YAY! New chapter! Sorry this has taken so long, I was out of town most of last week with no computer access. But anyway this chapter, I think, is a little cracky, but its supposed to be! One new(ish) character is very OOC, but its part of the plot and its only temporary. I was going for humor with this chapter...well Im always going for humor but more so in this chapter, it does have some serious parts too. Hope you enjoy please REVIEW! (Thank you RubyHair for always reviewing and giving tips, very much appreciated) It helps me update faster! By the by to the random fan who blogged this story on the McSpirk tag on Tumblr...Can I hug you!?

I have been waiting for you Spock.

Spock wanted to reply with "I know." or "obviously" but he was never given the chance because Sybok just kept talking. Leonard was silently grateful because he had no idea if he should respond or if the 'real' Spock in Jim's body would beat him to it. Leonard was also completely clueless on how to respond with out raising Sybok's eyebrows.

"Imagine my surprise when I learned that you ignored logic and our fathers wishes, so that you could remain with your humans pets. Tell me brother do these inferior creatures please you?" Sybok asked obviously waiting for Spock to give an emotional response. If Sybok was surprised that the blonde human responded he did not show it.

"What do you want Sybok?" Spock asked voice low and dangerous. Even if Spock had been in his own body he would not have been able to successfully hide the rage he felt towards his half brother at this moment.

"I am impressed brother, you have taught your pets to speak. What I want human is what is rightfully mine! With my banishment, Spock" Sybok spit out his name like a curse, "the half-breed was given my rightful spot as heir to the house of Surak. Riding this world of the half-breed and the elders will aid me in my rise to power. Under my rule my people will once again be the strong, proud race they once were." Sybok said almost smugly.

~Not that I'm on his side or anything but at least he's just trying to help his people~ Jim thought shyly. He really didn't like Sybok but he didn't seem to have any bad intentions...

~Jim! He wants to kill Spock to be king of Vulcan!~ Bones yelled into their minds obviously exasperated.

"That is not logical. Vulcans have not used the monarchy system for centuries; the house of Surak remains as a symbol of the Vulcan's progress in the ways of logic. The colony would never accept you as their ruler even if they illogically decided to bring back the monarchy. You are a V' tosh ka'tur they will never follow a Vulcan who is more human than the half-breed." Spock said disdain for his half-brother dripping from his tongue as he spoke.

"What do you know of logic human?!" Sybok yelled, "My race will once again be superior and we shall conquer this galaxy as our own!" Sybok cheered manically.

"Um...how do you plan to do that?" Jim asked

"It is simple human, I will convince the survivors to revert back to our ancestral ways, the ways of the Vulcan warrior. Before the time of Surak Vulcans embraced their emotions and were a deadly race, we killed or conquered anything that stood in our way. With my help my people will feel this power again!" Sybok said sounding very proud of himself.

~Ok never mind he's crazy...but what does world domination have to do with killing you?~ Jim asked through the bond

~I am unsure Jim. I am unsure how my death aids his plans because my death is not actually required for him to be heir~ Spock said still pondering his half-brothers logic and wondering what had caused him to become so...insane?

"Where do I factor in?" Leonard finally spoke up. This caused Sybok to grin, everyone on the bridge decided it was incredibly disturbing.

"You my brother?" Sybok asked probably just for the hell of trying to get an emotional reaction out of whom he assumed was his half brother.

"Yes, why is my death necessary in your plan?" Bones asked still managing to keep his Vulcan features neutral, or what he hoped was neutral and not completely livid.

"Your death is not necessary Spock but it has been my goal since that whore you call mother took my father from me! As your pets would say I am killing to birds with one stone." Sybok finished voice bordering on hysterical.

Every face on the ridge hardened like stone. Sybok was on the receiving end of seven pairs of eyes glaring at him icily. If the crew had been confused before the only emotion they felt now was hate, pure unstoppable hate for the Vulcan that was grinning manically back at them. There was an unspoken pact suddenly made between them at that moment that this so called Vulcan in front of them would not live long enough to see his plan to fruition. They would not leave the atmosphere unless Sybok was dead.

Before anyone could respond though Sybok began to speak again, "I believe you have learned enough for one day, I will begin the process of beaming you down-"

"NO!" shouted every member of the bridge...but they weren't quick enough.

Just as they all shouted Sybok pushed the button to his left and they all recognized the familiar sound and feeling of being beamed away.

None of the crew bothered to follow protocol and take stock of their surroundings as they franticly looked at their three friends and commanders to see if they were alright. The trio appeared behind them patting themselves down as if searching for something. They glanced at one another and with a great sigh of relief they all three glanced at their other four crew members smiling signaling that they were alright.

"Are you still switched?" Sulu asked cautiously.

"Yep still stuck. I wonder why we didn't switch back?" Jim asked allowed

"Because the crew was with you in the beam down." a voice said from behind them. They all jumped at the sound and turned around, Starfleet training finally kicking in after the initial shock was over. They approached the shadowed area of the room that the voice had come from cautiously.

"Selik?" Spock called out.

"Yes young one it is I." the elder Spock, Selik, replied as he looked up from the shadows, sounding tired. His wrists were chained to the wall behind him, he was seated on the dirt covered cell floor leaving his arms hanging in the air. As the familiar Enterprise officers approached he spoke again, "Do not fret I am well. Sarek is another story I'm afraid." the half-Vulcan finished solemnly as he looked to his left to point with his head where the man who was technically his father was seated unconscious.

Spock rushed over to his father to see that he too was chained to the wall, "What did Sybok do to him?" he asked.

"Sarek was forced to consume chocolate." Selik said gravely, Spock actually gasped.

"..." every other human stared stupidly at the Vulcan and the body they knew actually harbored Spock's mind.

"...is thees a bad thing?" Chekov asked sounding very confused. The crew, Jim and Bones included, nodded their heads to the question. It's just chocolate right?

"To a Vulcan chocolate is what alcohol is to humans." Spock said seriously

"So ve is drunk?" Chekov asked still confused.

"Essentially yes, but when a Vulcan is intoxicated their mental shields are destroyed. We become incredibly emotional and lose our basic vocal filters."

"Vat are vocal filters?" Chekov appeared to be the only one other than Spock capable of speech at the moment.

"Vocal sensors are what stop you from saying everything you are thinking. Humans have these too, for example you may be privately thinking that Lieutenant Sulu is aesthetically pleasing in his command golds but you do not voice such." Spock said with a pointed smirk at the now blushing Russian. "Another example is that when working an equation you do not vocalize every step your mind takes as you solve it you simply vocalize the answer." Spock finished. Chekov opened his mouth to no doubt ask another question when Sarek groaned back into consciousness.

Sarek blinked dumbly at the new faces that were slowly becoming more visible. His mental facilities must be more damaged then he first suspected because the man his son had tried to kill was staring at him, visibly worried, while his son was taking his pulse, when had Spock become a doctor? His vision continued to clear and he realized that the female his son was dating was there as well as the physician who referred to him as a mythological fairy creature!

A few moments more and Sarek's vision was once again normal, he realized there were seven new beings now sitting around him in the cell with a fellow elder whose name he did not recall. He was relieved that the nausea was beginning to dissipate but his mind still felt clouded...Sarek paused...it felt...startled Sarek realized that his mental shields had all been destroyed and he actually felt! Suddenly his mind was rolling through dozens of emotions all at once, panic, confusion at their current situation, sadness at seeing the son that reminded him so much of his beloved wife, yet there was still joy at seeing his son again. Suddenly concern along with curiosity joined the mix as he contemplated how his son and fellow crew mates ended up in the cell with him. Just as Sarek was about to speak his 'son' began speaking in a most illogical tone.

"Physically he's alright, but mentally I have no clue what's going on in that brain ah his." McCoy explained as he took a step back from his crouch on the dusty floor as he checked his father in-law over. Suddenly Sarek appeared absolutely scandalized!

"My son your use of improper English Standard is most unbecoming of a Vulcan! It is most illogical, but somehow entertaining, your mother would most likely find it quite humorous." Sarek gulped his face suddenly becoming very pained, "I apologize it remains painful to recall your mother and suppress the urge to weep." yet again Sarek paused smiling slightly, another mood swing kicking in from the chocolate, "But Amanda would be most pleased to see that you have bonded with your...I believe the endearment is girlfriend? Do you plan on having a ceremony? You should have one on Earth as well, Amanda would have liked that." Sarek said innocently oblivious to the bug eyed stares he was receiving.

~Spock! You never told your father that you and Uhura broke up?!~ Bones screamed through the bond.

~Leonard I have not spoken to my father since he left for the colony~ Spock said obviously nervous.

~Well this will be interesting...what do we tell him first? We switched bodies? Your bonded to me and Bones? Or that your gonna have a baby?~ Jim asked sounding almost amused at this growing soap opera that their lives had become.

"Yes father we did plan to have an official ceremony but it is not to Lieutenant Uhura that I am bonded." Spock in Jim's body said.

~I will tell him~ Spock said rather resigned.

"I apologize blonde haired child whom my son once strangled, but I am not your father. I am Sarek of Vulcan you are James Kirk of Earth, did you know your irises remind me of the oceans on Earth? They are a fascinating sight, Vulcan had no bodies of water like those of Earth. But I can sense through your touch that you are bonded. To whom are you bonded?" Sarek began to ramble about Earth oceans and bonding ceremonies when Spock decided to cut him off.

"Father I am Spock, there was a transporter accident involving myself, Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy, we traded consciousness." Spock tried to explain.

"Fascinating! Is there no way to return you to your own physical form?" Sarek asked as he reached out and touched Spock's, Jim's, face forcefully as if to test that he was not wearing a mask. Spock pulled back obviously startled by his fathers drunk actions.

"There is a way but we have ran into...complications..."

"What kind of complications?" Sarek asked curiously.

"Father...my body...that is my physical form is...I am..."

"Spock's pregnant!" Jim screeched obviously panicking about how Sarek would react but couldn't stand the pressure of waiting any longer.

Sarek was silent, deathly silent, he stared at the man who had just screamed that his son was ka'khan. He stared at the man who claimed to be his son. Then he stared at the physical form of his son.

"That is...that is...illogical..." Sarek stuttered shocked by the news.

Spock attempted to quirk an eyebrow at his father's statement, "Father this is perfectly natural for a male Vulcan in a same sex relationship." Spock said as if pointing out the obvious.

"Yes for a full blooded Vulcan but you were created in a laboratory Spock, you are a hybrid, I made sure it was a physical impossibility for you to bear children-"

"You did what?!" Bones screamed absolutely outraged by what he had just heard. What kind of father would purposefully prevent his perfectly healthy child from having kids?!

Sarek jumped at the scream that came from his son's body, "It was logical.-"

"How is preventing your son from having kids logical?! Sounds pretty damn illogical to me!" Bones yelled again.

Scotty, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov had taken to exploring their cell and attempting to free Selik while silently pretending they couldn't hear the argument going on between their commanders and the Vulcan ambassador. They couldn't help but listen in when Sarek had begun to confess though.

"It is logical because the child of a hybrid will obviously be even more of a hybrid thus creating the potential for even more complications. Spock will be fortunate if the child even survives to term let alone both of them surviving the birth! I was attempting to prevent this pain by making it impossible to occur!" Sarek yelled outraged that his son was now in even more danger.

Spock was not sure what to say, his father had purposefully tried to prevent him from bearing children but in the same moment was also trying to protect his physical and emotional well being.

"Father while I am conflicted that you tried to stop this at the sake of my safety I must ask how it is possible because I am ka'khan." Spock asked.

Sarek stared off into space thinking, he too wanted to know how this was possible. It is not that he was not fascinated to know that he would have a grandchild, he truly was...happy...about it but he was also terrified...and perplexed. He and Amanda had discussed their child's fertility at great lengths. He had argued that the risk was too great while Amanda argued that it should be up to the child to decide whether or not they would bear children...Amanda had...Amanda!

"Your mother!" Sarek screamed at the room, "She!...she lied!...if your mother was alive! If your mother was here!...we...we would have words!" Sarek screeched as understanding dawned on him. The rest of the bridge crew including Selik were staring at Sarek completely baffled.

"Your mother made the final arrangements while putting together your genetic make-up because I was working off-planet. She lied." Sarek said almost smiling, startling the crew. Maybe it was the chocolate but Sarek quickly accepted his wife's lie and began to ponder more important things. "Who is the father?" Sarek asked his smile shrinking to a more neutral pose but still obviously happy.

This question got everyone's attention, who was the father? Would the genetics be determined by the body or the mind and soul?

Jim and Leonard shared a brief glance, fear in their eyes as they realized that someone would be left out. Someone would get hurt...but who?

Everyone was staring expectantly at Spock assuming he would have the logical answer. To their surprise he did not.

Spock opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, he truly did not know. If the genetics were determined by the body Spock knew the child would be Jim's, but how would that affect Leonard? If the genetics would be determined by their mind and soul the child was actually Jim and Leonard's, Spock would only be the surrogate...After several minutes of silent staring Spock answered the only way he could.

"I do not know Father." Spock barely whispered loud enough for the rest of the room to hear. This seemed to startle Sarek even more then finding out his son was ka'khan!

"Illogical, the male who penetrated your anus will be the father of the child." Sarek said oblivious to the wide eyed blushing stares he was receiving from the rest of his cell mates. Sulu quickly covered Chekov's ears as the Russian blushed a violent shade of red. Scotty was choking on air as he began to cough and quickly turned to hide his rapidly reddening face and control his breathing again. Uhura seemed to be trying not to laugh hysterically while Selik flushed pine green. Jim too was blushing ruby red while Leonard was lime green.

Spock and Sarek seemed to be the only ones unfazed, Sarek waiting for an answer while Spock seemed to worried to care how embarrassing his Father was acting.

How would this change things between the three of them?

Sarek apparently got impatient, "Spock unless you have had intercourse with someone other then your bondmate, there is only one logical answer. So tell me who is your mate?"

"Mates." Spock said still looking down.

"I apologize please repeat that." Sarek said shocked wondering if he heard what he thought he heard.

"Mates Father. I am bonded to both Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy." Spock said finally looking his father in the eye. Jim and Leonard held their breath as they waited for Sarek's response.

"Fascinating!"

~Well I wasn't expecting that response~ Leonard said sarcastically

~Is you're Father just that drugged up or is he really ok with this?~ Jim asked curiously

~The chocolate does not change his opinions it simply makes it impossible for him to keep any of his thoughts to himself as most Vulcan's would. So yes he is ok with this~ Spock said happily, glad they had finally explained everything.

"How did you manage such a bond? Why did you chose both males? Why are you no longer with the female? How does physical intimacy work with two mates? The mind-meld must have an incredible affect if you all receive triple the stimulation! I am curious to see how having two male mates will affect your Pon Farr...you did inform them of this correct?" Sarek suddenly stopped rambling, he wanted an answer to this very important question.

~Your what?~ Both Jim and Bones asked.

At Spock's slightly guilty blush Sarek got his answer. "You have not! Spock you could seriously harm your mates especially if you become defensive!"

"Ok can someone explain what y'all are talking about?" Bones interrupted.

"Yes, Pon Farr is the Vulcan time of mating. It occurs every seven years starting when the male Vulcan enters adulthood. In un-bonded males their blood begins to boil, the only way to stop the process is to bond and mate." Sarek began in a lecturing kind of mood.

"Well it wont happen to Spock if are already bonded right?" Jim asked.

"Incorrect. With a bonded male the burn is shared between mates thus the solution is to mate until the blood fever is gone and the mating drive has ceased in both mates, or in your case all three mates. If the fires of Pon Farr can not be extinguished the affected members will die." Sarek finished seriously but with a melancholy tone as if he had just given a lecture to an academy class on how to brush their teeth!

Selik and Spock were both blushing.

~So you have to have sex or die?~ Jim asked on the verge of hysterical laughter.

~As my bondmates you must as well or you will die too~ Spock said seriously but with a hint of smugness.

~Ok really darlin' I get why you didn't tell us yet but shouldn't we be focusing on other things...like I don't know where the hell is your brother? Or how do we get your dad sobered up? Or maybe how do we get out of this cell!?~ Leonard demanded slightly annoyed.

"It is quite adorable to see you three communicating telepathically." Sarek said wistfully.

Spock, Jim and Leonard's heads shot up at that.

~How can he tell?~ Jim asked

"I have seen many Vulcan bondmates communicate this way, I recognize the signs." Sarek answered their unasked question.

"Ok so how are we gonna get outa here?" Jim turned and asked his crew who had sat down on the cell floor engaged in their own conversations trying not to eavesdrop.

So whatchya think? Sarek has totally lost it yes I know but it's funny right? (I hope) Cant wait to see what happens when he gets a hangover...Sybok will get more involved in the next chapter. Any questions? Comments? Please Review!