He never drank like this, he had never been too fond of drinking in the first place but hanging with his friends sometimes made it hard, but his friends weren't around right now. The Firewhiskey burned as it made its way down his throat and settled in his stomach, it felt good but it couldn't drown out what he was feeling at the moment. In a flash his life had turned upside down like never before. He looked around the room lazily as the music played, he wanted something different than this soft mellow music; it didn't match what he was feeling right now. He stumbled up from the bed and made his way across the room to the music player and pushed the needle across the record hoping to find something a little upbeat. The scratching of the needle made him cringe for a moment before continuing with some more mellow music. Frustrated he pushed the needle off the record and sat in silence. He took another swig from the bottle as he sat down in the chair and set the bottle down. Was there any way to escape this feeling? What was he to do? A knock at the door momentarily broke his thoughts and he glanced up for a moment before ignoring it and picking up the bottle again. Another persistent knock made him frown and stand up and walk to the door. He fumbled with the lock before opening the door a crack. James looked at him surprised and relieved with a smile.
"Hey Moony."
"Prongs, what are you doing here?" Remus slurred and James frowned and bit his lip.
"Can I come in?"
"Uh…" Remus said and looked around the room before looking back at James.
"Now isn't really a great time Prongs, I'm uh busy."
"You've been drinking." James sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair and looked around. "Please let me in."
"Prongs I would really prefer to be alone right now."
"Well I'm not going to do that, so let me in." James said and Remus sighed knowing there was no use in arguing and let James in.
"Geeze Moony, how much have you been drinking?" James asked as he sniffed the air and saw the empty beers lying around the room and the half empty Firewhiskey bottle sitting on the table.
"Not much." Remus mumbled and attempted to tidy up the room.
"Moony leave it, why don't you sit down?" James said as he laid a hand on Remus' shoulder, which he promptly shrugged off.
"I don't want to sit down right now." He snapped and turned around.
"Alright then don't sit down, why don't you at least have some water or something, try and sober you up." James said as he grabbed a empty mug sitting on the table.
"I don't want any water, Prongs, why are you here?"
"I heard about Becky." James said as he walked to the bathroom and filled up the cup.
"Oh, that."
"Yeah, I wanted to see how you were doing, I remember how I felt when Lily found out she was pregnant." James said as he came out with a small smile and frowned when he saw Remus taking a swig from the bottle.
"Alright that's enough Moony, here have some water." James said as he walked over and attempted to take the bottle.
"No, leave me alone." Remus snapped as he struggled with the bottle and with a swift motion of his hand the mug of water was swatted from James' hand and shattered over the floor. They both stared at the floor before Remus sighed and sat down on the chair. "Just stop." Remus sighed as he buried his face in his hands.
"Moony I just want to help, I know how you must be feeling, it's scary-."
"You have no idea how I feel right now Prongs, you cant even imagine." Remus said softly.
"Moony come on I-."
"You have no idea!" Remus yelled as he stood up and strode over to James. "You can not even imagine the magnitude of this problem, Becky is pregnant with my child, MY child, do you know what that means?"
"That you're having a kid-."
"It will be just like me Prongs, I know it."
"Moony you cant possibly know that."
"I know it will Prongs, it will be a monster, how can I let something like that happen to a child, least of all my own?"
"Moony you know even if it does have lycanthropy, I am sure you two will be able to manage-."
"No, I would never wish it upon another human being if I could help it." Remus said as he started to pace.
"And what if it is completely normal? Then what?" James asked and Remus paused in step and stared at the floor.
"It doesn't matter. What kind of father would I be? My own child would fear and hate me, just like everyone else."
"Moony that's not true." James sighed. "We don't hate you, I think you are over thinking this." James said as he stepped towards Remus.
"You can't possibly understand." He said as he shook his head. "You can not understand what its like to be an outcast, for everyone to hate you because of what you are, hate you for something you cant help. I am a dangerous monster, I am not supposed to be here, things like me aren't supposed to have friends, we aren't supposed to have anyone." He said raising his voice.
"Moony please-."
"No! I know you came here to try and talk me out of this but I am firm on this."
"Moony, tell me, would you have hated your father if he had lycanthropy? Or would you have loved him all the same?" James asked and Remus stared at him for a moment before sitting down on the end of the bed. "Would his lycanthropy have made you think any different of him?"
Remus stayed silent for a while trying to find words before he sighed. "No."
"Your kid will love you because you are their father, because you love them, because you're there, it doesn't matter what you look like or what you are, that kid is going to love you no matter what. I would not have thought twice if my father was a werewolf."
"But I am dangerous-."
"Once a month Moony, that is one day of the month you are dangerous and I know full well that you and Rebecca could work something out, you have nothing to worry about." James said as he sat down next to him.
"But…" Remus faltered and sighed.
"Moony you're a good man and Becky loves you, she wants to have this child with you and she is just as scared as you are, you're not alone in this." James said and pat Remus on the back. "Its your decision Moony, we're all here for you." He said and stood up. "I have to go but I hope you really think about this. I'll see you later." James sighed and looked around. "Are you going to be alright?"
"Yeah." Remus sighed as he glanced up at James.
"No more drinking. I'm going to dump this out." He said as he grabbed the bottle off the table and Remus frowned before sighing and lying back on the bed.
"I'll see you later alright?"
"Yeah, have a good night." Remus said as he propped himself up.
"Yeah you too." James said with a small smile and a wave before stepping out and closing the door behind him, leaving Remus in the silence of his thoughts.
The clock read nearly two in the morning and it was silent with the exception of the popping of the fire. His house had felt so empty so he figured he would pop in to Headquarters to see if anyone was there to preoccupy his boredom however there was no one there, strange. He had heard a few people come in and out but no one stayed and soon it was silent again. He dozed off slowly as the warmth of the fire caressed his face until he heard the opening and closing of the front door. He ignored it knowing it was probably no one of interest until he heard the footsteps coming down the hall. He glanced back as he saw Rebecca standing in the doorway and he took a deep breath before waving her over. She trudged over before sitting down next to him on the couch silently. She stared at the fire hardly paying him any attention until he cleared his throat and she looked at him.
"Something on your mind?" He asked casually. She leaned forward with her face in her hands and sighed.
"Remus doesn't want the baby." She said weakly.
"What?"
"He wants nothing to do with it, he doesn't want me to have it."
"He said that?" He asked surprised.
"Yes, he did and now I don't know what to do." She sniffled.
"Come here." He said as he held his arms out to her and she leaned towards him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
"It's going to be alright." He said as she leaned her head against his chest.
"How do you know? I'm scared Sirius, I don't know anything about having kids."
"I know you'll be great."
"I'm scared to do this alone Sirius."
"Hey you aren't alone…you have me, I'm not going to go anywhere."
"You'd be singing a different tune if you knew what was to come."
"Hey, I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm here for you no matter what." He said and she lifted her head and looked at him.
"Do you mean that?"
"I do." He smiled and wiped the tears off her cheeks.
"Thank you Sirius." She smiled as she pecked his cheek and he smiled at her.
"I'm here for you." He said and she leaned her head against his shoulder and stared in to the fire.
"So what have you been up to?" She asked as she played with his hand absentmindedly.
"You know, the same old, same old."
"What do you do all day? I have always wondered what you do to preoccupy yourself all day, I mean I was going mad when I wasn't working, I had too much free time."
"I sleep a lot." He chuckled.
"You should get a job." She said and sighed before she started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" He asked humorously.
"You with a job, it's a funny thought."
"What's so funny about it? I could have a job."
"I just can't see you working Sirius."
"Why not?"
"I don't know, you just seem so content doing nothing."
"Its not all fun." He sighed. "I get bored a lot. "
"Then why not get a job?"
"I don't know what I would do, I have never had a job."
"Well I am sure you would be good at anything, you're smart."
"Maybe I could model?" He suggested and she laughed. "Hey!" He frowned.
"No, I am sure you would make a lovely model." She said sarcastically as she patted his chest.
"What do you suggest then?"
"What do you like to do?"
"Women." He said blandly and she sighed.
"What do you like to do that you do well?"
"Hey, I'm insulted." He said as he pushed her away and she smiled as he turned away from her mockingly, glancing at her over his shoulder.
"I think I'm going to head back home." She said and stood up.
"Now? You just got here." He said as he looked up at her.
"I have work in a few hours, I should try and get some sleep. I'll see you later." She said and kissed the top of his head.
"Are you sure you have to go?"
"Yeah, you should try and get some sleep, you're losing precious beauty sleep, priss." She teased and he went to get up and she sprinted out of the room with a wide grin.
"Night Sirius." She called from down the hall.
How could they just sit there? How could they sit there and knit at a time like this?
"I need to do something, I can't just sit around and wait for something to happen." She said as she started to pace back and forth in front of the fire.
"Albus gave you direct orders to remain here Becky, come sit down, I'll teach you how to knit." Lily said as she pat the couch next to her.
"No, there is something wrong with you two, how can you not be nervous about what is going on out there?"
"Becky I know exactly how you feel, unfortunately there is nothing you can do, nothing any of us can do so why don't you come here and sit down?" Lily said trying to reason with the anxious Rebecca.
"No, I don't want to sit down and knit, I want to be out there fighting." She said pointing outside the window. "I should be out there helping."
"And risk the baby?" Alice asked as she looked up and Rebecca frowned.
"This sucks." She said as she plopped down on the couch with her arms over her chest.
"Here let me help you get started." Alice said as she got out another pair of knitting needles and a ball of yarn. Rebecca sighed in frustration but gave the kitting a shot figuring there wasn't much else she could do.
The minutes ticked by and soon it went in to an hour with no sign of anyone from the Order, which further drove Rebecca in to her frustrated frenzy.
"Oh fuck this, its impossible." Rebecca said as she threw the yarn and needles to the ground and got up. "They should be back by now, there should be some sign…you don't think…" Rebecca said as she turned to Lily and Alice. "They were all-."
"Hello?" A voice called form down the hall and Rebecca rushed out of the room and down the hall and saw James leaning against Sirius, both looking weary from the fight.
"James!" Lily said as she rushed past Rebecca to him.
"Are you alright?"
"I think my arm is broken." He said and Lily smiled at Sirius before helping James off to another room and Rebecca looked behind Sirius to the door searching for Remus before looking at Sirius.
"Are you alright?" She asked as she searched him quickly, her eyes landing on the cut above his left eye.
"Yeah, hardly a scratch." He said with a smile and a shrug and she sighed as she pulled out her wand.
"We better fix that, don't want you to get a scar on your pretty face." She smiled humorously as she led him off to the next room and saw Remus come in supporting a nearly unconscious Benjy as Alice rushed over.
She sat down Sirius on the couch as she examined the wound.
"How did it go?" She asked as she conjured up some bandages and started to clean the cut.
He winced and frowned at her as she rolled her eyes.
"Baby." She muttered.
"They retreated, they were outnumbered, I think we took them by surprise. Can't you be a little more gentle?"
"Would you like for me to heal this or forever live with a deformed face?" She asked smartly with a smirk. She glanced up at the doorway as Remus slowly passed by, looking at her before bowing his head and continuing down the hall. She sighed to herself and mumbled the incantation, which healed the cut.
"Alright, all done, you're free to go."
"Is it all fixed up?"
"Yes Sirius, your face is fine, you priss." She said as he got up and scoffed.
"I'm not a priss."
"Sure sound like one." She laughed as she stood up and Fabian came in supporting Gideon.
"Can we get a little help here?" He asked and Rebecca motioned Fabian over.
"I'll see you later." Sirius said with a small nod and walked out of the room as Rebecca got to work on Gideon
Nothing tasted as great as chocolate ice cream at midnight. Her worries disappeared as she closed her eyes, letting the ice cream melt in her mouth before swallowing it down and getting another large spoonful. She stared at the fire burning and listened to the wind howling at the windows sending a moan throughout the entire house. She pulled the blankets closer around her, setting her wand closer to herself before going back to her ice cream. She finished the small carton and set it aside as she sleepily yawned and closed her eyes, curling herself up comfortably on the couch before she felt herself drifting off.
She woke when she heard something shuffling around the room. She heard something in front of her and opened her eyes to a figure standing in front of her. Her arm shot out to hit whoever was in front of her and delivered a kick as she grabbed her wand and pointed it at the person lying on the ground in pain.
"Sirius?" She said confused as she lowered her wand, he held his face as he groaned and she looked at the clock that read three in the morning.
"Sirius what are you doing here? How did you get inside?"
"Yeah I'm fine thanks for asking." He said sarcastically as he stood up.
"Well you should know better than to sneak up like that. How did you get inside?"
"Remember you gave me a key?"
"Oh right, but still, its three in the morning, what are you doing here?"
"I figured you would be up." He said as he sat down on the couch rubbing his nose softly.
"I wasn't though, I was sleeping."
"Yeah but you're up now aren't you?" He said cheekily.
"Sirius its way too early to deal with you right now." She sighed as she sat back down and curled up with her blanket.
"Oooh gimme some of that." He said as he tugged on the blanket.
"No, Sirius that's mine." She mumbled as she struggled with the blanket before giving up and letting him have it.
"Lets go do something."
"Sirius I am tired and I want to sleep." She said turning away from him.
"But I can't sleep." He sighed.
"Well it's not my problem."
"Do you have something I could take?"
"Sirius why can't you sleep?" She asked sleepily as she turned over.
"I haven't been sleeping well for a few weeks now."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just haven't."
"Well there must be something bothering you."
"I don't know, do you have something or not?"
"Lemme check." She sighed as she sat up. "The things I do for you, you're lucky I like you." She said as she left the room and son returned with a vial. "This should help." She said handing it to him and laid back down on the couch.
"Thanks." He said as he examined it and looked back at her curled up on the couch.
"Now do I get to sleep?" She asked as she looked at him.
"Yeah I suppose I could let you." He said as he got up. "Thanks for this."
"No problem." She said as she stole back the blanket and wrapped it around herself.
"Good night."
"Yeah, sleep well." She sighed as she closed her eyes and Sirius stared down at her for a moment before shaking his head to himself and walking out of the house.
A few hours later Rebecca woke to the sound of knocking on the front door and she grumbled to herself as she sat up and grabbed her wand, sleepily walking to the door and peering out the curtains and her stomach dropped when she saw Remus glancing around looking nervous as he ran his hands through his hair repeatedly. She pursed her lips wondering if she wanted to speak to him right now. She reached for the door handle to open the door but paused and dropped her hand.
"I don't want to talk to you right now Remus."
"Please Becky, I need to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk right now."
"But I want to talk to you, please let me in."
"No, good day Remus." She said and turned to leave.
"I'm not leaving until you open this door." He called through.
"Then I guess you will be sitting there for a while." She said and continued to the kitchen to make some breakfast for herself before work.
"Don't you think you are being a little hard on him?" Lily asked as they walked down to the garden.
"I just can't forget what he said to me Lily, it really hurt and I just don't want to talk to him right now." Rebecca sighed as they sat down with their mugs of hot beverages looking at the indoor greenhouse that St. Mungos had to offer. With the coming winter season there was little inclination to actually go outside for their breaks, retreating to the beautiful garden inside.
"I just think you should hear what he has to say, that's all."
"Perhaps, but not right now."
"Becky it been a week already, when will you talk to him."
"I don't know, when I feel not so angry at him."
"Well let's hope it's not too long, I hate seeing you two fight."
"We never used to fight."
"Hey it happens." Lily shrugged.
"I can't believe I am going to get that big." Rebecca sighed as she looked at Lily's belly.
"Well t happens when you have a human being growing inside of you."
"Yeah I don't like to think about that." Rebecca said as she rubbed her stomach absentmindedly.
"Hey it will be over before you know it, enjoy it while it lasts."
"Yeah I'll get right on that." She muttered as she rolled her eyes.
"Oh what are you doing for Christmas Eve?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought that far in advance, why?"
"Well I was thinking of having dinner again this year, hopefully without the Christmas tree fiasco this year."
"I'll see what I am doing, I was thinking of perhaps going back home, I'll let you know."
"Alright sounds good."
Later that night Rebecca Apparated back home, puling her coat closer to her she made her way up the path to the house. She froze in step when she sat Remus sitting by the front door curled up with his head resting on his knees. He slowly looked up at her and she dropped her bag and hurried over to him.
"Remus you're cold as ice, how long have you been here? Come on get up, lets get you inside." She said as she unlocked the door, summoning her bag as she helped him inside. He shivered as she sat him down at the kitchen table and she hurried to turn on the pot of water sitting on the stove.
"My goodness, Remus how long were you out there for?"
"S-S-Since th-th-this m-m-m-m-morn-morning."
"Oh gosh." She said as she pushed his head back and looked in to his dilated eyes. "We need to get you warm, you're showing signs of hypothermia, come on." She said as she helped him up out of the chair and half carried him to the living room and sat him down on the couch as she got the fire started.
"It was very stupid of you to sit out there all this time." She said as she took off his jacket and wrapped the large blanket around his shoulders and levitate the couch closer to the fire. "Suppose I didn't come home until later on tonight? You could have really gotten sick out there."
He looked at her wanting to speak but she covered his mouth.
"Its better if you don't talk right now." She said as she wrapped her arms around him and attempted to warm him up. Slowly his shivers subsided and she got lost in the flames as she felt his breathing even out and slow to normal and she sighed to herself.
"I'll make you some tea." She said quietly as she got up and he took her hand.
"I love you Becky and I want to have this baby with you."
"Remus…I think you need some sleep-."
"No, I have been thinking about this for a while, I don't want to lose you, you mean everything to me and if you want this baby then I do as well, we can work out anything that comes up."
"Remus I-." She said before he pushed himself off the couch, wrapping his arms around her waist as he knelt in front of her.
"Remus stop it-." She said as she tried to push his hands off of her.
"I don't want to lose you." He said burying his face in her stomach. She stopped and stared down at him trying to figure out what to say as he looked up at her. "I'm just scared about this whole thing, I don't know what to expect."
"Do you think I do?"
"I'm just scared... the baby is going to hate me just like everyone else, I don't think I could handle that. I don't know anything about being a father but I know I love you more than anything and I want to have this baby with you."
"Remus-."
"I'm sorry about what I said, I shouldn't have said such things and I am sorry that I hurt you…."
"Remus come on sit back down." She said with a sigh and helped him on to the couch and covered him back up with the blankets.
"I'm sorry Becky, I just cant seem to get things right…I can understand if you don't want me to be apart of your life any more-."
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I do."
"You do?" He asked as he looked at her surprised.
"Yes and perhaps…I was a little harsh." She said as she tuned to him and took his hand. "I dropped something like that on you and expected you to be alright with it, perhaps it was a little soon, just getting back and all…it's just all so inconvenient."
"Perhaps for the better?"
"Do you think?"
"Maybe this is all happening for a reason."
"Probably because the lack of protection-."
"No I mean maybe this is how it is meant to be."
"Well I can think of better ways that things can be." She smiled.
"I like it just the way it is." He said softly as he looked down at their hands together.
"So you really want to do this? The whole baby thing?"
"Yes I do."
"Are you positive? I mean its not all smiles and giggles, this is serious stuff." She said mockingly serious and he chuckled.
"Yes, I have heard of some of the horror stories or pregnancy from Prongs."
She scoffed and lightly hit his arm.
"Are you trying to say I am a nightmare?"
"No the least bit, a better dream than I could ever imagine." He smiled and she smiled back broadly before leaning in and pecking his lips.
"I can't believe we are going to do this." She said leaning her forehead against his.
"Me either." He smiled.
Ugh this is so frustrating and i know you guys are sick of excuses but last week my flash-drive got jacked, it had everything on it, stupid me didn't back it up and everything i had was lost, i had two chapters already written so i spent the last week trying to re-write them and so far i have this one and most of the next chapter already done, that will be up as soon. I truly feel so awful for the lack of chapters up, it really frustrates me and the lack of time i have for writing frustrates me even further. The next chapter will be up on Thursday however. Thank you for your patience and not sending me hate mail or something lol. Well have fun reading =)