Chapter 14

Tony rested on the couch in the living room, but his thoughts about Jonathan and Sam and what to tell them had kept him awake most of the night. He was certain that they both would be upset about the baby. They might be more upset about another truth they couldn't keep from them, the truth that their parents weren't together. Tony hated to tell them about Angela's and his inability to work things out. That wasn't something that parents do. Parents need to know everything. Parents had to do everything right. Parents shouldn't make such mistakes. Parents were supposed to be parents and nothing else. The ticking clock hadn't helped him to fall asleep either and at six he couldn't take it any longer. With one jerk he jumped up and folded the blanket. He went to the kitchen and looked for the ingredients for muffins. Maybe it was at least possible to cheer the children up with his baking and they would not take it so hard.

Angela had a good night. After the doctor had told her that everything was okay with her and the baby she had just decided to trust him and take better care of herself in the future. She felt a lot better this morning, relaxed and well rested. It was almost nine when she had showered and dressed. She thought a lot about Tony last night. She wasn't sure why he didn't want a family like they'd had before. She didn't understand him. It wasn't enough? What would that supposed to mean?

Sometimes she thought about what would have happened if Andy had been the father of her unborn child. Technically it was impossible, but Angela's mind couldn't stop thinking about that from time to time. Would he have a been a better father? No, certainly not. He didn't get along very well with Jonathan; she couldn't imagine Andy playing with a baby or a toddler. Angela instead was pretty good with children. She was warm and caring. And there was no denying the fact, in spite of all difficulties she was now in: she never loved Andy. He was a substitute; he had boosted her ego and had entertained her. He had helped her through the Kathleen disaster without even knowing about that. He was a nice man, but he wasn't a father figure.

Angela was still ashamed when she thought of her betrayal. Andy hadn't deserved such treatment and furthermore had still remained interested in her. She remembered the expression in his eyes after she told him about Tony. She had come directly out of Tony's warm bed to Andy's apartment and had told him everything without any forewarning. He had been angry, but his anger had turned to insight very fast. At first she felt flattered when he forgave her instantly, stunned by his generosity to overlook her flaws. Later she wasn't anymore. What man could forgive such a thing so quickly right before the wedding? And that after she had never slept with him? The only answer she could give herself was that she didn't mean so much to him, that he didn't care enough about her and when she was honest to herself, she didn't care so much about him either. It had been Tony she cared about, always.

When Angela went downstairs for breakfast a warm feeling overcame her. She made a silent decision; she would take whatever Tony was willing to offer her. If he wanted to be a part time father or wanted to stay in California, she would make everything easy for him, as easy as possible. She would have a lifelong connection with him and she was willing to live with that. If he gave her an opportunity to be more than the mother of his child, she would seize that chance with both hands. He had told her yesterday that he wanted to drive over to Brooklyn to see Mrs. Rossini and maybe some of his old buddies, but had promised to be back in the afternoon to tell the children about the baby. Something more they had to go through together.

So Angela wasn't surprised to find him dressed in a leather jacket, ready to go out. She had offered him her Jaguar for the drive and he had accepted it teeth-gnashingly. Inwardly she had smiled. She knew exactly that it was embarrassing for him to drive to Brooklyn in such a showboat but since his Jeep wasn't available he had no other choice.

"Hey, how do you feel today? Is everything okay? No more bleeding?" his voice almost tender. The previous day had scared him more than he could admit to himself.

Angela shook her head.

"I'm okay, more than okay. I'm feeling so much better and I slept wonderfully. In fact, I felt the baby kicking a lot this morning and I take it as good sign."

"Are you sure? I can cancel my visit in Brooklyn easily, it isn't a big deal."

"No Tony, please. You haven't seen Mrs. Rossini for so long. Really I'm feeling good."

"Angela? Are you comfortable with me telling her about the baby?"

Angela considered shortly then nodded affirmatively. "She needs to know it anyway and she will be thrilled I suppose and since it is you on your own who must handle her, I'm positive." She smiled, secretly relieved that she didn't have to stand Mrs. Rossini's motherly feelings.

"Okay, thank you. I'll see you later." He stroked her arm shortly and left the kitchen through the back door.

She took a seat at the table and with a shake of her head she pitched into all the food Tony had left for her on the table.

Later….

Jonathan arrived around midday and was told by his mother to make no plans for the afternoon. Not that he had some, but he was surprised by the seriousness with which his mom had talked to him. Slowly but surely he was worried about her. "What could it be that she was so nervous about? It must have something to do with Tony even though they hadn't looked very happy together," Jonathan considered back and forth. He was curious but had to wait for Sam's arrival. Providentially she came early, the same curiosity had struck her. Unfortunately the two of them had no chance to guess about the peculiar behavior of their parents.

Tony had managed to place all of them in the kitchen before anyone could do anything about it. He had filled the cups with coffee and tea and to everyone's surprise Angela took the tea without grouching. The muffins had also been accepted very quickly.

"Jonathan, how was your trip? I mean at least you had two days for fishing. Were you successful?" Tony started a conversation.

"Not really, Peter's father had caught the most fish but the hiking was nice, at least until Peter sprained his ankle. We had to steady him all the way back, he couldn't walk. Well, that's it."

Meanwhile Samantha tapped her fingers nervously on the table. She just wasn't the most patient person on earth. While her father and Jonathan were talking about the short trip she tried to control her impatience, but it came to point she could no longer contain herself and burst out.

"Dad, what is this here? You invited me over to a place where you don't live anymore. You had excuses over excuses when you talked to me yesterday. You're hiding something from me, I can feel that, Dad. What is it? Are you sick? Is Angela sick?" Sam couldn't keep her worries silent any longer and looked from one to another.

"To my biggest regret, I must support Sam here," Jonathan agreed, "something is going on here. Mom, I want you to tell us.

Angela breathed in deeply. This was the moment she was so afraid of. Like Tony she had decided that nothing but the truth could help here. She looked over to Tony who gave her an encouraging smile.

"Sam, Jonathan. You both are right. We have something to tell you, something that needs further explanation, " Angela slipped restlessly on her chair, "It's really difficult for me… for us to tell you. "

"Something has happened, something we never planned, but it happened and we all need to live with that, "Tony intervened to Angela's support.

"Spit it out, Dad. What is it?" Sam looked from one to another.

"It's that… I'm…," Angela stuttered.

"What we are trying to say is… Angela is… ," Tony laid his hand on Angela's arm and looked squarely in his daughter's eyes, " Angela is pregnant."

"Mom?" Jonathan eyes questioned his mother.

"Yes, sweetheart it's true."

"Angela how … I mean I know how, but… I never expected this," Sam managed to get out, " and why isn't Andy here? I mean, I know the wedding is off, but… ."

"Sam, Andy isn't the father, " Tony paused and swallowed, " it's me… I am the father. Angela and I will have a baby."

"Whoah, this is a surprise, " Jonathan said excited, " so the bride is the same but the groom changed?"

"Jonathan it isn't like that. It's much more complicated. We are… Your mother and I aren't together."

"So if Angela and you, Dad, aren't together how is there a pregnancy?"

"Sam, I know this must sound weird to you and it's not how we raised you two. We had rules for you, moral standards and we've tried to teach you values and respect and despite all of it we… we aren't perfect parents, we haven't lived up to our own values because we… , " Tony stopped talking to gather himself.

Angela laid her hand on his, trying to calm him.

"Sam, all that I can say is… we lost control and I didn't take care," Angela gave in.

"No, Angela. We didn't take care. It's not you, it's we."

"So you're pregnant, you both didn't take care for birth control, you both aren't together, you both are sitting here telling us crap," Sam jumped from the chair angrily, "what are you gonna do, Dad? Will you come back to Fairfield? Or do you wanna be a part time Dad? This is shit, shit, shit. You two always belonged together and not even a baby can make you two a couple? Imagine if that happened to me, Dad. What would you say? You would freak out! I don't know what's going on here, but I don't like it!"

"Sam, Angela and I are trying. We're trying to work something out, find a solution that fits for everyone. But we aren't through, we need more time," Tony tried to explain.

"It doesn't matter! It's wrong. Marry her, Dad. Come back and everything will be all right!"

With that Sam stormed out of the door. Angela and Tony sighed in unison.

"I knew something like that would happen," Tony murmured with gritted teeth.

"But she is right, Tony. I hate to admit it, but I'm of the same opinion. What would you say if I knocked up a girl and…"

"Jonathan!" Angela called aghast.

"You don't need to call you mother knocked up, Jonathan Bower."

"But that's what you've done and now you don't want her anymore…. I'm disappointed," Jonathan rose from the chair.

"No that's not true. I do…, "with a side glance to Angela he stopped abruptly.

"Please, spare me the crap!" Jonathan ran out into the backyard to keep Sam company.

He found her sitting on the swing. He sat down, leaning against the oak tree.

"So we both get a sibling."

"Leave me alone! What do you know about it?"

"Sam! Could you behave like a human being at least for today? I'm seventeen and not a baby anymore! This concerns us both. We need a plan."

"I'm living at the dorm anyway. You'll have more of the fun."

"Tell me why they aren't together, Sam? I can't believe it. I know mom loves Tony and he loves her. I got crazy when she wanted to marry Andy. She never had an intense feeling for the stupid doctor. Why the hell aren't they together?"

"Something must have happened we don't know about. Something they want to keep private and not tell us, "Sam guessed.

"They'll try to work it out, Sam. And we should give them some credit. Tony was always a good father to me and mom was like a mother to you. They obviously need some privacy and time. We should give it to them. Yes, I am disappointed…just like you, but we need to trust them. They had always solved their problems."

Sam had calmed down a bit and seemed more relaxed now.

"You're not as stupid as you look like. "

"And maybe a sibling won't be that bad. It could affect our nice brother-sister relationship as well."

"Yeah, yeah. I know, but I can't deal with all this in one day, " she jumped from the swing, "can you tell Dad I need to go home and think about it?"

"I'll do so, Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"They'll handle it"

"I hope you're not barking up the wrong tree. They're so stupid in their relationship."

With these words Sam left the backyard. Jonathan entered the kitchen again only to find two adults sitting in silence.

"She is okay, Tony. She just needs some time to get used to it, like me. I'm leaving; this crap makes me want to barf." He left the room, angry.

Tony and Angela looked at each other. The conversation had demanded a lot from them and they both felt exhausted.

"I'm sorry, Tony. He shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"You don't have to apologize for him. It's my fault, I disappointed him. He has every right to be angry at me. I haven't played by my own rules. I was the one who stepped out of this family when I dated Kathleen."

"Tony, we agreed that everything went wrong in Jamaica, didn't we?" Angela stated vehemently, " so stop saying that."

"Yes, I must admit you had a point when you explained that to me." Tony answered, not really excited to be reminded to that again, "I still feel guilty about what I did afterwards."

"So do I."

"We can't turn back time, Angela. We can't change our past."

An idea began to form in Angela's head, growing with each passing second. Could it be possible?

"What if we can? Would you at least try? Would you try to act like you actually wanted to act last time we were there?"

Tony tried to follow her thoughts. "I think I would, but like I said: what's done is done. We don't have a miraculous time machine to get us back to normality."

"What if we had the opportunity to retry?"

"I don't really understand, what are you saying here? That we should pretend nothing happened? I can't! The guilt is always in my head, Angela. I can't get rid of it," he said more harshly than intended.

Angela lowered her eyes, trying to make her thoughts more transparent to him.

"I want us to go back to Jamaica, Tony."

"But we talked about it already."

"I don't mean talking, Tony. I want to go back for real. I want to be there with you again. I want to try!"

"You want us to go to Jamaica again?"

Angela paced through the room, putting special emphasis to her words.

"I know it sounds silly and ridiculous, I know we don't have a time machine, but what if we can change our past in… let's say an unconditional way?" Could it be possible to bring things back again to the right place?"

Tony watched her expression and the vehemence of her statements caught him. Wasn't it worth a try? If not this, what then? Tony decided that taking the chance to change the past to build a new future might sound schizophrenic, but if there would be a minimal possibility to make everything better than the first time he wanted to take it.

"If you really want to do this trip, Angela, I'm with you. It's only… I can't go on vacation right now. I just started my job. The next opportunity will be in December during Christmas break, when you are 6 months pregnant. You're sure you want to take that tiring journey? I don't want you to overtax yourself."

"I won't. Travelling is one of the things I'm relaxed about. The take offs and the landings worry me a bit, but the minute the plane is in the sky, I'll fall asleep, you know that."

Tony nodded. He remembered vividly their last trip to Jamaica. Everyone had chatted loudly and Angela had slept peacefully with her head on his shoulder, unaware of Mona's and the children's meaningful looks. Tony had woken her up shortly before the landing with a tender stroke of her cheek what not escaped Mona's attention. She had given him a thumbs up and a smile.

"I'll do everything to fix this… family. If it's that what you really want, I'll go for it."

Angela let out a relieved sigh.

"Then it's settled. I'll take care of the flights and the hotel reservation."