Hello Everyone!

Yet another chapter you my dear readers! A little insight to how I write my chapters. I have playlist of music I listen to as I write and sometimes a song can serve as great inspiration for a chapter. Sometimes, I have multiple songs that provide inspiration for the direction of a chapter or the story as a whole. If you'd like I can share the songs I have in mind that kind of accompany each chapter. This time around it was "Nothing Left to Say" by Imagine Dragons. If it's stupid or whatever, I don't have to include it, but thought I'd throw that out there.

Thanks again to DalishEssence, Flaminea, starryskyondragon'sback, and savankala for your reviews and comments. You guys are amazing!

Enjoy!

RussianBear27

Chapter 15

Kali tried to keep herself busy the following weeks. She spent most of her days in Harel's shop helping him with the wares and running errands. Still, that left her evenings open and rather lonely.

The few times Kali had visited the Gallows, Cullen was nowhere to be found. The place still made her uneasy, so she never stayed long or inquired about the suddenly illusive Knight-Captain. Until, she ran into a familiar Templar, Ser Thrask. Garrett had aided him in the search for Feynriel, a young mage who was at risk for possession. They had tracked down Feynriel and encouraged the boy to go to the Dalish for training, as to avoid the clutches of the Templars. Thrask had surprised Kali when he didn't pursue Feynriel further. Any other Templar would have tracked the boy to the ends of the earth and dragged him kicking and screaming to the Circle.

She decided to take a chance and approached the Templar. "Ser Thrask?" she asked uneasily.

"Yes, my lady," he replied kindly.

Fighting the urge to run Kali continued, "I was hoping you might know the whereabouts of the Knight-Captain?"

Thrask stroked his goatee, as if deep in thought. "I believe he's out at the moment."

"Oh, alright," Kali began backing away. This was a stupid idea.

"Is there something else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you," she broke eye contact and attempted to turn away from the Templar.

"Wait," Thrask stopped her. "I will tell him you stopped by."

"Do you even know my name?" Kali asked a bit alarmed.

"I don't believe you should give up on him so easily, Kaliana," Thrask chose his words carefully. "He is a good man."

Kali only nodded in reply. Finding nothing else to say to the Templar, she turned and finally left the Gallows.

As she passed the city gates, she noticed a small band of Templars entering. Keeping to the shadows she watched them lead a small child toward the Gallows. The boy was no more than ten, and tears streamed down his face. The Templars seemed oblivious to his distress and marched onward with him in tow. Kali was taken back to when she was taken from her mother all those years ago, and it near impossible to quell her swelling anger towards these heartless Templars.

The little boy tripped in the street, dropping a ragged teddy bear. Through his tears the little boy couldn't find the will to get up. A nearby Templar ordered him up, but it only made him cry harder. The Templar was obviously out of patience. He grabbed the sad little toy in one hand and yanked the boy up with the other. Kali felt her magic flare in her fury, but suppressed it as to alert the Templars to her presence. She still looked for an opening to come to the child's aid. Luckily she didn't have to intervene.

"Put him down!" their commanding officer ordered.

"But Ser, this whelp would rather nap on the street. We don't have all day," the offending Templar replied as he forced the child to stand.

Their leader said nothing in reply. Instead he took off his helm and knelt, so he was level with the child. "Are you alright?" Cullen asked.

The child nodded not looking at the Knight-Captain. Cullen stretch out his hand toward the angry Templar, who promptly handed over the boy's bear. The Knight-Captain handed it back to the boy who took it cautiously. Kali couldn't hear what Cullen next to the boy, but the boy's tears ceased and he seemed to calm down a great deal.

Standing up Cullen turned to the Templar that had responded so heartlessly to the boy's distress. "We are Templars, not monsters," he told the man. "Maybe next time you'll remember your humanity."

"Yes, Knight-Captain," was all the Knight said in reply.

Cullen replaced his helm and led the entourage towards the Kirkwall Circle. Kali watched from the shadows of an alley way as they walked away. As they disappeared around a corner, Kali finally collected herself and headed home.

In the weeks since his chance meeting with Kali in the market, Cullen had slept very little. The nightmares that had become his only companion had intensified in their ferocity, and Cullen had taken to sleeping as little as possible. It seemed every time he closed his eyes he was tormented by the demons of his past.

He buried himself in his work to keep the nightmares at bay, and tonight was no different. The candle was low, and the paperwork on his desk was still piled high. A quiet knock at the door interrupted his concentration.

"Come in," he bid the visitor to enter.

The door swung open and in stepped Ser Thrask. "Burning the candles at both ends, I see," he smiled at the Knight-Captain, but it quickly faded when Cullen didn't return the gesture. The Templar cleared his throat and continued, "she came by today."

"Oh?" Cullen looked back to his paperwork.

"She asked for you," Thrask continued.

"Did she now?" Cullen tried hard to mask his emotions.

"Come on, Cullen. You can't lock yourself up and here and mope. She wants to talk to you," Thrask sat on the edge of his desk.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to her," Cullen's anger was apparent.

"I know that's not true. You're hurt, yes, but you know there's a chance that she still cares for you."

Cullen put his head in his hands, Thrask was right. "What chance do we really have, Arnald? I am Knight-Captain and she's… I'm just fooling myself if I think we could ever be together. She is better off without me."

"The Maker works in mysterious ways, my friend. I know you will forever regret it if you don't at least speak with her."

Cullen just sighed, he was exhausted and thinking of her just made his soul ache.

"You should try and get some rest," Thrask got up and left the Knight-Captain to his thoughts.

After attempting to work for a few moments, Cullen realized the task was impossible. His mind was a blur of thoughts, emotions, and pure exhaustion. It was time to face the nightmares and try to get some sleep. Hopefully he could come to some conclusion in the morning. Retiring to his quarters he settled in for what he was sure would be a few hours of fitful sleep.

The nightmare was familiar. The halls of Kinloch were dark and twisted, lined by his fallen comrades who stared at him accusingly. He walked down the long hallway trying to ignore the chilling stares of the long dead Templars. Slowly the walls around him faded away, replaced by the barrier that held him prisoner for all that time.

Uldred waited for him here, those soulless eyes stared right through him, a sinister grin twisted his face. A small army of demons appeared behind the maleficar. They reached for him, hissing. Cullen wanted to run but he was frozen in place.

"You failed her," they hissed. "She never loved you." The demons surrounded him.

"No!" Cullen tried to look away but he couldn't. Kali's lifeless body appeared between him and Uldred. Falling to his knees, darkness surrounded him, choking every last bit of hope out of him. He gathered lifeless Kali's form onto his lap, and he looked up at Uldred and his dreadful sneer. The demons clawed at Cullen as Uldred loomed overhead.

Suddenly Uldred's disgusting grin disappeared, followed slowly the rest of him. The blood mage faded from view and was replaced with Kali.

"Take my hand Cullen," she reached out to him.

This is strange, Cullen thought, this has never happened before. He didn't question further and reached for her hand. Upon contact the nightmare gave way to a much more peaceful scene. He was standing in the Kinloch chapel. Candles gave the sanctuary a familiar calming glow. Looking up, Cullen noticed there was no ceiling. Instead he saw thousands of stars, countless constellations above him.

He turned to find Kali sitting in the middle pew, like she had all those years ago when they met. "Are you really here?" Cullen asked putting it all together.

"Yes," Kali said calmly. "I am sorry for visiting unannounced, but I thought there was no other way to talk to you."

Cullen didn't know what quite to make of the situation. "What do you want?" It was a simple question, but it held in it a thousand more unanswered prayers.

"Sit with me?" she bid him over to her.

Cullen sat next to her, waiting to hear what she had come to say, "so?"

Kali took a deep breath staring at her hands. "I honestly don't have a good answer Cullen, at least not one that will be good enough. Can I first just apologize? I am sorry for what I did, I know it hurt you and I never meant for things to happen as they did."

"When were you going to tell me, then?" Cullen demanded.

"I don't know. When you left the last time, I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. It felt so final and it just seemed my presence only served to hurt you. It wasn't until I saw you in the market did I realize what I'd done to you." Kali sighed, "I don't know what's going on anymore."

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Cullen wanted to be angry at her, wanted to tell her leave to him in peace, but he had to know one thing first. "Do you love him?" Cullen asked quietly.

"I care about him," Kali replied.

"But do you love him?" Cullen insisted.

"No. Not like that," Kali admitted.

Cullen relaxed a bit, surprised by how much of a relief it was to hear her say that. Looking at Kali, Cullen knew that she was just trying to find a bit of happiness in this crazy world. How could he blame her? He, after all, had mistreated her and left her when she needed him most.

"I am sorry, Kali. For everything. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, and I don't know if I can do that," Cullen whispered. Admitting this was like ripping his own heart out of his chest.

Kali looked at him, "what are we doing?"

"What do you mean?" Cullen was confused.

"It seems every time, we try to go our separate ways we end up in each other's paths again and again. After Kinloch, I went to farthest corner of the earth I could to get away, but here we are, Cullen. I try to move on, but something always stops me. I try to be happy, but with you I never had to try to feel anything. I'm sure this isn't making any sense."

"No, I understand," Cullen assured her. It seemed the world would never let them escape each other. He would never be able to be free from her or his feelings for her. At the same time he wasn't sure he wanted to be free from her.

"I saw you outside the Gallows today," Kali continued. "You stood up for that little boy, and to be quite honest I didn't think you would after what you've been through and what you've said. Why did you do it?"

Cullen scoffed involuntarily. "If an innocent child is just a demon lying in wait, then what good is there left in the world? I have to believe that there is still good. Because if there is no good in even the most innocent of mages what does that make you? What does that make me?"

"You are a good man, Cullen," Kali smiled at him. "I'm sorry, but I have to go," she said suddenly.

"Please," Cullen took her hand. "I still don't know what this is," referring to their ambiguous relationship. It was too late. Kali was fading along with the chapel. She placed a soft kiss on his check before the dream faded to darkness. All dreams, it seemed, must come to and end.

Cullen woke with a start. The morning sun was streaming through his window. He was still confused about everything with Kali, but their strange dream conversation had brought him some comfort. Maybe things weren't as bad as he thought they were. As he reflected on his surreal conversation, he realized he felt rested. He wasn't sure where things were going, but he finally had a decent night's sleep.