Fragile
5
by
Trycee
Time-Line: Alternative Universe. Season 6. After Milagro and before the Unnatural.
Disclaimer: This is written for fun not profit.
Scully slid her hand into Mulder's as he drove. She sighed loudly. "Well, you were there when I got a few of the phone calls but what I didn't tell you is that the persons voice on the phone was...my sister."
Mulder twisted around and looked at Scully. "Your sister was sending you messages to help Emily."
Scully licked her lips. "Not just to help her but she's the reason I found Emily and I believe that was the intent."
Mulder squeezed her hand tightly. She was surprised that he was so quiet.
"Were you ashamed to tell me?"
Scully avoided his gaze and looked out at the window. "I told my mother and brother about it and they weren't so accepting of it all.'
Mulder looked back at Scully. "You didn't answer my question."
"Mulder, I think you know the answer to that," she said, as they drove past by rows of palm trees. "I wasn't ashamed to tell you. I knew you would understand, it was just such a shock at the time that I had a child...and I didn't even know how. My focus was on Emily and her illness, Mulder, and not on the mystery of it."
He was quiet as she sighed. "It's strange, you know."
"What is?", Mulder asked.
"After we moved here when I was a child," Scully said, referring to San Diego. "This place was apart of me. And then Bill joined the Navy and Melissa was off doing her thing and it was just me and Charlie left at home. I wanted to attend the University of Maryland, to be back where we were all born. I jumped at the chance. And so the parents moved back to Annapolis and then I went off to the University of Maryland and Charlie got married and joined the Navy," she said, turning to look at him. "I guess...", she said, as the large Cemetary sign came into view. "I guess it's fitting that I found her here in San Diego and that she's also buried here. There's a connection to me here."
Mulder stopped the car at the Cemetary entrance. He placed the car in park and turned to look at her. "Scully..."
Scully's eyes were wet with tears. He reached out and pulled her to him. She slid over in her seat and gripped his neck as she cried into his shoulder. Mulder pressed her hard against him as he listened to her whimpers and cries. He kissed the softness of her neck and she pulled back. He looked down into her beautiful face and used his thumb to wipe the wetness pooled at the corners of her eyes. She was beautiful and his heart was wrenching. "It's okay, Scully," he said, kissing her cheek.
"They did this to me, Mulder. They took my ability to have children away," she said, as she closed her eyes.
He kissed her forehead as she continued. "I had no choice in the matter. And just a few months prior to my daughter dying," she said, as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "I found out I was barren."
Mulder smoothed a stray stand from her face, his heart breaking as he watched her cry. He was close to tears himself. "And to find her and then to lose her."
"Scully..."
"I lost part of my soul that day, Mulder. I wasn't there when my own daughter breathed her first breath but I needed to be there for her last."
He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. "I know. I know."
"I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled," she said, between sobs. "And I...", she gulped. "I recognized that look in Alex Hutching's daughter Faith, when she looked at me yesterday. There was a hole there. A hole that no other woman will ever fill. No one can ever replace her mother. And I'll never have the chance to be with my daughter or have any other children and so I remain empty."
Mulder could feel anger, pain and guilt seared through him. He held Scully's chin and kissed her lips softly. She sighed as she shook her head, wiping her eyes. "Thanks for being here with me, Mulder."
"This is all I've ever wanted, Scully. To hold you and comfort you when you needed me too."
She ran her hand along his jawline and gaze into the deep swirls of hazel. "I need you too."
Mulder pulled her immediately into his arms, holding her taut against his chest. They jumped when a car horn blew behind them. Mulder looked back to see a funeral procession lined up down the street. He started the engine and began to drive the thin windy paths that lead to the Children's area of the Cemetary. The last time they'd come there was after the funeral when Emily's casket full of sand was lowered into the ground. Her family had hugged her and given her space and driven back to Bill's house waiting on the two of them to later join them. Mulder had sat in the car as she wept by her daughter's grave site. But, like radar Mulder was aware of her every sound and every cry Scully made even from a distance. He had spent that time beating his hands against the steering wheel as he had listened, cursing and blaming himself for her abduction and for not finding a cure for Emily's demise.
This time they pulled up and Scully stepped out. She turned towards the car, noticing Mulder hadn't joined her. She motioned for him to step out with her. Surprised, Mulder stood by her side. "Oh...the flowers, Mulder. I forgot them."
"Oh yeah," he said, as he grabbed the flowers from the backseat. He held them in his left hand as she slid her hand into his right and they walked together to her daughter's tombstone. Emily Christine Scully, the words were etched into stone and Scully paused in front of it. "This is the first time I've seen the tombstone," Scully said, with watery eyes, turning to look at Mulder. "I told myself I'd come back but it took me this long to do it," she said, wiping her eyes. "In truth, I just didn't want to face it. It made it too real," she sighed.
Mulder placed the flowers on the edge of the gravestone and then placed his hand on her upper back. Scully looked down at the base of the grave stone where some decayed flowers rested. "Flowers? Someone put flowers here," she said, grabbing up the dead leaves.
Mulder placed his hands on his hips and looked down. Scully stared at the delivery label on the end. "Emily C. Scully, from D.K.S. Someone sent flowers in my name?", she said, bewildered.
"It was me," Mulder sighed. "I pay for a weekly flower delivery."
Scully stared at Mulder in disbelief. "What?"
"I do the same thing for my dad's burial. Well, his is monthly," he said, shyly. "Scully, if that's overstepping my bounds or something..."
"No," she smiled, stepping up to him. "I would have never thought of doing this," she said, wiping her eyes. "It's so sweet, Mulder. I can't thank you enough."
He smiled down at her. She then looked up at him suddenly. "Wait Did you say you pay for Emily's flowers weekly and your dad's monthly?"
Mulder looked down into her moist blue eyes and looked off. "Mulder?", she continued.
His eyes settled back onto hers. "Your daughter, Scully. How do I explain?", he said, to himself. "I felt a connection too. And she meant something to me, because she was yours."
Scully bowed her head and Mulder sighed heavily, upset with himself that he'd spoken his inner thoughts out loud to her.
"I never gave you the chance to express how you felt about it, did I?", she said, gripping his hand.
Mulder shook his head. "You really had no reason to worry about me, Scully. It's what you needed at the time."
"I did," she said. "But I wanted to bury it all so deep down inside it didn't exist any more. I wanted to forget that my chances of children were gone. I wanted to forget that I might not have been able to adopt my own biological child that I didn't even know existed. I wanted to forget that I had almost no time with her. I wanted to forget that life was unfair..."
Mulder engulfed her in his arms and she buried her head into his chest, as her tears fell. He kissed the top of Scully's head and held her tightly. "We'll have a chance Scully, " he said and then moaned inwardly, cursing himself at his slip. "You'll have a chance Scully."
"A chance?"
"To be a mother," he said, pulling back to look at her. "I know you will..."
"You do?",she said, surprised.
"Yeah," he said, as he pulled her back tightly against him. "Yeah, I know it."
Scully turned in his arms and looked at her daugthers grave. "I never got to even name her," she said, wiping her eyes. "Emily Christine...I don't know what her favorite color is. What her favorite dolls were," she said, as Mulder held her in front of him, his arms around her waist. Scully's back was pressed against his chest as they stood there together. "She was a three year old little girl who lived her life without me and yet we found each other."
She sighed and stepped out of his arms and picked up the new flowers and placed them at the base of the grave. "I love you, Emily...", she whispered. "I think about you everyday. I hope you know...", she gulped. "How much I love you and how happy knowing you existed made me. You made me happy just being your mom."
Mulder placed his hand on her shoulder. Scully continued. "I think it would've been harder for me to have not met you. I would've always wondered what a child of mine looked like," she said. "And you're beautiful. You were beautiful."
"Just like her mom," Mulder said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
"Goodbye, my beautiful girl," she said between sobs.
Mulder touched her arm and they turned away together walking hand and hand back towards the car. Scully's phone rang. "Bill?"
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