My good mood didn't last. The more he smiled, the more he joked with me, the worse I felt. Josep was too bright, too sweet. Act or not, I pitied him and now he knew it. Our diner had been long, and surprisingly enjoyable, despite the girl. Once when she'd left the table, he'd let his head thump down beside his plate. I smirked, resting my chin in my palm and asked if everything was alright, only to receive a soft animal growl.

Even Sanura's company had been tolerable during this trip, but I think that might have been only because Josep served as such a great buffer. Would she still treat me this way once he was gone? My mood was once again sour at the thought.

Isaac had gone to sleep with the girl, saving her for morning, he'd said, while Sanura had remained at the restaurant with our waiter, who she'd been flirting with shamelessly all night. I assumed he too was now on the menu, and tried not to think about either human too much.

"There's something on your mind." Josep said. He was pouring himself a drink from the mini bar in the living room. I didn't bother being surprised that he'd known I was there. If Isaac could hear the heartbeat of the driver in front of him on a busy highway, then Josep could hear me stumbling down the hall.

"Why don't you run?" I asked from the doorway. The vampire paused a moment before turning toward me. Whatever he'd thought I wanted to say, it hadn't been that. For a long time he only stared at me, as if trying to see into my head. Searching for a lie or something similar, but I moved forward, wringing my hands and feeling nearly sick.

"You aren't being held down. No one's watching you. If you wanted, you could just slip out the door and disappear so why the hell don't you?" I scowled, "Do you want to die?"

He laughed softly and sank down onto the couch, motioning for me to join him. "If I told you I did, would you believe me?"

"No." I sat back on my knees beside him, "No creature wants to die, no matter how fearless they are."

"And you know this how?"

"It's human nature to fear death." I replied solemnly. "And I know that you don't consider yourselves human anymore, but you were once."

"Amhlaoibh wanted to die." Josep had lost his smile now and was searching my face for reaction. I sighed and shook my head.

"No one wants to-"

"He begged me." He cut me off vehemently, setting down his glass. "He wept when I refused and pleaded for days. When I would not, he attacked me, hoping that in defending myself I would do the deed."

"Ok." I held up my hands, not liking the darkening of color in his eyes. Josep, realizing that he'd been on edge slid to the arm of the couch, just out of reach and nodded. "But…he was old right? Old enough to have lost all humanity maybe?"

"And I am not?" Josep laughed without humor. "You contradict yourself. You're sweet, little human, but incredibly naive. Why is the thought of my dying so distasteful to you?"

"It's not distasteful." I snapped, standing up and pacing. "It's sickening. He made you do it. Isaac knows it and so does Colette and yet they're all going to just let this happen."

"You do not understand our laws."

"That's because they don't make any fucking sense!" I cried, throwing up my hands. "I mean Christ, you didn't do anything wrong! Why am I the only one willing to say that?"

Josep watched me a long moment, then leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "Do you know what my favorite thing to eat is?"

"Oh, you're going to shock me now." I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess, young virgins?"

"Children." He corrected, meeting my eyes. His expression told me it was no lie and I went still. "Preferably younger than 10, before the pollutants of age and diet could alter their taste. There is a purity to children that just makes them…" he smiled wicked and dashing, "sweeter."

I shook my head, swallowing. "But you're a vampire, you've said it yourself, there's very little human left in you."

"And that erases the horrors of what I've done?" he scoffed, "A single child is never enough, Mira. They're small, not as much blood. I would finish two a night, three if I wanted to be completely full."

"That has nothing to do with-"

"It has everything to do with it." He snapped, standing up. I jumped away, startled and sucked back a gasp when he grabbed my arms with steel-hard fingers. "What good would I bring to the world? Why don't you realize that my death is an improvement? I am a monster and you have the audacity to defend me? What kind of person does that make you?"

My mouth bobbed in my search for a suitable reply, but nothing came. Instead I wondered what I was thinking. Why did this affect me so strongly? Why did I care about the life of a vampire?

"And if I ran, would you join me?" he asked, grabbing my chin when I tried to look away. "Would you lure my prey from the playgrounds? Help me bury their tiny bodies, knowing the mothers would spend the rest of their lives agonizing over their lost children?"

"N..No. I just-"

"Just what, Mira?" he tightened his grip making me groan, "Did you decide to ignore what we are? Do you not remember what Isaac did to your friends?"

When I blinked through tears he pushed away from me, dragging a hand through his hair. "Isaac has told me what you think of us. Of all subhuman creatures. How you berate him for his heartlessness. What has changed?"

What had happened to me? My world had been so black and white and now what? I was defending murderers? Was there something wrong with me? Josep sank back down onto the couch with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes.

"Perhaps the god should consider returning your soul before you become like all the other beasts."

"Excuse me?" I frowned. The vampire looked back over at me and arched a brow. "What the hell do you mean by that? I still have a soul, I'm a human being."

Josep laughed and sat strait, shaking his head. "The night you returned from the woods, do you know what I felt when you walked through that door?" I shook my head, "Nothing. You felt like one of us, hollowed and cold, and yet you were still alive. A vampire cannot survive with his humanity intact. Without the ability to kill without remorse, we would not survive, but we are dead. Unlike you our bodies can exist without the soul. By all right, you should have shriveled up and wasted away and yet here you stand, even more vibrant than you were before." He titled his head, running his eyes down my body and back, "What did he replace it with, I wonder, to make you glow the way you do?"

"I don't…he didn't..." but the words trailed off and I stared at the carpet. The white light, had that really been my soul? It sounded ridicules. Until now the idea that a soul existed at all was debatable, but Cernunnos had taken something. And I'd felt empty that night, before nausea and exhaustion had forced me to sleep. Incomplete and cold. Was I less than human now? Was I no better than the monsters?

"You didn't know?" Josep asked softly, frowning when I glanced up at him. I shook my head, which was suddenly spinning along with the room. The pouch on Cern's belt had glimmered like that light. Was it? Did the bastard wear my humanity beside his skinning knife?

Josep caught me before I crumpled to the floor and carried me back to the couch. I couldn't breathe anymore, couldn't think beyond what I'd just learned. I was a monster. I was a terrible, heartless beast, no better than Isaac or the thing that had slaughtered my parents. Would I hurt others now? Kill them? If so, would I care?

"What did you do?" Isaac's voice floated over from the doorway and Josep held up his hands.

"Nothing, she just collapsed." He said, "Check her if you don't believe me."

I felt the cool metal of Isaac's rings on the back of my neck and shuddered when he slid me onto his lap. His eyes scanned quickly across my throat and arms then rested on my eyes with something like concern.

"What happened?" he asked briskly. When I only stared at him, the vampire shook me and repeated the question with a growl. I hiccupped a sob and shook my head.

"I'm a monster, Isaac." I said softly, fighting back tears. "He made me a monster."

The vampire glanced up at Josep who gave a quick explanation, then blinked a few times absorbing it. I sniffled and broke into quiet sobs, burying my face in his shirt, while the vampire rocked me. When my sobbing grew in volume however he whacked the top of my head and clucked his tongue.

"Stop it." He snapped, though his tone was gentle. I glared up at him, unable to summon the energy to be angry, and shook my head.

"But, he…he took my soul, Isaac! What if I start hurting people? I don't want to be a monster."

He rolled his eyes and had the gall to laugh at me. Beside me, Josep had joined in and was shaking his head. Were they pleased? Now that I was as depraved as them, did they think this funny?

"Listen to what you're saying." Isaac said finally, still smiling. He shifted me in his lap to brush the hair from my face and wipe away my tears. "Would a monster cry like this?"

I paused a moment, but couldn't answer. If I didn't have a soul, I had to be evil, right? If that was so, then why was I crying? Why was the idea of taking another's life so very sickening?

"He took it, Mira. I can't lie to you about that, but he replaced it with…something else." Isaac kissed my forehead, "Whatever he did, it didn't change you, not in that respect anyway. You're still silly, and impulsive, and quick as ever to jump to conclusions."

"But what if-"

"Hush." He said softly, leaning back and letting me rest my head on his shoulder to think. "You're still you. If anything, he could have made you less annoying."

"You could be less of a prick." I replied half-heartedly, sniffling away the last of my tears. He laughed.

"See? Same old you."

I smiled to myself and closed my eyes a moment, letting myself calm down. Everything was ok. While I still didn't know exactly what Cernnunos had done to me, I was still myself. At least for now. And then I realized something else. Something a little more unnerving and sat up to frown at the vampire.

"Isaac?"

"Mhmm?"

"What are you doing?"

He arched a brow. "Stopping your breakdown?"

"No, I mean…you're, like comforting me. Why?"

Still standing in front of the couch Josep nodded, his expression confused and somewhat severe. "I thought I was the only one who'd noticed."

For a moment, Isaac only frowned, eyes going distant. He opened his mouth, thought a moment and closed it again, then slipped his arms under me and lifted me over onto the empty couch cushion beside him, jumping to his feet.

"Well, shit." He said, reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes. "This is just…awkward."

I fought a smile, and raised both brows at him. Josep socked his arm.

"Well I think it's cute."

"Fuck you." Isaac snapped back, though it was halfhearted. He lit his smoke and took a deep inhale, patchwork eyes moving from me to the floor and back again. "Excuse me, I have to go…I don't know, do something horrible."

"I'll join you. We can all hold hands and sing Kum Bay Ya." Josep grinned. "Maybe after we'll go for ice crème."

"Fuck. You." Isaac grit out and spun to leave the room faster than I could follow. Giving me a wink, Josep took off after him and I was left alone to think about what had just happened. Isaac had held me, rocked me, kissed my hair, and told me everything would be alright. Had I just stepped into the twilight zone?

This had been an interesting night.

I've been a writing fool today. Hope you like the three new chapters. Leave me some comments about what you enjoyed. What pissed you off. Anything really. I feed on your comments, they really help to inspire me and keep me on course.