Chapter 13

Angela had settled down on the couch and was still asleep. The emotional outburst had exhausted her and she needed a rest more than ever. Having a man around who cared for her was so strange after living alone for months, but she quickly fell into the indulgence of Tony's caressing attentiveness again.

Tony meanwhile, made a chocolate cake in the kitchen. Nothing had changed. It felt weird to work in this kitchen again, but Tony managed to knock off the depressing thoughts which had inflicted him after Angela's sudden crying in the park. Just two more days and he had to fly back to L.A. They had taken some further steps, but it was still unsure how their future would look.

Angela woke up to the delicious scent that swirled into the living room. She felt better than a few hours ago, but still kept resting with her eyes closed. The vehemence of her earlier feelings frightened her. She heard Tony coming through the swing door; the china rattling softly in his hands, a noise she had heard a hundred times before, often and preferably in association with the scent of a freshly baked cake.

Tony placed the dishes down on the table and watched Angela for a while. At first he thought she was still sleeping, but her slight smile couldn't fool him. He knew her too well. He took a piece of cake in his hand and waved it under her nose.

Angela couldn't resist any longer and opened her eyes.

"Hmm, something smells yummy."

She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes; then looked at her wrist watch. "I've slept for more than two hours. You should have woken me."

"No, you needed your beauty sleep," Tony handed her a plate with a piece of his still warm chocolate cake.

"Thank, you. I've missed this so much."

"Well, at least there's one thing you missed about me," Tony pointed out before thinking.

Angela looked up, surprised by his chilly reply. The smile she had on her face left. His bitterness cut into her heart.

"I'm sorry, Angela. I didn't want to sound so harsh. It's… I'm worried and confused about everything at the moment. This morning when I met Sam, I didn't know what to tell her and I feel that she has a right to know. I don't like lying to her. With Jonathan it was the same. How can we keep it away from them? They both will get a sibling. And there is Sam's boyfriend, Hank. I met him once and he seemed to be good for her and she seemed to be very much in love with him. Today she told me they're looking for an apartment together and their relationship is becoming more and more serious. She is still so young, Angela."

"Just like you were when you married Marie, Tony. You can't assume that everyone takes such a long time to build something."

"It took us seven years to build something, even if it wasn't that kind of relationship and it was destroyed in no time."

Angela ignored him completely.

"Tony, Sam is a responsible girl. You can't protect her forever and you can't compare her to us."

The phone rang and Tony almost jumped from the arm chair, but then took his seat again. Old habits die hard. It wasn't his job anymore to answer the phone. It wouldn't be a call for him anyway. Angela walked over and placed the receiver between her ear and shoulder while considering the piece of cake in her hand.

"Hello? Oh, Jonathan, are you all right?" she asked her son, "oh… that's not good. "

She listened to the words of her son and ended the call. "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow. No, sweetheart. It's ok. We just have to talk to you anyway. Bye." She hung up the receiver and turned back to the couch.

"What is it, Angela? Is he ok?"

"Yes, he is. It's just that his friend has sprained his ankle and they'll come back a day earlier. Does that disturb you?"

"No, no. Of course not."

Tony stood up and passed through the living room. "Maybe it's about time to tell them, Angela. We can't keep this secret forever. Your pregnancy will become visible and I don't want the neighbors know it earlier than our own kids."

He glanced at her belly, which seemed suddenly more rounded than one day before or was he just imagining that? How he wished he could place his hands on it like a few hours earlier in the park, but a big chasm had opened between them again. While Angela had slept on the couch, he had reflected on their situation, something that Angela actually did most of the time.

"Tony, you're right. Please call Sam and invite her over for tomorrow afternoon. We need to talk to them, even though I don't know exactly how we can explain this situation."

"We'll come up with something, I'm sure."

"Well, I'm going to change clothes and we can think of something after that."

Tony nodded absentmindedly while Angela went upstairs. He was deep in thought when he heard a loud scream from above.

"Angela," he yelled, "are you ok?"

"Tony, please come up," her nervous voice between crying and screaming.

Tony took the stairs in three big steps and stormed into her room without knocking. He noticed her pale face and horrified expression.

"You've got to take me to the hospital, Tony. I'm bleeding," she started to sob, "I'm so scared."

Ton's heart skipped a beat. "Oh, god. Come on, I'll carry you, you may not walk." Tony wasted no time and took her in his strong arms. He carried her downstairs without hesitation. "Please, god, don't let anything happen to her and our baby. Let them both be ok," he was silently praying during the short walk to her car. He placed her on the backseat where she laid back watching him in desperation.

"Stay calm, Angela. I'll take you to the doctor. Everything will be fine, it isn't something serious, it can't be, "he said, closing the door and hastily taking his place in the driver's seat. In no time he pulled the Jag out of the driveway.

They arrived at the Fairfield Hospital in minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Tony parked near the door and jumped out of the car. Angela, on the back seat, wanted to get out, but he didn't let her walk. He took her in his arms and ran through the ER entrance. Some people yelled after him and he stopped to place her in a wheel chair. A nurse took the chair out of his hands and pushed Angela to an examination room. He dutifully followed as Angela was moved from the chair to the bed. For a moment he was unsure. Like lots of men he wasn't comfortable with women's issues. A doctor came running and before the door closed behind her, Angela reached for his hand.

"Tony, please stay."

Her fearful voice made him cringe and he pressed her hand. He tenderly stroked her hair out of her face.

"Don't worry. Of course I'll stay. Everything will be ok. I know it, I really do." Tony whispered, trying to encourage her.

"Mr. Micelli," the doctor said, "we need to examine your wife. Please, you have to wait outside. I'll give you the results as soon as I'm finished."

"But I don't want to leave her alone!" Tony said emphatically.

"Just for a few minutes, please, Mr. ….. "

"Micelli," Tony answered.

The doctor made a move to send Tony out of the room, "please, you can fill in the papers during this. You need to do that anyway and you can't help her right at this moment."

"It's ok, Tony, Angela whispered, "it won't last long."

"I'm waiting outside," Tony whispered," I'm close."

The door closed and he stayed back, staring at the shadows he could see behind the frosted milk glass window, standing alone in a brightly illuminated corridor.

"I need to call Mona," he thought, but couldn't bring himself to move and leave the waiting room to make the call. Tony fell on the chair with slumped shoulders and he buried his face in his hands. He didn't make a move for what felt like hours. "What will happen to us if something is wrong with the baby?" Would Angela send him back and reject him again? His brain got in an emotional rollercoaster during the minutes of waiting.

Angela rested on the bed, silently praying. While the doctor prepared himself for the tests, she couldn't think about anything but her baby. All those weeks during her pregnancy she had been sure that everything would be fine. The thought of something could go wrong hadn't entered her mind. She had seen her unborn child as a piece of their exceptional family and secretly hoped that once the baby was born, circumstances would change for the better. She felt helpless and at the mercy of the doctor who had finished the gynecological examination and now palpated her belly.

An inner kick was the answer to the carefully pressing hands of the smiling examiner who now gave her a soothing nod.

After twenty minutes a nurse waved Tony into the examination room. Angela still lay on a bed, but looked a little more relaxed than earlier. He quickly walked over and grabbed her hands which felt cold as ice.

"Angela?" he asked torn between the doctor and her.

"Your wife will be fine and the baby too. The bleeding has stopped at any rate and I can't find anything to worry about. The cervix is closed, that's a good sign. Just make sure that Mrs. Micelli gets less stress. Sleep and relaxation are important. She doesn't need to stay here, but you need to keep an eye on her." The doctor shook Tony's hand good bye and left the room. Tony didn't even have the chance to correct his assumption of Angela being his wife.

Angela sat up, her face ghostlike and scared. Both of them were unable to speak after the shock and the quick change of the situation.

One hour ago they had planned to tell the kids about Angela's pregnancy and now they were worried about losing the baby.

"Come on. We need to go home and you need to rest. I.. I'll stay overnight, I just need to pick up my luggage from the Fairfield Inn. I'll stop in there on our way back," Tony cleared his throat, "only if you want me to stay… ."

She stared at him. What a difference between yesterday and today. He had been so uncomfortable when she suggested staying at her home and now he was like he had always been. Solicitous and attentive.

"If you don't want to stay, Tony, I'll call mother. You know she would come immediately."

"I would be totally unable to sleep, Angela. I'll sleep in my old room." Tony made his point clear, "can you walk?"

"Yes, I can." She rose off the examination bed and grabbed Tony's arm, "I'm just a little dizzy, but it's the shock."

Tony put his arm around her waist to uphold her and slowly they left the hospital. He opened the passenger door and she took her place on the seat. In silence he started the car. After so many years of living in Fairfield Tony knew every bump on the streets and now he was avoiding every concussion. He quickly stopped at the Fairfield Inn for check out and ran back to the Jag, a bag in his hand. Worriedly, Tony drove them both home.

Later, Angela sat down on the couch and took the forgotten plate with a piece of chocolate cake in her hand. Tony scurried around to help her get more comfortable. After she had nibbled on the cake he lifted her feet up and placed them on a pillow. All he could think about was what could have happened to Angela and their baby if he hadn't been there this weekend. They didn't talk much and Angela closed her eyes for a moment, but couldn't hold back her anxious fears.

"Tony, what would have happened if I had lost the baby?" she asked him, frightened of his answer.

Tony looked over to her from his place on the arm chair, not sure how to answer her question. Anything he could possibly say could be wrong or she could understand everything the wrong way. In fact he didn't know what would have happened. He would have liked to question her about that himself.

"Angela, that didn't and won't happen. You're ok, our baby is healthy and we'll still work on a solution," he reassured her.

"But I need to know," her voice brittle," would we still try to work on our relationship? Would you even want that? Would you be relieved?"

"Angela, how can you say such a thing? You can't seriously think I would be relieved if you had lost the baby," Tony jumped off the couch, hardly suppressing his anger, "you know I love children. Just because we are a lifetime away from a resolution doesn't mean that I don't want it. The main reason I can't come up with something is that I'm not exactly a half time father; I'm not an every second weekend and the second half of vacation father… and Angela, we still have to talk about what happened in the park."

Angela meanwhile wasn't sure that she would like to talk about that again, but they had promised each other sincerity and honesty, so she threw caution to the wind and gathered herself.

"You know me, I'm a person who is strong and self-controlled most of the time. There aren't many people with I can be myself with and show my emotions to. You've been one of those the last years. That's what happened earlier, I lost my self-possession," she explained carefully and wiped her sweaty hands on the couch.

"It has something to do with the family we saw there, hasn't it?"

"It certainly has. When I saw that wonderful little family, I was reminded of what we had when our kids were younger and suddenly I… I wanted to have that again. Us, being a family and raising a child like we did with Samantha and Jonathan. I want to be a mother again so badly and there is no man in the world I would rather have as a father at my side than you. I want us to be parents again," Angela whispered and turned her face away. She couldn't look into his eyes. What would he say to her admission? Had she just brought him into an awkward situation? Would he try to be let off the hook?

"I knew you would think so. Look, all those years we had this family were the happiest years of my life and there is no woman I would rather have as the mother of my baby than you, but we've been a family without… without being a couple and it was okay then, but now…," he avoided looking at her," now it's no longer enough for me. I want more. We can't live here together anymore and pretend to be just good friends. We'll have a common child soon, what should we tell him when he or maybe she gets older? Well, I'm a Catholic but I don't believe in Immaculate Conception and I don't want to indoctrinate our baby with that. So, I'm sorry. It wouldn't work for me to live with you and our future child just platonically. Also, my job wouldn't allow me to come back and I need to fulfill my contract in any case."

"I understand, Tony," she murmured quietly and laid back on the sofa, her face turning to the backrest. Now she had her answer: They would never be the family they were before. But could she really blame him? He had just started his new career, something she had always wanted for him and she didn't really want him to give that up. It was the perfect job for him. How many times had she put her job in first place? Many, many times too often. She had always relied on Tony, she had trusted him unconditionally with everything. It looked like the roles were reversed. He didn't want to be a half time father? What did that mean? He was so right: They were a lifetime away from resolving their conflicts.

Tony became calm and quiet. Mainly because he didn't want to stress her any longer with all that painful analyzing. At least he had summoned up the nerve to tell her that platonic living wasn't enough for him, but he wasn't sure that she got everything right. She had turned her back to him and had stopped talking. Later she went to bed early which seemed to be a good decision after all that had happened today. Their short trip to the hospital had shaken him up immensely and he continued to ponder her most direct and heart-wrenching question: what would have happened if she had lost their baby? Tony didn't even want to think about it. Her fear had affected him deeply and actually he didn't need to think about her question, he was sure of the answer. He would fight for a new start with Angela. The loss of their former relationship overwhelmed him and he suppressed a moan.

He would do everything to regain their friendship!