siophiefandom Emily's relationship with her mother is still rocky, but they're getting there. As for tihings with Paige, she's making progress, still working on wrapping her head around the fact that it might not all be in her imagination.
Guest: Thank you.
Ren-McCullers- Yep, good ole' Pam. She's working on it, trying to be there for her daugher, even if she doens't know how to exactly some of the time.
ponderhouse Well, that was pretty good timing on my part then, wasn't it? :) It makes me smile to think that you were looking forward to another update. I'm glad that you liked the one I posted. It's going to take some time, but they're each making steps towards understanding each other.
jhas: Yep, some Field's family bonding time. They're working their way back to each other. And, while this story is going to remain from Emily's point of view, we will be getting into Paige's thoughts/feelings/motivations shortly. (Not this chapter, but the next)
saii79 It's a long journey, but it starts with a single step.
Shananigan I'm glad that you're all caught up. :) Sorry you missed some updates, but sometimes it's nice to read a few chapters at a time. I'm glad that you like the way I'm writing the scenes, that you find I'm capturing the moments.
Author's Note: Thank you, guys, for reading and commenting on the chapter. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and really appreciate the time you take to let me know what you think. :) Cheers. Sam.
Chapter 11
Emily's head was still reeling from the conversation she'd had with her mother as she walked into the locker room for practice the next morning. Last night hadn't given her much opportunity to process it, with her dad calling shortly after she'd made her way upstairs and then finishing her homework before turning in early. The possibility that Paige might return her attraction, her feelings, weighed heavily on her mind. For the past few days she'd been trying to quell her thoughts and her bodies reactions, convinced that there was no way that Paige could possibly feel the same. She'd thought that Paige was straight and that was the end of it.
Yet her friends had thought there was something was going on. Aria, Hannah, Spencer, they hadn't even blinked at the thought that Emily liked Paige. Hadn't questioned whether it was even possible that Paige would like her back. Did they know something she didn't? Sense something she had missed? And her mother, her conservative, Christian, mother, the last person Emily would ever expect to pick up on it, had believed that the two of them were together, or well on their way to being there. It hadn't been her paranoia, the way Emily had first believed. She wasn't exhibiting some knee-jerk reaction to Emily bringing a female friend home, she had genuinely believed that the two of them were an item.
It was just enough to give Emily hope. And that was terrifying. Because there was still the possibility that her mother, her friends, her own instincts were wrong. If she made a move and her feelings weren't reciprocated...Emily wouldn't even let herself complete the thought, it hurt to much to consider the very real chance that something like that would end the fledgling friendship.
She kept her head down, eyes trained firmly on the cell phone in her hand as she made her way through the rows of lockers by memory, only looking up when she finally reached her own. And even then, it was a quick, subtle sweep of the room that ended as soon as she spotted Paige straddling a bench a little ways down the row, talking earnestly to one of the freshmen, a supportive hand on her shoulder conveying whatever point she was making. The sight brought a small smile to Emily's lips. It was really sweet, how seriously Paige took her duties as team captain. Always a willing ear or sounding board. And yet, Emily couldn't help but feel dissapointed that the other girl was so engaged because it meant that she was going to have to change and head out to start her warm ups by herself. As silly as it was, she'd been looking forward to doing that with Paige by her side. Pushing the notion aside, Emily dropped her duffel bag onto the bench and pulled out her swimsuit and towel. She tuned out the chatter around her and kept her eyes forward, perusing the contents of her locker as she changed quickly. Unlike some of the girls, Emily preferred not to linger. She knew that her presence made some of her team mates uncomfortable and in a way she couldn't blame them. She wouldn't like it if she thought that someone were ogling her while she got undressed. But mostly their attitude just annoyed her. They were flattering themselves if they thought she was even looking.
She had just finished shoving her duffel bag into her locker when Paige dropped down the bench next to her with only the barest nod of acknowledgement and began tugging at her shoes, attempting to pull them off without untying them. The time she'd spent talking to their younger teammate had made her late, the rest of the girls were dressed and ready to go, just hanging out now waiting for Coach to call a start to practise. Some of them had already made their way out to the pool to begin stretching. Emily watched in amusement as she tossed the shoes into her locker with exsessive force, growling lowly when one of them bounced back out and skittered across the floor. Paige eyed it for a moment, then shook her head and stood, shimmying out of her jeans.
Emily cut her gaze away, though not before she caught a fleeting glimpse of flat, toned stomach and dark blue panties that made her mouth go dry. To distract herself, she stood to retrieve the shoe that Paige had lost, fishing it out from beneath the bench and tossing it gently into Paige's open locker, still keeping her eyes averted. Although, she didn't need to actually see Paige to get a visual of her getting undressed. She tried hard not to picture it, but the rustle of clothing to her right was very distracting.
She jumped, startled, when Paige let out a little yelp, followed by a clang of metal and, without thinking about whether or not she should or if it was appopriate, she spun around.
Her breath caught in her throat at the sight, only to be dispelled a moment later by the laughter that had worked it's way up.
"Little help here, please?" Paige's voice was muffled but Emily could hear the edge of annoyance.
"What happened?" She shifted to hover just behind Paige, hesitant to touch her, despite the request. She cocked her head to the side, trying to make sense of the sight of Paige, clad only in a pair of deep blue boyshorts and a matching lacey bra that left very little to the imagination, caught with her shirt up over her head, struggling with the fabric.
"I don't...I think my shirt is snagged on my necklace. Can you..."
"Right. Yeah." Emily swallowed hard and closed the short distance between them. "Just, stand still for a moment." She placed one hand on the small of Paige's back and had to hold back a sigh at the soft silkiness beneath her fingertips. Paige stilled at her touch, letting out an aggreived breath as she did. Once she was sure that Paige wasn't going to accidently elbow her in the face, she reluctantly lifted her hand from Paige's skin and lifted it to her hair instead, brushing it aside to get a look at the back of her neck, where, sure enough, the thin silver chain of her necklace had tangled into the bunched of fabric of her shirt. A few tugs and it was free.
"A'right. There you go."
She stepped back as Paige tugged her shirt the rest of the way over her head and flung it unceremoniously into her locker. Her face was red, from the exhertion of struggling with her clothing or embarrasment Emily didn't know. And she kept her gaze averted. The appropriate thing to do right now would be to say something snarky and mocking, something that would cut through the now charged silence that hung between them but Emily's mind was drawing a blank. She thought it might have actually short circuted by the fact that Paige was standing in front of her in her bra and panties. She licked her lips and cleared her throat, trying to force herself not to stare.
"Come on girls, hustle up." Coach Fulton's echoed through the locker room, causing all of those that were still lingering to make their way out to the pool. Emily was greatful fo the interruption and flashed Paige a strained smile as she turned to follow the others.
Coach was just starting to to work them through their warm ups when Paige scurried out onto the deck, falling in line beside Emily and bending over in a stretch in time with the others, as if she'd been there all along. She caught Emily's eyes on the way back up, offering her a cocky grin, which Emily could only shake her head and return.
Practice didn't give them any opportunity to talk. Coach had them in groups, working on technique and speed for different strokes. Emily was on one side working on her freestyle, while Paige was at the other working on her butterfly. Aside from a few glances across the pool, they didn't have any contact. And, as pratice ended, Coach Fulton called Paige over to speak with her about something, denying them the opportunity to chat as they made their way back into the locker room. Although, considering the events of earlier that morning, maybe that was a good thing. Emily didn't think her heart could take another half-naked Paige sighting today.
Despite that, she still finds herself taking more time to dress and get ready than neccessary, hovering by her locker as the room slowly empties around her, the other girls eager to head to the cafeteria for a bite to eat or to find their friends in the hallways before class. There are only a handful of other girls around and Emily was just about to give up and go when Paige finally reappears.
"Hey. How's it going?" she says, greeting Emily properly for the first time all morning.
"Hey. What did Coach want?" Emily asked, dropping back down onto the bench as Paige opened her locker. The width of the door blocking Emily's view of the other girl from where she was seated on the bench, but it didn't change the fact that Emily knew that Paige was stripping down behind the thin metal barrier. If Paige thought it was uncomfortable or strange that Emily was hanging around, waiting while she changed, she didn't say anything, or let on. It was evidence of how far their friendship had come in a very short period of time. If nothing else, Emily could be proud of that. Whatever other feelings, or lack thereof that was going on, she would count gaining Paige's acceptance and friendship as one of her greatest accomplishments.
"Just wanted to check in. Field hockey finals are a couple weeks before state. She's worried about me doubling up."
Emily considered her words. "You are being careful not to hurt yourself, right?" The last thing Paige needed was an injury, in either sport, that would sideline her before important competitions.
"I'm always careful," she said seriously, before shooting Emily a teasing smile. "You sounded worried there, Fields. Were you banking on me being out of commission for state so you could have top spot on the team?"
Emily scoffed. "Oh, please. I'm already in the top spot. Hate to burst your bubble."
Paige stepped back from her locker, fully clad once again in a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt, and pulled a face at Emily. "Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that."
They bantered back and forth while Paige finished getting ready, Emily trying not to watch too attentively while the other girl did her hair, deftly pulling the still wet strands back into a braid, or while she applied some light makeup.
"All set," Paige said, giving her locker a nudge with her foot to close it and shouldering her bag at the same time.
"Well, look at that, you dressed yourself without any assistance." Emily couldn't help but tease, and the light blush that colored Paige's cheeks and the way she ducked her head to hide it was adorable. "Walk me to class?" She decided to change the subject. While she enjoyed embarassing the other girl she really didn't want to rub it in.
Paige nodded. And, Emily couldn't tell but she thought that her cheeks might have flushed a little darker. They fell into step as they made their way through the maze of rows but as they reached the door, Paige lengthened her stride to reach it first, pulling it open and waving Emily through with an exagerated bow, the playful smirk on her face doing nothing to undermine the thoughtful gesture.
"And they say chivarly is dead," Emily faux-swooned, pressing her hand to her heart in an imitation of palpations as she stepped through the door. When Paige fell back into step beside her as they started down the hallway, she casually tucked her hand into the crook of Paige's elbow, side-eyeing her for a reaction. She bit back a pleased smile when she noticed Paige's cheeks flushing and that little head dip she did to try and hide it. While it wasn't exactly had and fast proof that her suspsicions about Paige's feelings for her were correct, it did lend itself to the conclusion that she might be right.
They made their way through the hallways, stopping first at Paige's locker and then at Emily's for the books they'd need for their first period class like it was a well devloped routine, not at all like it was the first time ever. Despite her uncertainty over Paige's feelings towards her, things between them were comfortable, easy.
From Emily's locker they made their way upstairs. On the way up they passed a pair of girls from the swim team, sophmores who's names she wasn't even sure she knew, who she had definitely never exchanged more than a few words with. She probably wouldn't have even noticed them making their way down the stairs and past them, had she not heard the snicker and glanced up in time to see them nudging each other, their eyes on her hand tucked around Paige's elbow.
She knew Paige heard it to, caught the gesture, by the way her normally sure footed stride faltered, by the way the arm under her grip tensed briefly and Emily felt her heart sink. If Paige didn't return her feelings, surely attitudes like that would dampen her enthusiasm towards even a frienship. Just hanging out with Emily, publicly would have some people labelling Paige as gay. She could practically hear the rumours about the two dykes on the swim team starting already. And if she did return them, that would probably make things even worse. Nothing put more pressure on a budding romance than gossip and being forcibly outed. Emily knew that first hand. Sighing softly she released her grip from Paige's arm, only to have her movement halted by the feel of strong, sure fingers curling over own. She looked down, to confirm what she thought was happening actually was, and for a moment stared, dumbfounded, at the sight of Paige's hand holding hers in place. Her gaze flitted up to Paige, her eyes finding assurance in the other girl's eye roll and shrug. She wasn't sure what it meant, in terms of where their relationship stood but she could at least count on the fact that Paige wasn't going to let other people scare her away.
"Here you are, Ms Fields. Door to door service." Paige pulled away from Emily's grip to usher her into her classroom. There was only a few minutes before the bell, so most of her classmates were already there. She could feel a few eyes on them, but the majority weren't paying the two of them any attention.
"You're such a dork." Paige grinned and shrugged, then stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. An adorable dork, Emily thought, but didn't say.
"We still on for tonight? Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah." Emily had walked to school that morning, figuring the fresh air and exercise would clear her mind. It hadn't worked, but she had limbered up a little before pratice so it was all good. "Want to meet at your locker after school?"
"Sounds like a plan. See you later?"
Emily hoped that "later" would be some time between now and the end of the school day, but at least she had the knowledge that she definitely would be seeing Paige again today to hold onto. "See you later."
The hug didn't catch Emily by surprise, but it still managed to capture her breath and leave her feeling stunned. She wondered if she would ever get used to this breathless, fluttery feeling that having Paige's arms around her invoked. She hoped that she never would.
They both ignored the wolf-whistle and catcall their hug inspired. If anything, it seemed to make Paige cling to her a little tighter, for a little longer. It was only the warning bell and the clearing of the teacher's throat that pulled them apart.
"That's my cue." Paige gave Emily a wry smile and nodded to Mr McRoberts as she backed out of the room. Emily spun around and strode to her seat along with a few other stragglers, under the stern gaze of her teacher and the watchful gaze of the rest of her classmates. Even under their scrutiny, she couldn't keep the broad grin off her face.
Emily didn't see Paige again that morning and her search of the cafeteria came up empty as well. The disapointment at not getting another chance to talk with her, even briefly did not dampen her overall good spirits though. She made her way through the lunch line, barely paying attention to her selections and then headed over to the usual table she shared with her friends.
"Hey, guys." She beamed a smile at them as she slid into the empty seat beside Hannah.
"You seem...cheery." Spencer said, crossing her arms on the table and leaning forward, head cocked to the side as she tried to figure Emily out.
"I'm in a good mood," Emily said with a shrug, ignoring the implication that she normally behaved otherwise. She knew that she'd been moody lately, despite her best efforts to not let the various stresses in her life get her down.
"Care to share what's put you in such a good mood?"
"Does this having anything to do with what I heard about you making out with Paige McCullers in the hall this morning?"
"What?" It was said in unision, Aria, Spencer and Emily all equally surprised by the question. She felt eyes on her, but her gaze was on Hannah.
"Where did you hear that?"
The other's attention turned to Hannah when it became apparent that Emily had no more idea what she was talking about than they did. Hannah squirmed under their attention.
"I heard it from some guy in my french class."
"Well, that certainly didn't take long," Emily said, rolling her eyes as she dug into salad. She paused, her fork halfway to her mouth however when she realized that her friends eyes were all on her, awaiting some kind of explanation. "Some girls on the team saw us walking to class together."
"You and I walk to class together all the time, and nobody has ever started a rumour about that," Spencer countered, eyes narrowing.
"Well, actually-"
"Not the time, Han," Aria cut her off with an abrupt shake of her head.
"Wait? What?" Spencer's attention was momentarily directed towards Hannah, who smiled innocently.. Spencer opened her mouth to speak, then snapped it shut. She opened it again, then shook her head. "We'll get back to that later," she warned Hannah, who merely shrugged. "As I was saying, this rumour. It was started just because you walked with Paige to class?"
"I may have...had my hand on her arm. Like..." she demonstrated on Hannah, wrapping her hand around her friend's elbow.
"And they saw you, and got the wrong idea?" Aria asked shaking her head slightly.
"Or, the right idea," Hannah said, bringing her free hand up to tangle her fingers with Emily's, holding her hand loosely. "Am I right? C'mon. Tell me I'm right."
"Hannah," Aria warned, shooting Emily a sympathetic glance. She knew her friend was just trying to protect her, after the conversation they'd had was the only one she'd expressed her belief that Paige was straight to. But, now she wasn't so sure. Her mother's words and Paige's actions were making her wonder.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Em-"
"I know what I said yesterday," she interrupted Aria. "But, now I'm not so sure."
"Not so sure about what? What did you say yesterday?" Hannah glanced back and forth between the two of them, pouting a little at the thought of being left out of something that had happened.
"I like Paige," she admitted. "Like, I really, really like Paige." She saw Hannah and Spencer exchange knowing glances, sly smiles forming on their lips. It was uncanny, really, how alike the two of them were in so many ways. "And, I think she likes me back. But, I'm not entirely sure."
"How can you not be sure? The way that girl was hugging on you yesterday."
"I know. But, I'm not even sure if she's gay. I mean, she completely freaked when I came out. We only just started talking again. What if I'm reading too much into things? What if it turns out that she's just...tactile?"
"Sweetie, nobody is that tactile unless they want to do it with you."
"Really Han?" She squeezed the hand in hers and bumped her friend's shoulder to emphasize her point. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
"You wish I wanted to do you." Hannah flipped her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head, causing all four of them to laugh.
"Okay, seriously," Emily said, when they'd all sobered. "How do I know if she's into me, or if she's just being friendly?" She turned to Spencer. "You probably know her about as well as I do, what are the chances that she's actually gay?"
The two of them had been playing on sports teams together since grade school, soccer, softball, volleyball and now field hockey. Not to mention that were now in a lot of the same AP classes. Even if they'd never particulary been friends, Emily hadn't even been living in Rosewood for as long as they'd known each other.
Spencer bit her lip, weighing her answer, clearly hesitating on whether or not to divuge something. Emily's heart fluttered in her chest in anticipation.
"There were some rumours, back in ninth grade. Some whispers in the locker room. Some teasing." Spencer's eyes darted down to the table then back up again, though her gaze wouldn't meet Emily's. "I think Ali might have started some of it."
Emily's eyes widened in surprise, although, really she shouldn't have been. Ali had a reputation here at this school. Even though she was gone, a lot of people still disliked her."What happened?"
Spencer shrugged. "Well, there's a reason that Paige has a field hockey penatly named after her. That shut things down pretty quickly."
Emily couldn't help but think that fit into her mother's theory, Paige's anger and agression would have come out full force at anyone who actually had the nerve to insinuate out loud that she was gay. Fear of the rumour being true, she would have done her best to stomp it out before it gained any traction. Of course, such a reaction would be equally likely if the rumour wasn't true. That was no help to her, she thought, sighing softly.
"I think the only way you're ever going to know for sure is if you talk to her," Aria suggested gently. "If she's the person you think she is, she'll still be your friend even if she doesn't feel the same way."
"I know," Emily said with a groan, "That's the problem. I don't know if she's that person, or if she's just putting up a really good front. She went from zero to full on in a weekend. How can I really trust that?" She glanced at her friends, imploringly, knowing that they couldn't really give her any answers. "She didn't seem bothered by the girls on the team. I tried to pull away and she actually stopped me."
"That's a good sign then, right?"
She appreciated Aria's attempts at putting it in a positive light.
"But, what if the rumours are too much for her? What if it freaks her out and she doesn't want to be my friend anymore?"
"Then you don't confess to liking her?" Hannah suggested. "What?" She asked, when all eyes turned to her. "I'm just saying, if she hears the rumours and freaks out, obviously she's not going to handle hearing that you like her. But, if she takes it in stride, maybe that's a sign that she's open to talking about the rest of it."
"That's, actually a really good theory."
"Okay, you don't have to sound quite so surprised, Spence."
"I wasn't! I mean I..." she trailed off with a low growl and a shake of her head when Hannah started laughing.
"You're too easy."
Emily and Aria snickered.
"Nothing about Spencer is easy," Aria said, her eyes widened along with the others at the words, as if even she couldn't believe that she'd said it. It was enough to send all of them, even Spencer, into a bought of laughter.
Emily felt confident now that she had a plan. She'd play it by ear tonight when she was over at Paige's, see how she reacted to the things that were being said about them. If she seemed receptive to it, Emily would broach the subject of her feelings.
"So, Han," Spencer turned her attention to their friend as the laughter died down. "What's this about these rumour?"
Emily and Aria exchanged amused glances as they watched Hannah's eyes widen, both of them laughing as the blond began to stutter out an explanation.