Everdeen seems to have made her decision, when Mellark steps between us, right in front of me.

What's the story with Peeta Mellark? Is he really that good? Can anybody that good exist in this world, anyway? Either he wants to prevent a fight, or he doesn't want to see his girl murder somebody, or he doesn't want me to fight back, I'm still grateful to his goodness. Katniss seems irritated as he asks her a question.

"So how many are dead?"

-"Hard to say. At least six, I think. And they're still fighting."

-"Let's keep moving. We need water,"

Water. I haven't seen any pond or river since I came here, and of course, no matter how long you live with the ocean, the salty water won't get any more drinkable. And dehydration is not something you can underestimate.

-"Better find some soon. We need to be undercover when the others come hunting us tonight."

Something about what I said seems to alter Katniss' decision, maybe the fact that I considered us a team in a place where real teams don't exist even between allies. If your ally dies in the arena, this shouldn't mean much to you, but it was clear in my voice that I was protective of her and Peeta.

We walk more, and suddenly we reach the end of the trees. Katniss goes, "Maybe we'll have better luck on the other side. Find a spring or something."

But as we walk a few more steps, something strange happens. Katniss looks at the air as if she sees something we don't see, and as if Peeta in the front cuts some vines with his knife to reach the point Katniss is looking at, she starts yelling something.

It's too late. Peeta Mellark hits something I don't see, and it throws him to the ground, on Mags and I causing us to collapse.

Katniss calls his name twice but there is no response. She touches his face, slaps him, but there is no response. She puts her ear on his chest, the spot of his heart, and I know she hears only silence.

I understand now what Mellark has hit that has given him such a strong shock. It's a force field. I know them from past hunger games; especially Haymitch Abernathy's which I watched before mine.

I know what to do. His heart has only stopped seconds ago, so, there is a hope of reviving it. It's something I've done before when I worked as a beach guard in my spare time, I didn't need the money but I needed something to do; so I made sure the district's children are safe while learning swimming, and I saved plenty who went too deep.

I'll give Peeta Mellark a CPR.

I put Mags under a tree and push Katniss away. I ask her to let me do this. I touch the artery of his neck, the spot of his heart and his lungs, to make sure there is no heartbeat. As the result is positive, I pinch his nostrils to close them. I hear Katniss yell, "No!" because it's easy for someone who doesn't know CPR to look like I'm killing him. I push her away, maybe too strong this time. I didn't intend to do this, but if she wants Mellark alive she might have to trust me for a bit.

She hits the tree and I hear the sound of her bow as she prepares to shoot an arrow, at the same second I lock Mellark's mouth with mine, pushing air into his lungs. I know what exactly has stopped her; it's the look of it. It's easy for anyone watching to think I'm kissing Peeta passionately, but I'm only doing my job, in fact.

Next step, I unzip his jumpsuit and start reviving his heart with my hands. I do that for a while and I feel like my hands are hurting, but I'll only stop when I make sure he's alive. Only when he gives a cough, I take a rest.

Katniss was sitting, just watching what I do; I realize she must have seen this somewhere before, she just didn't understand what I was doing in the beginning.

She calls him name, pushes his hair back, touches his neck feeling his heartbeat, and I see something strange in all that.

Mellark whispers something I don't hear, and she laughs. She looks at him in a strange way… I finally start to see some feelings in her looks… I start to recognize things I've seen in people who are really in love. I know the boy is hopelessly in love with her, but… as for her… I always knew the opposite.

He whispers something again, and she yells, "You were dead! Your heart stopped!" and she starts crying.

He says, with a stronger voice I heard this time, "Well, it seems to be working now, It's all right, Katniss."

Trying to get us sponsors, I say, "It's okay. It's just her hormones, from the baby."

But we both know Katniss Everdeen is as pregnant as I am.

-"No, it's not…"she starts saying, but then it looks like she doesn't know what to say. And then, she started crying even worse.

She looked at me, as if she's trying to decode my thoughts. I look at her, even more puzzled. If Katniss Everdeen is not pregnant at all, so there are no problems with her hormones or anything like that… why is she crying so crazily over Mellark? Does she truly love him? When did she start to realize that? From the look on her face alone, I see a deep love buried inside her and a puzzling mess she doesn't know how to deal with.

Now I know she loves him after all.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

As I lay down in the hut Mags and I made, at night, I think of everything that happened today. Nothing important, except for the facts that we haven't found water, instead, Haymitch sent us a strange looking tube which Katniss later called a spile. Lucky for us, that thing is used to get liquids from the trees, apparently, because when we made a hole in the tree and put that thing in it, we got water. Also, a minute ago, a strong bang, something like the sound of drums, repeated 12 times it woke Katniss up and we both watched a lightning strike a tree from the distance. She asked me to sleep while she guards, and now I'm trying to sleep.

I sleep for what felt like an hour, dreaming of my old life before the hunger games, and what it could have been like if there were no hunger games at all. I dream of Annie, Mags, the sun, the sky, Annie's father taking us on a boat trip. It all seems beautiful and shiny until it starts to shake.

I hear Katniss yelling, "Run! Run!" and I wonder how it sneaked into my dream, then I realize it's not a dream anymore. All I can see is Katniss waking Peeta up, and a strange fog starting to cover us, a very sweet and strong odor hits my nostrils and almost pains them. I take Mags on my shoulder and jump running. I'm not leaving Katniss and Peeta behind; I know they'll be after me.

I hear Katniss coming after me trying to make Peeta move faster, and the boy seems only struck by the fast slip between the beautiful world of sleep and the terrible reality we're living.

I run… I run like crazy as if I'm running from everything I hate. From Coriolanus Snow. From death and sickness. From a terrible mysterious creature hurting Annie. From my slavery. From the capitol. From the hunger games. Something inside me, the instinct of a beast…. Tells me to never look back or care for whatever's behind. But I remember that it's not courageous. It's cowardly to run off those things and not turn around and face them, ready to die stopping them. It's cowardly to just run, leave Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark to death, and do everything to win those games… it's despicable.

I turn around to help Katniss and Peeta. I knew something was wrong because I didn't hear them right behind me, although I'm sure Everdeen can seek me. Something has to be wrong with Mellark. I kept yelling at them…"Come on! Don't surrender to it, come on! You can do this! Don't die here, not like they want you to! Just follow me!" They followed me for a while, but it wasn't long before they broke down again.

I went back to them and realized that the fog is worse than we thought. Peeta and Katniss seem sort of paralyzed… like they lost control of some parts of their bodies. Katniss was still able to move her legs at least, but not Peeta. I try to take his arm and move him, with Mags still on my shoulders, but it's no use. The fog is distant, but it's coming, and it's coming with a steady speed.

"It's no good. I'll have to carry him. Can you take Mags?"

-"Yes."

It's not hard to do, Mags is much lighter than Peeta; she is very skinny.

I take Peeta, Katniss takes Mags, and we advance. Slower than me running holding only Mags, but at least we're a whole group.

The instinct which lived inside me for 24 years in district 4 leads me to the one thing I always consider a shelter. The sea. Something inside me hopes the fog will stop at the sea… hopes the sea will be some kind of help. Katniss doesn't object or make any note. I realize she probably agrees that the water area will be a better place.

I start to feel the effect of the fog more. I blister like Katniss, and some parts of my body go stiff… as if I'm losing sense of them. Now I hear Katniss crawling to the ground behind me, carrying Mags, trying to get back on her feet but she can't.

I go back to her to find her on the ground; she'd lost control of her leg.

"It's no use. Can you take them both? Go on ahead, I'll catch up."

I feel the tears filling my eyes… because I know what's going to happen. My arms are uncontrollable, and my whole body hurts. I can't carry both of them, I know it. And I know what Mags is going to do. I try to hold on to a hope that maybe I can, but my body screams in resistance. Katniss is looking into my eyes waiting for my answer.

"I can't carry them both. My arms aren't working."

I look at Mags. I don't know what to say. I'm going to remember all she's done to me and all she sacrificed, and I'm going to cry my eyes out, and I'm going to hate myself and the uselessness of my existence, but all the time allows me to say is, "I'm sorry, Mags. I can't do it."

She doesn't try to make me feel guilty. She doesn't look into my eyes wanting me to try harder. She only rises up… kisses me gently… then runs into the fog.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

Running. Struggling. Pain. More pain. Creatures that talk. Creatures that whisper… All I can see or think about. Memories? They're too hard to try for. I remember some things… yet I prefer not to think about them now. I'm only lying down in shame and pain… knowing that my case is much worse than Katniss' or Peeta's now, so they must be the ones protecting me. Shame.

I'm supposed to be a bigger, stronger man. I don't run away from my fears. Hasn't this been my thing, really, my entire life? I may not have been the most perfect person, but the one thing I don't regret is never escaping… never hiding. I made the choices which put me in the mouth of my fears, and I'm proud of it.

Maybe I could just lie down and die… let Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark do their thing alone… survive the arena, the careers, the capitol, Snow. And then I'll go to Mags and Mr. Cresta… my parents… the children I mentored… and one day Annie will follow, and then I'll be waiting for her in the peace and serenity of heaven, leaving her alone to face this world.

But this is another cowardly option… another dishonorable escape. I have never been the man to escape.

But right now all I can do is lie down feeling a sharp, painful burn on some parts of my body from time to time. Like the pain of a wound in the water of the ocean, yet it's fading gradually. The pain fades, little by little. A part of my brain that is not too unconscious realizes the sharp pain which fades… the whole operation is going through my body starting my feet to my chest. That was when I heard a whisper… a familiar voice say, "There's just your head left, Finnick. That's the worst part, but you'll feel much better after, if you can bear it."

It's Peeta? As I try to think, I feel like they've plunged my face in the water. My whole face feels like it's wounded and bloody, and now there's salt all over it. Are they trying to torture me? No. I remember what Peeta just said, and also that after the sharp pain, which is, now I realize, the pain of the salty water on my body, the pain faded more and more into relief. Whatever they're doing, it's helping me. I hold their hands to get myself through the agony and feel lucky that my face is all in salty water already, so they don't notice that I'm crying. Is it the physical pain? No. Sometimes when you're too hurt… too fragile to handle any more… a simple, little thing can trigger you into sobbing.

Is this why those two fresh, young man and girl were bravely and kindly healing me with the water of the sea while a man like me… older, stronger, or that's the way it's supposed to be… was too weak to do it? That they didn't see so much pain they didn't want to just lie down and die?

As the pain fades from my face too, it leaves only the desire for a rehab. What is it that has been my one and only rehab since I was born? The salty water of the ocean, of this sea, or any water where I can swim, really. I finally open my eyes completely and feel ashamed of myself that I've surrendered to the bad feelings. I imagine Coriolanus Snow watching me now, laughing his beard off at my depression. Is that what I want? I only want to burn him with my strength. Yes, I lost Mags… I lost her and all I can do about it now is be silent and try not to think of it, and wait for the suitable time to grief her… but did Mags head to that fog and kill herself for me to curve in a fetal position, cry, and let death come at me? No! No!

I see Katniss and Peeta go back to cleaning themselves as I slip to the water gradually. I swim and think… think only of more reasons to fight… but not about Mags. "Not now," I say to myself, "Not until you get over this heavy feeling that you desire no more than your own death."

As I swim, crying a little bit without being noticed, again, because of the water, I see Katniss looking at me in amusement. My swimming is a bit strange, I have to admit. The longer I spent times in the ocean the more I felt like a sea creature, myself. I don't swim like a man anymore, I swim like a fish.

I dive for a while, then I come up, right next to Katniss. I remember what Mags said about me, joking when I'm most broken. Well, this seems to be true.

"Don't do that."

-"What? Come up or stay under?"

-"Either. Neither. Whatever. Just soak in the water and behave. Or if you feel this good, let's go help Peeta."

Well if she means only physically, I do feel good. Peeta was, apparently, making a hole in a tree to use the spile.

Only as soon as we reach the woods, Katniss seems occupied by something. She only touches my arm, so I look up, in the same direction of her eyes.

Dozens of orange monkeys staring at us. Are those even normal monkeys? No telling. Katniss calls Peeta with a voice as calm as the ocean in a midsummer morning. I understand why… she's trying not to trigger them. But I've got my trident ready, and I won't hesitate much if one of those animals threatens the safety of Katniss or Peeta, or even me. She's got her arrows ready too, and I'm happy with the backup.

Katniss is trying to be as calm as she can talking to Peeta, and to make him come as fast as he can, as quiet as he can. The problem is, we don't know what exactly triggers them. They seem more evil than just some innocent jungle monkeys… it's something more twisted.

Peeta walks really calm towards us, trying to follow Katniss' order. But as he comes closer to us, he starts to feel them… and only as he look up, they attack.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"Why don't you two get some rest? I'll watch for a while."

I remember all the events of today and realize I never had a time to grief Mags alone… without anybody watching or interfering. Between those monkey mutts attacking, the death of one of our allies, bringing Katniss' arrows back from the jungle and really, everything else. I need to sleep, but I need a moment alone more.

-"No, Katniss, I'd rather."

For some reason, as she looked in my face, her expression changed into an expression of sorrow. Is it too apparent why I want to be the guard?

-"All right, Finnick, thanks."

I sit by the beach as Katniss and Peeta sleep behind me. I'm still yielding my trident as if I'm not only protecting them with it, but also fighting my own nightmares… stabbing them to the death.

As I watch the sea I start remembering who I am.

I'm Finnick Odair. I'm a fisherman. I'm a lover. I'm a fighter. I'm a killer. My parents tried to escape Panem to the ocean when I was young and they left me to Mags. We received news of them being killed by peacekeepers in the ocean, and ever since, Mags has raised me. I'm in love with Annie Cresta. I was sent to the hunger games as a child, and after I won by killing people, I had a few happy years before I was forced to be a prostitute by President Snow, or he'd kill Annie. To guarantee that I'm only dedicating my body to my work, he tried to take Annie away to the hunger games, but I succeeded to get her out of it safe, and now she's almost crazy. I was sent to the hunger games again, and now, I have to protect Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark with my own life because this is the only way to end all this.

Mags.

I was wrong. Annie was not the only reason I was fighting. I was fighting for Mags too. She was half my family, really the closer half. She sacrificed a lot… a lot for me. She was there every time I was broken. She hugged me out of nightmares as a child and as a man. She held on to me and protected me. She made sure every time I'm broken, I still have something to fight for.

I only had her, Annie and her father. Now I only have Annie and only God knows if I'll ever see her again. I lost everything... everything and everybody. I lost Annie the day she was sent to that arena. Who said only her being alive is enough? She's now only half there. Most of the time she sees blood and screaming children. Her only shelter… her only hope in life was me. What is she going to do alone? Who is taking care of her right now? An old woman from the district who had pity on the poor little mad girl and decided to take care of her? What will this woman or anybody do when Annie sees them covered in blood and children screaming while they're being decapitated?

I go back to thinking of Mags and how she helped me with Annie. I had hope that maybe if I, only I die, Mags will be there to take care of Annie. Now, if I die young, who will? And why do I have this constant feeling that I will die young?

Maybe because I have nothing more to live for?

But this is cowardly. This is not me. I'm braver than this. I'm going to fight. I'm going to join the rebellion and fight, I'm going to get Katniss and Peeta out of here safe and I'm going to put Snow in insolvable trouble. I'm going to live and tell his secrets in front of cameras. I'm going to avenge Mags. I'm going to save Annie. I'm going to protect Katniss and Peeta because they deserve happiness just as much as I and Annie do.

But after all that, am I going to live to see the new Panem? No telling. I only know if I die doing all that, and not succumbing to all the pain and despair, it'll be the death I deserve… it'll be enough to honor everything that is good and that I've done in my life. If the best I deserve from life is a noble death, then I'll have it. But until then, I'll be fighting and causing all kinds of trouble to those who made me a slave.

I'll be fighting, only not tonight. Not until I spill the river of tears I can feel in my eyes. And because I don't want my tormentors to enjoy this, I hide my face between my knees and cover the rest of my head with my arms, still holding on to the trident, and cry with no sound.

Near what felt like dawn, Peeta awakens. I feel him moving, so I turn around and say, "Hey, Peeta." Thank God I'd finally stopped crying.

-"Hey Finnick. Mind if I join you?"

-"Not at all."

He sits beside me looking at the same space.

-"So, Finnick Odair. You've been mysterious to Katniss and I a bit, you know that?"

-"In which way?"

-"Every single way. In the beginning you're acting strange to Katniss in the parade and the training, and now you seem to do nothing but save us, time after time."

I look at his light, profound blue eyes and all I can see is a true feeling of confusion. No ruse, no tricks. I wonder no more what's special about Peeta Mellark. He's got the heart and soul of a child.

-"We're allies, right?" This is the best explanation I can give him without giving away glances of the plan.

-"You realize this is a killing contest and it's your life or ours, right?"

-"Right."

-"Yet you saved me… three times till now. Once from the force filed, the second time from the fog, and today, from those mutts. What's the story?"

-"No story, really. And remember, you and Katniss cleaned my body from that poisonous fog earlier today, and you saved me once, too."

-"When was that?"

-"In the first day, when Katniss was willing to shoot me from that tree."

He silences for seconds.

-"As a matter of fact, I was trying to save her from you, not the opposite. I knew if she shoots, you're just as ready with your trident. I'm sorry."

-"You think I expected you to prefer to protect me and not the girl you love, the mother of your child? I knew you were protecting her, Peeta. The thing is if she had shot, I would have had to defend myself. And to be honest with you, I'm not willing to kill Katniss. So I was going to try and block the arrow, but not for too long, because your girl is probably the best archer I have ever seen. Eventually, she would have gotten me. So maybe your intention was to save Katniss, but as a matter of fact, you saved me."

-"You said you're not willing to kill Katniss."

-"And your question is why?"

-"Yes. Not that I want otherwise, but it's just… mysterious."

I think for a second.

-"Haymitch and I are friends."

-"What kind of friendship pushes you into putting someone's life ahead of your own?"

-"Haymitch gave me his bracelet and arranged the alliance. He and I arranged to be allies with until the point where it's safe to break the alliance. You know, like the careers do."

-"When the careers ally, they barely protect each other. It's only for more power, not the safety of their fellows. Finnick, please, be honest with me. You let Mags die for us, even."

-"Mags was willing to sacrifice herself for a better chance for me to win, so she ran into that fog. And I'm offering you and Katniss a better chance of being two of the finalists at least because you deserve it. And, do you want Everdeen and your kid alive or not, boy, because you're starting to unnerve me." I say it, trying to put some kind of smile on my face.

-"So that's it? You keep me alive to protect her and the baby?"

-"Yes." Finally I reached to a point where he stopped asking.

He's silent for a while.

-"Thank you, Finnick."

-"No problem."

-"No, seriously. Katniss and I may have rushed things up when we judged you in the beginning."

I only smile.

-"You don't want to know how we judged you?" He says, smiling.

-"As everybody does, I guess. I wasn't trying to steal your girl with those sugar cubes before the parade, I'm sorry if I'd offended you that day. It was only a joke."

-"It's okay. So… you won't drop the name of the girl you recited that poem for?"

I'm silent.

-"Your choice. Although Katniss thinks it's one of your capitol… ladies…" I appreciate him for trying and picking the least offensive words… "But I don't think so. Now that I know you better, I think it might be just a poor girl back home."

I can't help but smile at him.

-"You know, Peeta? You're one of the kindest people I've ever seen. I understand why Katniss loves you."

He looks at the sea… a bit of an empty look. I hold his hand.

-"She does love you. And you deserve it. You deserve to have a happy life and a child, calm winter evenings in front of the fireplace, a beautiful house, enough food for your family, a backyard, I don't know… a bag of marshmallows…" I say and he laughs.

-"… the thing is… I had a taste of this. Being separated from the one you love and thrown into a world of madness… and because of what I said a minute ago about you being the kindest guy I've ever met, I don't want it to happen to you. Hold on to her, protect her. You understand that, Mellark?" I say and I put a serious look in my face as a joke. He laughs again.

-"I will, Finnick, I promise. Only if there is a hope we both get out of here alive."

-"So, maybe after I'm dead and it's only you and her left and all, you guys can find some nightlock around." I say, smiling.

-"We'll figure something out." And we laugh together.

We contemplate the rising sun for a while, and then he goes…"I have to sleep again. I'm sorry I'm leaving you and Katniss to guard, I wish I could do more….."

-"It's not your fault."

-"Maybe, but you've been protecting me too well and so has Katniss been, so maybe I owe you both more than sleep and let you do all the work. May I ask you, though, that Katniss never knows about that discussion?"

-"As you wish."

-"And… we're friends now, right?"

-"Of course." I say it with a smile.

-"See you tomorrow, then."

He goes back to the world of sleep as I think, "Here is one guy who deserves to live more than I do."

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.