Author's Note: This chapter is a lot shorter than the rest, but I needed to add a little more background to JJ and Emily's situation, and figured it would work better in a chapter of it's own. I'm not hugely sure about it, but I thought it was fairly necessary. I've also come to the conclusion that jumping in at the deep end was quite possibly one of the stupidest decisions I could've made, but after hours of staring at my screen and getting angry with my computer, I have a few more solid ideas of where I want this story to go. Thank you for the reviews, they make the frustration of writer's block worth it.

Disclaimer: I still do not own Criminal Minds.

BLIND

It didn't take long for their unconventional relationship to set up an equally unconventional pattern; an escapism routine that nestled itself in amongst ignorance and pretense.

To their colleagues, their friends, nothing was any different to what it had been before the night that Emily came out. The two agents never let their private life creep into their work life, and though it doesn't say a great deal for their profiling skills, their friends were none the wiser. To them they were simply JJ, and simply Emily. Separately. With no connection other than friendship and work.

But unbeknown to their friends, in the privacy of a hotel room, or one another's house, they did have a connection more than friendship, more than work, more than professional, and far more than platonic. They weren't simply JJ and simply Emily as two separate people; they were JJ and Emily as one.

Together they'd escape and create their own reality; ironically, one that left them both oblivious and lead them further into a fantasy that was far too close to reality. They'd explore each others bodies, searching for the release that they so deeply craved; the release that they didn't realise they had needed so much until their first night together; the release that they'd now become addicted to. They'd never admit it to each other, refused to even admit it to themselves, but deep down they both knew that without this now, they'd be lost. They were good at the game though; both had the other convinced that they could walk away at any time, shrug this whole arrangement off like it was nothing, but really, each was secretly hoping that they'd never be called on such nonchalance.

Realising what it had become, and what it had actually always been, left Emily rather unsettled. Of course, in the moments where her mouth was suckling greedily between JJ's silk thighs, all discomfort left. But in the moments where she walked through her own front door at 3am, crawled into her cold and empty bed, she remembered all the moments that had warned her of this impending storm; she really should have known better. She never meant to let it become this deep, but had she really had a choice? She never meant to start feeling something real for JJ, but really, hadn't those feelings been there all along? It was supposed be an occasional means of escape, and though it was, when had it become an escape from itself?

It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep her mind off of the younger woman. It had never been remotely easy in the past, that much is true, but now.. it was torture. It took every ounce of strength that she had to stop herself from unconsciously reaching out for JJ's hand as they went about their everyday business, to catch a glimpse of a subtle smile and not wonder what it would be like to wake up to that every morning. And in the very sporadic moments that she lost that strength, the sudden scolding, 'what the hell are you doing?' look in JJ's eyes always kicked her back into place.

But as the queen of compartmentalization, it didn't take long for those moments to disappear, for her to forcefully shove such thoughts into an empty compartment and ensure that every tiny little moment that involved JJ was devoid of any emotion. And any stray emotions that hadn't quite made it to her infamous locked compartments were subtly released in the moments when she coaxed JJ to orgasm, poured from her during her own release.

It was exhausting these days, but she never faltered; not once. Not even when JJ reached her climax and she longed to wrap her up in her arms; she would instead swallow the feeling, grab her discarded clothes from the ground and leave. She never once let it show that she couldn't walk away, couldn't be without JJ's touch, couldn't even breathe without her presence. She was good at faking strength that way, but deep down she knew that she was losing, grasping at a desperate hope that JJ would never call her bluff on it - that, on those nights that she didn't disappear immediately, JJ wouldn't ask the question that she herself had asked in the beginning: What's going on in that head of yours?

But all that effort to keep herself devoid of anything too complicated left her blind to what was right in front of her face. As she closed her own eyes to keep JJ from seeing the desperation in them, she missed the fearful expression that the blonde herself carried; as she disappeared into the night without one word spoken, she missed the way that JJ wrapped herself in her comforter and stared longingly until the sun came up; as she fought with the noise in her own mind, she missed the silent messages that JJ gave her each time she came.

And through it all, she unknowingly forced away the one thing that she was longing so desperately for.

CM-CM-CM

By the morning after their first night together, JJ had found herself looking at Emily with new eyes, noticing things about the brunette that she hadn't before. Every little quirk, every little mannerism, every little unconscious swipe of that damn tongue as dark eyes focused in concentration; everything. And no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise, tried to pretend that Emily's nonchalance didn't hurt; she found herself slowly, stupidly, falling in love with her. It wasn't supposed to be that way, but she had been more right than she had realised in the beginning: Emily was indeed a drug, and one that now, unfortunately, she was helplessly addicted to.

Without even realising it, her every move became purposeful and somewhat manipulative. She was testing the waters, testing Emily. She found herself saying and doing certain things simply to get a rise out of the brunette. She had to know, she had to see through her own eyes if there was something more there than just lust-fueled fucking. But it was a winless game, really; because each lose - the constant distance in Emily's eyes - told her that the game just wasn't over yet, and each win - a brief flicker of something else in those dark orbs - told her that it must have been a fluke, that she had to keep searching, testing, playing.

If she was honest with herself, she would have realised that in all honesty, she didn't want to win that game; she didn't want to see that there was more to this for Emily than just sex. Why? Because it was everything that she wanted and yet at the same time, knew that she couldn't have; not forever, at least. The Emily Prentiss' of this world were one of a kind, and the Emily Prentiss' of this world don't make forever with small town girls who have fucked more people than they can count. Make the most of it, Jareau. Eventually she'll leave you like you left the others, and one day someone will take what you were never worthy of holding; her heart..

So the pair carried on with what had now become their normality; completely unaware of the others feelings, and too damn blind and stupid to even consider them.