Chapter Fifty-four;
"Alright, first I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Alexander Marks. Pleasure to meet you both, and to our interview, it will be in three parts, if that is okay. First is general questions the public has, I have quite a few since you're both well-known War heroes and First-Class Order of Merlin holders, and then a quick-fire on what you both think of each other and what not, and then finally a compatibility test I'd like you both to take, if that's fine." Alex explained.
"Yes, get on with it…" Severus muttered.
"Alright, first question, how you two met the very first time?" Alex asked, smiling.
"We met on the Hogwarts train when we were eleven first coming to Hogwarts." Sirius said.
"Yes, I hexed his best friend to grow antlers on his head, how ironic." Severus commented.
"He then called me an imprudent cretin and then turned on his heel and walked back to his compartment." Sirius finished.
Alex blinked. "Uh… really?"
"Yes, really. It was love at first sight." Severus scowled.
"Um, right." Alex finished, dabbing down some notes next to his quill which was hovering in the air and writing on the parchment.
"Next question?" Sirius said.
"Um… When did you two first get together?" Alex asked, frowning a bit at the answer to the previous question.
"Our first date was September 12th, we decided to give… /this/ a try the night before." Severus informed him.
"I see, so just barely two and a half months since the fall of Voldemort, you two worked in close proximities, yes during the War, right?" Alex asked.
"Yes, we did." Sirius answered.
"Did you two flirt or anything?" Alex asked, turning a bit red at such a question.
"No—" Sirius began but was interrupted.
"Of course not, quite the opposite, I kept asking Albus if I could just kill him and get it over with, but he kept telling me: 'No, Severus, we need Sirius in this war.'" He scoffed. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"You… you wanted to kill him?" Alex asked.
"Of course I did, wouldn't you? Look at him; he gets fur all over the furniture." Severus said.
"Oi! I do not!" Sirius said, letting out a chuckle.
"Hmph." Severus grunted.
"Um… next question!" Alex said, and both nodded.
"How was your first date? Like a description, if you would?" Alex asked, trying his best to smile.
"I'll answer this one!" Sirius quickly said, throwing a glare at Severus who shrugged his shoulders. "Alright, so we met in Hogsmeade, and we were going to have lunch at the Three Broomsticks—"
"Then he met a woman." Severus interrupted.
"I didn't meet a woman!" Sirius said, glaring.
"Oh, really? Certainly looked like a woman." Severus said, shrugging his shoulders.
Sirius groaned. "So, then Severus walked in and saw me talking to a gir—"
"A woman."
"Fine! I was talking to a woman, and he gets all rage jealous and runs out."
"I was not jealous."
"You were jealous."
"No—"
"Still are jealous."
"I am not jealous."
"Yes you are!"
"No."
"Stop bickering with me."
"I do not bicker, Black."
"Yes you do, Black." Sirius responded, smirking, this shut Severus up. "So anyway" he began to continue. "I chased him out, found him sulking in an apothecary—"
"I wasn't sulking."
"Mrs. Black, dear, I'm speaking."
"I will cut you up into potion ingredients."
"Love you too – now, then we started fighting in the streets and then he ran off back to hide in his chambers, and I chased after him, and then when I made it to his chambers, I snuck in—"
"He broke in. I never allowed him entrance."
"I snuck in—and then I did puppy eyes and then he made me roll over and he gave me a bone—"
"Wait, a bone?" Alex interrupted.
"You know, like a dog biscuit." Sirius said.
"He… he gave you a dog biscuit?" Alex asked, frowning.
"That dog biscuit cost me one sickle." Severus commented.
"I'm glad to know you spent a lot of money on me, dear."
"Only the best for my mutt." Severus said, scoffing.
"Right… well, and then he offered to get me a dog trainer and then we went to sleep, and day done." Sirius said, smiling.
Silence fell over the three as Alex stared, a bit wide-eyed. "Um…" He hummed, looking down at the papers in his lap and flipping through them. "Right, last question and then we'll uh, move on." He muttered, checking over his questions he had prepared. "Oh! Here's one, how's your sex life?" Alex asked, giving a smile and turning a light shade of pink at such a question, but he had to ask what his viewers wanted to know, even if the question was embarrassing.
Once again, silence fell, Sirius was staring at Alex, his eyebrow raised, wondering why would he ask such a question, and Severus… well, Severus was clenching his fists, jaw locked, glaring at Alex as if he was about to murder him. Alex gulped when he saw Severus face, and sat as far back against the chair as possible. Sirius looked at his husband and tried to keep a straight face. "Sev, you're scaring him…"
"I'm about to show him why I was a Death Ea-"
"Sev!" Sirius said, punching his shoulder. "Ignore him. He's embarrassed about these things."
"I am not embarrassed; it's none of their bloody business!"
"Sev, calm down." Sirius sighed. "Our uh sex life is just fine, we're not going into detail though…"
Severus sat back took a few calming breathes, then decided if the 'readers' wish to know, then he'll give them a story. "It's like sleeping with a dog."
"It is not, Severus!"
"It is, very awkward the first few nights; I kept waking up with his tail in my face."
"You arse, you did not."
"Have you ever heard of bestiality, Mr. Marks?" Severus asked in a serious manner, and Sirius began to laugh at the horrid expression on Alex's face.
"He's just messing with you!" Sirius said, nudging Severus very hard in the side.
"Yes… just… messing with you. Of course, why would I be serious?" Severus asked Alex, keeping his normal cold serious façade in place.
"Ummm." Alex hummed.
"Yes, I'm kidding." Severus said, sighing. "If you print that, I will however show you just how good of a Potions Master I am with undetectable poisons."
Alex widened his eyes. "Okay! Next part of the interview!" He quickly said, wanting to stray far from this question and answer.