I can't stand the idea of not being with them all day." She nuzzled her face into Olivia. Justin nodded.

"I miss when we had babies, Quinn. Our babies are all grown up…"he put his arm around his wife's shoulder. Justin was much taller than Quinn, so when she leaned into him her head was barely at his chest. "Let's have another baby!" Quinn pulled away.

"Yeah right," she said, eliciting laughter from Brittany and Santana. Quinn resumed her search for the birthday candles she'd been on when Brittany and Santana showed up. "Let's see you staying home more with the ones you already have," she said under her breath, but, judging from the new quiet in the room, loud enough for everyone to hear. Justin tensed up and his eyes turned flat and dark.

"I'm going to get back to the game," he said. He placed a tentative kiss on Quinn's head. "If you need anything, let me know." Quinn just nodded. Justin's exit left an awkward silence among the three women.

"Do you need help with anything, Q?" Brittany asked.

"I just need to find these damn candles," Quinn said, slamming a drawer shut. Brittany's eyes widened. They hardly ever heard Quinn curse. Quinn looked up at her friends, "I'm sorry, B. I'm just a little stressed out with the prospect of thirty kids being here in fifteen minutes." She smiled weakly at her friends. "Why don't you go outside and take the babies in the bouncy castle for a bit before the rest of the kids arrive? I'll meet you out there in a second." Brittany and Santana nodded and headed out the back door.

An hour later, the party was in full force. Quinn had retreated to the kitchen to get a break from the small talk and eat her food in peace. She picked at her burger and watched the party through the window of her kitchen. This was one of the secret pleasures Quinn indulged when they had parties at her house. For some reason, she hated the banal conversation and mingling with people she cared nothing about, but for whatever voyeuristic reason, she loved watching them interact from the solitude of her kitchen. There were thirty kids running around, screaming, jumping in the pool, and really giving the teenage lifeguards Quinn had hired for the occasion a run for their money. Justin was standing by the pool drinking a beer and having what seemed to be a very animated conversation with Mike, Finn, Puck and some of the dads of Lily's friends. He was probably talking about football. Puck and Mike were doubled over laughing, and Justin was sporting the charming half-grin he got when he was pleased with himself. Lily was holding tightly on to his leg, trying to get his attention, still wearing her scuba goggles. Mercedes and her husband were talking to Brittany and cooing over Olivia. Santana was off in a far part of the yard, trying to calm a screaming Nico down. Apparently, he had taken after her when it came to clowns. Harper was among a group of kids laughing as one of the clowns squirted water at them from a fake flower and the other one walked on a slack line hung in her yard. Kurt and his boyfriend were talking to a group of gay dads from Lily's class. Maybe he was actually getting serious about someone, Quinn thought. On the other side of the yard, Justin noticed his daughter and picked her up. She wondered what they were talking about. He put her down and started tickling her, and then her other two girls ran over and a tickle war began, with the girls climbing all over her husband. Quinn smiled to herself. She was broken out of her thoughts by the door sliding open and the sound of a screaming baby filling the room.

"Shh, shh, little man, what can mama do for you, please tell me? I'll do anything…"Santana cooed as she rocked the baby back and forth, and not noticing Quinn standing by the window.

"Like mother, like son," Quinn said, chuckling. Santana literally jumped.

"Oh! Quinn! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here. I'm sorry, I can take him upstairs, I just can't seem to calm him down."

"Maybe we can sing him something?"

"Oh lord, you have been spending too much time with Berry," Santana said. Quinn rolled her eyes and began to sing.

Go to sleep little baby

Go to sleep little baby, Quinn looked at Santana hoping she would join in.

Honey and the rock and the sugar don't stop

Gonna bring a bottle to the baby.

Three verses of Quinn and Santana singing and Nico was fast asleep in his mother's arms.

"So why are you hiding out here, Q?" Santana asked.

"Oh, you know…." Quinn shrugged.

"No, I don't know, that's why I asked," Santana said, rocking Nico gently back and forth.

"How very…Brittany of you, Santana." It was Santana's turn to roll her eyes. They just stood there in silence, watching the party going on outside. "I just got tired of small talk. I'm tired of the parents of Lily's friends, and the parents of Hannah's friends. I'm tired of listening to Justin talk about football. Wait until your kids go to school…it's unbelievable how much time you have to spend talking to other parents whom you have nothing in common with, other than the fact that you chose to have children around the same time. And these shoes really hurt my feet. " Santana laughed, looking out the window while Quinn returned to her lunch.

"I didn't know Rachel had a boyfriend," Santana said, breaking the silence.

"What are you talking about? Rachel doesn't haven't a boyfriend," Quinn said, looking over at Santana, confused.

"Oh, well she just walked in with some guy…" Santana said. Quinn scanned the party. Sure enough, there was Rachel, an hour late, with some guy. They had stopped and appeared to be talking to Brittany, Mercedes, and Mercedes' husband. Quinn couldn't help but notice that their fingers were interlaced.

"Oh…well she never said anything to me about it. Let's go say hi." Quinn said, dryly.

"I thought we were hiding?"

"I'm done hiding. We can hide when we're dead." Santana raised an eyebrow at Quinn's statement but followed her outside, nonetheless. Quinn dumped her lunch in a trashcan as they approached the group, talking by the bouncy castle.

"And this, Eric, is Quinn, the mother of the lovely young birthday girl, Lily, who you already had the pleasure of meeting," Rachel said, dramatically gesturing to Quinn and then the large mustard stain on Eric's shirt. "And this is Santana, Ms. Brittany's other-half, and their son Nico, who may be the most peaceful baby in the world." Santana scoffed.

"You say this now. He's five minutes into a nap after a 45 minute screaming session." Clowns mouthed Brittany to Rachel.

"How'd you finally get him to calm down, San?"

"We sang to him," Quinn said.

"Like I always say, singing heals all," Rachel flashed a large stage smile at Quinn. "This is Eric. We are working together on Spring Awakening." Eric shook both women's hands.

"You have a lovely home, Quinn."

"Thank you. I'm glad you both could make it. A little late, but I guess a little late is better than never, right?" No one responded. "I have to go make sure everything is ready for cake. It was lovely meeting you, Eric. And thank you for gracing us with your presence, Rachel." Quinn rushed back inside. Santana looked over at Brittany, and in that inexplicable way they had been doing since High School, they seemed to have an entire conversation just with their eyes in a matter of moments. Brittany handed Olivia to Santana, and Santana nodded as Brittany followed Quinn back into the house.

"So!" Santana said, trying to break the awkward silence that followed Quinn's departure while shuffling the two babies she now had on her hips, "how is production going?"

"Q! Quinn!" Brittany yelled, as she walked into the house. She heard what sounded like doors opening and shutting upstairs so she tentatively climbed the stairs to the second floor. Quinn was frantically going through the linen cabinet. "What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for the candles!" Quinn said, finally. "I can't find them anywhere, and I need candles…I just need six candles. It's my baby-girl's birthday, and I can't even find the candles for her cake," Quinn said. Brittany's heart broke at hearing her friend sound so broken. She carefully approached her, and rested her hand on Quinn's shoulder.

"I can go down to the store and buy some candles, Q." Quinn nodded. Brittany gently petted her hair. "Is there anything else you need?" Quinn shook her head. Brittany walked toward the stairs.

"Hey, B?" Brittany turned around. Quinn was standing in her perfect dress, not a single hair on her head out of place. She hadn't cried, and her makeup stayed perfectly in place. The only thing that gave Quinn away were her eyes. Her distinctive, hazel, gray, green, blue eyes that usually embodied so much power and so much seduction looked empty. They showed something Brittany hadn't seen in Quinn since she was pregnant in High School. Brittany couldn't find the word to describe it. They were dull and empty, and they made Brittany feel a sense of longing, like Quinn's eyes were vacant because they were searching for something, or, perhaps, they were vacant because Quinn didn't believe that there was anything worth searching for anymore. Or maybe she was thinking too much into it. Maybe Quinn just really needed candles. Whatever it was, Brittany couldn't put her finger on it. After what felt like forever, Quinn finally spoke.

"When did life get to be so hard?" She asked Brittany, barely audible. It was clear that Brittany was thinking seriously about it; her brow furrowed and she bit on her bottom lip.

"Maybe it's one of those things that adults never tell you about. Like making bill payments on time. And collection agencies. Health insurance and life insurance and car insurance. Episiotomies." Quinn winced at this one, resulting in a sympathetic smile from Brittany. "Understanding legal documents, and finding lawyers and pediatricians and Ob-Gyns, and security deposits, and down payments. And planning a child's birthday party. And with all these extra stresses, still not knowing what your heart wants anymore than we did when we were young and all we had to worry about were our hearts."

"I wish they had prepared me," Quinn said quietly.

"Nah," Brittany said, "half the fun is finding out that life is hard all for yourself." She gave Quinn a half-smile. "And really hoping that one day you'll figure out what your heart wants and be able to keep up with those bill payments, insurance plans, and doctors' appointments. And maybe, one day…handle episiotomies." Quinn grimaced.

"Did you find it, B?" Quinn asked. Brittany paused to think for a moment, a small smile on the corners of her mouth.

"I think so…but who knows, Q. Like you said, life is hard, and no one prepares you for it." Brittany turned to go get the candles.

"Hey, B?" Brittany turned again.

"Thank you," Brittany nodded and then took the stairs two at a time to go get Quinn those candles.

Thanks again for reading. If anyone is wondering, the song they sing to Nico is "Didn't Leave Nobody But the Baby"!