Another chapter for you guys!

I'm not sure when the next one will be. I'm shooting for next week, but I have two five page papers due this week, so we'll see what happens. It's also likely I'll give up writing about Southern Reconstruction and Spanish conquistadors and write more of this. We'll see.

A big thank you to DalishEssence, I always look forward to reading your comments. Also another thank you to Flaminea for your review as well, this chapter may sort things out a bit.

Anyway, thanks again to all my readers. I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am.

RussianBear27

Chapter 11

After a few days, the Templars still had not shown up and broken down her door. Kali was fairly confident they had not been alerted to her presence beyond her awkward interaction with Cullen. Though, she may have preferred the Templars to Varric's teasing. The dwarf loved gossip and scandals, and learning of Kali's relationship with Cullen had the dwarf grilling her for details. His requests were met mostly with silence. She was fairly sure Varric would just fill any blanks with his imagination anyway. Kali had sworn him to secrecy; she didn't want this coming back to her or Cullen for that matter

"Hey, Red," Varric called to her as he and Garrett crossed the Hanged Man towards her. "Your boyfriend asked about you."

"What did he say?" Kali spoke a little too quickly, and Varric smiled. "He's not my boyfriend," Kali added.

"Whatever you say," Varric and Garret sat down at her table. "Well, after deemed a recruit unfit for full service for a whole ten years he asked where you were."

"Why would he do that?" Kali was surprised.

"Which part? The recruit or asking about his long lost love?" Varric was truly enjoying himself.

"The recruit, Varric," Kali scowled.

"Now there's a story," Varric began eagerly. "Garrett, Merrill, Aveline, and I finally tracked down the missing Templar recruits out on the Wounded Coast. Lo and behold who we find out there, it's our dear Knight-Captain interrogating a young Templar. He was holding him off the ground and I honestly thought he was going to kill him!"

Kali could hardly believe it. Cullen was many things, but a violent murderer was not one of them. She listened intently as Varric continued. "Hawke stopped him, but to be quite honest we probably should have let him take care of it. As soon as Cullen let the kid go he transformed into a hideous abomination. Lover boy cut him down like it was nothing. I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley, that's for sure.

"Anyway, we head into the caves where the rest of missing recruits are supposedly being held. We found a horde of blood mages and abominations in there."

"It wasn't a horde, Varric," Garrett interrupted between drinks. "It was more of a pack. You make it sound like there was an army lying in wait."

"All for dramatic effect!" Varric defended his word choice, but continued. "So, we take care of those blood mages, corrupted recruits, and the like. The only survivor was a young Templar recruit, but his name escapes me."

"It was Keran," Garret reminded him.

"Ah, yes Keran. Well, Merrill checked him for any trace of demonic possession and didn't find anything. The Knight-Captain, however, wasn't satisfied with our little test. Hawke was able to negotiate that he would eventually be able to join the order, but only after he didn't show any signs of possession for ten years."

"He's kind of a jerk," Garrett concluded.

"He wasn't always like that," Kali reminded them.

"If it makes any difference, he got all embarrassed again when he asked about you," Varric mused. "He stuttered something about wanting to see you again. After what we saw of him today Garrett told him that he'd let you know, but ultimately it would be up to you if you wanted to see him."

Kali nodded slowly, realizing she had the power in this situation made her a bit uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the thought of seeing him again is what rattled her. He wanted to see her again, after everything.

"I don't know what you did to this guy, Kali," Varric marveled. "You've got a Knight-Captain who reverts to a teenage boy every time he talks about you. He said that he'd meet you by the great tree in the center of the alienage tonight."

"I don't think you should go," Garrett said quietly.

"And why not?" Kali looked at him.

Garret stared at his drink and sighed. "I think he's dangerous, Kali. The man is unstable, and he's a Templar. This whole thing could just be a ruse to take you back to the Circle."

"You don't know him," Kali said.

"And you don't know if he's the same man as before. You told me about what happened in the Tower, no one goes through something like that and comes out the same," Garrett's pleas only seemed to make Kali want to meet with him more.

"I was there, Garrett, I know. I went through it and here I stand," Kali stood up to demonstrate.

"Things like that affect people differently," Garrett was trying to remain calm. "Something in that man snapped, Kali."

"This isn't your decision," Kali made a move to leave.

Garrett stopped her, grabbing her arm. "Please, Kali. Don't go see him." He stopped himself and braced for what he was about to say next. "I care about you," he said gently.

Pulling her arm from him grip, Kali said nothing as she left the pub. Garrett turned to Varric who had been watching their interaction intently.

"I was wondering when you were going to tell her," Varric grinned smugly.

The dark streets of Kirkwall were home to many dangers. Kali had learned to navigate the streets well and avoided most of the perils that plagued the city. She reached the alienage without any trouble. A lone figure stood near the great tree of alienage. Even in the dimly lit streets Kali could see that the man was uncomfortable in his surrounding and clearly didn't belong there.

She approached silently from behind. Confirming that it was indeed the Knight-Captain out of his Templar armor. Instead he wore plain clothes in an attempt to blend in on the streets. Though his sword and shield marked him as more than just a commoner.

"Cullen?" She called to him.

He jumped at the sound of her voice, turning around to face her. "Kali! Don't scare me like that." She saw that his hand had jumped to the hilt of his long sword. Then she realized she recognized the sword's hilt. It was the blade gifted to him by her sister and her husband. Part of her was happy to see that he had kept it.

"I'm sorry," Kali approached, closing the distance between them. "I just needed to be sure it was you. One can never be too careful on these streets."

Silence fell between them, a rift that neither was sure how to cross. Kali looked at him strangely.

"What is it?" Cullen asked.

"I've just never seen you without your Templar robes," Kali admitted. Cullen looked different without his armor and Templar garb. Even during their time away from the Tower he still wore the robes of his order all the time.

"To be honest, I acquired this ensemble quite recently. Today, in fact." Part of Cullen's discomfort was due to wearing these strange clothes. It felt as if he were missing a part of himself. Being a Templar was part of who he was, it was all that he was. The only time he was willing to push it aside was for her.

"We should probably go inside, the streets aren't safe at night," Kali finally invited.

"Yes, um, of course," Cullen agreed.

Kali lead him to her apartment, which wasn't far from the main square. They travelled in silence, trying to bridge the chasm that had formed between them. Although it was awkward, Kali wasn't uncomfortable. She had missed Cullen's fidgety nervousness. She had missed him.

"Your hair," Cullen tried to break the silence, "it, um, well it suits you."

"Do you like it?" Kali smiled. It was just like the old days in the tower. Cullen was still terrible at flirting, but it seemed he still retained his awkward charm.

"I do, it looks nice." He smiled a bit, but it quickly faded. Those lopsided grins Kali had loved were a rarity now.

They rounded the last corner and finally made it to her humble home. "I'm sorry, it's kind of a mess right now. I wasn't really expecting anyone," she explained as they entered the threshold.

"It's alright," Cullen assured her.

Kali lit the lamps in her apartment, illuminating the small space. Books were scattered everywhere. On the table and chairs, a few bookshelves were crammed to capacity. Otherwise the space was clean, though the building itself was in a moderate state of disrepair.

Clearing a space for them to sit on the worn loveseat, Kali bade Cullen to join her. He sat down next to her and they settled into the tensions of the past. Both wanted to somehow fix this divide, but neither could find the words to do so.

They sat in silence for a long time. Cullen leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, wringing his hands over and over, trying to find the words to speak to her. He had planned it all out in his head before, but now none of seemed right. There was nothing he could do or say that was enough.

Kali, waited patiently, until she could stand his obvious distress no more. She reached out to his fidgeting hands, and gently took them in her own. It was then that she noticed that he was shaking.

"Cullen?" Kali breathed. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I…"

"Let me get you something to drink," Kali got up, but Cullen stopped her.

"I'm sorry, I just don't know where to start," Cullen hung his head.

Kali sat back down next to him, "you start wherever seems right."

"Nothing about this is right, Kaliana. I've spent the last year trying to figure out to forget everything. I've tried to move on and find new focus, to help people. It just seems anytime I feel like I'm getting somewhere, I'm reminded of my mistakes."

"What do you mean?" Kali urged.

Cullen shook his head gathering his thoughts. "Kinloch showed me that darkness lurks within all of us. It's like it just sits there in wait for you to be at your weakest, so it can destroy everything you care about." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that Kali was familiar with. "I'm sorry, Kali, for what I did at Kinloch. Everything I've done since has been to make things right, and to keep people safe. You didn't deserve what I said to you, what I did."

Kali took in his apology, "thank you, Cullen." She held his shaking hand, "I do have some questions, though. If it's alright."

"Of course," Cullen relaxed a bit, having finally gotten that out of the way.

"Even though the phylacteries were destroyed, the Templars would have easily found me. Why didn't anyone come after me?"

"Well, there was a lot to deal with after the incident. Our numbers were greatly diminished, we lot a lot of Templars."

"Still, the Knight-Commander would probably have sent out some to round up the missing mages."

"They did," Cullen admitted, "but they weren't looking for you. I, um, may have put your name on the causality list."

Kali was surprised, "why?"

"I honestly don't know," Cullen confessed. "It was a horrible time and I was in a dark place. In a way you were dead to me." His blunt honesty was a bit jarring. "You were gone, and I don't know... Nothing made any sense then. I just wanted everything to just go back into some semblance of normalcy as quickly as possible. Searching for you would have prolonged the process."

Kali noticed that he left out any personal feelings he may have retained. Though she couldn't tell if it was because he was suppressing them or he felt differently about her now. Though, now wasn't the time to force the issue. "Did they enact the Rite of Annulment?" she asked changing the topic.

"No," Cullen said simply. He wouldn't look at her. "I tried to convince the Knight-Commander it was the best option, but I think he saw that I wasn't in my right mind."

"Do you still think he should have listened to you?" Kali asked cautiously.

"The danger mages pose is very real and everything must be done to safeguard them from themselves," was all Cullen said.

Kali pulled away from him, "you can't safeguard someone who is already dead. You would risk the killing of an innocent to weed out a threat that may not even be there."

"I am willing to do what is necessary to keep those I care about safe," he said coldly.

Kali got to her feet, "what about me, Cullen? What if Knight-Commander Meredith were to waltz in here right now and ordered you to execute me for blood magic or some other nonsense?"

"That would never happen," Cullen stood as well, pacing like a caged lion.

"Why's that?" Kali demanded.

"The Knight-Commander would never order such a thing without a good reason."

"You're avoiding the question," she could tell he was trying to justify his inward reasonings.

Cullen stopped pacing and stared at the wall, "I don't know. I never know with you. Being a Templar has been easy in Kirkwall. Everything is black and white, good and bad, but with you it's different. It has always been different.

"If I disobey, the Order would likely discard me and make my life a living hell. If I do ask I'm commanded, that means I'd murder the love of my life and I don't think I'd be able to live with myself."

Cullen collapsed into a chair, holding his head in his hands. The weight of his words sank in and Kali felt her heart go out to him. What she had asked was unfair, but she needed to hear it from him. She needed to know how far he was willing to go, and if he was willing to cast her aside for the Order. He was a Templar through and through. Duty and faith had gotten him through the darkest part of his life. A dim candle in a world that sought to extinguish all light, it was all he had left after Kinloch.

"I'm sorry, Cullen," Kali whispered.

"Don't be," he replied, not looking up. "I am not a good man."

"Cullen…" Kali started, but Cullen had already started heading towards the door.

"I shouldn't have come. Forgive me."

He was half way down the dark street before Kali made it to the door. Part of her wanted to go after him, but she just watched as he disappeared into the night.

"Are you alright?" Garrett materialized out of a nearby alley.

"Were you spying on me?" Kali accused.

"I wasn't listening, if that's what you're asking," Garrett defended. "I was making sure that you're alright."

"I can not believe you, Garrett," Kali raged. "I had everything under control."

"I don't trust him, Kali. I was just waiting near by if something went wrong," he explained.

"I can take care of myself," Kali turned to go back inside.

"I know you can, but you have to understand that man is dangerous."

Stopping in her doorway, Kali took a deep breath to calm herself. "I understand your concern for me, but he is not dangerous. He is just a troubled man with a very difficult job."

"A job where he rounds up mages. He locks people away like they're cattle," Garrett argued. "If his superiors found out about you, you'd be back in the Circle before the day is out."

At some level Garrett was right. Cullen always justified the actions of the Templars, as well as his own, to himself. There would also be little the Knight-Captain could do to stop his brothers in the Order from taking her in. Still, Kali believed the man she had loved was in there somewhere. Though, she wasn't sure if he'd ever be that man again.

"Kali," Garrett softened his tone, "please, just stay away from him. It will only lead to trouble for both of you."

She knew he was right. Cullen wasn't in the right state of mind for any sort of relationship, even a distant one. There was also a lot going on in Kali's life as well. She had promised Garrett her help with the Deep Roads expedition. It was about time she followed through on that promise.

"Would you like to come in?" Kali asked. "I could use a stiff drink."

Garrett smiled, "you know what they say. You should never drink alone."

Before Kali followed Garrett inside she looked down the street one last time. Nothing stirred. The street was empty and dark. She wasn't sure if the Maker existed or if he cared, but Kali prayed that Cullen would somehow find some peace.