Façades

Paring Patsy and Delia. I do not own CTM, obviously the BBC does. Any mistakes are my own. Might just be a standalone one shot.

"Patsy!"

…

"Patsy!"

…..

"Patsy for god sake stops!"

I stopped and Delia nearly collided into me. I did not turn around. How could i? I just stopped.

"Can you even bear to look at me Pats?"

The truthful answer is no. I could not. Because if I did, I know that I would burst into tears. I felt her hand rest on my arm. I did not have the heart to pull away. Delia slowly pulled me round to face her; I kept my eyes on the ground.

"Patsy please just look at me."

I wanted to run and hide. To get anywhere apart from here, in this moment in time, in this alleyway standing with the girl I am in love with.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" the word slipped from my lips before I could stop it. I was looking straight at Delia, meeting her eye. She looked devastated. And upset, there was tears forming in her eyes.

"Yes. I am sorry."

I broke the eye contact and looked back down at the pavement. I did not want to hear her excuses.

"I need to go." Once more, my mouth worked before my brain. I never did think about what I was going to say first.

"I do not want you to Pats. You just stormed out."

"Can you blame me?"

Now Delia looked down. "I did not think you would take it this badly."

I took a step back. This badly? Was I not reacting like a completely normal human being? How was I meant to react?

"Delia, you have a boyfriend. I thought we had something. We had an agreement."

I felt my stomach turn over as she gave a little half smile to herself. I thought I was going to be sick.

"You have had boyfriends Patsy."

I opened by mouth and promptly closed it. "That was before I met you. Have I had a boyfriend since then?"

Delia did not answer, she continued looked at the ground.

I stepped closer and whispered "did I Delia?"

She finally looked up, tears ready to run down her checks. "No Patsy."

"Then why-?"

"Why did I decide to go out with Harvey Jones?"

I nodded; I did not trust myself to say anything else.

£because I am Linley Patsy. That's why."

"You're lonely?"

Delia nodded and stepped closer. "You do not know what it is like. All the girls in my lodgings have boyfriends. I did not like being the odd one out."

"What about me?" my voice came out nothing more of a whisper. I could feel myself trembling. It was getting hearder to breathe.

She placed both of her hands on my arms and drew me close. "You know we will always have something patsy. And I promise I will see you on a regular basis."

"But we remain friends."

Delia nodded cupped the side of my face. "I will always love you. Forever Pats."

I pulled back, Delia almost losing her balance. My vision was becoming cloudy and my chest was feeling so tight.

"I hope you and Harvey Jones are very happy together." My voice was wobbling. I turned on my heel and walked down the alleyway. I heard Delia running after me, calling my name. She grabbed my arm, this time I did not stop, I did not turn round. I pulled away and started to run. After a while, I could not hear Delia shouting me or her heels clicking on the pavement as she ran after me.

I slowed down as I reached the dock. There was hardly anyone about. It was late now, but after a few years in the East End, I know this place like the back of my hand. I knew I would not get lost. It was not possible.

I sank myself down on a bench looking over the river and let my emotions give way. I let the hot tears run down my face; I could feel the last piece of my heart breaking as sobs rocked my body. God it was horrible. It was then I felt the first drops of rain hit me. I raise my eyes to the dark and ominous sky. Suited my mood perfectly.

I wiped my face on the shelve of my cardigan. How dare Delia? It was almost as if she was keeping me hanging. In case, things did not work out with a man of hers. She was not considering my feeling at all. Did I mean nothing to her? I do not know how she can feel lonely. Now I had to live everyday as if nothing had ever happened. I had to try to forget her, forget my feelings for her. How was I meant to start?

The heavens opened and the rain poured down in buckets. I knew that if I did not move I would get soaked to the skin. I might even get ill. However, I could not or would not move. I did not have the energy. I self the rain pool at my feet, seep into my clothes and run down my skin.

Eventually, my body worked and I stood up. My mind working automatically and was telling my body what to do. My tears were mixing with the rain running down my face so it did not even look like I was crying.

It was getting heavier. I saw Nonnatus House at last. I climbed the steps and sank down against the step, my head banging against the wood. I did not notice the pain at first until I reached up and touched it. There was red on my fingers. How did that happen?

The rain must have been blown sideways by the wind for even under cover I was still getting wet.

"help." My voice was barely above a whisper, my throat incredibly sore. Christ had my head always been spinning? It was making me feel sick.

Oh Delia, how could you do this to me? I loved you with every single part of me. And you throw it back at me as if nothing has even happened between us. You have been going out with this person for over two months and you never told me. Has everything about us been a lie?

I could feel myself slipping to the side, my head hitting the step and resting in a pool of water. What I did not know is that it was colouring red. The darkness over took and I finally fell asleep.

Reviews are welcome.