Chapter 9

Against all expectations Angela fell asleep very quickly. At least until five in the morning, then she had to use the bathroom. The baby was already pressing on her bladder. Everything with this pregnancy was so different in comparison to her first. With Jonathan she increased weight quickly; this time she was barely showing. After using the bathroom she passed the couch where Tony was sleeping. His sleep was apparently restless; she could see the play of his muscles and his rapidly moving eyelids. Careful not to wake him she went to his bookshelf. In the moonlight she saw some pictures. Samantha at all ages, Jonathan and Mona. Not a single one of her. Why should he? She went over to the sink, searching for a glass to drink some water.

"You need something?" His voice, husky from sleep, startled her at first. She turned around only to find him inches away. His bare upper body radiated the summer heat, that earthy scent that had made her crazy the night when…. that night.

"Uuhm, yes. I wanted a glass of water."

He reached up to the cupboard, filled a glass and handed it to her. Angela drank it in great gulps.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I wasn't sleeping anyway," he said and went back to couch, "when does your flight leave?"

"At twelve."

"I'll take you to the airport. Try to get more sleep."

With these words he pulled the blanket over himself and closed his eyes.

Angela went to bed again and managed to sleep three more hours. When she woke up she rushed through her morning toilette. Tony had already made breakfast. The smell of fresh pancakes filled the air.

"Good morning," she whispered, looking at the filled breakfast table.

He noticed her glance. "Don't even think about just juice and coffee," he muttered, "you need a real breakfast."

She smiled shyly and took her seat. "You don't have to do this, you know. I could eat something at the airport."

Tony sighed, but abstained from replying. He filled her plate with a warm pancake and a cup with coffee. "I would prefer you drinking tea, but I know you're used to coffee. Please not more than one cup a day." Taking a place too, he grabbed a pancake for himself.

Angela started eating and to her surprise she was really hungry. She managed three pancakes and leaned back in her chair. She placed a hand on her stomach and looked around the room.

"How did you get this place? It's incredible. Small but wonderful. I thought these beach houses would cost a fortune?"

"It was kind of a miracle I got this. The teacher I'm the substitute for owns it. He and his wife are doing a world trip. This house is his second home and he didn't want to rent it or leave it untenanted for a whole year. When he heard I was a housekeeper before he offered me a position as a house sitter. So if you want to see this correctly I have two jobs. I just have to pay for my food," Tony explained his lucky living situation, "yes, I've met it well at this place."

"It must be wonderful to live by the ocean. So different from our… your former life in Fairfield. Are you happy here?" she dared to ask.

"Happy? That's a strange word, Angela. I would say I'm satisfied and content," Tony shifted uncomfortably on his chair. This conversation wasn't where he wanted it to be and so he changed the topic abruptly. "Angela, I want to be honest to you. I've been thinking the whole night and can't come up with a solution. I don't know what to do. I need more time."

"I already said it, I don't expect anything." They lapsed into silence and finished their coffee.

The drive to the airport was insane with all the traffic around and they were running late when they reached the gate. They turned face to each other, both not knowing what to say. It was Tony who spoke first.

"Angela, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

Tony cleared his throat and looked at her. He wasn't sure he was going to like her answer, but no matter what he needed to hear it.

"That moment when the doctor told you about the baby, what did you feel?" He held in his breath and couldn't keep his eyes from hers capturing every expression in them. Then he felt a great relief. His question put a smile on her face and her eyes lit up for a few seconds.

"I felt nothing but joy, Tony. For a time I was so happy. It was a dream for such a long time and now it had come true. I always wanted a baby with….," she stopped, "I always wanted more children," she reflected on that special day. "What did you feel when I told you?" It was her turn to look at him and she did, anxiously.

His smile reached his eyes. "For a moment I was overwhelmed, Angela. Just like you, I always wanted more children. It wasn't meant to be with Marie. Thank you for your honesty," he hesitated, "What do you feel now?"

"I'm scared, Tony," she whispered.

"As we were both happy, at least for a moment…. There is hope, Angela, isn't there? Hope that we figure it out? That we can arrange something we both can live with?"

"I don't know. We both changed so much. We aren't the same people anymore. There have been so many unforeseen events especially last year."

"You don't give us any credit here? To figure something out for the future?"

"Do you?"

"I'll try."

Her flight back to New York was called. Tony wanted to hug her, but didn't dare. It seemed inappropriate. Instead of making physical contact he handed her the suitcase that he had carried for her.

"I've got to go."

"I'll try to change my schedule, Angela. I'll call you. We need more time to figure this out."

Angela nodded, turned around and went through the gate. Tony stared at her back and as soon the doors closed he felt empty. When he stepped out of the airport into the blazing sun he wondered if the last 12 hours had really happened. Everything felt surreal in the shimmering heat of the parking lot. Would he really become a father again?

Angela sat in the plane. Mixed feelings had overcome her. In one way she was relieved she had finally told him about the baby but was scared to death about the doubtful outcome. She loved to be a mother again, but the circumstances couldn't be worse. "How would that work?" she asked herself, "a baby, and a father who lives 3000 miles away." She leaned back in her seat, closed her eyes and thought about Tony. He had never been a neglectful father. When he had said he would figure it out he would. She had trusted him with Jonathan and she would trust him with the new baby. She had always trusted him even when he got involved with Kathleen. An idea formed in her head. She hadn't told him the truth that terrible morning in her agency and she had to do so. Soon. With that last thought she dozed away.

It was almost nine when she arrived home. She placed her suitcase on the small bench at the door and hung up her coat. Slowly she walked into the kitchen finding her mother sitting at the table.

"Mother, you're not on a date? What are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for you."

"What? How did this rare occasion come to be?"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic. I'm serious. I called you in San Diego yesterday. You had already left. Where were you the rest of the day and more interesting… the night?" Mona asked her, torn between worry and curiosity.

Angela sighed. Not this as well! Slowly she took a seat on the chair. She knew she had to tell her mother anyway. However she wasn't ready for this.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Angela, throw me a bone here. I know you're not the type for a one night stand with one of your business partners so don't put me on the rack. Where have you been?" Mona dragged the last words to double length.

"I've been in Los Angeles."

"To do what?"

"I visited an old friend."

"You don't have old friends in L. A.," Mona started to say but then had a sudden burst of lucidity, "oh, that old friend. You've seen Tony. Was there a special reason?"

"Yes, mother I was in the area. That's all."

"That's all? Then tell me why are you so low-spirited? Usually Tony cheers you up."

Angela wasn't able to answer. Tears were welling up and suddenly she felt exhausted. The pregnancy hormones were driving her crazy. Up one minute, down the next. She suppressed a sob when she felt her mother's hand on hers.

"Dear, I'm not stupid. He wasn't amused about your pregnancy, was he?"

Angela was astonished. How did she know?

"Angela, it was easy to find out; all that sickness and today your gynecologist called and postponed your appointment to next Tuesday."

"He talked with you about my issues?"

"He thought I was you. You know how young I sound on the phone."

"Well, then you're well-informed."

"Why did you tell Tony first?"

"Because he has the right to hear it first."

"Wait, Angela. Are you telling me that… whoooh, Tony is the father?" Mona screamed excitedly, "that's much better than I had imagined. I'm relieved that the doctor's tadpoles sailed too slowly. What luck! So when he will be back?" Mona asked, meaningfully.

Angela looked into the happy eyes of her mother and swallowed. She looked down on the table and started shoving the place mat from right to left. A tear dropped on the light blue plastic.

"Angela?" Mona asked startled and put her hand on Angela's arm, "he will come back, won't he?" I mean we are talking about an Italian family man."

"I sent him away that day he came into my office. I said I didn't want to see him again. Ever. I said so many things… I," she whispered. All the tenseness that had built up over the past week unloaded in crying now. With teary eyes she looked to her mother. "I've hurt him, Mom. He… we are not together and he won't come back, at least not to live here. He needs time to get used to this new situation and I need time too."

"That might be true now, but there are a few more months to figure it out."

"That's what he is trying to do, figure something out; but I don't know if there is chance to work this out. We made so many mistakes and he is so… different from the Tony I thought I knew."

"So he didn't exactly twirl you around and act like a freaking father?"

"He didn't touch me, not even with his pinky."

"That's strange, Angela. I need you to ask one question," Mona shifted on her chair, " are you sure Tony is the father?"

"Mother! Not even Tony asked me this."

"No? That means he trusts you completely."

Suddenly Angela's eyes dried up. Her mother had a point. She had told Tony her trust was broken but he hadn't shown the slightest doubt. Would there ever be chance to make everything better?