[Brendon]

A few weeks passed and it was kind of weird being the school gay. But honestly I was starting to feel things towards Ryan. I don't know what it was, people kept on egging us to kiss, and we just did, it was almost as if it wasn't pretending for him. Which, I dunno, if he would come out and tell me he was gay, I'd be fine with it. But what, honestly, were the chances of that happening? This was all just a pretend thing, I kept on telling myself. But I wouldn't surprise myself if I was bi. I had no problem with gays or lesbians, some of them were the nicest people around.

Ryan had started hanging out with Spencer and co. a lot. It kind of made me jealous (again, those feelings, seriously.) But they had found something they had in common, music. They would occasionally jam and I had heard them, they sounded good. It made me wish I could play an instrument, but I was honestly too awkward for things like that.

Ryan and I were walking home one afternoon when the topic of the music thing came up.
"So, me and Spencer were looking at actually making something of the music stuff," he said, oh so casually. His voice almost made me melt like butter now. I really had to stop thinking of him like that. This. Is. All. Pretend! I screamed at the emotional side of my brain, but of course it didn't listen.
"Oh yeah, that sounds awesome," I responded, "I honestly think you guys will actually get somewhere with it. Even now youse sound awesome!" He smiled back at me.
"You really think so?" He said looking at me and raising his eyebrows. I nodded.
"Mhmm." He went and rambled on about how they were gonna find other members and such, but honestly, all I could think about was how I could be feeling like this...towards a guy.
We reached my house and we said goodbye and I walked slowly up to the door and opened it. I trudged up to my room and lay on my bed, wondering what the hell was going on with me. I knew that some guys would start questioning their sexuality in their teen years, but I honestly am straight. Well, I think I am. I rolled over to see my phone's light just dimming from getting a message, I thought I'd check it just for the sake of it.
"I just have to tell you this, I know there's no crowd or random bunch of school kids to look at us, but I really think you're amazing." It was from Ryan.

Honestly, if I wasn't straight and this all wasn't pretend, I'd probably turn gay for this guy.