a/n (p1): mark and addison have never been together, addison and derek were married but aren't anymore, and there will be multiple ships in this but it is primarily mark/addison, some (okay, a lot or even most) of the history is different
a/n (p2): read anything by lynn ( sliceofperfection ) and you won't regret it; my personal fav is sick cycle carousal
Addison didn't know how to face anyone after the outburst on Thanksgiving, wondering what she could even say. She could try to deny it or make excuses for it, but it really wasn't anybody else's business, or so she thought. Of course everyone would have opinions about it like they did about their news that they were having a baby together, but she supposes that she hasn't tried to think about what they were doing much.
Honestly, she's afraid to think about it and wants to just live in the moment because she hasn't done much of that in her lifetime. Sure, there were little things that seemed important at the time but are hardly even remembered now. She doesn't want to feel like she's missed something when she becomes a mom.
But that's the real journey, isn't it? Maybe he'd had something all along with his teasing comments about doing it the old fashioned way. There was security that it was theirs, that no one else. And she's pretty sure that if she's sleeping with him then he isn't sleeping with anybody else.
She's beginning to question how much it would bother her if he were.
"It's cold in this apartment. We should have gotten the one with the fireplace," she huffs as she walks down the hallway while tugging the sleeves of her Yale sweatshirt to the middle of her palms.
He smirks from the couch at the sight of her, "or maybe you could put some pants on because what you're wearing now are barely classified as shorts."
"Shut up," she replies with a narrowed gaze and a hint of a smirk, "besides, I was going to make you keep me warm."
"You're being oddly calm for someone who was so embarrassed that people found out about the sex," he remarks.
"Do you ever stop talking?" She challenges with a mocking groan as she sits down on the couch beside him.
He laughs and drops his hand to her leg, running his hand over her cold skin with a mock pout; he reaches for the blanket draped over the back of the couch. He spreads it out over her, lifting his ass a little when she tucks her frozen feet beneath him. He shakes his head as she slips her hands below his shirt in an attempt to warm them up too.
"Why are you putting your cold hands on me?" He questions her, fighting a chill.
"Stop squirming, just keep me warm," she whines.
"You have a blanket," he counters.
She pouts, throwing her hands down against her thighs, "Mark!"
"Ugh, fine. Come here," he motions. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her towards him, lets her wrap her arms around his middle beneath his shirt so she can warm up. She slides her legs down his, taking the blanket with her and slips her foot between his calves. "Is that better?"
"Much," she agrees.
He laughs a little, muffled as she slides her nose along his throat if only for a brief moment while she settles against him. She allows herself to think for the first time how glad she is that them having sex hasn't changed the way they are with each other. Her fingernails graze over his skin when she pulls her hand up to press her fingers into his neck to guide his mouth to hers.
His lips part beneath hers and his eyes drift closed, his arm pulling her a bit closer when her tongue taps against his. She feels herself smile a little, his fingertips pressing into her skin until the area surrounding his grasp becomes white. It takes a few moments, maybe even minutes before he pulls away and lets his forehead linger against hers.
"Mark?"
"Hm?" He lazily responds.
"Do you still want a baby?" She asks, the question quiet and gentle and maybe even uncertain as to what his answer will be. She wonders if whatever they've started doing complicated things, changes his answer or something. She's afraid to peel her eyes open to look at his face; she isn't expecting it when he briefly presses his lips against hers.
"Nothing is going to change my mind about that. You could stop kissing me right now and I would still want a baby with you," he admits.
She sighs, more relief than anything else, "I wasn't sure if things have maybe changed, or. Should we talk about it?"
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. In all honesty, maybe waking up beside his best friend is more perfect than anything else. It isn't that he doesn't love her or maybe even doesn't want to be with her. It's that he knows better than to believe that he could really believe what she wants for the rest of her life. He offers her a smile, maybe hoping to convince them both that he's okay either way; "if you want to talk about it, we can talk about it."
"I don't want to lose you," she replies.
And it's simple that she'd say that, very to the point and a feeling that he understands completely; his fingers slide along her skin as he swallows. "You aren't going to lose me, babe. No matter what."
"Good, I would hate that," she says; she presses her lips to his in a fleeting gesture.
He thinks that maybe the saying is right, as much as things change they do stay the same.
Arizona releases a heavy hearted sigh as she pulls her bags behind her through the airport. The plane that she's on is one of the last flights out and the airport is relatively slow considering the time of day, but it could be because it's a random Tuesday between Thanksgiving and Christmas. All she knows is that she needs to leave before she tricks herself into staying.
She didn't offer Callie a proper goodbye, despite her desire to. She doesn't want to leave her girlfriend, not when she's never loved someone like this, but she's doing this for them both. They need to break up before it's too late because they want different things. The last thing she wants is for them to despise each other, which is exactly what will happen if they aren't careful.
She swallows, checks her baggage at the gate before strapping her carry on over her shoulder and heading towards security. If she doesn't move fast, she'll turn around. She keeps telling herself that it's better she leaves; she can hear her voice waver in her head and she hasn't quite convinced herself.
She reminds herself to breathe; it's better that she keeps walking and she boards that plane and she doesn't come back, not for a very long time.
April Kepner has found the position of Chief Resident to be particularly difficult because her colleagues don't respect her knowledge as a doctor. They don't know her, not really, and the don't want to get to know. At least that's what she thinks.
She had a crush on Alex for like 5 minutes but that quickly went away when she found out that he would sleep with his best friend's girlfriend. Maybe it's because she saw how many morals he seemed to have by doing that and she realized that his morals would never match hers. Part of her thinks that maybe it's because Jackson is her best friend and she's even having a hard time being friends with Lexie now - even though Jackson has seemed to forgive her.
She sees them laughing and joking on occasion and she gets a little jealous because he's supposed to be doing that with her. Lexie had her chance and she ruined it, she shouldn't get another chance. But Jesus would be upset with her for saying something. She understands that it's human nature to get jealous and to want a connection, but she doesn't want to disappoint Jesus by making her internal thoughts external.
So, she bites her lip and keeps her opinion to herself. She silently vows to tell Jackson the next time they are alone that she misses her friend. She's sure that will make everything okay.
Just then, she stumbles on Callie in a room, tears in her eyes; Jesus would want her to be kind and comfort her, she thinks.
The visit to Seattle made Amelia realize how much she misses her brother and Addison and even Mark, and when it comes time to leave she would really rather not. There's just something about when it comes time for her mom to leave (since her sisters had already gone home), she just isn't ready. Nancy had already informed Derek that David had the kids for Christmas so her and their mom would be back then.
Everyone else was going to be staying in town for Christmas and Nancy couldn't secure the time off for Thanksgiving like she could for Christmas. Derek said that they could all stay with him since he had enough room for all of them. And then Nancy insisted to have Addison time without even bothering to ask if it was weird for them. It wasn't, but it had potential to be awkward for Addison, Derek, Meredith, even Mark given the recent admission.
But of course, there isn't any such thing as awkward when it comes to them. Derek is happy and all he wants is for his best friends to be happy too. Even if that means each other.
Amelia is sure that this is what she needs to do so she can repair whatever was damaged with her brother. She doesn't tell anyone, but he's her favorite person in the world (even though Mark and Addison and her Mom are close). All she wants is for her big brother to be proud of her. She wonders if maybe they will let her transfer her fellowship to Seattle. Her brother is a great surgeon, the best teacher.
She begs him to help her out, to get her a job because she's actually a really good surgeon and he will see that if he just gives her a chance. He gets her a 30 day trial with Charlotte and Richard's approval. Both of them as favors to him. He tells her not to mess up.
She wonders if he knows how much harder that makes it, but then she holds Zachary and she forgets that she'd ever made mistakes. She's the only one staying at Derek's house, not where he was living before. It makes her feel special that he lets her have her own room in her house.
She sees Alex Karev and she forgets what being good is like.
Mark has been mostly dreading the time that ends up being just him and Derek since Thanksgiving, the revelation was kind of loaded. He doesn't really know how to answer any questions that Derek may have so he's done a pretty good job at avoiding the situation entirely. He knows Derek well enough to know that he's going to ask questions that Mark hasn't yet been able to ask himself.
But then Derek asked Mark if he would go shopping with him and Zachary for Christmas presents. He knows that Derek only said Zachary because Mark wouldn't be able to say no to spending time with the 6 month old. He grumbles a little the whole way out the door because he knows how it's going to go; lucky for him, Addison had been called into work.
So far he's been able to fend off any questions by shrugging and saying ask Addison. Secretly, he's hoped that someone would report back to him what she said, but they've said nothing. He wonders if everyone is that afraid to ask her and he's considered the lesser of the two evils.
But when Derek opens his mouth, he knows that his ability to avoid it has calm to an immediate halt; "so, since you're sleeping together, does that mean you're together?"
"If you're asking me if we are Mark and Addison like you were Derek and Addison then I'm going to say I don't know," he replies. He wishes he had answers for himself more than ones to offer Derek. Derek looks at him pointedly like he isn't convinced. "I don't know man, I mean, this is Addison we're talking about here. We talked about talking about it and all that was said is that she didn't want to lose me. I certainly don't want to lose her. I don't know the details of it though."
"How could you not know?" Derek asks, nose contorted upwards in confusion.
"I don't want to complicate it with definitions and labels. I just," his thought process tapers off and he lightly shakes his head. He expels a slightly exasperated sigh and drags a hand through his hair. "I mean, I'm not sleeping with anybody else. I can't even remember the last person I slept with before her."
"That's a little deep for you," Derek teases.
"Heh," Mark absently agrees, "maybe I'm just tired of the game and I like that someone is there when I come home."
"Without having a deep meaningful conversation, I don't think you're being fair," Derek says with a light shake of his head. He doesn't even know what he's looking for, he just knows that he needs to get everyone some Christmas presents. Mark prefers shopping online; "What are you going to do if you come home one day and she isn't there?"
"I don't know, Derek. I just know that things are what they are and when they aren't anymore they aren't," Mark admits.
Derek gives him a quick nod and seemingly drops the subject; Mark is fairly certain that by instilling those questions he is doing just what he intended to do.
"So, the trying to have a baby thing is still happening?"
He smirks, "sex typically makes babies, yes."
Lexie isn't sure why it's so important that Derek be hand delivered a copy of the scans from his patient, but whatever. She'd hopped in Meredith's car and drove right over. Approaching the front desk with scans in hand, she spots a blonde man behind the desk.
"Excuse me," she says.
He offers her a tight smile and lifts his gaze to her, "can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'm here to see Doctor Shepherd," she replies; she can't help the smile that touches the corners or her eyes.
"Which one?" He asks with a small laugh.
She laughs too; "Derek Shepherd. He's my brother-in-law. Oh, and I brought those scans he requested from the hospital."
"Oh, let me show you the way," he says with a slightly apologetic look.
She follows him to Derek's office and when he offers her a smile and a nod before walking away, she can't help watching him walk away. His eyes are so blue, but the way his voice lingers in her head is what's got her watching him leave. She swallows, collects herself before she lightly wraps on Derek's door and walking in.
It takes her a little bit longer than she thought it would to collect herself.
"Hey," Addison says to Teddy as she walks into the attending lounge. Teddy lifts her head to Addison, her eyes taking a few moments to catch up. She'd been deep in thought about Henry because he hasn't been feeling particularly well since before Thanksgiving even though he's tried extra hard to pretend like he's okay so they can celebrate the holidays accordingly. "Everything okay?"
"Uh," Teddy lightly shakes her head, unable to voice her thoughts. She hasn't really told anyone else what's been going on lately, how badly she thinks Henry is doing. Her biggest worry now is that he won't even make it through the holidays. She thinks that would literally kill her. "Henry isn't doing so well."
"Honey, what's wrong?"
She feels the cushion shift beneath her as Addison sits relatively closer than normal so she can comfort her. It takes everything in her to hold tears back, not wanting to lose her composure over something that hasn't even happened yet. She doesn't know what to do anymore.
"He just is starting to feel fatigued. There are tumors in his chest. I can hear them when he breathes, when he sleeps I press my ear to his chest and I just know," Teddy admits, "what if he doesn't make it?"
"Oh, honey, I don't know," Addison wraps her arm over Teddy's shoulder and rubs soothingly at her arm, "you can always set up an appointment with Pete. It's a long shot, but he's really good."
"I'm all out of other ideas," she replies.
Addison offers her a tight smile, "it's worth a shot."
It kills her how much she wants a baby. Some days, Addison thinks that she can feel her uterus ache before she decides that part is probably just her imagination. Other days, she thinks that she's never going to get pregnant. Sure, they tried in vitro months ago and they've been trying the old fashioned way, as Mark calls it, for only a month, but she'd hoped that she would see some results by now.
She wonders if it's her, if it's because she's in her forties, but it could be Mark. It probably isn't, but it could be. She only tells herself that because she likes the reassurance that it maybe isn't her. She questions if she was ever even supposed to be a mother, but no matter how many times she tells Mark, he just tells her that he's sure that she is.
She isn't sure that he gets the mechanics of it all. She's been considering going to see Jake and have him run tests without talking to Mark. He'd just be charming and successful at consoling her to the point that she would believe him and think she doesn't need to go if she told him. She loves him for that because he always makes her believe in everything, his faith in her is comforting, but she also hates it because his optimism isn't always reality.
She loves Mark with her whole heart, she really does, but she's just worried that something is keeping her from getting pregnant.
She's almost afraid to keep trying to have a baby because if it never happens it may actually kill her. In addition to that, she'll let her best friend down if she can't ever have a baby. And they certainly can't adopt, no social worker would give two single people who just desire sharing parental duties a baby. Their only shot is to have a baby that is half him and half her.
She's been lucky that no one has asked her if she's sure that she wants to have a baby with Mark, but if they had she would be able to tell them all of the qualities that she loves about him and would be beyond thrilled to see her child have. But she's loved him her entire adult life and they don't really have feelings for each other; sure, they love each other but they aren't in love with each other. Really, if they were going to fall in love they would have by now.
All of this insecurity and then she holds Zachary and she is reminded of all of the reasons that they are doing this. They want a baby as beautiful as Zach, but one that is theirs. She wants a baby and she doesn't think she can handle watching everyone else be parents when it's something that she's wanted to bad.
Holding Zachary reminds her not give up hope because she can be a mom if she just stops obsessing about it. At least that's what was written in all of the books that she's read. The studies that she's read say the same thing, say that the moment couples adopt they stop stressing about procreating and that when they have a baby.
She must drift off to sleep or something because she wakes up to Mark's lips on her forehead and his fingers sliding through her hair; "Derek's here to get Zach."
"Oh, sorry," she mutters while scratching at her eyes, "I must have fallen asleep."
"It's okay," Derek says with a grin.
She smiles, "I hope he sleeps tonight."
"I'm sure he will. He looks like he had a good time with his Aunt Addie," he replies, putting Zach in the car seat. "Thanks, Honey."
"You're welcome, sweetheart," she replies absently; Derek's lips touch her cheek and she presses hers to his in return.
Mark shuts the door behind Derek and Zach, and she offers him a tired smile as she extends her hand. He takes it and follows her lead into her bedroom, and unbuttoning his jeans and letting them drop to the floor. He tosses his shirt into the pile and slides into bed on the other side of her. He ends up in the middle just like he always sleeps.
"Everything okay, Red?" He asks voice barely above a whisper.
He presses his front into her back, slipping his arms around her as his lips press into the back of her neck. She tiredly smiles even though he can't see her face. She entwines their fingers and turns slightly in his arms to fuse her mouth to his.
Her lips linger on his for a bit longer than normal before she mutters, "better now."
She feels his eyes trace her face as she slides a little further down into the bed, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head on his chest; she almost doesn't know if it's just about a baby anymore.
Alex has been avoiding everyone since Thanksgiving. That totals to 16 days of going to work, doing his job, and keeping his mouth shut. Addison is now his attending since Arizona left and she hasn't said anything; in fact, they've barely said anything to each other. He kind of likes the silence.
Arizona used to talk all of the time. Lexie used to chit chat in his ear when all he wanted to do was fuck so he could go to sleep. Hell, even Meredith and Cristina try to make him participate in girl talk from time to time. Usually he just grumbles until he's excused, or until Jackson arrives because he'll give input.
He doesn't really see Jackson anymore. Not on accident. Certainly not on purpose.
A few days ago, he was sitting in a corner booth and he caught a glimpse of Jackson and Lexie talking with tight smiles like they were forced. He noticed how they repaired things. Not fully, but enough that they can sit together and have a conversation. He's happy for them, really, but he lost two of the people he was closest to.
Plus, Meredith is mad at him for breaking her sister's heart; Cristina couldn't care less. Even April is more annoying than usual. At least he's seen Amelia around.
When he hears the bell at the door he thinks that maybe it's Amelia because she said she'd meet him there after work, but it's been almost 2 hours and she still hasn't shown. He wonders if he should keep waiting, if he should even bother. He doesn't realize he's holding his breath until she walks in.
He feels a smile spread across his face that doesn't even falter when Jackson comes in close behind her. She fuses her mouth to his before even saying hello and he silently appreciates how she tastes like coconut and mint. She slides into the booth beside him.
"Hey," she says, "you got a head start."
"You're late," he muses teasingly.
She smirks, "oh, I'm right on time. Don't you know that a lady is never late?"
"You're not a lady," he counters with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. She smacks him in the chest which causes a laugh to get caught in his lungs; she smiles too, his fingers curling around her knee beneath the table. He pecks her lips - "you're cute though."
"Charming," Amelia remarks. Her fingers circle his palm, guiding his hand a little further up her leg before pushing it back down to her knee. He half pouts in response and he likes the way her smile touches her eyes. "Interested in getting me a drink?"
"You betcha," he replies.
He thinks that maybe he won't be able to patch things up with everyone else right now, but until then he can make nice with Amelia; they will all have to forgive him eventually.
Mark toyed with the idea of making dinner before finally deciding that he didn't want to mess with the hassle of cooking and just went to get take out when he left work. He probably should have checked in with Addison before he left but he figured that he knows what she likes from that little Chinese take out place down the street so it was moot. He beats her home and for a quick minute he wonders if she's even coming home.
Audibly, he blames Derek for ever putting into his head the possibility that Addison might not be there one day if they don't talk. Although Derek might have a point in saying that he and Addison need to talk about it, figure out what's going on and say it out loud so they are on the same page. As much as Mark dreads being the one to break it up first, he thinks he is going to be forced to.
He flips on the kitchen lights and sets the plastic bag down on the counter, the distinct ruffling of plastic slicing through the silence of the apartment. He almost cringes at the sound of the echo, the way it settles on his eyes reminding him of what Derek said; he immediately wonders if Derek was right. He lightly shakes his head, a sigh of relief absently escaping him when he hears the click of her heels on the wooden floor.
He can't help the smile the spreads over his lips as he tilts his head in her direction; he calls out, "hey."
"Hey," she replies tiredly. His eyebrows furrow as he pulls the take out boxes from the sack and sets them on the counter. She ditches her coat and scarf at the door, and drags a hand through her long hair. "Do I smell food?"
"Yep," he replies proudly, "Chinese take out from down the street. I hope you're hungry."
"You do realize that we're only two people," she pauses in her words, closing the distance between them to press her lips into his, "right?"
He grins, "I am fully aware, but I also know how you like options."
"I usually have to beg you for options," she counters, cocked eyebrow.
"Don't belittle the gesture," he chastises. He sees her half-grin out of the corner of his eye and he's a little comforted that she seems to be relaxing more the longer that she is in his presence. He shrugs, "besides, I thought maybe when we were done eating you could take Callie the left overs. You know, make sure she gets a little food. God only knows the last time she ate."
"Good thinking," she praises, pointing her index finger at him.
He tries not to get caught up in the moment that they seem to so easily fall together, to not feel comfort by the way she seeked him out and not the other way around. It takes everything in him to not practically jump where he's standing, attempting to downgrade his nerves by releasing a breath to relax him. It only comes out shaky.
He can feel her body press into his side and it distracts him from the food. She tucks her fingers beneath his chin and tilts his mouth towards her, her mouth closing over his. His lips immediately part, tongue darting out to meet hers as his fingers press into her back and prompt a sigh fall ot of her mouth.
He smiles against her mouth, teeth sliding over her lips, and she pulls back in a quick movement. Her forehead touches his chin, nearly hitting it too hard and causing his neck to falter a little. His eyebrows furrow, hand lifting to push the hair out of her face.
"I don't know that we should keep trying for a baby," she admits barely above a whisper.
He presses his lips together, mouth going dry; his jaw tightens, "what?"
She swallows. He sees her throat muscles move in her neck as he tries to guide her gaze to his. So far, it doesn't seem to be working. She releases a breath into his neck and he feels the hot tears entwine with the short hairs at his neck.
"We've just, we've tried like a thousand different ways and none of them seem to be working. Maybe it's because I'm freaking out about it, or maybe it's just because we're not supposed to have a baby. I don't know. All I know is that every day that we don't have a baby, it breaks my heart and I don't know how much more I can take," she lightly shakes her head.
"Shh." He lifts his hands and wipes at her tears with his thumbs; his mouth hangs open, racking his brain for the right thing to say, "I just want you happy. You're my best friend, Addie-"
"And the love of your life," she supplies, voice cracking as her words seem to ride the fence between teasing and serious.
He smiles a little, lips brushing over her raw cheekbones, "and the love of my life, and I would do anything to see your face light up and a smile to permanently be on your face. Anything, but I can't watch your heart break because you were hopeful that we'd have a baby."
He doesn't say anything more, just slides his arms around her frame and tucks her head beneath his chin. Minutes pass by, feeling like hours, and he feels her hot breath trail across his throat as she plants her lips on his Adam's Apple. A shiver skates up his spine at the contact, his body already prepared for it to be the end of everything.
"I'm not ready for you let go yet," she says.
He laughs in the bellows of his throat; reassuring, "I'm not."
She angles her mouth towards his, pushing up on her tiptoes to press her mouth against his. His breath collides with her cheek, her lipstick smudging in the slightest at the corner of her mouth. Her tongue barely touches his before she's tugging on the hem of his gray sweater, pulling it off of his back. The cold chill of the room collides with his flesh and he realizes that maybe it isn't the end of everything.
Lathargically, she starts a checklist:
Shower. Check.
Hair. Check.
Make up. Check.
Clothes. Check.
(Thank God she remembered those because that would have been a repeat of a nightmare she had once.)
Phone, pager, purse. Check, check, check.
Addison thinks she's good to go, for the most part. She's tired from that early morning wake up call that had Mark squirming and sliding his hands in places that they shouldn't be on a very cranky, sleeping person. But somehow, he'd succeeded in making it well worth her while.
She's going to attribute it to one of his many skills with his hands because she had not been expecting to wake up to Big Sloan at 3:30 when she had to be up at 4:45. At first she'd been quick to say, do whatever you want, just don't wake me up, but then he did this thing with his tongue that she's never had happen before. She is no longer complaining, despite the fact that when her alarm went off she was almost back to sleep.
She halts in her step, catching sight of him lying in the middle of her bed, curled up with her pillow and sheets. She quietly laughs, shakes her head at how easily he's fallen back to sleep even though she made no extra effort to be quiet. She purses her lips together, blackberry in hand, and reaches out to touch his back with her fingertips.
"Honey," she says in his ear.
"Yeah, baby?" He mutters, scratches at his eyes like it's a habit. He peels his eyes open and his big, blue orbs reflect the light from the street. He swallows, rolls over onto his back. "Everything okay, Red?"
"I'm leaving for work," she answers with a small nod.
"Call in sick," he says, a glint shining in his sleepy eyes. He wraps his hand around her wrist and tugs just a little, enough for her top to cut a little lower. He smirks as his fingers find her cleavage. "We can lay in bed all day. I'll even make you chickn noodle soup."
"You're a bad influence. Don't try to get me into trouble, Doctor Sloan," she counters with a teasing smile.
"Me?" He feigns hurt, grabbing at his chest, "I would never."
"Mmhmm," she replies, unconvinced, "maybe if you're extra nice, I will come home for lunch."
"I like the sound of that," he replies innocently, "have a good day at work."
She stands up and before she can walk away, he sits upright and slaps her ass; he gives her a wink when her mouth falls open in response - she makes it home for lunch.
"I have a late surgery," Derek counters. She's already on the receiving end of him fending her off and working late and it isn't even 7 am yet. They both seem to have a late surgery and no one who can pick Zachary up from nursery. Meredith watches her husband haphazardly shrug with a piercing gaze, "you'll have to pick him up."
"It's my first full day back, I can't just leave early," she snarls, "I'll just have Lexie do it."
"Lexie will be in surgery with me," he corrects. He follows her up the stairs, baby monitor in hand on their way to Zach's room. His eyebrows pop up on his forehead in question, "Cristina?"
"She has some dinner thing with Owen and his mom," Meredith explains. She lifts a hand to her forehead and absently rubs at it. She glances over her shoulder before pushing the door open to the baby's room. "Can Amelia pick him up?"
"I'm sure Amy would love to. She's supposed to be with Mark though," he replies, "I'll just go wake her up and run it by her."
"All right," Meredith agrees with finality.
Derek disappears down the hallway where Amelia has been staying and Meredith shakes her head as she smiles at the sight of her baby. She reaches down to pick him up, all dressed and ready to go because Derek had dressed him while she was in the shower. Zach laughs and throws his arms around.
"Daddy's silly, isn't he? Yes he is."
She wakes up to the shrill ringing of her phone on the night stand. She really has been meaning to change it to a less incessant ring tone, something that has musical vibes that don't immediately make her head pound. She has to pry herself from beneath the heavy arm draped across her waist so she can reach for her phone; when the screen lights up that it's her big brother she inwardly groans.
Amelia's only been in Seattle for 2 weeks and she's already in trouble with big brother - literally.
"Derek?" She whispers roughly, "hey."
She braces herself for his slightly judgmental tone; he releases a rushed breath, "Amy, where are you?"
"Out," she replies hastily, "I fell asleep over at a friend's house."
"But you don't-," he cuts himself off; she can hear his sigh of exasperation, "Alex. You know what? Whatever. I was just calling to see if you'd pick Zach up from nursery today."
"I can do that," she says.
"Try to leave your boyfriend out of it and make it just you and Mark, would you?"
She rolls her eyes, "he's not...fine, I'll be there to get him."
She hangs up he phone just as she feels an am tug on her waist, his muscles flexing beneath her fingertips as she touches his arm. She feels his lips press against her skin, mouth hot and humid from the moisture, and it causes a shiver to skate down her spine. She tightens her grasp on the sheet, determined to keep the cold air from getting to her more than he is.
"I hope your brother doesn't make it a habit of waking us up before the alarm," Alex says, sleep laden voice; he drags his teeth across her shoulder.
She laughs in the slightest, "maybe you're getting ahead of yourself just a bit."
"Oh, so you think this will be the only time you end up sleeping over?" He challenges.
"You sound so sure of yourself," she counters while quirking an eyebrow. She feels his hand slide up her leg, his eyes barely even poised open. Her lips fall open, unable to find the words to protest when he's touching her like that and his mouth is on her skin. "Are you playing all of your cards?"
"Not quite, but is it working?" He asks with a grin.
She smiles back, "a lady never tells."
Her mouth touches his throat and her lips tingle when he laughs.
The mall is crowded and there are lots of different voice and babies screaming - the thing he notices more than anything else is the kids screaming. He would think that any normal person's first reaction is that something is wrong; a child so small shouldn't be so...loud, but Mark finds out quickly that most people see it as a completely normal thing. It just makes him nervous and clausterphobic and slightly annoyed.
He's beginning to think that maybe he won't be very good at the parenting thing if one trip to the mall during the Christmas season annoys him this much. He closes his fist and absently taps his knuckles against his thigh like he's ticking away the time before he can leave. And maybe he is, anxious and hot like he's having trouble breathing.
"Maybe we should just go," he surmises outloud to Amelia.
She wraps her hand around his wrist, halting in their trek forward because she isn't sure she can safely push Zachary's stroller with one hand, "thought you wanted to get her the best gift ever."
He narrows his eyes, unsure if she's teasing or what. He fuses his lips together, dropping his gaze to a falling asleep Zachary and attempted to drown the noise out. It isn't working, it's never worked, but he thought that he would at least give it a shot.
He absently shrugs, "I'll just order her something online."
"If you think you can shop online for the rest of your life then you're a dreamer," she teases.
"Obviously," he counters with a sigh as she begins to walk further into the mall. He isn't sure he can keep brushing elbows with strangers, fighting the urge to scream. He doesn't get it, why Addison's favorite time of year is Christmas. "Come on, Amy."
She smirks at his whine; "we will just stop at one of these stores and get Addie something and then we can go. What do you want to get her?"
"I don't know," he groans; it seems that all of his ideas have evaded him since he started to feel, well, suffocated, "it has to be perfect. Christmas is her favorite season and I'd hate to disappoint her."
"So, is this you buying a present for Addison? Or you buying a present for your girlfriend?" Amelia muses.
"Shut up, Amy," he replies coldly, "I see what you're getting at and I can't answer that."
"Can't as in it's a secret? Or can't as in don't know?" She asks.
He snarls, "what's with the questions? It's me, Mark, buying a Christmas present for Addison as I do every year."
"Okay, but since when did you start stressing out about what to get her?"
He lightly shakes his head, sighs, drags a hand through his hair. He takes three more paces alongside Amelia and glances at Zachary. He swallows, "since we started sleeping together, I guess. I'm just afraid that everything means something different than it did before."
Amelia smirks and that's when he realizes that all she was doing is playing shrink with him. He hates that she's figured all of these things out about people but she can barely figure things out about herself. He remembers when she was a kid and would follow him around until he gave her a cookie from the cookie jar. He misses the innocence.
"I don't even know what to get her," he admits, "she's so hard to shop for because she has everything she wants."
"Get her something she likes," Amelia suggests.
"Like shoes from high end shoe stores, designer clothing, gaudy sunglasses, jewelry with lots of diamonds and silver, antique furniture, a personal chef, pastries from the bakery by the hospital, or the smell of after shave?" He rambes. She quirks her eyebrow and when he notices her look he offers her a haphazard grin. "Sorry. I've just known her for a very long time. I also know that she likes her coffee with milk and two sugars, she likes her red meat cooked medium, and she likes to wear my clothes to sleep in. Her shampoo is this mint mixed with raspberries scent and I think it's because she uses this menthal shampoo and a raspberry conditioner, and her skin always smells like vanilla with a hint of cinnamon."
Amelia can't hold a straight face anymore and she laughs hard enough that it grates against her throat.
"What?" He asks sharply.
"Do you hear yourself? You know everything about her, probably even every detail of her menstral cycle including what brand of tampons she uses, and you still are worried about what to get her for a gift," she replies.
He sighs, "I know. It shouldn't be this hard."
"Well, you love her, honey, and no one said that was easy," Amelia counters while she leads them into a jewelry store.
"I never said that I love her," he replies breathlessly, "why would - why would you say that?"
"Okay," Amelia replies with a smirk.
Zachary starts to cry as the stroller comes to a halt even though it's mostly silent for the first time since they arrived at the mall. Mark makes a sympathetic pout as he bends down to unbuckle Zachary and pick him up. He makes a noise that resembles a coo, but collides with an 'awww' in the air.
"It's all right, buddy, I got ya," he says, bouncing just a little as he holds Zachary to his chest. Amelia makes her way around the store, glancing into the glass cases as he tries to hush the baby. He welcomes the interruption, keeping him from having to participate in the conversation any longer. "You're okay."
The woman behind the counter takes a long look at Zachary before offering them a smile, "he looks just like his mom;" Zachary quiets down with ease, "you're a good dad."
Mark's cheeks blush a little, "oh, um, he isn't mine. I'm just the uncle."
"Hey, Marky," Amelia calls; his blush deepens when she calls him that - the shit she gets away with, "I think I found the perfect gift you can get her."
He offers the jeweler a slight nod and pushes the stroller through the cases with one hand; despite the error, he buys the jewelry from her anyway.