CHAPTER 7: Maysilee Hawthorne Undersee

There was no comfort that Madge could imagine, that could ever relieve the despair that was threatening to overtake her. Even the sight of her daughter Maysilee's sleepy grey eyes just reminded her of him - of Gale.

It seemed to Madge, as if her heart had been crushed under something very heavy, but rather than just dying, it continued stubbornly, painfully pumping blood.

"I see the moon and the moon sees me," Madge found her lips volunteering the words for her daughter's favorite lullaby. To Madge they sounded like foreign detached syllables, void of any meaning, but she had sung the damn thing so many times that it made no difference.

"And the moon sees somebody I wanna see."

Her searing hot tears seemed to be the only warmth she had to offer her poor daughter, as she carried her to her crib in the tiny nursery that she shared with one other baby.

"God bless the moon, and God bless me"

Madge didn't believe in a God; not anymore. No one had ever talked about God at all in District 12, but she had begun to consider the possibility, after Maysilee was born. She had really seemed like some sort of miracle. She had been so indescribably beautiful.

"And God bless the somebody I wanna see."

10 perfect, tiny fingers, a matching set of 10 impossibly wiggly toes, rosy cheeks, and a round, sniffly nose. Some of the other girls at the facility had mistaken Madge for a District 1 Native because of her pale complexion and blonde curls, but after Maysilee was born, no one had to ask where she was from. Maysilee was born with a shock of dark hair and grey eyes - seam eyes. She looked just like her father.

Madge drew a shaky breath, so that she could continue, "God looked down on me from above."

Perhaps, in some way, this feeling was Madge's fault. When District 12 was fire-bombed, she refused to believe that Gale was dead. He was just too smart to die like that. She accepted that her family, her District was dead, but not him.

"And He gave you for me to love,"

Her faith was rewarded when the Propos from District 13 started hijacking the air waves. She had seen him, at first just in glimpses, but then more, and more.

"He picked you out from all the rest,"

Then Gale became part of the Star Squad of rebels, along with Katniss, the Tribute from the Quarter Quell Finnick O'Daire, and even Peeta; though Madge couldn't imagine how he escaped the Capitol. After that, Madge saw him so often on the TV.

"'Cause He knew I'd love you the very best."

She'd begun to hope. She'd begun to imagine that he could make it back to her someday, and meet his daughter, Maysilee. The other girls in the facility even teased her about scoring such a bad boy, once they figured out that the father of her baby was one of the premiere rebel military strategists, and a prominent member of the Star Squad.

Hope is a very fragile thing.

"I once had a heart and it was true,"

Maysilee, the tiny life nestled safely in her arms gave a yawn.

"But now it's gone from me to you,"

She had no way of knowing what terrible things were happening... Had happened that very day.

"Take care of it as I have done,"

This tiny, innocent baby had no idea that she had lost her entire family in a matter of few months. Her grandparents before she was born...

"For you have two and I have none,"

And now, her father too. The thought caught Madge's voice in her throat, and the melody halted. Gale. This morning, on the TV, she had seen the Rebel Star Squad storming a Capitol Street. She had watched as the booby trapped street sprung to life around them. She had seen Peeta fall into some sort of fit and attack his own comrades. She had seen the wall of deadly black material engulf those left after the first few traps were sprung - Gale among them. She had listened as both the Capitol and the Rebels broadcast confirmation of his death.

Maysilee gave a wiggle of protest, and Madge knew that if she didn't want to be up until dawn with her baby, she had to finish putting her down for the night. Swallowing hard the catch in her throat so that it became a tight, heavy knot in her stomach, she forced herself to continue.

"If I go to Heaven and you're not there,"

She lay Maysilee down, and tucked the thin pink blanket that had been her own as a baby, up around her daughter. Her daughter, no longer their daughter.

"I'll write your name on a golden stair,"

She brushed Maysilee's smooth cheek with her fingers as gently as she could, then flipped a small switch to turn on her daughter's nightlight.

"If you're not there by judgment day,"

Madge's knees began to feel weak, and shaky, so she leaned against the crib, holding on until she was white knuckled.

"I'll know you went the other way,"

Gale Hawthorne...

"I see the moon and the moon sees me."

Madge knew that wherever he was...

"And the moon sees somebody I wanna see."

She would never forgive him for leaving her.

"God bless the moon, and God bless me"

For leaving the daughter she knew he would have loved.

"And God bless the somebody I wanna see"

As she watched her daughter's grey eyes close, she could think of only 2 words to say in lieu of her usual, "Good night."

"I'm sorry."

And she was. She was sorry that she had never been able to throw herself down the stairs at her home in District 12 which no longer even existed. This would have been the only way to protect her daughter from living a life destined to be full of nothing but killing, dying, sadness, and regrets.