Chapter 3

Tony had lived in his new apartment for three weeks now. He hadn't even finished unpacking all the boxes. Only the most required things had found a place in his one room home. Angela and he had decided that he wouldn't come over to clean the house anymore. It would have been too painful and would cause them embarrassment. Most of his time he spent studying for his final exams which demanded a lot from him. It was terribly problematic to concentrate when his thoughts were drifting off course, but finally all his constant efforts bore fruit. His exams went well.

Sometimes Sam came over and involved him in discussions about his relationship with Angela, but he mostly cut her short. He couldn't talk to anyone about her. Jonathan also had visited him a few times for which Tony was very grateful; he never wanted to lose contact with the boy.

His graduation ceremony was appointed for next Friday and of course he had invited Angela, Mona and the kids. He wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to see Angela again or not. Just thinking about the ceremony made him almost nauseated. He hadn't seen her for three weeks and had only talked to her shortly when he invited her over the phone. She had promised to come but was terse while talking to him. Maybe it was because she was in a meeting or some other reason. He didn't know and would never find out. Everything had turned out so much differently from what he expected. More than a year ago he thought he could talk openly to Angela about his feelings on his graduation day but that was completely out of the question now. Tony also started writing applications. At first he wanted to stay in the area but he wasn't sure about that anymore. Staying in Fairfield would mean he would meet Angela and her soon to be husband from time to time and he didn't know if he could handle that.

When the day of his graduation came, a great calm seized him. He never expected that. He thought he would be upset and nervous on his big day, but the opposite was the case. It was like he was sitting on a cloud in the sky and watched the ceremony from above. When his diploma was handed to him he looked over the audience, his eyes met Angela's chocolate brown ones. She gave him a beaming smile and was obviously more than proud of him. He tried to smile as well, but it faded quickly. After every student had received his degree Tony went down to his guests and got hugs and kisses like never before. Samantha was crazy about her graduated father and Jonathan had to shake his head over and over again. His substitute father, friend, coach and biggest adviser had received his diploma. Mona, a late student herself congratulated and kissed his cheeks several times. Only Angela stood a little apart from the others. She watched the presented scene with mixed feelings. A few months earlier she had been sure that this day would change everything in her future, but she had a bitter pill to swallow. Other things had changed her future, some were bad and some were good. The better part was she had Andy and would get married. She took a deep breath and came closer, smiling.

Tony turned around to her and for a moment the world stopped spinning, both of them searching for the right words.

"Angela, I want you to know how much I appreciate your coming. I wouldn't be here without you."

"You did all the work yourself, Tony. Now you can start a brand-new life again," Angela replied softly. She was happy he made it. After all he had a chance for a new beginning. Without her. Her smile faded.

"You will accompany us to the restaurant? We have to celebrate the day."

"Tony, I can't. Andy is waiting in the car. We are going to go ring shopping today," Angela looked down and scratched the ground absentmindedly with her foot.

"Well, that's a good reason. I guess, the wedding preparation can't be postponed," Tony said nonchalantly.

"Uuhm, no, I'm… sorry. Andy is only free for today," she replied in a steady voice, "I have to go now."

"Then thank you for coming, "he responded reserved. With a short handshake they said a quick good bye. Tony addressed his guests and all together they left the place which had been so important to him the last four years.

A few days later, Tony was just going over a resume when his doorbell rang, a sound he wasn't yet used to. At Oak Hills Drive most visitors and friends had come through the back door. Tony opened the door finding Sam, wet from rain. She joggled her hair and the drops flew through the room.

"Sam, why did you come through this awful rain?"

"Oh Dad, I hadn't hear from you for a while. I wanted to see whether you were ok or not." Sam threw her dripping jacket on a chair and collapsed on the couch.

"Why should I not be ok? Everything is fine. I'm working on my application," Tony shoved the papers aside, "do you want tea or coffee?"

"Since when have you offered me coffee, Dad?"

"Since you're an adult."

"Uuuh, great. You finally see me as an adult. Then I'm sure you won't have any objections when I introduce you my new boyfriend on Saturday? And adult or not, I prefer tea."

Tony went over to the small kitchenette and put the teakettle on the stove. "You have a new boyfriend? What's his name? What does he do? Where did you meet him?"

"Ey-oh, Dad. Is this a quiz? First of all his name is Hank. Secondly he studies medicine. Thirdly I met him on the street. My car didn't start and he helped me. He hit with a hammer on the starter and the car started. I invited him to a coffee shop and we started up a conversation and… we are on the same wavelength, Dad. It's like I found my other half," Sam sighed love-struck.

"So I'm going to meet your other half on Saturday?" Tony rolled his eyes in view of his affectionate and lovesick daughter, "it would be the best if we went to a restaurant. This place is too small for anything. Tony looked around his shoe box.

"If you had stayed at Angela's it wouldn't be a problem," Sam looked at him reproachfully, "we would have the entire place."

"And you would have Angela at your side if I grill him, the great car mechanic," Tony replied, knowing himself very well.

"Dad, promise me not to beat him to a pulp."

"I'll behave the best I'm able to. Sam, it's good you're here today. I want to talk to you about something."

The teakettle whistled and Tony poured the hot water in two mugs. He walked over to the couch and sat down by Sam.

"I got two job offers and I don't know which I should choose."

"Two offers? That's fantastic, Dad. From which schools are they?" Sam asked him.

"The first is from Stamford High School and the other one is.. yeah well, it's from the Saint Monica Catholic High School," Tony answered with low voice, "but I'm still looking for more."

"Saint Monica? Like Santa Monica? California?" Sam was stunned, "are you really considering moving to California?"

"I just don't know. It's a remarkable offer for someone like me. It's a fulltime job as a teacher for history and I have the opportunity to coach the girl's baseball team. It would be a contract for 14 months as a substitute teacher while that teacher is doing a sabbatical year. Meanwhile Stamford just offered a part time job for only four months."

"That wouldn't be so bad if you still worked for Angela." Sam carped disgruntled.

"Sam, please. Things are different for me. I have to take my life in my hands again. It doesn't help to grieve over something that is over." Tony pleaded for understanding.

"It'll never be over between the two of you," Sam announced, "there is no way you can forget about her even though she is going to marry this boring man."

"Not again, Sam. I don't want to discuss my… my," he stopped.

"Relationship? It's what you wanted to say, isn't it?"

"Friendship."

Sam rolled her eyes and jumped from the couch. "You have time to decide what you want to do. There is something more, Dad. I talked to Jonathan and he is not doing so well. Andy is at Angela's often and he feels redundant. Andy has no interest in him at all. I guess our boy will go to the farthest university possible when he graduates next year. You could call him, he needs you."

"I'll call him, Sam. Thank you for telling me."

"I've got to go. More studying to do."

Sam hugged her father and turned to the door. "Please, sleep over all your plans. You don't have to rush."

"I know. Bye, my little one."

The days passed and Tony was unable to come up with a decision. Sometimes he wanted to stay in Fairfield, waiting for his chance to see Angela again or talk her out of that baleful marriage. But wasn't that selfish? He wanted her to be happy as she deserved. Then again, he wanted to leave everything behind and start something new, but every time he thought of that the pressure in his chest got stronger and stronger. On some days it was so bad that he didn't want to get out of his bed. He stayed in the rumpled sheets for hours, staring at the ceiling. Everything was so difficult to do and demanded all his power. Even cleaning this super small apartment seemed to be an impossible challenge. He always tried to pull himself together but more and more it became an unattainable goal. One day Jonathan visited him. Tony was terrified about his bad appearance and Jonathan was worried about Tony's sudden grubbiness.

''Tony, I never saw you like this. What happened?''

''Well, I didn't take it so well that...my life took such a it will be better when I start a new job.'' Tony answered, running his hands through his messy hair, ''what about you, pal?''

Jonathan sighed. Everytime he was at home he felt like a fifth wheel. There wasn't so much life in the house anymore. It was always quiet. Andy liked the quiet. Jonathan found it boring. Andy normally drove home after long evenings with Angela in the living room, never staying overnight. Jonathan would never understand his mother who had chosen that geek over Tony.

''Tony, I'm already looking forward to my college years.I don't want to stay in the area anymore.'' Jonathan explained, "I'm working very hard on my grades, it would be easier if I got a scholarship. Mom couldn't say anything then." Jonathan munched on a brownie which Tony had managed to make after confirming Jonathan's visit. "This is heaven, Tony. I miss your food." Jonathan sighed happily after a few more brownies. "I have a summer job as a group leader in a camp in Vermont, Tony. I'll start after the wedding."

"Yes, the wedding, "Tony breathed out, very well aware of the invitation which was currently hanging on his bulletin board. He could see that that cream-colored parchment from every corner of his room. It seemed to follow him. He could feel the presence of this innocuous piece of paper everywhere he went. Like it had eyes which bored in his back all the time he turned around.

"Only a few more weeks Tony," Jonathan eyes beseeched Tony, "her bachelorette party will be soon."

"Whoah, she's jumping in with both feet."

"She is and I don't know how to stop her." Jonathan moved to the door and opened it, "I'm waiting for a miracle." He waved Tony a good bye and left.

"I don't believe in miracles anymore." Tony whispered to himself.