The Fisherman: Perspective On Hunger

by AmyDeHP

Finnick Odair's life unchanged, from his own point of view. The cover is drawn by the amazing Alice X. Zhang, thank you Alice for being such a great artist.Note:Starting chap8, because after that the events will come from the original novels and the story must stay unchanged, some dialogues will be copied from Catching Fire and Mockingjay as are. Those dialogues will be in italic.

12. Madness

What do they think they're doing when they won't let me go and fight? This is stupid! Then why am I here or alive at all! What can I be other than a fighter? I can't even be a fisherman, there's no ocean here! I hate 13!

Katniss has got to know about this, she won't let it happen to me. We fought together in the arena! I know she's going on a mission to 8, I ask several people where she'd be, the last one guessed she'd be at Airborne Division with Boggs now. For some reason, every time I talked to somebody they were a little… confused. They looked at me in a strange way. What is wrong with everybody?

I arrive to the Airborne Division, and there they are, Katniss and Boggs, standing by the elevator.

I run to them.

"Katniss, they won't let me go! I told them I'm fine, but they won't even let me ride in the hovercraft!"

I'm sure she'd do something about it. Maybe she'll tell Boggs to take me.

Instead of saying anything, Katniss contemplates me. A mixture of feelings appears on her face: Pity… sorrow… confusion. Boggs on the other hand looked nothing but embarrassed. What's happening today?

-"Oh, I forgot. It's this stupid concussion. I was supposed to tell you to report to Beetee in Special Weaponry. He's designed a new trident for you." Says Katniss.

A trident! By Beetee, which means it does a lot of special things! Well, if I'm going to go and fight sometimes, I have to have one, right?

-"Really? What's it do?"

-"I don't know. But if it's anything like my bow and arrows, you're going to love it. You'll need to train with it, though."

Well, if it is special, then I've got to train with it. Only then I realize I can't go with Katniss.

-"Right. Of course. I guess I better get down there."

-"Finnick? Maybe some pants?"

What does she mean?

I look down at my legs. Well, maybe I'm crazy after all. I really did leave my hospital room in my nightgown and start wandering around without pants. I do look ridiculous, I know, so I won't let that pass without a little joke.

-"Why? Do you find this…" I pull my nightgown knowing there's nothing left but my underwear, and bend a little bit giving a seductive pose, "Distracting?"

Katniss laughs while Boggs looks most uncomfortable.

-"I'm only human, Odair."

She gets to the elevator with Boggs.

Right after the door closes, I see my nurse by the door of the room. In the beginning, she looks at me as if she'll start blaming me for leaving my room and wandering in the district without pants and also taking my nightgown off, but she looks at me for seconds, and I see the same expression of pity I saw on Katniss' face.

She sighs.

-"Let's escort you back to your room, shall we?"

-"But… Beetee designed a trident for me, I need to train with it."

-"Not now, you need some sleep. I saw your room's lamp lit the whole night. Have you been tying knots?"

-"Yes." I confess.

-"I knew it." She sighs again. "Come on, come with me."

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

The strange part is, I was Annie. I knew I was Annie. I was tied to some bed, and a doctor with a back coat was holding a blade cutting different parts of my body while I scream with her voice. The doctor or scientist or whatever lowers his head and turns around and as he turns back, it's Coriolanus Snow. Now, it's me, Finnick. The blade in his hand has become a white rose… one of his genetically modified roses which make a smell I hate. He puts it right in front of my nose and chokes me. I'm unable to breathe… I scream.

And I wake up screaming.

-"Finnick. You're okay?"

It's my nurse. She's been here putting my lunch tray.

-"Yes… yes I'm okay. How long have I been asleep?"

-"3 Hours. That's why you hate sleep, isn't it? You constantly have nightmares."

I nod.

-"I'll ask the doctor to give you some sleeping pills. You won't be dreaming at all."

-"Thank you."

-"No problem. Anyway, your scheduled appointment with Primrose Everdeen is scheduled tonight at 8 PM, Healer Everdeen has finally gotten the permission from the head doctors."

Prim! Thank God.

"Tomorrow morning I'll be taking you to Beetee at special weaponry if you want to see your trident. Now is lunch time."

She puts the tray on my lap, it has an ugly meal on it. In 13, they don't care about the pleasure of good food like we do in 4, they only give you what your body needs, utterly and simply. I started eating without a real appetite, when someone knocked the door.

It was Prim, looking terrified.

"Miss Everdeen! It's only 3 PM, isn't your scheduled visit at 8?"

-"I have to talk to Finnick. Sorry, Mrs. Ringrotts."

The nurse went out of the room.

"Prim! What's wrong?"

-"Finnick, Katniss and Gale went to 8! You think they'll be okay?"

-"Are there news that 8 is attacked or something?"

-"Not right now, but I heard at the hospital that 8 is one of the most targeted districts because it's one of those where the rebellion started."

When Prim says that, I feel guilty because in the last few weeks, I cared only about the close people to me, and forgot about the people of my district. What's happening to them, right now? It's one of the districts which lead the rebellion, too, which means it too will be one of the most targeted.

-"Just relax, Prim. Katniss will be okay. Gale and Boggs will be protecting her."

-"But… how do you know Boggs is with them?"

-"Because I saw them before they go. I tried to go and protect her, but they wouldn't allow me. I'm sorry, Prim."

-"It's okay, brother. You mind if I stay with you until she comes back?"

-"Of course not, take a seat."

She takes a seat, and we start talking. I told her stories, jokes, everything that is possible to make her feel better. I owe her for not going there and protecting her sister.

Later, we received news about her coming back. The nurse said they were attacked but they're all okay, and they got a good tape to air on TV. I know from the last few days that Beetee will be doing something to assault airtime from the capitol, that way the rebels will be able to air their own tapes on TV all over the districts, too.

Prim left the room to go on with her work at the hospital and I sat alone again. My nurse came back by dinner saying that Katniss is in the hospital too, asking me to go and see her in her room if I like.

"Why is she in the hospital? Didn't they say she was okay?"

-"Just a concussion."

I took my dinner tray and Mrs. Ringrotts took me to her room. In my room, there is no TV because they wanted to avoid me seeing things which might cause me to pass out, like whatever the Capitol airs. We turned the TV on to see the tape; it was a mixture of scenes of Katniss with casualties in a hospital, Katniss giving a rebellious speech, Gale, Boggs, in the end when the bombs started falling on that hospital, Katniss covered her head with her pillow. I felt like passing out, but I held on because I owe her some help.

"People should know that happened. And now they do." I say.

-"Let's turn it off, Finnick, before they run it again." But only as I start doing what she said, she yells, "Wait!"

In the beginning I was confused, but then two familiar faces appeared: Peeta Mellark and Caesar Flickerman. Peeta seems much, much worse than the last time I saw him. His facial expressions… his weight… everything about him changed. He was visibly weak and in bad health.

He talks against the rebels, tells people all over the districts they're destroying the country, and also that they're using Katniss and she doesn't know how she is used. Then he says, "Don't be a fool, Katniss. Think for yourself. They've turned you into a weapon that could be instrumental in the destruction of humanity. If you've got any real influence, use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war before it's too late. Ask yourself, do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? And if you don't...find out."

Do I trust them? Do I trust Coin and her men? Plutarch? I do know that people all over the districts have been dying and right now they're dying, and the people of 13 his underground behind their walls pretending not to exist and now, they jump up trying to take lead of the rebellion when in fact, they do nothing but shoot propos. Does the fact that they're against the Capitol automatically make them good? I don't think so. They can be both bad while we… the underdogs… the people of the districts are the only good ones.

If 13 can nuke the capitol and stop all its monstrosity or at least represent a threat to them… why didn't they stop the hunger games and save all those children? Why didn't they stop the famine? The poverty? Why did they allow me and others to be sold and bought? For that alone I don't think I trust them enough.

Yet, Peeta is not stupid. He knows the Capitol might fall, and then, he'll be at the hands of the rebels. Why is he making it hard for Katniss to save him? To convince the rebels that he's not a criminal? Whoever's making him say that is not his brain, for sure, it's someone who doesn't care about his safety. From the look on his face I can say they poisoned his brain to say those things.

How would this affect Katniss? If it made me doubt 13, it surely would give her some discomfort, too. And if they know that… those whose footsteps I hear coming to the room right now… let's just say they won't be satisfied.

I hold Katniss' arms with my hands and I look deep into her eyes. "We didn't see it."

-"What?"

-"We didn't see Peeta. Only the propo on Eight. Then we turned the set off because the images upset you. Got it?"

She only nods.

-"Finish your dinner."

Fulvia Cardew and Plutarch enter the room right in time Katniss and I got ready to look normal.

-"Hello Katniss! Hello Finnick, it's nice to see you get better because we were going to ask you for some service. Fulvia got this idea about a propo called "We Remember" about the fallen tributes and we thought you'd be the best one to host it. Are you in?"

-"Would be delighted, Plutarch." I felt like Katniss was not ready to talk without showing signs of seeing Peeta's tape, and they're pretending like they didn't see it, although I'm sure they headed here once it ended to make sure Katniss didn't see it. So I kept on talking to cover on her silence.

-"Katniss and Gale looked really good on the tape. Didn't Gale look good, Katniss?"

-"What? Yes. Yes! He looked really good!" Then she realized she should say something or she'd look suspicious. "Congratulations on the tape, it was very powerful."

-"Well it was you, Katniss, right?" Plutarch said and smiled.

-"So, Plutarch…" I say. "If you might excuse me, I'm really tired I have to go to bed, we're both really tired that once the propo ended we turned the TV off and I was going back to my room. Right, Katniss?"

-"Of course. I felt sleepy so I told Finnick to turn the TV off."

-"Oh, good. So we'll leave you alone now, have a good sleep!"

They walked out, and I looked at Katniss. We were both clueless. Or, did we just have one more reason to distrust those people?

"Will I see you tomorrow?" I say.

-"Maybe. If you'll shoot that propo for them we might meet."

-"Alright. See you then."

Then I take my tray and walk out.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

I saw Katniss for a different reason than she expected. Gale had work at special weaponry with Beetee, so she asked for permission to take me to the woods. I was happy to go to the woods with someone familiar and to finally get some air. In the woods, we walked around and talked.

"So, how is everything going?" I say.

-"Good. You know, sort of silly. I don't feel like I'm doing something, really, I thought I could do more than shooting tapes."

-"Well they won't throw their Mockingjay in a real battlefield, will they? You're important."

-"But I don't always listen to them, you know. When we were in 8, I did do some… stuff."

-"Stuff?"

-"I went out of my safe spot and went right to the battlefield. I shot some hover planes. You know, with Beetee's explosive arrows."

-"But…" I was worried and bothered. Katniss was, by a lot of means, a little sister to me. "This is wrong. Never do that again, Katniss!"

-"Oh you're not saying that I shouldn't do something real too!"

-"It's not about that, it's…. I'm worried about you, okay? You're my little sister. Would you be happy knowing that Primrose is trying to shoot some hover planes somewhere?"

She thought for a while.

-"Prim is not a 17 year old archer, is she?"

-"Still, you wouldn't want to know someone you care about and consider part of your family is in a battlefield. Katniss, Prim has been really worried about you specially that she sees you less now. And I'm sure so has been your mother."

-"When were you talking to Prim?"

Ugh… why do I lose my concentration?

-"I saw her once while I was wandering around in the hospital so we talked a bit."

She was silent for a while.

-"Oh I'm sorry, Finnick. I know you only know me and Haymitch here and most of the time Haymitch is busy trying to control my life…" She looked barely able to hide her irritation… "But I should be seeing you more. I totally gave up on you, I'm sorry."

-"Katniss, it's okay. I know you're responsible of a lot of things. Your role as the Mockingjay, Peeta… just promise me the next time you'll think of endangering your life make sure at least Boggs and some men are with you, okay? Not Gale, Gale is one year older than you with the same talents, he's just as fragile."

-"You're telling me you don't want to go out and start some trouble, Odair?" She said, smiling.

-"Of course I want to. I want to burn Snow and his system with my fury… I want to choke him with my own two hands. But first I have to make sure my family is okay. You, Peeta, Johanna, Annie, even your mother and sister are my family now. If you think about it, I have nobody else. So promise me on the next mission I'll be there, to make sure you're okay, at least."

She looked at me for a while… I failed to decode the expression on her face. It was a mixture of tenderness, pity and a friendly look.

-"I promise you I'll get better to fight at least." I say. "Or maybe fighting will be my only cure, anyway."

Under a tree, I throw my communicator. She understands I want to talk about something private, so she does the same. We go far enough from it to make sure it doesn't capture the conversation.

"Speaking of Peeta and his interview…" I say. "I haven't heard one word about it. No one's told you anything?"

She only shakes her head.

-"Not even Gale?"

She doesn't say anything. I feel sorry for her because Gale is supposed to be her best friend here, and she must be disappointed at him. I'm also sure, and I'm sure she is, too, that he knows about the whole interview thing.

-"Maybe he's trying to find a time to tell you privately."I say, trying to give her some hope to hold on to.

-"Maybe."

For the next minutes, we just sat under the tree enjoying the calm. We saw a buck wandering, Katniss shot it with an arrow and I carried it back to the fence. At least we made a good addition to the food here, which is usually horrific.

The rest of the day passed normally. Prim came by dinner holding her tray and we ate together talking about Katniss, District 4, Rory, Annie, our homes, our mothers; Mags and Magnolia. I couldn't help but notice the resemblance between the two names, and start wondering of Mrs. Everdeen will really be my new mother figure. After she left, I felt alone. Primrose Everdeen is someone I'm really happy to know… my little sister as she asked. Something about her felt familiar. The things I love about Katniss are in her, and also the things I love about Annie and Peeta.

The next day, the director, Cressida, who directed Katniss' propos came with Fulvia Cardew to take me to shoot the propo about the fallen tributes. This one was about Rue, the little girl from district 11 who was Katniss' only ally in her first hunger games and who died while Katniss sang for her, and whose death was the first call for rebellion.

I was given a paper with Rue's information on it, but I was told to say the rest from the heart. It felt easy; I did have feelings about it.

Plutarch came to watch too, with Haymitch. A prep team came, they tried to do something for me, but obviously they couldn't.

"Nothing to be done, Finnick." Said Cressida. "You already look stunning. Okay, thank you guys for trying." She said to the prep team.

-"But the prep teams from the capitol usually seemed to do a lot?"

-"We're not trying to draw a pseudo image of you as a sex symbol like they did. I mean, you are a sex symbol of course, you're the most desirable man in Panem, but we're not doing it the capitol way. We're making you just a normal boy who looks really stunning but natural; just another district underdog who suffered for years. We want to make the people in the districts sympathize, not go jealous."

Which means I'll only look like myself. Finally something I love about district 13.

The cameras finally started to roll.

-"Action!"

-"Ladies and gentlemen all over Panem, this is Finnick Odair. We represent to you a program about the fallen tributes, the ones you lost, the ones we all lost, the children who could have been alive with us now, but they left our world and now they're happy, forever young in heaven. We're trying our best to pick up the remains of mercy and humanity in the hearts of some so they could finally see all the mess the hunger games caused and all the oppression we've been under. We're asking only for our birth rights: Equality and justice, and safety for us and our children.

Today's episode is about a little girl I only saw once but never officially met with. Her name is Rue and I think you all remember her, for all we knew about her is she had a family like everyone of us… people she wanted to go back to… but instead, she died in the arms of Katniss Everdeen two years ago. I doubt the scene of her death didn't move even the heart of the cruelest person." Well maybe not yours, Coriolanus Snow, I thought to myself.

"Rue, ladies and gentlemen, was not killed by the district 1 boy named Marvel; he, too, was nothing but a victim. Rue was killed by the capitol. By the game makers. By the system and its head, President Coriolanus Snow.

This paper here…" I show the paper I've been holding, "Says information about Rue. Her name is Rue Glowberry. Her parents are present, and she has 5 siblings. When Rue was reaped to die, she was not older than Primrose Everdeen, yet she was not as lucky; all her sisters are all younger than her, so no one like Katniss Everdeen was there for her. She helped the family earn its living. If last year, Peeta Mellark hadn't donated a part of his wealth to them they could have been dead by now.

This is what the paper says, but I'd like to add more. Children like Rue deserve to have a normal, healthy childhood. They deserve to feel safe, fear no hunger or hunger games. If you want your child to be the next Rue, then go ahead, give up on the rebellion, just believe what they're spreading about the rebellion being a destructive thing and stand against it. If you want your child to have the childhood he or she deserves, please don't succumb. Join the rebellion… the only hope we have in the future. Thank you."

-"Cut! Oh my God, Finnick, you were amazing! I think we'll use your help for even more propos. You're fantastic! Very effecting!"

-"Thank you, Cressida."

-"That was great, Finnick, really." That was Plutarch. Haymitch only looked at me… an appreciating smile showed on his face. It's all good when a man like Haymitch, usually sarcastic and harsh, gives someone such a smile.

-"Thank you, Plutarch. Well at least if I can't fight, I should find another way to contribute, right?"

-"And it was perfect. Thank you for all."

Cressida then and her team, a skinny guy and two twins, asked for the excuse to go because they were going with Katniss and Gale to 12 to shoot a propo… a safe one, this time. They expected no attacks.

I spent the rest of the day in my hospital room. Prim came and asked me about the propo I did; she was probably told by somebody.

-"Haymitch mentioned something about it to mum today. It really was about Rue?"

-"Yes. As a matter of fact you inspired me a big part of it."

-"How?" She says, smiling.

-"Let's just say that children like you or like Rue or the children I mentored… well, they all deserved better. The fact that they're dead doesn't mean it's too late to avenge them. I'll only avenge them by fighting for the other children like them who don't deserve the same fate… like you."

She smiles at me, again, the same warm smile from the first time.

-"I think one day you'll have a child as wonderful as you, Finnick, and he'll be worth fighting for too. But he'll live in a safer Panem, not like ours, I hope."

It was my turn to give her a shining smile.

-"Thank you, my angel." I whispered. "Let's talk about something else, please, I don't feel comfortable talking about death to my little sister."

She laughs. "Okay."

This time, we talk mostly about things or animals, not about people. She talked to me about her cat Buttercup which came with her here, and her goat, Lady, which died at the bombing of 12. I described lobsters and fish as they swim between your feet before you attack with your trident, as fast as thunder, knocking a few of them for dinner. I also described dolphins: My favorite animals on earth.

-"They're life savers?"

-"And also sweet, kind, brave, smart and unexpectedly really friendly. For someone who doesn't know them, they might expect a fish that size must be ferocious, but as a matter of fact it's as friendly as a creature could get."

-"So, they're life savers, they're sweet, kind, brave, smart and friendly, but people misjudge them by their appearance. This describes someone I know."

-"Who?"

-"You."

I smile to her and hold her hand as she describes to me her family's plant book.

We later receive news of Katniss coming back, then Mrs. Everdeen came to take Prim. Prim leaves and promises we'd see each other tomorrow.

The next day, I took a shower, put on an old T Shirt and pants and stayed in bed most of the day. Prim came with her dinner tray, saying that Katniss spent the day almost the same way, but she didn't stay for long because they came asking me to attend a special reunion. Prim had to return to her work with her mother, and I had to go. My nurse comes and takes me to command and there is a crowd of people. I take a seat between Fulvia and an empty one between mine and Plutarch's, apparently for Katniss.

-"What is it, Fulvia?"

-"Beetee found a way to air our programs also in the capitol. Which means we can also send messages to the people there, now. Also they announced on the capitol's television newscast that Snow makes an appearance tonight."

Snow. In minutes I'll get to see my enemy.

When Katniss came, she sat in her preserved chair beside me.

"What's going on? Aren't we seeing the Twelve propos?"

-"Oh, no, I mean, possibly. I don't know exactly what footage Beetee plans to use." Says Plutarch.

-"Beetee thinks he's found a way to break into the feed nationwide," I say, "So that our propos will air in the Capitol, too. He's down working on it in Special Defense now. There's live programming tonight. Snow's making an appearance or something. I think it's starting."

The anthem starts and the seal I hate appears, then it's Snow. I look at him in infinite hatred that I don't know how didn't explode and make me get up and act hysterical and break the screen. I'm barely focused on anything he says until Peeta appears. Looking at his appearance, Katniss whispers, "He's worse." I only hold her hand because I have nothing to say. She's right. The look on his face was crazy. It was like Annie's in her craziest moment, when she doubted everything in the world… even me. When she remembered all my crimes… my arena kills, and was reminded that I'm not much different from the career who beheaded her neighbor. She started yelling at me or screaming or throwing things… In such moments I only stayed away raising my hands to show her I had nothing to hurt her with. Then when I could finally approach her, with a lot of effort, depending on how scared she was, I hugged her and whispered in her ears that I'm never, ever going to hurt her. She'd only let me take her to bed and caress her to sleep, and the next morning when she woke up, she apologized to me with teary eyes, promising me those frenzies will never be repeated. But they were, and I forgave her, first because it's not half her fault, and second because she was sort of right.

Can they drive Peeta do that point? Can they mess up his standards… his memories… his feelings even… to the point he distrusts Katniss? I'll die before I tell her about those doubts.

Peeta started talking about how much damage the "rebels" were making aided by a map. Seriously, Peeta? Do you even believe that? At this point I'd bet anything that they did something to mess his mind up.

Suddenly a clip of Katniss in 12 appears. And again, appears Peeta and Snow. Then, it's me talking about Rue. The airing kept breaking between capitol and 13, but most of the time, Beetee was in control. Plutarch was very happy with the results along with everybody, except for 3 people in the entire room: Katniss, Haymitch and I. Peeta was in danger… in serious danger.

It's not long before the broadcasting from the capitol wins. Snow knows now about his broadcast being interrupted. He mentions stuff about the rebels interfering the transmission of the information that incriminates them. "The full broadcast will resume when security has been reinstated." He said. For some reason, the phrase gives me discomfort. What does this mean?

He asks Peeta if he has something to say to Katniss. Once her name is mentioned, my doubts become certainty as his facial expression changes into a darker one.

"Katniss...how do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol. Not in the districts. And you...in Thirteen... Dead by morning!"

And as Snow orders, "End it!" and we all see Beetee try to cut the broadcast with one of his, then Snow's broadcast is on again and his camera falls to the floor and captures Peeta's blood hitting it, I wait for a bomb to fall on all of our heads. All of them.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.