Fragile

3

by

Trycee

Time-Line: Alternative Universe. Season 6. After Milagro and before the Unnatural.

Disclaimer: This is written for fun not profit.

Skinner stared at Mulder and the empty seat next to him. "What are you saying? She's not coming in at all today?"

Mulder cleared his throat. "She asked that she have today off. She was pretty shaken up from yesterday."

Skinner tapped his pencil against his desk. "How affected?"

Mulder sat back in his seat, close-lipped. Skinner stared at him and picked up his pencil, writing something before looking up at Mulder. "I'm ordering for her to be seen by a therapist before she can return to duty."

"Sir," Mulder said, smoothing his hand on his pants leg. "This may sound like an unusual request, but..."

"But?"

"Can I accompany her?"

Skinner looked surprised.

"For support," Mulder added.

Skinner's jaw twisted. "You realize this is a VERY unusual request."

"Partners that have problems are sent to Therapy sessions together. Why would this be so different for me to accompany her for support?"

Skinner stared at Mulder hard before he spoke. "If it gets her there, then I'm all for it."

Mulder hung up after speaking to Scully. She had told him she was tired and about to nap, cutting him off quickly. He called after work and then again before she went to sleep and gotten the same response. She was fine, tired and about to take a nap. The next morning at the office, Mulder waited for her. She came in carrying a coffee and a smile and walked over to her desk, depositing her briefcase before she turned towards him.

"What is this about Skinner saying we both have to meet with Dr. Karen Kossoff?", she said, bewildered.

Mulder noticed that she looked tired with bags under her eyes. She was dressed professionally as she always was in a black suit and a blue blouse and was sipping on an even larger cup of coffee than she normally would.

Mulder shrugged his shoulders. "I think after the other day, he thinks it's a good idea."

She looked down and then glanced up at her partner. "I'm fine now. I'm better. I've moved past it," she said, casting her eyes down.

Mulder shook his head. "I don't think that's true."

Her eyes met his. "What time is this meeting with her?"

Mulder glanced at his watch. "In ten minutes, you want to head up there?"

"Give me a sec," she said, sipping harder on her coffee.

He watched. noticing the tiniest nuances, from the way she kept her eyes away from him to the way she gulped instead of sipped on her coffee. She sat her cup down and then looked up at him. "I'm ready."

He reached out his hand to her. She let him engulf her hand in his which was something that had changed about her behavior since the accident. He walked with her to the elevator. When it dinged open, he placed his hand on her back, escorting her in. They stood apart until it reached the floor they needed. He continued to escort her to the door of the Therapist. Scully stopped in front, staring at the engraved metallic nameplate. She hadn't seen Dr. Karen Kossoff since she'd been cured with cancer. Scully wasn't sure she wanted Mulder to even know she'd seen Dr. Kossoff in the past, after all her Therapy sessions had been in secret. She looked up at Mulder and he placed his hand on her back, higher than he normally would as if he knew she needed his touch for strength. She knocked on the door and heard Dr. Kossof's familiar voice.

She was met by Dr. Kossof who held out her hand with a warm smile. "Dr. Scully. It's been so long. Such a blessing to see you."

Scully smiled shyly. She could feel Mulder's eyes on her. "Yes, Dr. Kossof, the last time, was during my cancer."

The elder woman smiled curiously. "And it's been two years now, right?"

"Yes, I'm in full remission," Scully said.

"Well, that's amazing," Dr. Kossof uttered. She turned her attention to Mulder. "And you are Agent Fox Mulder, Agent Scully's partner, correct?"

"Yes," he said, shaking her hand.

"Sit down, sit down," she said, pointing to the two comfortable chairs that faced her desk. She moved to a different chair in front of them, forming a circle of chairs and grabbed up her notepad. "Let's talk. It's my understanding, that you, Agent Mulder, are here for support for Agent Scully under the orders of Assistant Director Skinner, is that correct?"

Mulder turned from Scully and nodded to Dr. Karen. "That's right."

"So," she said, bring her attention back to Scully. "Why, Dana, are we here?"

Scully began to squirm in her seat, occasionally glancing at Mulder who was watching her intently. "I killed someone without intent," she said, finally.

Dr. Karen Kossof wrote in her notepad. "An innocent bystander while on duty?"

"No," Scully said. "I was driving and I hit a woman with my car and killed her."

"Oh, I read about that. I saw it on tv," Dr. Karen said. "So you're the FBI agent."

"Yes," Scully sighed.

"You do realize that you are not at fault."

"I do," Scully said. "But, I've never felt like this before," she said, wiping a tear. "I know it should be pushed in the back of my mind by now. I've seen death in all kinds of aspects. The first time I had to pull the trigger and kill someone, I'll never forget that moment, I think anyone in law enforcement can relate to that. I've always been able to separate my emotions but..."

"But? What's changed?"

"I froze. When I hit her, I froze. I've never reacted that way before," Scully said, squeezing her hands together. "I went into shock, clinical shock and had to be taken to the hospital."

"Dana, that's understandable. You are human, afterall."

Scully shook her head no. "The look in her eyes was a look of horror that I now see whenever I open my eyes. And when I close my eyes, what I see is different..."

"Dana, what do you see?"

"I see it happening to my daughter Emily. I see the one I hit being Emily. I see her flying into the air. I see her as the one lying on the ground and instead of reacting and coming to her aid...", she said, grabbing up the tissues on the table next to her. "I run off leaving her to die alone."

Mulder reached out and slid his hand into hers, squeezing it. Dr. Karen watched him, she was noticing his full attention on Scully. He was empathetic to her cries, and showing affection to her more than she would ever expect a partner to. She noticed the glances between them, including the need for reassurance from Mulder. He squeezed Scully's hand and looked into her eyes as Dr. Karen watched them. They seemed almost unaware of her presence at times.

Dr. Karen was taking note of their body language. They were turned towards eachother, his thumb kept swiping over her palm and they both kept gazing into each other's eyes. It could be considered comfort but she had never witnessed two partners respond to each other this way out of the 40 years she'd been working as a Therapist for the FBI. Partners who cared for each other might pat one another on the back or hand the other one a tissue. They did not gaze into each other's eyes like lovers would, or have public displays of affection with hand holding and the rubbing of their fingers against the other's hand. Karen was awestruck at the more than natural way they attended to each other's needs. There was certainly more than just a partnership between them. She recognized that there was love.

"So, this has triggered dreams and illicit emotions you had buried within you. How did you mourn the death of your daughter Emily?"

Scully sighed and shook her head. "I didn't properly mourn her death. I did what I always do. I pushed it down within me and I worked through it."

"Worked through it?," Dr. Karen said confused.

"I kept working...I kept busy," Scully said, looking over to Mulder.

Dr. Karen watched him smooth his thumb over her hand and watched as she relaxed and crossed her legs, blowing out the air in her lungs.

"You went back immediately to work?", she said, surprised.

Scully bowed her head and then raised it. "I've always believed in pushing past my pain."

"And what was so different about this situation with the car victim?", Dr. Karen asked.

"My reaction," Scully said. "It wasn't me. It wasn't who I am."

Dr. Karen wrote in her notepad. "Well, Dana, who are you?"

Scully glanced over to Mulder. He locked eyes with her for a moment and then she broke contact staring back at the Therapist. "I'm a Medical Doctor, an FBI Agent..."

"Is that all?", Dr. Karen asked.

Scully shook her head no. "I'm a Daughter, a sister...a mother," she said, softly.

Mulder shifted in his seat. Scully wiped her eyes and blew out the air in her lungs.

"And?", Karen asked.

"A friend..."

"A significant other?", Karen asked.

Scully glanced towards Mulder but kept her head low. He focused on her, his eyes searching hers. "No," she said, looking away from him.

Mulder was watching Scully. Her eyes finally met his and Karen observed their silent communication. She wanted to push them a little further. "Are you sure?", Karen asked, Scully.

Scully's mouth gaped opened with a shocked expression like a deer-caught-in a headlight .

"Am I sure I don't have a significant other?", Scully repeated shocked. "I'm pretty sure."

Mulder shifted again in his seat and Scully glanced at him nervously.

Dr. Karen watched her as Scully searched Mulder's eyes.

"Are you?," Mulder questioned. "Sure?"

Scully stared at him a long moment. Her mouth open and she looked down shyly. "I don't know where I stand."

"You should know by now," Mulder said, his gaze intensified as he peered at her.

She gasped and then dropped her head down shyly. "Well, I guess I should," she said, softly.

"Yes, you should," Mulder whispered.

Scully placed her hands in her lap and twirled her fingers around like a schoolgirl.

Karen watched the interaction between them. Mulder's gaze never left Scully.

Karen continued "You have friends you can turn too for comfort?"

"I have a best friend," Scully said, quietly.

"Who is your best friend?"

"He is," Scully said firmly, pointing towards Mulder. He smiled smugly.

"Can you count on him? Can you turn to him?"

"Yes. He's my comfort, my strength..."

Dr. Karen was surprised by Scully's words. "Did you turn to him after your daughter's death?"

Scully curved towards Mulder as he looked away. "No," Scully sighed. "I pushed him away."

"Why?", Dr. Karen said, surprised.

"I wanted to be strong. I thought I could handle it alone. But I couldn't."

"It's been two years now since Emily's death. Have you and Agent Mulder become closer since then?"

Mulder squeezed her hand. "Yes," she said. "We're very close."

"Are you turning to him about this issue with the car victim?"

"Yes and no."

"Can you explain?"

"I turned to him after the accident," Scully said. "But then I pushed him away yesterday. He was concerned for me. I didn't tell him that I was still having the nightmares about Emily and the car. I even told him this morning that I was over it..."

Mulder sighed loudly, his hand squeezing hers. "And that was a lie...", he said, with irritation in his tone.

She looked at him. "I'm sorry, Mulder."

He lovingly pressed his thumb into her hand, smoothing it over. "I know. I just want to know why? Why do you feel the need to keep things from me?"

Scully peered over to Dr. Karen and then glanced down at her lap. "I was ashamed of how I reacted at the accident. I'm ashamed of the fact that it still bothers me. I'm a Professional, a Doctor. I'm ashamed that I can't seem to control how I'm feeling or began to stop my nightmares."

"This is the first time, Scully, that you've reached out and told me how you've felt."

Scully shifted towards Mulder. She could see how concerned he was for her and how hurt he looked. "I know I pushed you away with Emily. You were so sweet. You dropped everything to fly out to California to be by my side. You testified for me, and then when I should have leaned on you, I pushed you away."

She could see Mulder sigh heavily. Scully knew he needed to hear this from her.

"There were so many times Mulder that I could've used a shoulder to cry on but I kept it bottled up inside and I am ready to change that. I need to change that."

"Can you forgive yourself for your reaction at the accident?", Karen asked. "Can you forgive yourself for not including your partner in comforting you?", she said, carefully.

Mulder was staring at Scully. She nodded her head yes. Scully removed her hand from Mulder's and grabbed a tissue, wiping her eyes. "I'm gonna try."

"You went into shock, Scully," Mulder said. "You had no control over that."

"As a physician, I am a first responder," she answered. "I took an oath to do no harm. I was supposed to have helped her."

"You're a great Physician, Scully" Mulder spoke. "And you're human. You are human. You have weaknesses like everyone else, Scully."

"What do you mean?", Scully asked.

"I mean let down your walls, Scully. Let me in."

Scully stared at him for a long while. "I'm trying," Scully whispered as Mulder touched her arm. "I'll try harder."

He stared at her with soulful eyes and nodded.

"It's never too late," Dr. Karen spoke. "To mourn the loss of your daughter. To actully admit your loss. As you know, Dr. Scully, that an unresolved issue hidden within your subconscious mind can reappear especially when triggered by a trauma."

Scully sat back in her seat.

Dr. Karen decided she needed to push them a little more. "Are you willing to show your vulnerability to your partner?"

Scully turned to Mulder. "I'm willing to try."

Dr. Karen could see that Mulder was pleased.

"First, you should start, Dr. Scully, by acknowledging the death of the car victim and accepting your own limitations as a human being."

"I can do that."

"Face the family, no matter what they're reaction. Do your part," Dr. Kossoff added. "And then you also need to finally mourn the death of your daughter and to include your partner in it. You both need closure."

"And then what?", Scully questioned.

"The nightmares will go away, the guilt will go away and you'll feel like yourself again."

"That's exactly what I want."

"And when you've done all that, I wouldn't mind seeing you both back just as an update."

Scully turned to Mulder.

"No problem," he answered, standing up and shaking Dr. Kossoff's hand. Scully shook her hand too and Mulder placed his hand on his spot, guiding Scully out of the office.

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