Chapter Fifteen: Cursed

Three days. That was how long Caius and Lightning spent in Academia 600 AF. The city was empty at that time for some reason, perhaps because of obsolete technology. He and Lightning weren't there to study history books, so they didn't. History was safe for the time being. Now as long as they defeated Etro, history would be saved permanently. Valhalla's shadow continued to linger in all the times that they visited, reminding them of what would happen if they failed.

Finding a use for the dragon fragments was their main objective. Or so Lightning thought. While she always had her nose buried in a book about that, Caius secretly researched myths and legends surrounding Etro. The one time she caught him doing this, he said he was looking for her weakness. That was perhaps a part of his studying, but his main objective was different.

Something was seriously wrong with Lightning. Every time she was asleep, she was in great pain. It wasn't because of a physical wound though, because Lightning was as agile and flexible as ever. No wound hindered her physical movements. So he had no clue what could have been the cause of her pain. He hated to see it though.

Yes, he hated to see Lightning in pain. He had to admit that much to himself. The constant worrying over her and the breaking of his heart assured him that he had indeed developed feelings for the person who was once his greatest enemy. It had been so subtle from the very beginning. First he respected her skill in battle, then he came to respect her as a person. She was very intelligent, emotionally and physically strong, but also genuine and determined and…beautiful. She truly was.

Caius glanced up from the book that he was gazing at blankly, seeing the young woman sitting across the table from him. Her nose was in a book, but not in the same sense that his was. Lightning's face was literally in the book as she leaned forward in her seat and slept. She had been cutting back on sleep lately, though she tried to hide that from Caius. Passing out now was only proof of how little sleep she was getting.

Knowing he had some privacy for the time being, Caius continued reading his book on Etro. At least this one actually mentioned the Eyes of Etro; this was definitely the most factual book that he had come across since they began this desperate search for information. He continued to read the book, taking in the information that it provided. And then there was another topic brought up. One that made his stomach drop.

He looked up at Lightning again. It fits. Perfectly. His hands curled into fists, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared at the sleeping girl. Tomorrow she would pay for keeping such a secret from him.

*…*…*…*…*…*

Lightning awoke the next morning as groggy and drained as she had the past few days. Another night. It's not going to end… She picked up her head, glancing across from her automatically since that was where Caius had been when she fell asleep last night. Now he was gone. And she was thankful; she needed a few minutes of privacy.

She lifted a hand to her head, practically able to feel it pulsing beneath her hand. Her headache was still there, and so was the fogginess. And so was the sorrow. Sleeping was Hell now. It had been ever since she encountered Etro. But she assumed that as soon as they defeated Etro, then this torture would stop. That was why she was so focused on searching for a way to defeat her using the dragon fragments. Yet her research was turning up nothing. Neither was Caius's.

I need to walk, Lightning thought to herself. She slowly rose to her feet, hearing only the creaking of her chair. Wherever Caius was, he wasn't close enough to see that she was awake. He probably went to go get another book to study. Fine with her; she wasn't as attached to him as he was to her. If he thought she didn't notice him hovering over her, then he was a fool. She could see worry in his eyes, but she ignored it. She had her own problems to worry about.

"Lightning."

She blinked, turning her head to see Caius approaching her without a book in his hands. She lowered her hand from her head wordlessly, startled to see him approaching her with anger in his expression. Something was wrong. She backed up a few steps as he approached her until her back was against a wall. That was when Caius stepped right in front of her, placing his hands on the walls on either side of her to keep her boxed in.

"Are you insane?" Caius Ballad hissed at her.

"What?" she asked dumbly, not completely playing dumb. What did she do?

"You've been suffering with that and you haven't told me?"

He knew? How was that possible? That was just it. It wasn't. "Suffering with what?" Lightning asked deceitfully. She knew what she was suffering with, but he couldn't have.

"Every night when you sleep, you cringe with pain and suffering, but it's not because of a physical wound."

"Can't a person have a nightmare here and there?" she protested weakly. Though it was more than a nightmare. Much more.

"You're not just suffering from nightmares. You've been cursed with Etro's Ears. You hear the voices of those who passed."

Lightning had no retort. Caius knew the truth now, somehow. At least a part of it. "How did you know?" she asked quietly, shifting her gaze to his chest. What gave her away?

"I've been researching it ever since we came to Academia. I knew you wouldn't tell me yourself."

She nodded faintly without looking up. So that was it then. Caius knew her little secret. Not that there was anything little about it. The very first time Etro knocked her unconscious, it happened. Screams filled her head. Screams of Serah, her parents, and every other person that she met in her life who died. The screams of the dead were only silenced in the waking hours of the day. It absolutely broke her heart to hear her sister and parents suffering every single night. Screaming, for hours on end. Reminding Lightning that she couldn't protect any of them. Her presence only encouraged destruction.

Quite close to her breaking point, she shut her eyes so that Caius wouldn't see the moisture welling up. "They scream," she said in a near whisper. "Nonstop, every single moment I sleep. All of them are suffering…"

Caius whispered her name. "Lightning…"

The way that he said her name…It made her feel unnerved. It was as if he was experiencing the heartbreak along with her. Never in her life had she heard somebody say her name like that. To cover that surprising emotion, she went on the defensive. "Don't pity me," she said lowly.

Out of the top of her eye, she witnessed Caius blink in surprise. "Pity you?" he repeated.

"Yeah," she said with a small nod. She still refused to meet his eyes. "Don't pity me. I'm not some weak victim here."

"I would never use the word weak to describe you," Caius said. "But victim, yes."

Lightning lifted her head, a faint glare surfacing. But Caius continued speaking to her. "You were manipulated your whole life, and now you're cursed by an evil goddess. You are victim to her cruelty."

"I brought it upon myself."

"How?" he challenged.

She didn't answer.

After a moment, Caius experienced some clarity. "That's the conclusion you've reached from hearing their screams of agony each night, isn't it?" he realized aloud. "They're fooling you into thinking that you're guilty."

"Shut up Caius."

"Don't you realize this is what Etro wants?" Caius hissed again. "You're playing right into her hand, losing hope because of these voices!"

"I said shut up!" Lightning cried, lifting her hands to Caius's chest. She shoved him back a few steps, glaring at him furiously. "Who the Hell do you think you are, playing psychologist with me? You don't know a damn thing."

"Then enlighten me."

"No," she snapped, stepping past him. "I don't feel like it."

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

Lightning left the library, leaving Caius alone in the middle of the room. She was so hot headed that she didn't even know where she was going. She just knew that at that moment, her greatest desire was to get far away from Caius. The fury may have even been enough for her to create a rift, if her other emotions didn't get in the way.

She walked through the empty city streets, both fuming and breaking down. The reason that she wanted to leave Caius was simple: he was right. Hearing the screams of everyone, especially Serah, reminded Lightning of how terribly she failed all of them. It reminded her that she took on this name for a reason. Lightning. It flashes bright, then fades away. It can't protect. It only destroys.

It only destroys.

That was all she felt that she could do. Whoever got close to her suffered. Serah. Hope. Snow. Sazh, Fang, and Vanille. All of them suffered because they came in contact with her. She didn't think it would ever be possible to forgive herself for what she had caused. She was trying so hard to atone for it all. To free Fang and Vanille from their crystals, to save the future so that Hope, Snow, and Sazh could all live together in a place that actually had potential. As for herself, well, it didn't matter. She didn't care as long as those people got a happy ending. They deserved one, and she didn't.

What happened to the times that she had hope? That she believed that she could live in a place and be happy? That was just it. She stopped believing that a long, long time ago. A lifetime ago. There was no way for her to gain what she had lost. It was hopeless to even try. She fought for so long. Now all she wanted to do was stop. Let others fight.

Caius was willing to fight. And it wasn't just to get revenge for Yeul anymore. He found something to drive him along the line. Now Lightning lost what was driving her.

She sank down to her knees in the outskirts of the city, feeling the wind blow her pink hair to the side. Time to give up this fight. I'm done.

"That's it then? You've given up?"

Lightning heard the voice, one that she knew was only in her head. It was a voice of a being that she used to trust with her life, in battle and off. "Why are you here now, Odin?" Lightning spoke aloud without moving, eyes shut. Was he here to finish her off in her misery?

"I will always feel a tugging at my heart whenever you are in pain."

"Ha," she laughed. "Yeah, that's your cue to come finish me off, isn't it?"

"Yes," Odin answered honestly. A few feet in front of Lightning, the air became distorted. The darkness started to gather along with a faint wind, and out of that darkness, the knight called Odin emerged with sword in hand. "It is."

Lightning opened her eyes, seeing Odin standing in front of her. To think that she had summoned him and called for his aid so many times, and now he was here to kill her. "Etro has a really sick sense of humor, you know," she said to the eidolon. Turning Odin against her was just plain cruel. "Were you ever really on my side?"

"You won me over with your strength and determination, both of which you now lack."

"Yeah, well, funny things happen when your whole world is ripped away from you."

"That didn't stop you before."

Lightning glanced down at her knees, feeling some grass tickle her legs. Odin was right. When she met him for the first time, it had been soon after Serah turned to crystal. She lost her sister, her job, and her future. The only reason that she fought back was to protect Hope, however annoying he had been at the time. "I wasn't even fighting for me," she said quietly to Odin. "I fought for Hope. You went after him."

"Because I knew I had to provoke you to fight me somehow. Otherwise, you may have welcomed death's release. I cannot deny that this is what Etro had planned for most l'cie summoning their Eidolons. If they were not going to be of use to her, then they were better off dead."

"But what about you?" Lightning said as she glanced up at him. "What did you want out of all that? And what do you want now?"

"I am a servant of Etro," he said. "My purpose is to do her will."

"That doesn't answer the question." And she felt like he avoided the question on purpose. "You don't want to kill me, do you?"

Much to her relief, Odin shook his head. He didn't want to kill her. He still held some allegiance to her. "Do you know what Eidolons are, Lightning?" he asked randomly.

Did she? All that she knew were that Eidolons were the servants of Etro. They did her bidding no matter what the cost, and were extremely hard to actually kill. They had a limited amount of time in this realm since their home realm was Valhalla, but other than that… "No," she confessed as she shook her head. "What are you?"

"Once, we were all humans. Weak, pitiful humans, who tried to stand up to the goddess Etro. We all saw her for the evil ruler that she was and attempted to overthrow her. None succeeded. As our punishment, we became what we are, and now we are forced to do the goddess's will."

"Wow," Lightning said, shaking her head. Etro just kept getting crueler and crueler. That was so sadistic. She wondered, would that happen to her if she failed to defeat Etro? Would she be cursed to serve her forever like the Eidolons?

"Etro is a force to be reckoned with," Odin said strictly. "If you face her, you must be strong."

"Do you think that I can?"

"No."

Lightning grunted, surprised at that one worded answer.

"You are not the soldier I once knew. You are now weak without a meaning to fight. So…I have come to kill you, not because I want to. Because if I don't, Etro will turn you into her slave like me."

"You can't be serious," Lightning said lowly, rising to her feet with caution. "You're going to kill me to save me from Etro?"

"Yes," Odin said, nodding. "It is the last service I can provide to you."

Suddenly, Odin swung his sword at her with the grace and speed that she was used to seeing fight on her behalf. She pulled out her sword and blocked it, grunting at the force that Odin put against her blade. He was serious. Deathly serious.

"Don't make me fight you again!" she cried, pushing off his large blade and jumping backwards. "I don't want to do that!"

"Why? Because you believe you can hurt me? You cannot, Lightning. Not anymore."

Lightning gritted her teeth, jumping backwards to avoid Odin's swinging weapon. He really thought that little of her? She must have really slipped then, if he thought that she was some weak, helpless little girl. She wasn't. She defeated Fal'Cie before. She fought off armies of soldiers and didn't take a single blow. She rose to the ranks in the Guardian Corps before she was eighteen years old. She was anything but weak and helpless.

Time to prove myself. Lightning's lips curled into a sneer. You want a fight, I'll give you a fight. I'll prove myself to you again right now.

She went on the offensive, knowing what types of attacks Odin was used to giving. Knowing what set him off. Magic was her ally. Strength, grace, and confidence. But most importantly, Odin needed to see one thing: Her will to live.

They danced. Odin was light on his feet and swung in variations of spinning moves, and Lightning spun right back at him and met him blade to blade. He jumped in the air and she met him there. He sent thunder at her and she threw it right back at him. He backed off and she moved forward. The perfect dance partners, once paired together as allies were now fighting as friendamies. He was looking out for her best interest, and so was she. What she needed, more than anything, was to fight.

And she decided that was what she would do. A life of constant fighting wasn't an easy one. There was so much hurting and so much pain, and only half of it was physical. But she was strong enough to handle it. Mentally and physically.

With a battle cry, Lightning stepped right past Odin's swinging blade. She stood right in front of him and thrust her blade at him, stopping it only inches short of his chest. He was shocked. She was satisfied. Lightning panted a breath, smirking faintly in satisfaction and victory. "Still think I'm incapable?" she breathed lowly.

If Odin could smile, Lightning swore that he was doing at that moment. "Well done, Lightning," he said in satisfaction. "You've earned my respect once more. I had my doubts, but I see your resolve and will to live is stronger than your despair. And knowing the depths of your despair, it is incredible that a force could be stronger than that."

She nodded faintly, stepping away a few steps. Her blade returned to its case as Lightning looked up at the eidolon. She understood. His purpose may have been to bring death to those that despair, but he had brought her back from her despair twice now. He showed her the path again. For that reason, Lightning dipped her head faintly. "Thank you," she said, knowing that he would understand what she was saying.

Odin, also, showed Lightning a sign of respect. "I am your servant once more, Lightning. You have won this battle. The war can still be lost, but know this: if it is lost, I will still stand by your side."

"I understand," Lightning said with a small nod. She stood upright, looking at Odin. She had another ally, and this time, he was going to stay.

Odin walked towards Lightning, walking into her without stopping. He grew transparent a step before colliding with her, and when his spirit combined with her body, he vanished to stay in her heart. If she needed him, all she had to do was ask. He was hers to utilize. I'll be good to you, she thought. I promise.

Lightning stood where she was, feeling the warm air enter her lungs and sooth her. She had been so bottled up lately. Trusting only with the physical battles and not the battles of the heart. She just gained an ally in battle, but she knew that there was another who would help her with the battles against grief and hopelessness.

Caius. He started as her enemy. Somewhere along the line, they began to tolerate each other. Then trust each other. Relate. They were truly friends. Maybe even something more.

"You're standing here with me, aren't you?" Lightning asked aloud without turning around.

"Yes," Caius's response came. "I am."

Of course you are. The young woman turned around, seeing Caius standing a few yards away with his arms folded over his chest. His feet were firmly planted on the ground, and it looked as if he had been standing there for quite some time. That meant that he witnessed her battle against Odin. Did they even need to talk about that? She knew that other matters were more important than that. She had stormed out on him after all.

Swallowing her pride, she brought up that hard topic. "I'm sorry," she said as she faintly shook her head. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's fine."

"No," Lightning disagreed. "It isn't. You've shown me respect and trusted me. I should have done the same with you."

"Perhaps," he said agreeably. "However, I may have pushed you too far."

"I was already at my breaking point. It was just…too much to handle." She shook her head, looking away from Caius as her eyebrows furrowed deeply. Serah screaming in agony, sorrow and pain for hours on end…It was absolute torture. And she knew that she would face that once again tonight. There was no escaping this until Etro was defeated.

"It still is too much to handle, isn't it?" Caius asked gently.

Instead of being guarded, Lightning was completely honest. "Yeah," she said quietly. "It is. I can't…handle it. That's why I've been awake almost all the time."

"I understand. Let us return to the library. The sooner we find a way to destroy Etro, the sooner you'll be free of this curse."

"Right," she agreed. That was all the motivation that she needed to return to the library. Hopefully she could stay awake a few hours before she needed to crash and sleep. A few hours of sanity before the torture began…

As they walked back into the city, Lightning mostly looked down at the ground. The air between her and Caius was different. Before they had both been obsessed with killing Etro as soon as possible, but now Caius seemed more concerning about Lightning's state than anything else. Wasn't he still on fire for avenging Yeul? Why was that on the backburner now, and why was his focus on Lightning? What did she do to merit that attention? You're a confusing guy, Caius Ballad. He was a mystery to her, but there were certain words she couldn't pair with him anymore. "Evil" was one of them. He wasn't evil. He was…good. He was more than an ally now. He was a friend.

The two of them arrived back at the library and continued their studying for hours on end. Still nothing.

After a while of silence, Caius looked up from his book to Lightning. "I think we should return to Bresha for the night."

Bresha? "Why?" Lightning asked in confusion. Why couldn't they sleep here again?

"We haven't eaten meat in a few days, and we know the water there is clean," Caius responded logically. "Besides, it's also a safe area."

"Okay," she agreed. "Let's get going. We can plan our next move tomorrow morning."

"You don't wish to return here?"

"It doesn't seem like we're going to find anything," she said with a shrug. "Maybe some other place has the answers that we need."

"Alright." Caius, without even asking, assumed that he was going to be the one to create the rift. Even Lightning understood that, since he walked a few steps away to give himself room to breathe.

It only took a few seconds for the air to change, and for the orange and black rift to make itself present. "Hmph," she hummed, shaking her head faintly.

"What?"

"You've actually gotten pretty good at that, that's all." It took her much longer to get a grip on creating rifts, or so she believed. She just hoped that it would actually lead them to their destination. She hadn't forgotten how Caius's rifts kept leading her to places on Cocoon, places that she really didn't want to revisit. Fortunately-or maybe not so fortunately—Caius didn't realize that. Did she need to tell him now that they were being more honest and open with each other?

No, she thought as she followed Caius through the rift and into the Historia Crux. He doesn't need to know. It's not that important… It was a lie, but it was easier to lie to herself than to Caius these days. He was far too observative. Far too caring.

They only floating along the currents of time for a minute or two before they exited, and much to her relief, it was their usual spot by the Bresha Woods. Something about this place was just soothing, to both of them. Crickets chirping at night, the soft river flowing…Those dull noises helped drown out her thoughts. Maybe it did the same for Caius. That could have been another reason that he insisted that they return to this location instead of going someplace where there were hotels and real beds. Then again, she was hesitant to go anywhere that people were. It was less obvious who could be an assassin and who could be just a normal person living out their life.

"Are you going to try to force yourself to stay awake?" Caius asked Lightning, glancing over at her where she stood.

She hardly needed to consider her answer; her body wouldn't allow her to stay awake any longer. "I need to crash," she said quietly. "Whether I want to or not."

Caius nodded faintly, gazing at her with soft eyes. Eyes softer than Lightning saw even when Caius was thinking of Yeul. The fact that his tenderness was directed at her…Well, it was something strange. Strange, but soothing. She wasn't alone.

Lightning moved back to her normal resting place by the tree, and Caius knew that was his cue to stop staring at her. Though he wouldn't leave her alone, he would give her at least a little privacy. She laid down on her side, facing away from Caius and the river. It wasn't anything against him; she just didn't want him seeing her expression once she was asleep. She knew it wouldn't be pleasant.

With not-so pleasant thoughts in mind, Lightning's exhaustion took the reins. She lost consciousness, listening to the sounds of the river and the crickets. And then the screams of her lost loved ones.

*…*…*…*…*…*

Caius stayed awake for a long while, tired but not nearly as tired as Lightning. When he was certain that she was asleep, he dared to gaze at her for a little while. She had a high tolerance for pain, but this was challenging for her. He knew that if he were in the same situation, he would nearly be driven mad. He could just imagine it, listening to Yeul screaming every single night…The mere thought was heart wrenching.

That was why he sought to provide some kind of comfort. He sat down by Lightning and listened to her breathing, which was a little more ragged than usual because of what she was experiencing. Hesitantly, he lifted a hand to her arm. The skin was soft, warm. As was her heart. "Lightning," he whispered, gazing down at her. She came off so cold, but she was a loving person. She cared for those around her. He was the same. He just never pictured he would actually care about her…

But he did. And that was all that mattered. Certain that she was asleep, Caius laid himself down on the grass behind her. What he did next, he did with caution. He laid on his side and lifted his arm, carefully wrapping it over Lightning's stomach. She was too deep in sleep to realize his close presence.

He sighed in relief, relaxing as he shut his eyes. He willed himself to sleep as he felt like a guardian once more.

Hours later, he awoke in an unexpected way. Instead of being the one to wake up first, Caius heard Lightning beckoning to him. "Caius," her voice said quietly, frail.

He grunted, sensing that she was still right in front of him. Under his arm. He opened his eyes and blinked several times. It was still nighttime. She should have still been sleeping…But maybe the cries were too much for her. She wouldn't even look at him as she faced away from him. "Yes?" he said quietly, showing that he was awake.

"Before, you sent Serah and Noel to a world of sleep," Lightning said in a hoarse voice. "A world where they could dream of whatever they wanted most. Tell me…Can you send me to that type of world?"

Caius nodded faintly. He could. He could try and make her dream of sweet things instead of hearing the cries of her loved ones all night. "Close your eyes," he whispered in her ear. He propped himself up a bit, leaning on one elbow as he gazed down at Lightning. Even in the pale moonlight, he could see that she wasn't so bright herself. Pale from horror.

As Lightning obeyed his gentle order, Caius moved his hand off the ground and set it on top of Lightning's pink hair. The other remained draped over her stomach. He fingered her hair gently, shutting his eyes as he focused on the sleeping charm that he knew. Not all methods of making a person dream sweetly were violent, like what he did with Noel and Yeul. Lightning would drift to sleep soon without pain, and hopefully her dreaming would cover the screams.

"Rest," he murmured, continuing to finger her soft hair with his thumb. In his hold, Lightning did not protest. Her breathing became softer, her form beginning to relax once more. Within a few minutes, she was coaxed into slumber yet again. And Caius, he was left to watch her expression for a long time. At least half an hour was how long he sat and watched to make sure that he had helped somewhat. Her expression was still pained, but not to the same degree as before.

Feeling faint satisfaction at that, Caius laid himself back down on the ground behind Lightning. In the moments before he lost consciousness again, he realized that Lightning had taken the time to lay her arm over his.

*…*…*…*…*…*

Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I just wanna say one thing quick before I go onto the personal stuff, even though this is a personal matter too. Thanks to everyone who reviewed when I posted the last chapter on Sunday. I was having an absolutely terrible night and your kind words helped make it a little better. (: You guys seriously are the best fans I've ever had, by far.

Hannah Abby- Yes, I'm remembering to eat, sleep, breathe, and work a full time job! xD I've written chapters ahead of time so that I could guarantee you guys regular updates. But now I'm SO far ahead I can manage to post them a little more quickly. Believe it or not, the story is actually all written up now except for one little epilogue to the epilogue that I might work on. ;3

Yukari123- yay, a new fan! I'm so glad it was good enough for you to read in one sitting; that's really encouraging that my writing style can be taken in large doses (: Welcome to the story!

Neon-neko-chan- I remember as soon as I saw your review, I started laughing. Thanks for the enthusiasm!

Ballad Jr- Wow, I think that you're the second person who had a family member alert them about the story! Awesome that I can bring families together like that :D I feel special.

Darkis0777- So…What was your theory about what was wrong with Lightning? Were you right?

I believe that's it for today's update! I'll see you guys again soon. :D

On a random note, anybody here a Legend of Korra fan? That show gives me way too many feels. xD

(Okay, seriously, I'm going now)

Peanut