Chapter 8: Protective
Gabrielle had brought everyone back to her house and had gotten Jason put to bed.
Andy sat on the end of the couch with his arm around Gabrielle. Next to her was Rachel and then Tommy. Jessica and Elisabeth shared the chair together. The lights were out as they watched the end of The Shining.
"That Danny kid is actually pretty smart for being like six," Andy commented.
Gabrielle softly laughed while keeping her eyes on the screen. "Just because it would have taken you forever to figure it out, doesn't make the kid a genius," she stated.
"I wouldn't have covered my tracks," Tommy said. "I would've climbed on top of the bushes. He's small enough to where they might still support his weight but Jack would never be able to get up there. That, and Danny would get out of there quicker," he explained.
Elisabeth clapped to get everyone's attention and then suggested that he walk backwards so that Jack follow the tracks the wrong way.
"Maybe, but then he would have a hard time watching out for Jack. Knowing horror movies, he would just sneak up on him," Gabrielle responded.
Elisabeth shrugged, she still thought that it would work.
Rachel slightly laughed. "He also could've just dragged his feet making trails and confuse Jack as to which way to go," she suggested.
Tommy caught the very end of the movie and just stared at the screen. "What the hell was that?" he questioned.
"Jack froze to death. I guess that's where everyone goes if they die there. Didn't you notice the twins in that picture too with the butler?" Andy answered.
Gabrielle smiled over to Andy and kissed him on the cheek. "Very good sweetie!" she said. Then looking to her siblings who were a bit confused, she laughed. "Normally, he doesn't care for these movies and just stops paying attention all together."
"It still doesn't make sense," Tommy argued, annoyed.
"As opposed to the rest of the movie?" Rachel implored.
Elisabeth mentioned that movies were never meant to make perfect sense. That's why most people enjoy them, because they are not like real life.
"I can agree with that," Jessica stated.
Elisabeth looked to her with concern, knowing that there was more behind the comment.
Gabrielle caught on to what was going on, but didn't say anything yet, not now. "Okay, The Exorcist or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" she offered.
Tommy raised his hand. "I like the massacre one," he announced.
Rachel turned to him with disgust. "You're morbid," she informed him.
"And that's exactly why I like him," Gabrielle replied as she got up to grab the movie, causing Tommy to stick his tongue out at Rachel.
ooo
House went and joined Cuddy in bed. After climbing in bed, he leaned over and kissed her. "You know," he started. "We have the while place to ourselves, we can be as loud as we want," he offered and then kissed her again.
Cuddy sighed as she looked forward. His comment about being over protective earlier got her to thinking. Was she really that bad? And was it for all the wrong reasons? "Were you serious earlier about me being over protective?" she implored, looking over to him.
House sighed and stared to her as if she were insane. "You're fine," he answered and then went in and kissed her.
Getting irritated, Cuddy sat back away from him. "Greg! I'm trying to discuss our children and all you have on your mind is sex?" she questioned.
"Technically, that is the most important part. Without it they wouldn't even exist," he responded.
Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever," she said and then laid down and turned over.
"You really want my opinion?" he asked.
Cuddy turned over and looked to him. "Yes."
"I think you are over protective. You told Rachel last month that she couldn't get a second piercing because the first one got infected. It was only infected once and only because Jason thought her earrings were shiny, not because she neglected them," he explained and then leaned over and brushed her hair back behind her ear. "Which is really weird when mommy used to have a couple piercings herself."
Cuddy sighed. "I know, you're right. I did go a little overboard," she responded and then looked to him. "You could ease too a little," she informed him.
"No I can't," House replied. "Boys start thinking about sex when they're eleven and don't stop until they're dead. I can guarantee you every guy that ever did anything nice for you was trying to get into your pants," he stated.
Cuddy looked over and smirked. "Even you?" she inquired.
"I'm trying right now," he admitted.
"You realize that no one is going to get into anyone's pants out in public right?" she questioned.
"A man once got arrested at Wal Mart for doing one of those tables with the hole in the center for the umbrella. I think that alone trumps your argument," he explained.
"Could you at least not get irritated when they talk about guys?" she requested. "And I'll loosen the leash a little?"
House sighed. "Fine," he replied and then looked to her. "Now?" he asked.
Cuddy laughed. "All right," she answered and then wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
ooo
It was about three in the morning. Elisabeth had fallen asleep during the movie and Andy and Tommy had both gone to bed. Gabrielle, Jessica, and Rachel went and sat down in the kitchen.
"I gotta ask you one question," Gabrielle started, looking to Jessica. She was exhausted, but she felt that she had to talk to Jessica before she went to bed. Seeing that Jessica was looking to her with interest, she continued. "Is our little Jessie seeking attention?" she implored.
"Why?" Jessica asked.
Gabrielle shrugged. "I saw that look that Ellie gave you earlier," she answered.
Rachel looked to her with disbelief. "You got that out of a look?" she questioned.
Gabrielle softly laughed. "Well, it was after she made she agreed that movies were good because they weren't like real life," she explained. "And, I think I have a fairly good idea of how things go over there. I mean, I have been there before. Rachel here is Mommy's little girl. Tommy and Daddy do everything together. Then there's Ellie, and I know she and Daddy have to get along because she reminds me of him in a lot of ways, and you know Mom's always worried about her," she said.
Jessica just nodded. "Yeah," she replied.
Gabrielle offered her a small smile. "They both love you, trust me. If you really think you're being ignore, all you have to do is tell mom and she'll feel guilty enough to let you do whatever you want," Gabrielle assured her.
Jessica smirked and looked down towards the table. It wasn't a bad idea, but she wasn't going to do it.
"Besides, daddy would've told ya by now if they didn't like ya," she joked.
Jessica looked up and started to laugh. "Maybe I should go and ask him who is favorite is," she joked, knowing truthfully that he would be the only one to give an honest answer if she really wanted to know that bad.
"It's Gabi," Rachel instantly responded without even thinking about it.
Gabrielle looked over to her and laughed. "He told you that?" she implored, disbelieving her sister.
"No," Rachel replied. "But, Ellie went through his wallet and your picture from when you were younger is still in there. You were the only one that he took to work with him and showed off. When ever mom says that we have to get ready for you to come over or to come over here, he doesn't complain. A picture of you two together is still on his desk in his office," she listed the examples.
Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Give him a picture and move out. Then we can compare," she stated.
"Still think it's you," Rachel said.
"Maybe," Gabrielle responded, thinking it over. "Anyways, who do you think is mom's favorite?" she questioned, simply to get the conversation off of her.
Jessica looked up and really thought about it. "I think that's still you," she answered.
That answer, made Gabrielle laugh. "There is no way in hell that I am her favorite," she informed her.
Rachel shrugged. "Why not? She adores you. Just look at how happy she was when you told us that you were pregnant," she responded.
"All that proves is that the woman likes babies," Gabrielle argued. "Besides, we used to get into it sometimes. There were times that she would hurt me bad and others where I would get her twice as bad. I mean, we have made each other cry on occasion, and it's hard to get me to cry over something you say," Gabrielle explained.
"She made you cry?" Jessica asked, not able to see the two fighting that badly.
"I got her more than she got me though, and I kind of deserved it. I was the one that would purposely go in and pick at what I knew would get her the most. I would get her crying pretty good though, especially when she was pregnant, then I really got her going. Her's were more like things she just happened to say without realizing what she was saying. Accidents," Gabrielle explained.
"That's terrible! Why would you do that?" Rachel implored. She then sat back and looked to her with interest. "What did you do exactly?"
"Well," Gabrielle started, trying to think back. "There was the time where she had found out that she was pregnant, and it was before Tommy, one that she obviously ended up miscarrying. Anyways, it was while the three of you were still babies and she was stressing out over it. She was really tense there for a while and Daddy and I were trying to talk to her, trying to help her out and she kept pushing us away and getting herself more miserable. So, what I did to get her to talk to Daddy was I started telling her what I knew was really going on and got her basically broken down and crying and then I went and got Daddy and she finally started talking to him after that," she told them.
"That's not really that bad," Jessica announced.
"Let's hear a couple more before we comment," Rachel requested, keeping her eyes on Gabrielle.
Gabrielle sighed. She really didn't like doing this, but then again, she was the one who had brought it up in the first place. "Um, another time, I hadn't heard yet that her mother had died. Of course, she was a little edgy after that. I myself was too busy thinking about myself because Andy and I had just had a bad fight and broke up over it and I was pretty much angry towards everything and everyone for a couple of days after that. Anyways, I told her to stop acting like a baby, that she was being selfish and ended with telling her that if she kept it up, that everyone around her would rather die than put up with her," she explained. "I felt so bad though after daddy told me what was going on," she mentioned, started to think back on that time, wishing she could have kept her mouth shut for just ten minutes more for her dad to get home and tell her.
Gabrielle looked up and saw Rachel intently waiting for another story. "Last one," she told her and then thought back. There was one that stuck out to her. One that she remembered the most.
"My senior year, my Aunt, one that I didn't get along with, had died. She had left me something in her will that really got to me, and she had known exactly what she was doing when she left it to me. Mom was just trying to help me out, and I told her that she was only making things worse and slammed the door in her face," Gabrielle said, staring down towards the table.
(It was right after Christmas her senior year. Gabrielle sat down in the living room on the couch. Cuddy had just come downstairs from putting the twins to sleep for their nap and House sat in the chair, watching as Gabrielle carefully examined the envelope.
"You don't have to open that if you don't want to," Cuddy stated as she sat down in the chair with Rachel. She was about to read her a story.
"No," Gabrielle stated and then looked up and smiled. "I have to. It's probably her true thoughts on me, and I honestly want to read them. Just to get a laugh out of it," she explained.
"Too bad you can't respond," House remarked.
"I know right?" Gabrielle asked as she opened the envelope. She took out a letter and unfolded it. As soon as she started reading it, her smile dropped. Suddenly, she crumbled the letter, dropped it, and then hurried off up the stairs to her room.
House got up and grabbed the letter and straightened it out enough to read it.
"What is it?" Cuddy asked, concerned.
"Yeah! What is it?" Rachel squealed.
"To whoever finds me here, I want you to know for sure that I did this myself. I just couldn't handle this anymore. Everything has gone wrong so far in life. My parent's helping to support me, relationships with men that are doomed to fail from the beginning, it is all becoming too much. The daughter that I shouldn't have had is also getting to me, needing this and that, and taking away any chance I had of actually making it on my own," he read out loud and then looked up. "That's Maria's handwriting. No one could ever copy that," he informed her, handing Cuddy the letter.
As soon as the letter was out of his hands, he headed upstairs to Gabrielle's room. "Hey!" he called out as he knocked on the door. "I just want to make sure that you're not being stupid and I'll leave," he assured her.
Gabrielle, who had just been sitting on the edge of her bed, blankly staring, got up and opened the door. "See?" she questioned, holding out her arms to show him that she had not been cutting herself.
"Sure," House replied. That wasn't enough though. He used his cane to push her out of the way and started to search her room for anything that she could use to kill herself. Once he had gathered anything sharp and things that she could suffocate herself with, he went to the door. "There, now you can hide up here all you want. You can have these things back when you're more stable," he instructed on his way out.
Gabrielle closed the door behind him and then went and sat back down on her bad. She wasn't thinking about killing herself, but she understood why he had done that.
Maria's letter was stuck in her mind. The writing, there was no questioning that it was her writing. It had been written while she was drunk, she could tell from how loopy some of the letters were. It was eating away at her, knowing that she could have been part of the reason if her own mother had committed suicide. There was nothing in that letter about her apologizing for anything, just stating that Gabrielle was only a burden to her.
Lowering her head, she started to cry.
House headed back downstairs and laid the items on the table. "There," he said and then sat down on the couch.
Cuddy curiously looked to him. "What did she say?" she implored. Right now, she was more scared than anything. Disgusted with Eloise, but more scared of how Gabrielle was reacting.
"She didn't. She wanted to be alone, so I just grabbed the stuff and left," he explained.
"How could you not talk to her Greg? You know that she holds these things in until she acts out. I don't want to see her trying to cut herself because you left her alone," Cuddy explained as she stood up and put Rachel down in her playpen.
House looked up to her, irritated that she thought he had no idea what he was doing. "You have to give her some time or else you'll make things worse," he warned her. "She has to be able to calm down so that she can at least think rationally."
Cuddy headed up the stairs and stopped before the door. "Gabi?" she called and she knocked on the door.
"Now is not the time," Gabrielle warned. Her voice shaky from crying.
"I just wanted to check on you," she said.
Gabrielle got up from her bed and opened the door. "And what? Make sure I was okay?" she questioned, getting annoyed. Her reaction left Cuddy speechless. "And what if I wasn't? Would you tell me that the letter was wrong? That it was fake? Tell me that I took it the wrong way? Because I know that that's Maria's writing and I can tell exactly what she meant," she argued.
"She wasn't in the right state of mind," Cuddy started.
"Don't give me that," Gabrielle spat. "You know that it doesn't matter what state of mind she was in. All that matters is that I was the one who drove her there."
Cuddy stood there with nothing to say. "I don't know what to tell you," she helplessly admitted.
"That's what I thought," Gabrielle stated. "So why don't you just go and leave me alone instead of standing there, reminding me of the fact that I almost drove my own mother to suicide. You have to learn that you can't fix everything with talk and you can't fix me. You can say a lot of things about both Maria and Eloise, but at least neither of them tried to feed me this stupid idea that everything is going to be okay when it isn't," she explained and then slammed the door in Cuddy's face.
Cuddy stood there, dumbly staring at the door. Now, she knew that she had made things worse. Tears forming in her eyes, she turned and headed to her room.
Gabrielle turned and leaned her back against the door. As she heard Cuddy begin to cry, she slid down to the ground and held her face in her hands. Further proof that she was a horrible person. She was bad enough to get her mother to consider killing herself to get away from her, and now she was hurting those who actually cared. Great. Raising her head, she revealed a red, puffy, tear stricken face. She quieted herself and listened to find out whether or not Cuddy had left the hallway. Silence. Standing up, she gingerly grasped the doorknob and slowly opened the door. Peeking out into the hall, she saw that she was right, but that she still had to be careful since Cuddy's door was closed, meaning that she was in there.
As quietly as possible, she made her way down the hall to the bathroom and then carefully closed the door behind her. Knowing her father, he had to have a bottle stashed somewhere in here. Easily enough, they were right in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, the first place that she had checked.
Gabrielle grabbed the bottle and studied it for a moment. She then closed the cabinet and took one last look at herself in the mirror, wondering who would truly miss her. If anyone's life actually benefited from her existing. All that came to mind was the bad that she had done, the suffering that she had caused at times. Not able to take it anymore, she tightly shut her eyes and opened the bottle, spilling an unknown amount into her mouth.
She set the bottle back down on the sink and then sat down and leaned against the bath tub. All she had to do was sit there and wait.
Cuddy stepped out of her room, still sniffling a little. As she passed Gabrielle's room, she saw the door was open and that she wasn't in there. The next thing she noticed was the bathroom door. "Gabi!" she called out, rushing towards the bathroom. As soon as she got there, she opened the door. "Oh God," she gasped, seeing the opened bottle on the sink.
House came and stood in the doorway. He didn't have to ask. As soon as he saw the bottle, he dropped his cane and went as quickly as he could over to Gabrielle. Getting down on the floor, he grabbed her head and forced her over to the toilet where he jammed his finger down her throat, causing her to vomit. As soon as he was convinced that she had thrown up enough to get the pills out of her system, he let go of her head and stood up to go count the pills left in the bottle.
Cuddy watched as Gabrielle curled up and started sobbing. She went and joined her on the ground and embraced her. As she watched House, she started rubbing the young girl's back, trying to get her to calm down.
"There's nineteen in here," House announced, holding up the bottle. "The most she could have taken was five. She'll be fine," he said and then left. He couldn't stand seeing his daughter like that. Right now, he wished that Eloise were still alive, just so that he could painfully kill her, make her pay for what she did.
Cuddy sat there on the bathroom floor, basically holding Gabrielle while she sobbed. "Don't you ever do that again," Cuddy sternly warned, with tears in her eyes.
"Because I'm such a good person right?" Gabrielle sorely questioned.
"I don't know what either of us would have done if you actually would have killed yourself," Cuddy replied. "You remember when you were in the hospital and they thought you might die? The time that your dad overdose and I had a panic attack?" she asked.
Gabrielle pulled back. "Why? I'm obviously not someone who's worth it," she inquired.
"Don't you dare ever even think that," Cuddy replied. She then grabbed her shoulders. "You listen to me, your dad and I need you. We love you, no matter what you do because you are not a horrible person. You are not the root of everyone's problems. Maria obviously had a lot of other things that were wrong when she wrote that letter, and she didn't know who to blame, so she picked you," she explained.
"I wish I could believe that," Gabrielle said.
Cuddy took her back in her arms. "You should, it's true," she responded.)
"I think she's gotten over it," Rachel informed her, seeing that Gabrielle was starting to feel bad.
"I would hope so," Gabrielle replied, looking up to her.
"I think mom's favorite is either Rachel or Ellie," Jessica said, trying to move on from what they were talking about.
"I know that Ellie definitely scares her the most," Gabrielle responded. "I remember when she first brought you two home, she was afraid to leave you two and daddy ended up having to force her to go to bed."
"I wonder if Ellie ever gets scared," Rachel mentioned.
Jessica looked over to her and shook her head. "She doesn't." she answered and then smiled. "She told me one night while she was working on her bucket list, that accepting death gives her a chance to be fearless and do whatever she wants. Why worry about getting killed when you're already close to death?"
Gabrielle liked that. That courage. At the same time though, it was morbid and depressing, a twelve year old accepting the fact that she would die soon.
"She has a bucket list?" Rachel implored, a little disturbed by the idea.
"Yeah," Jessica replied. "Mostly things that mom told her she couldn't do. Parasailing, swimming in the ocean, Times Square on New Years Eve, paint ball fight, ballet, smoke something just to do it," she listed.
Gabrielle slightly smiled. She wanted to see this list. If she could help her little sister cross a few things off of this list, she was be that much happier.