A few minutes later Han found Leia already in galley taking a look at the available stores trying to decide what they should have for dinner.
"See anything you want, Your Highness?"
Must he keep calling me that? Let it slide, Organa.
She stood there for a moment when a smile swept across her face. "Do we have what we need for some of that Corellian stew of yours?"
"I'm sure we do." Han made sure to emphasize the 'we' strictly for Leia's benefit. His eyes lingered on her to gauge her response.
Standing there and feeling slightly annoyed that Han seemed to be leering at her, she abruptly turned on her heel to head back to the lounge. "Looks like you have it all well under control."
Great. Getting the Princess riled up is not what I had in mind. He watched her go, but he'd be damned if he'd let it look like it bothered him. In fact, he made sure she caught a glimpse of the cockiest grin he could flash.
She stormed into the lounge and went straight for the small fridge. She knew Han kept it full of Corellian Ale. She opened a bottle and sat down.
He's driving me to drink! She was more irritated at herself though for being so easily annoyed in the first place. She knew that her earlier realization in the turrets is what had her so on edge. Han really didn't do anything that was a big deal in the first place. He was just being Han. And he could be much worse when he wanted to.
Worse yet, he could also be incredibly charming when he wanted to.
Leia decided that the easiest way to avoid having to make a decision regarding Han was to simply get him to change his mind. This way she wouldn't have to consider being with him if it was no longer an offer he wanted to make. She felt guilty, but really it was for the best. Han would leave her eventually anyway. She was sure of it.
Han finished preparing diner without any assistance hoping it would give Leia a chance to relax a little. How could he tell her anything if she was going to be so high strung?
He found her in the cockpit with Chewie. He was attempting to teach her Wookie using the screen to translate. They were going through numbers at the moment. Han knew Chewie had always been fond of the Princess. This was one more reason Han found Leia to be unlike any other woman he'd known. Despite her initial comments on the Death Star, she always treated Chewie with deep respect. Many of the women he had been with acted as if Chewie was an inconvenience. He supposed this was part of the reason why most of them weren't around long. It gave him an easy excuse not to commit.
Han watch for a long moment. They noticed him standing there and Chewie ended the lesson with long phrase that definitely wasn't numbers or anything Leia recognized as anything they'd gone over. Then he got up and exited the cockpit leaving the two of them alone.
Han put his hand over his eyes while Leia watched the view screen as the translation appeared:
PRINCESS, GO SPEND SOMETME WITH HAN. THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD TALK. THERE ARE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW.
Han broke the silence first. "Come on, sweetheart. Dinner's ready." He reached for her hand and she quietly complied.
They ate dinner again in the lounge. Han had once again draped a tablecloth over the holo chess table and even had soft music playing in the background. But they ate in silence. Neither wanting to bring up the issue that Chewbacca made them face.
Chewbacca felt about ready to storm into the lounge and knock their heads together.Normally, he wouldn't think of eavesdropping on Han, but this was just ridiculous. It was just too easy with his acute hearing to notice that he wasn't hearing anything. It was almost be more comforting to hear them screaming at each other, at least they would be communicating. Besides, in the heat of their famous arguments things were known to slip out and that had to be better than complete silence.
Determined to do something, he quietly made his way to the cockpit. He flipped on the comm switch and waited for Han to respond to the call.
Sitting across from Leia at this exact moment, wanting to say something but unable, Han realized that he had never felt as helpless as he did right then. It should be so simple. Leia, I want to be with you. I care. Simple. But he just couldn't do it. He wanted to tell her everything. The basics just seemed like the best way to start.
He was startled out of the silence when he heard the comm indicator go off. He just sat there a minute dumbfounded at his inability to move. He just stared at Leia intently.
"Han." Leia looked down uncomfortably. "Should you get that?"
He just stared back. Now or never.
Leia didn't now what to do. This evening was unlike any time she had spent with a man. Their unspoken thoughts were just becoming so obvious and it scared her. She had to do something. Han's silent actions were more than she could handle.
"Chewie will get it." But the chime continued on.
"Captain. It was a wonderful dinner, but-"
He stood up with annoyance at the way this situation was falling apart "Don't get formal on me now, Princess." That did not come out the way he intended. He was upset at the way Leia was trying cut him off when she knew damn well he had something to say. Especially when he knew, he was sure of it, that it was something she wanted to hear.
He walked over to the lounge computer and when he saw the message was being sent from the cockpit, he switched it off. He'd deal with Chewie later.
Leia was just standing up and in a blink of an eye, Han found himself in front her, trying to keep her from slipping out. Something she was good at.
"Look, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I'm sorry."
"It's alright. It's getting late."
"No, it's not." He challenged. "You're just trying to get away from me. For someone who is always accusing me of getting ready to leave, you're pretty good at walking away and leaving me standing alone."
Leia's eyes widened at his response. It was true in a sense. But how could he not understand that she was protecting herself. "Did it ever occur to you that I don't have to take your abuse? Why wouldn't I walk away?" How could he not realize that what seemed to amuse him usually hurt her?
"Oh, really sweetheart? Would you be surprised to learn that I'm not exactly unscathed from that sharp tongue of yours? I don't get as much fun out of arguing as you do, I'm just not going to give you the satisfaction of tearing me down so easily. I'm not going to take it and run away like everyone else."
"I don't like to argue!" Leia heard her voice rising and she stopped.
"Of course you do. You're a professional."
That was it. Leia went around him headed straight for the crew quarters. She felt Han's hand wrap around her arm and again he found himself in front of her as she felt herself forcibly turned around.
Realizing he startled her, and himself, he was more gentle and put both hands on her shoulders to steady her. Or himself. They looked at each other for a moment, and Han saw the fear in Leia's eyes. He hoped she knew he would never physically hurt her, but he sensed the fear came from some where else.
"Don't go," was all he said, nearly whispering.
Leia was so close to tears she had to fight with all she had to stop them. She wanted to grab on to him, she wanted to start the evening all over and hear him say what she hoped to hear. That he wanted to stay, wanted to care for her and what she was fighting for. It was selfish she knew, caring for her shouldn't require enlistment. But she couldn't see herself with someone who didn't share her cause. She closed her eyes and felt Han's hand touching her cheek. She reached for his wrist and let him hold his hand there a minute, then she opened her eyes and slowly pulled his hand away from her face, immediately missing the sensation of his touch.
"I don't see how things can be any different." She disappeared around the corner.
Out of respect for her privacy since there was no door to the crew quarters, Han didn't follow.
He just stood there. He heard the creek of the bunk as she sat down. He approached the hallway and made sure she heard every word loud and clear.
"Then let's make them different."
Leia laid down on her side and let the tears silently fall.