HeartBreak Gammer

(Jeff)

When we all read the notes that Katie left for us about how sorry she was for having to read was the day we all realized just how much Ben truly loved her. I could hear the silent tears through my wall which was connected to Ben's, I went in to see if he was alright but I wasn't prepaired to see what was before me. Ben was on his knees, head in his hands, and I could hear him crying silently asking why over and over again. After that he's never been the same while the rest of us are trying to move on from Katie leaving us and pretending she was just like the other hopefuls it was clear that Ben could never move on and we began to see less and less of the gammer. He doesn't ever come out of his room anymore, his games haven't been touched since last time he played with them with Katie, he doesn't eat, doesn't speak, and he'll only talk to me.

I went up the stairs to his room just like always with food even though I knew he wouldn't touch it but still to make Slender happy I took it up to him anyways. I set the tray down on a bench next to his bed and found Ben just he always was laying on his side facing away from me, with time I learned that Ben liked it when I ran my knuckles down his back it seemed to comfort him and at this point I made sure to always be there for Ben to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid or end up hurting himself we might have had a rocky friendship but I had put all our issues aside.

"Hey Ben. You have to eat something eventually or your going to starve."

Already he was unhealthily skinny actually he looked more annorexic and even I'll admit that I was getting worried about Ben. He hasn't eaten and he doesn't speak at all anymore.

"Do you want to go play some games we can play.."
"Go away." he turned his head slightly to look behind him at me and I could see how broken he was in his eyes just as Katie had always said that you can always see how a person really feels in their eyes and at the time I thought it sounded stupid but now do I see what she meant and miss her even more.

"Just..go away Jeff."

"Ben."
This was the first time in like months that I had heard him say anything and so I left him alone for a while before I realized my mistake and went back to his room only to find him curled up now and I could hear the silent tears.

"Ben please just come down stairs for a second at least we're all worried about you. You haven't eaten, spoken, or even played a single game in months." no answer "You have to go down at some point." again no answer "I'm not leaving Ben so you might as well say something."

"You don't understand." it was barely a whisper but I still heard it "You could never understand you didn't love her the way I did."

"Ben just talk to me I swear I wont tell the others I just want to know that your ok."
"But I'm not!" he yelled and he turned to look at me tears in his eyes "I'll never be ok because she's gone and she took everything I had with her. I might as well die again."

He turned back around and faced the wall.

"Please Jeff just leave me alone I'm tired."

"Ben I'm not leaving I already told you that. I don't want you to end up hurting yourself over her we have to move on she's gone, she doesn't remember us, and we have to keep going on."
"I loved her more then anything in the world."

"I know we all know how much she meant to you and you to her but we have to move on Ben just as we've done with everything else that's happened to us in the past."
"I can't move on from her I would have given her anything to have her stay, I made sure I was always there for her, made sure she smiled, she laughed,..."
"You made her scars dissapear too."

I tried to help Katie as much as I could but she relied on Ben for pretty much everything. When she was upset he was her shoulder to cry on, when she needed someone to talk to he would listen to whatever she had to say, when she just needed a reason to keep going she looked to him, or when she was bored he was ready to play with her. He made her smile everyday, he wiped away her tears, chased away her fears, and protected her through her darkest storms, he did everything for her anything she wanted or needed he did for her. He even took away her razors, her pills, when she wanted to hurt herself sometimes I could hear her run into Ben's room really mad as she was when I tried the same thing but then her screams would turn into tears and then they would be silent he was always watching out for her. But I'll never forget the day that her scars began to fade away.

I had been up late that night killing again and was getting back when I heard yelling coming from the game room. I poked my head through and saw Katie and Ben and hide so that they didn't see me but what I saw was truly amazing. Ben seemed to have wrestled away a razor blade from Katie and I watched him make three clean cuts across his wrist to match her's, he then handed her the blade in one hand and in the other he had her hold onto his wrist.

"Cut me as many times as you would to yourself." he said with confidence and she just stared at him with tears in her eyes.

"I..can't."
"Why not I thought you wanted to cut tonight?"
"Yes but I can't hurt you Ben not like this."

As soon as she set the blade down he pulled her in close and lifted her chin so her eyes meet his as he placed her hand over his heart.

"Every time you cut you leave a scar here on my heart and it hurst and aches and bleeds every time you hurt yourself. I don't want to see you in pain and I don't want to see you do this to yourself your beautiful just the way you are and don't let anyone tell you different I know your still fighting your own battles but let me help you. I don't like seeing you hurt like this it hurst me just the same." Tears began to run down her checks and Ben wiped them away. "I love you Katie you're my life points, my Zelda, you're my life and I don't know what I would do without you."

Before I left I watched him kiss her before they sat down on the couch and Katie curled up next to him. I never told Ben that I had seen that night.

"You didn't have to tell me Jeff I already knew." Ben said bringing me back to reality

"You did?"
"Yeah but all I could think of was her right then so I didn't say anything."

Tears began to brim his eyes again.

"She was my life Jeff and she took it all away, she broke my heart and there's no way I'll ever be the same again."

"I know Ben at least come down for dinner even if you don't want to eat just let the others know you're still alive is all I'm asking. You don't have to answer them either if you don't want to."
"Just leave me alone for now."

"Ok but just know that I'm here for you now Ben I want to help you through this."

With that I left his room and headed back to mine where I began to sharpen my knife as I always did every day as I thought about all that I had tried to do for Katie and remembered why it was Ben she loved more, why we could never have been anything more then friends.