Chapter 33

"So, that was surreal, huh?" Paige said as she unlocked her car, and held the passenger side door open for Emily.

"Yeah," she agreed, as she slid into her seat, but had to wait to continue their conversation until Paige circled around the front of the car and climbed in. She wasn't sure what surprised her more, that her mother had done it, or that things had worked out so well.

"You didn't put your mom up to that, did you?" Paige asked as she slid the key into the ignition and started the car.

"No. She came up with that one all on her own," Emily hastened to reassure her. The last thing she wanted was for Paige to be upset, and for the two of them to get into a fight over Emily butting in where she wasn't wanted. As hard as it was, watching Paige struggle with coming out to her parents, as frustrating as it could be, having a girlfriend who was closeted, it was Paige's issue, to deal with how she saw fit. All Emily could do was be there for her, offering support and, hopefully, encouragement. "She has a theory. That she and your mom are actually a lot alike."

Paige snorted and shook her head. "Our mothers are nothing alike," she said, and Emily winced at the bitterness lacing her voice.

"Hey, hear me out." She reached out, giving Paige's knee a soft squeeze. "I think she might be onto something. Before I came out, things got pretty bad at home. There was all this tension, my mom and I were fighting all the time. Even my dad I were snapping at each other, when we talked. My grades were slipping, I lost interest in swimming. My head was a mess. My parents knew something was wrong, but they didn't know what. Finally, my dad coaxed it out of me. And I thought, okay, now I'm out, my parents know, I'm not hiding anything anymore. Maybe things will go back to normal. Y'know?"

Paige didn't look over, she kept her eyes firmly on the road, but she nodded, letting Emily know she was listening.

"But, I'd had all this time to deal. To come to grips with things in my head. Now, it was my parents turn. My dad, he took it well enough. I shocked him, and he had to process, but he told me he still loved me. My Mom, as you know, didn't take it so well."

"I know you've said." Paige met her gaze in the review mirror. "But, I have trouble believing it. Since we've gotten together she's been so..."

"Yeah. But, it took us a long time to get there. You remember that first night you came over, she wouldn't leave us alone?"

Paige nodded. "Yeah. I thought she was being friendly. You told me it was because she was afraid of leaving us alone together."

"I wasn't kidding. She thought we were together, even back then. And, she hated the idea. She still hadn't really accepted the fact that I was gay. And, she had a lot of problems with Maya."

Emily realized now that her mom had been afraid that Paige was going to be a repeat performance, and that some of the tension between them was less about her sexuality and more about her behaviour, but it was all part of the same issue. Being confused, being scared, it didn't excuse some of the things she had done. And her mother was justified in some of her concerns.

"We've talked a lot of it out. And, it really does help, getting everything out in the open. My mom, she saw all these changes in me, then I came out. And, she blamed the behaviour on me being gay. As if, my sexuality suddenly changed who I was. And I was no longer the girl that she'd raised, but some other person."

She glanced over, making sure that Paige was following her.

"My mom figures that your parents are probably going through a lot of the same things. You said you thought your parents know? I don't think they do. Not, exactly. I just think they know that there's something."

Paige exhaled slowly. "Okay. That's fair enough. But, that doesn't explain why my Dad suddenly wants me away from you. And my mom's discouraging me from us hanging out."

"But, it kind of does. They don't know what's wrong, but they know it's something, so they're latching onto the first plausible explanation. The gay teammate, who's influencing you in negative ways, or whatever."

Paige's brow furrowed and her lips turned down. "I hate that they think that about you."

"They don't. Not really," Emily said with a shrug. "They just don't know what else to think. Which brings us to my Mom's version of immersion therapy."

"What?"

"You know, like on Dr. Phil, or whatever, when they take someone who has a fear of spiders and make them hold one, to help them get over it."

Paige shot her a wry look. "So, to help my mom get over her fear of gay people, we're going to surround her with them?"

Emily couldn't help but laugh a little at her wording even though, essentially, that was correct. "Pretty much. Yep."

Paige shook her head, but a smile was playing at the corners of her lips. "You're both insane, do you know that?"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it? I'm sitting here with you, right now. At your mom's insistence."

Paige's eyes widened as realization hit her, and Emily laughed again.

"Mind blown?"

Paige nodded. "Mind completely blown."

"Are you okay with that?" Emily asked softly, giving her knee another squeeze. She knew that today had to have been a lot for Paige to take in. Lunch hadn't been easy on either of them, though it hadn't been as difficult as Emily had feared it would be. She just wanted to make sure that Paige's head wasn't completely messed up right now.

"Shit, Em," she breathed. "I don't know. Today went so well. But, I'm not sure I'm ready to let myself hope that anything more will come of it." She turned to face Emily at a red light, an apologetic, sheepish look on her face. "If this is a turning point for my mom, that's huge. But if it's not….If she was just being polite, putting on a good Christian neighbour face because your mom was there…"

Seeing that Paige was getting worked up, attempting to express her thoughts, Emily raised her hand to cup Paige's face, stroking her thumb against her cheek. "Hey, I get it." She leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss to Paige's lips. Smirking slightly as Paige pouted when she pulled back.

"I know that it's hard, putting your trust back in your parents, after going for so long feeling like you couldn't."

One of the hardest things for Emily, when she'd first started to struggle with her sexuality, had been the fear of losing her parents, her friends, over it. It was one of the reasons she'd started to pull away, to close herself, because if she could get used to the idea of not needing them, it wouldn't hurt so much if they rejected her. And, after everything was finally out in the open, it was a relief to realize she hadn't lost them.

Paige had no such assurances, not yet. She still faced the very real possibility of losing her parents, if they were as set in their ways as she believed them to be. But, Emily had trouble accepting the fact that people who raised someone as wonderful as Paige didn't have the capacity to be compassionate an open minded. They just needed to be given the chance to prove it, to Paige, and to themselves.

Paige nodded. She didn't have to say anything for Emily to know what she was thinking, feeling.

"Just, try and keep an open mind about this? Give them a chance, before you write them off completely?"

"I'll try."

"That's all that I ask."

"Always looking out for me, huh?" Paige's smile was soft and sweet, as she leaned in and gave Emily a chaste kiss. "Sometimes I wonder, what I did to deserve someone like you," she murmured against her lips, pulling away just as the light turned green. It was Emily's turn to pout as Paige straightened up in her seat and turned her focus back to the road.

Although, her pout didn't last for long. Because as much as she would rather be kissing Paige right now, she had no complaints about sitting back in the passenger seat and watching her drive. Paige didn't say anything, didn't glance over, but Emily could tell she could sense her watching, from the small smile that played at her lips.

"Your mom is a genius."

Emily turned towards the sound of Paige's voice, surprised that her girlfriend was addressing her so openly at school. They talked sometimes at practice, and they shared the same lunch table, but Paige didn't seek her out in the hallways between classes, didn't linger at her locker, the way she was doing now.

"Yeah? Why's that?"

It had been a week since they had shared lunch with their moms, and Mrs McCullers had deigned to allow Paige to drive her home—the she had sent a text shortly after, asking Paige to run a few errands for her, cutting into what could have been some alone time together. Since then, their moms had exchanged several conversations, and had gone for coffee once.

"Well, apparently they went for coffee last night."

Make that, twice.

"And, I don't know what your mom's been saying, but my mom suggested that I invite you over for dinner one night. Soon."

Emily nearly fumbled the books in her arms. That was definitely unexpected. "Your mom said that?"

Paige nodded. "Yep. This morning."

"Wow." Not to put a damper on Paige's buoyant mood, but Emily felt the need to ask "are you sure you're ready for that?"

It was a big step, dinner with the parents. Specifically, dinner with Paige's parents. Even if Emily was just coming as a friend, it was huge. To be honest, she wasn't even sure she was ready for that.

If they were only friends, it'd be one thing, but there would be a lot of pressure to hide their relationship from what would likely be Mr. and Mrs. McCullers watchful eyes. For all they knew, this was some kind of trap. Paige's parents could be trying to suss them out. And even if they weren't, even if they were oblivious, all it would take was one slip up and Paige would be outed.

Paige's gave shifted, away from Emily and down to her feet, answering the question, without her having to say anything. When her shoulders hunched forward, Emily reached out, to lay a hand on her arm, but, considering where they were, thought better of it.

"Hey, it's okay if you're not. To be honest, I'm not even sure I am."

Paige's gaze darted back up, a hopeful smile on her face. "Really? You're not just saying that?"

"Really. I'm not just saying it. The idea of having dinner with you and your parents is….kind of daunting."

Paige nodded. "Yeah. I know. Which is why I was thinking, if it's okay with you, I want to see if I can convince my parents to have a get together after the field hockey game on Friday. If we win, it can be a celebration. And if we lose, well you know Spencer and I are going to need some cheering up."

"That's a great idea," Emily said after a moment of thought. It would take the pressure off her and Paige, but would still give her parents a chance to watch the two of them interact. To, surround her mother with gays, as Paige had so eloquently put it a few days ago.

"I was hoping you'd think so. And uh…" Paige's gaze dropped again, and she hiked her backpack up on her shoulder. "I was thinking of telling Caleb and Toby tonight."

For a moment Emily thought Paige meant about the party, and she couldn't figure out why that would make her uncomfortable, then it dawned on her.

"You are?" she asked, cautiously, not wanting to get her hopes up, in case Paige didn't end up going through with it. But even if she didn't, the fact that she was thinking about it was still a bit step.

"Yeah. I mean, I might still chicken out. I've already talked myself into, and then out of it, a half dozen times today."

Considering it wasn't even nine a.m., that was a pretty impressive feat.

"But, over the past few days, I've just gotten so tired of keeping it from them. Especially when I know that they won't have a problem with it, y'know?"

Emily nodded. She did know. It was a scary thing to admit out loud. Even if you knew the person on the receiving end would be receptive. It got easier, over time, but this would only be the second time Paige had told somebody else. And, Emily wasn't sure it really counted the same way, Paige coming out to her, since Emily had already sussed it out for herself, and they'd already kissed and everything. She couldn't think of two better guys for Paige to try it out on.

She glanced over at Paige, who was looking back at her, her expression an adorable mixture of surety and uncertainty, and she remembered how so very recently, Paige had been terrified at the idea of anyone knowing about her. So scared of her own feelings, her own desires that she'd shunned Emily in public and put as much distance between them as possible. Now, here she was, contemplating coming out to two of their closest friends, and having Emily over for dinner with her parents. She had come such a long way, in a short period of time. And, while Emily was pleased at what that could mean for them, as a couple, she was more pleased at what it meant for Paige, and how well she was coping.

"What?" Paige ducked her head, a bashful smile lifting the corners of her lips, a blush heating her cheeks.

"I'm so proud of you," Emily whispered.

Paige's head shot up, her wide, surprised gaze meeting Emily's. "You are?" she asked, brow furrowed, looking confused.

Emily nodded.

"But, why? I haven't even done anything. Except flail around and panic, a lot, in the last few weeks."

Emily couldn't help but chuckle, and she nodded slightly to acknowledge Paige's words. "Okay, so that's true."

"Hey." Paige shoved her shoulder lightly. "Watch it, Fields."

Emily narrowed her eyes playfully. "You want to go, McCullers?" It didn't escape her notice that Paige had just touched her, however briefly, in public, for all the school to see. It was the first time she had done so since they'd gotten together, since her mother had said whatever it was she'd said that had spooked her so much.

Paige just shot her a lopsided grin, the one she knew made Emily melt. Shooting her another glare, this time for playing dirty, knowing what effect that look had on her, Emily schooled her reactions and got serious again after a moment.

"For the record, you haven't had a "flail" in what, a week?" The last time Emily remembered was last Sunday, at the church event. Although, to be fair, they hadn't really seen each other in public within the span of that week, but she decided not to dwell on that, and just focus on the positives. "And really, it doesn't even matter if you tell Toby and Caleb. The fact that you're thinking about, that you want to, that's huge, Paige. Think about it, did you ever think that you'd be in that place, where you were comfortable with the idea of people knowing?"

Paige was silent for a moment, contemplating. "No."

"Right? So see, progress."

"I couldn't have done it without you. If it weren't for you…"

Emily shook her head, refusing to take credit for what Paige had done, by herself. For herself. "Being with me, it might have given you a bit more motivation. But, this was all you, Paige. You're working through your own stuff."

Now it was Paige who was shaking her head. "Nope. It's all you, Em. Without you, I never would have owned up to me feelings. And definitely wouldn't have acted on them."

Emily flashed her a grin and leaned in, lowering her voice to avoid being overheard by any passersby. "Trust me, the lure of the boobs would have eventually become so strong that even you couldn't resist."

Paige pulled away from her. "Emily Fields," she admonished, voice laden with faux shock. "Here we are having a genuine heart to heart moment and you have to go and cheapen it with… with your filth."

Emily laughed lightly. "You know it's true," she countered as the warning bell rang.

Paige smirked. "I admit nothing." But, the blush on her cheeks gave her away,

"Get to class. Perv."

Paige rolled her eyes and shouldered past Emily, the back of her hand brushing along the underside of Emily's breast in the process. At Emily's enraged gasp, Paige snickered as she strode away.