Disclaimer—Still don't own it.
Chapter 19—Haunted Past
"Marie needs ta be locked up"
"Your dahter is not capable of living among us"
"I tried to help you…I'm tired of being nice"
"Mutants shouldn't have to hide from the world"
"I know what's like to run, I ran for my whole life"
"You possess great powers"
"…you have become the most wanted mutant…"
"You are very much like your mother"
"I've never met a girl like you before"
"…you've gotta trust me"
"Any of us here could protect you"
"Mystique will deceive you…you can't trust her"
"I think you were worth the bruise"
"My helmet…or the boy dies"
"You're too valuable to lose"
"…you can count on me no matter what…"
"Everyone makes mistakes"
"Promise me that…you'll come to me for help. I'm here for you…"
"You can't hide forever…no mutant can"
"Sometimes rules have to be broken…"
"You're different from…other girls…"
"…you can trust no one…you alone have the power to be great…"
"…you will become a vessel to wipe out the human population…and you will not live to tell about it"
"One day you will be able to set things straight"
"No one will ever accept you…you're not like us"
"…you're only a weapon…"
"You think you can trust Mystique? She'll kill ya so long as it keeps her own skin alive."
"God damn freaks"
"I'm going to get through to you one way or another!"
"Violence gets us nowhere…"
Rogue sat up out of breath, waking from a deep sleep. She fought back tears as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. Judging by her alarm clock it was early Saturday morning. The past two days had been spent in bed, recuperating from her latest interaction with the X-Men. With a shake of her head Rogue leaned back against the wall and pulled her pillow into her arms. Her entire body was shaking as she tried to rid herself of the recurring nightmares plaguing her mind.
"Why am Ah like this?" she whispered to herself. It was getting harder to control her mind…to remember which memories were hers, and which ones belonged to the poor souls she had drained since the development of her curse. Tears began to trickle down Rogue's cheeks as the events of her fight with Jean came flooding back to her in fluid detail. Looking back on it, it was almost as though she had been one part of Jean fighting against another form of the red headed X-Man.
Rogue scooted out of her bed and walked over to the window. She breathed in the fresh air as she opened her window to gaze out at the moonlit night. "What the hell is happenin' ta meh? Why do Ah feel so out of control?"
Pain, anguish, hurt—all emotional, all physical, it was more than Rogue could handle. She was reaching her ultimate limits…and after that, Rogue wasn't sure what she would be capable of. She had no intentions of touching another soul until she could get a grip on herself. As Rogue continued to stare out her window she felt the stirring of a dangerous fire within herself. Somewhere along the way she had gained an unwelcome new persona.
Xavier's Mansion:
Jean groaned as she struggled to open her eyes. "Oh god, I feel like someone took a sledge hammer to my skull," she said lifting a hand to her aching head.
"Close enough," came a gruff voice, one she vaguely associated with Logan. Jean managed to open her eyes and saw Logan, the Professor, and Ororo standing nearby.
"How are you feeling?" murmured Ororo gently as she helped the younger girl sit up.
"Terrible…what happened?"
"You underwent quite a battle with Rogue the other day. She drained you, and then exerted your own powers against yourself," answered Xavier. "And yet you managed to rise again to try and stop her."
"Man, she hits hard," mumbled Jean massaging her temples.
"The kid's a fast learner. She's too damn dangerous," spit out Logan darkly.
"Yes," agreed Xavier, "but I believe Rogue is not entirely in control of her powers. This is why she seems to hit us hardest after a draining. She is in need of our help."
"She still will not listen to reason, Charles. But after the Thanksgiving fiasco, I am beginning to wonder how much longer it will take before Rogue loses complete control of anger. She is on a downward slope right now." Ororo gave a small sigh.
"Barriers…" whispered Jean hoarsely.
"Excuse me?" asked the Professor as the three adults turned their attention back to Jean.
"Barriers—her mind has barriers. I've been meaning to tell you, Professor. I know it's wrong, but I've tried to read Rogue's mind before, but every time I try I can't seem to get through. She has built in mental barriers…I don't know that even you would be able to break them down. I think this might be why she's able to push herself to the ultimate limits when she gains a borrowed power. The barriers must be a two-way ticket. No one can get in, and the powers must not be able to get back out again."
Professor Xavier nodded thoughtfully. "That is most interesting. Perhaps this is why Rogue has become such a sought after mutant. But what use could Eric gain from her powers?"
On the Other Side of Town:
Rogue flinched as she grabbed the side of a brick building to steady herself. It was still early morning…no one was out on the streets yet. But Rogue wanted some answers. And only one person could help her get them. She pushed herself off the wall and stumbled down an alley, collapsing on top of the manhole. With a grunt she managed to sit up again and slowly pulled the manhole cover open. She gasped in surprise as the cover came up faster than she had expected. Then she took a deep breath in relief as Caliban stuck a head out.
"I felt you coming."
Down in the sewers Rogue leaned against the slimy wall and slid to the ground, exhausted. It had taken a lot for her to make it all the way here.
Caliban was frowning as he studied the pale brunette carefully. "You are weak; you shouldn't be out so soon. Not after the other day."
"You heard 'bout that?" asked Rogue with a faint chuckle.
"Yes…we all did. It was quite a feat that you performed. I am sure your master is very pleased with the outcome."
"Fuck…him. Ah came for…some help."
"What kind?"
"Mah mother. Mystique," Rogue spat out the name bitterly. "Ah want ta know everything 'bout her. The men in her life…Ah don't care how long ago, Ah just want some names. Ah need to sort it all out."
"I do not know that I should tell y—"
"Mystique will hafta go through meh ta get to you, sugah. But Ah'm losin' control up here," Rogue tapped her head, "ahn Ah wanna know what kinda person mah father could be."
"Your mind…how well are you coping, Rogue?" Caliban displayed concern as Rogue took another calming breath.
"Not very well…least, not anymore. The other day hit meh pretty hard. Ah need to figure out mah past before Ah can figure out mah future. D'ya know anything, Caliban? We are friends, aren't we?"
"Yes…I know only minimal details about your mother. I know even less about you. But I will try to help you as best I can…because we are friends, Rogue."
"Thank-you."
"You must know that Mystique has a most unique bond with your other master, Magneto. They are lovers of sorts. That much is common knowledge amongst all mutants. But there have been others. I know of only one other, but there were more."
"So Mags is one potential…who's the other?"
"Charles Xavier. There was a brief…bond…between them at one time. It was lost as soon as the war against mutants began. Charles was the one who helped Mystique gain control of her powers. She loved him for that, and was hesitant in ever raising a hand against him."
"So Mags ahn Xavier. Great, Ah'm not sure Ah like any of that. Ya know what this means, don't ya? Mah father might be a mutant. Which means Ah'm screwed. Mah powers have to be a combination of mah parents' DNA…some powerful DNA." Rogue brought her legs up to her chest as her mind tried to process the possibilities of her parentage. "Ahn there were others?"
Caliban nodded solemnly. "Countless others. Your mother is not known for her loyalty."
"So I've heard. How 'bout Wolverine? He made it sound like he's known Mystique for a while."
"Perhaps. I don't know much about him. No one, not even Wolverine himself, knows about him."
"Ah don't know what ta do, Caliban. Ah scare mahself now…all Ah want are answers. Why am Ah the way Ah am? When Ah fight Ah don't have remorse for the things Ah do…is that normal?" Rogue's voice weakened with tears as she buried her face in her knees.
"Power comes at a great cost, Rogue. Every mutant must deal with the outcomes in different ways. You contain both a gift and a curse. The ability to detach oneself from the tides of battle is part of that gift. If you did not then the consequences of your actions would tear apart your mind, until you lost all control and became the ultimate threat to yourself and society. Do not bemoan the fact that you are dangerous. All mutants are dangerous, Rogue. You have the ability to do great things with your powers, whether you use them for good or evil depends upon yourself; but never lose doubt. For doubt is what breeds trouble."
Rogue glanced up at Caliban cautiously. "Destiny told meh that only doom awaits meh."
"Destiny sees possibilities. Perhaps a test is coming, but it does not mean all of her prophecy will come to pass. Believe in yourself, Rogue, and you will find the answers you are looking for. And more; much, much more." Caliban tilted his head in farewell, and slowly began his retreat deeper into the sewers. Rogue watched him go, feeling a bit more confident in herself as she somehow made it back on her feet.
Minutes later she was topside once more and walking down the street. Winter was in the air as she pulled her coat tighter around her thin body. Yet, the crisp air helped to clear her mind. Rogue paused on the sidewalk and glanced towards the direction of the park. She could sense something there, something waiting for her. With renewed determination, Rogue headed towards the park, feeling the cool breeze wisp by her ears. As she neared the play area, Rogue caught sight of Sabertooth, prowling underneath a large oak tree.
"Hey, Whiskers," she said tiredly making her way to stand beside the large mutant.
"You shouldn't be out, you look like shit," returned the beast darkly.
Rogue shrugged. "Just wanted to clear mah head. You stalkin' meh?"
"Boss is worried about you…said you took a big gamble against that red head. You could have been killed."
"Maybe."
"Dammit, didn't Mystique teach you anything?" demanded Sabertooth with a growl. Rogue jumped back in surprise.
"Like what?"
"Like how to stay out of trouble. You ain't too smart, girl, when it comes to holdin' back from the enemy."
"Didn't know that was such an issue. It's not like Ah've seen Mystique lately. She hasn't been around…Ah figured she was some kinda mission for Mags, ahn she just forgot ta tell us," snapped Rogue irritably.
"That's just like her. She didn't warn ya she'd be AWOL for a bit, did she? Damn bitch, she'll never change. She's doing Magneto a favor, tailing the enemy. She'll be back soon."
Rogue frowned. "How long have ya known her?" she asked finally.
Sabertooth glanced down at Rogue warily. "Long enough to know she can't be trusted." He swiftly grabbed Rogue by the shoulders, giving her a warning look. "No matter what happens, don't trust that whore. Mystique hasn't always been loyal to Magneto. God knows what plans she has up her sleeve that involve turning against our leader. I know from experience what kind of betrayal and backstabbing that woman is capable of. You trust you instincts, you got me? Don't ever believe a word that comes out of her mouth!"
"Sure thing. Now, let go, you're hurtin' meh!" Rogue clutched her right shoulder the moment Sabertooth let her go. He stepped back and gave her one more glance before disappearing into the woods. Rogue watched him go and then leaned back against the tree. Now that meant there were four possible men from Mystique's past. And it seemed as though all of them wanted Rogue to tread carefully when dealing with the shape shifter.
Monday at School:
Rogue grimaced as she pulled out her pack of cigarettes. Her shoulder still hurt from Sabertooth's hold.
"Dammit!" exclaimed Rogue tossing her pack aside upon noticing it was empty. And she desperately needed a cigarette. Things had been pure hell all day. Jean was absent from school, and Rogue had been the recipient of glares from the X-Men. Apparently the red head was still recovering from the battle.
Figures. Jeanie's too damn weak. Scared of what she is inside.
But that wasn't Rogue's only problem. Lance was due for lunch detention, and after school he was supposed to work with his partner on an English project. And to make matters even worse, his partner just happened to be Kitty. Rogue's day was definitely turning out to be a shitty one.
So now here she was cutting her morning classes and sitting outside the auditorium, trying to take a break. Her mind was still reeling from the revelations of the weekend, and there was still no word from Mystique. Rogue wasn't sure what to think anymore. Who was she supposed to trust if not her own mother?
As if on cue Kurt came walking around the building, deep in thought. Rogue prayed under her breath that he would pass by with out seeing her sitting on the ground. No such luck.
"Rogue?" Kurt paused to study the southerner in confusion.
"Keep walkin' blue, Ah'm busy."
"Doing what? Sitting?"
Rogue gritted her teeth. She was beginning to think it had been a bad idea ever coming to Bayville in the first place. "Ah'm busy thinkin'. Now get lost."
"Oh no, if you have something on your mind, then you should talk to somebody about it. Like me."
"Not in this lifetime!" cried out Toad jumping down from a tree to tackle the German X-Man. Rogue shook her head as the two boys wrestled on the ground. As they neared the stairway leading down to the auditorium basement, Rogue got to her feet and began to walk away from the school.
"A little help, Roguey," gasped out Toad.
"I want to talk to you!" called out Kurt. Rogue ignored them both as they tumbled down the stairwell. She was tired of all the fighting.
Rogue continued walking, lost in thought until she came across a pay phone. She looked at it without really seeing it, then an idea dawned on her. She fumbled through her coat pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with Warren's number on it. Well if there was ever a time she needed to talk, now was it.
Later that Day:
Rogue stirred the contents of her coffee as Warren sat across from her, chowing down on a couple of croissants. After her phone call he had rushed down to Bayville to see her again. Partly because he was worried about her, and partly because he seemed drawn to her like no one else he had ever met.
"So, how are things going?" he finally asked.
"Ah'm tryin' ta piece together mah mother's past. Ah want ta know about mah father…but it's a lot harder than Ah thought it would be," murmured Rogue softly. She leaned her head against a propped arm and gazed out the café window.
"That bad?"
"She wasn't exactly a faithful woman. Ah'm up ta four possible fathers."
Warren grimaced in understanding. "And here I thought my dad's constant dating around was a bad thing. But I'm a little more concerned about you in general. You don't look much better than the last time I saw you. Pale face, trembling body, tired eyes. You look exhausted, Rogue. C'mon, tell me all about it. That's why I'm here, isn't it?"
Rogue glanced over to look Warren in the eyes. Finally she said, "Ah'm a mutant."
Warren didn't even blink. "I figured as much from the first time we met."
"Ah'm in deep waters, Warren. Ah'm fightin' a battle Ah cahn't win. But Ah don't think Ah have a choice anymore."
"You always have a choice, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I gather you're involved with some shady people, huh?"
Rogue chuckled dryly. "You could say that. Ah'm in way over mah head. At the time Ah felt Ah was makin' the right decision, but now…Ah feel like all Ah'm doin' is hurtin' people. Innocent people. But Ah don't know how ta make it right again. All Ah really want is acceptance."
"From your mother," sighed Warren.
"Yeah, is that wrong of meh?" she asked timidly. Warren leaned back in thought.
"It's complicated, that's for sure, Rogue. But I can see why you would want some kind of acceptance from your mother. I'm the same way with my father. As much as I disagree with him on pretty much every possible issue, I won't tell him no directly. Parents are people you always want to please, no matter what it requires you to do."
"Exactly, but Ah'm not sure acceptance from mah mother is what Ah really want. Ah think Ah want ta come to terms with her ohn the past. Why did she abandon meh? Why hasn't she acknowledged who she really is ta meh? Why am Ah so damn important after seventeen years of being ignored?"
Warren frowned. "That one's probably the most important question you could ask. And I wish I knew the answer…because, from the sounds of it, your mother's up to something concerning you. Are you really that powerful?"
"You have no idea."
A/N—Well, here's the latest chapter. I tried to give a little more insight into Rogue, so I hope it makes a little bit of sense. Next couple of chapters are pretty important in the big switcheroo. Exciting, isn't it? Anyway, enjoy until the next one.