Chapter 16 My Heart

A/N: I was going to post this tomorrow but I like you readers so I decided to post this now. The chapter you've all been waiting for has arrived. After three years apart and lots of pain Angel and Buffy are finally together so what will they do? Enjoy.

Buffy left the shack as all three men were asleep. Cordelia was getting a fire going to prep the turkey and to start warming up and to boil the water for drinking. Buffy walked over to her and sighed and looked at the shack almost wanting to go back to make sure he was still there.

"He's asleep." Buffy stated and Cordelia nodded.

"I ain't surprised," She said. "Your man looked tuckered out." But what troubled Buffy was the image see saw in the well at Willow's. She saw crows and saw him falling like he was dying.

"I saw him in Willow's well a man like a black smudge in the snow." Buffy explained but Cordelia didn't seemed like she cared too much. She knew Buffy was going to try and talk her into letting Angel live at Black Cove something very risky during these times.

"Well there you go." And Cordelia hoped that was the end as she cared over some wood to the fire pit and then walked back to get more.

"It wasn't the same what I saw…" Buffy explained. "In the well it was as if he were falling."

"You probably just don't remember it right." Cordelia stated not wanting to hear it right now.

"I remember it exactly," Buffy insisted she wanted Cordelia to listen to see what it meant. "There were crows, black crows." Buffy explained but out on the mountain side there were no crows just Angel. "They were flyin' towards me." She then bent down to Cordelia smiling like she had sudden realization. "Cordy I thought I was seein' him fall instead I was seein' him come back to me." Buffy smiled and Cordelia looked up but she didn't appear to be happy for Buffy.

"I got big plans for that farm." Cordelia stated and Buffy's heart sank meaning after this Angel couldn't come with. It wasn't right it was really Buffy's farm she allowed Cordelia to live there.

"I know," Buffy did know the farm right now was one of the most productive farm in Cold Mountain and she looked to the shack where Angel slept. "I know you have." She stammered it was like now she had to choose her home or Angel.

"I got a vision in my mind of how Black Cove oughta be." Cordelia said and Buffy nodded she wanted her farm to be the best that it could but with deserters there and the war still going on they were taking huge risks. Buffy sighed and looked back to the shack and back to Cordelia.

"I don't know Cordy." And sighed and felt like she could cry. "All this while I've been packin' ice around my heart how do I make it melt?" She asked but Cordelia wasn't the one to answer that question and went back to work leaving Buffy there thinking about the future.

Angel woke up and felt better just hungry but that wasn't a surprise. He sat up and slowly and then got up but one of the men on the bed in the shack looked familiar. Angel walked over to him and he knew it, it was the fiddle player at Oakley's death but what was he doing here? Angel walked outside seeing a fire was started and Buffy sat on a stump taking the feathers off the turkey.

"Come over here." Cordelia said and Angel looked to her there was a bowl of hot water ready. Angel walked over to Cordelia and Buffy watched his every move. "Here's a knife make it quick." And she put the knife into Angel's hand and the hot water was to be a mirror and a cleaner. "Need to clean yourself up look like a wild animal." Cordelia commented and walked away. Angel wonder who that girl was.

Angel was about done it was hard to shave with water as a mirror but he was for the most part done. The old woman with the goats cut his hair short and his facial took longer to grown which wasn't a bad thing. He looked rather clean for someone who did the amount of running and walking. Faith gave him new clothes, black boots, black pants, black button up shirt and a black vest. One wouldn't think he was a deserter.

"Hey!" He heard Cordelia call to him and he sighed where did Buffy find this person. "You about done with my knife? We got a bird to cook." She informed him and Buffy knew she was getting on his nervous. It's ok Cordelia was a blunt person and it just gets some taking to get use to.

"Just about." Angel said and Cordelia walked over to him. She needed to get to know him before letting Buffy prance around him. She sighed seeing him as he shaved.

"You're makin' a pig's ear of that job." And she took off her glove and held out her hand. "Give it to me." And he did. Cordelia reached for his neck where he was having the most trouble. She then started to move the knife to his neck but Angel pulled away. "Oh I ain't gonna cut you." She said and went back to helping him shave. She just didn't realize he was still on high alert. "Can't see that it'd make a bit of difference if I did." Angel didn't know if that was a joke or not. Cordelia shaved his face and then looked to Buffy who was sitting behind him plucking the feathers off the turkey. "You got the right feelings for her?" Cordelia asked and Angel turned and Cordelia stopped him. He turned right into the blade of the knife. "Don't turn your head!" She gave him a look asking if he was stupid or something.

"I do." He answered and Cordelia nodded and then was done. Angel felt his face making sure it was smooth and it was. He turned around and Buffy looked up as Cordelia came over with her knife ready to make dinner. Angel and Buffy locked eyes for a moment but then a certain horse caught his attention. "Claire?" He asked and walked over to the horse and yes it was Claire should be dead. Buffy stood up and walked over to the horse and Angel.

"I took her if that's ok." Buffy stated and Angel didn't mind he was grateful she did take her. "She's a wonderful horse helped out a lot back on the farm." Buffy explained as Angel petted his long lost friend. "Why is here name Claire?"

"That was my mom's name." Angel answered and Buffy nodded.

"It's pretty." Buffy then started to pet Claire and so did Angel.

Night was here and in one shack were the boys and the other were the girls. Oz was actually ok he wasn't dead yet and that was a surprise. Buffy laid awake thinking about Angel not because he was gone but because he was just a few feet from her. Cordelia was asleep or appeared to be. Then Buffy heard a noise and she sat up wrapping the blanket around her and headed outside to see who it was. She opened the door and it was Angel stoking the fire. He then looked up seeing Buffy standing there.

"I'm sorry I was tryin' to be quiet." Angel apologized and Buffy shook her head assuring him it was ok as she stood there wrapped in a blanket. She paced for a second as it was still odd to see him. Every day she wished and long to see him but now that he was here what now?

"Did you get my letters?" She asked realizing she sent tons telling him her life story. Angel looked up at her and sighed.

"I got three letters," He said and he knew there were more but he never got them and he wished he did. "I carried them I carried them in the book you gave me." He added telling her he did carry the book too even though it was torn to pieces and lost somewhere on a field. "The Bartram," Buffy nodded.

"I probably sent a hundred and three," Buffy meant she sent a number of letters and that shocked him and now he wished he got those letters. "Did you write to me?" She asked him and he sighed. He wrote one letter by the sound of it she never got it.

"Whenever I could." He answered it was hard to write on the battle field. "If you never got them, I can summarize,"

"No, no, no," Buffy insisted there was no need but he started anyways.

"I pray you are well, I pray I am in your thoughts. You are all that keeps me from slidin' into some dark place," Then Buffy sat down by the fire.

"How did I keep you?" She asked as she sat down but that was a stupid question because he kept her. "We barely knew each other." She stated and he nodded but in the moments they did have together he wanted her.

"The way you felt under my hands when I pulled you to me," Angel started and she listen to his voice a voice she missed so much. "When I first saw you Buffy I loved you," She sat there listening. "That bright sunny day you came out of that carriage and I love you."

"Why?" Buffy asked how could someone love her just by looking at her.

"Cause I could see your heart," Angel answered and Buffy's heart was beating a mile a minute. "You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own." And Buffy smiled.

"That's beautiful," And then the smile went away for a moment. "Or taken literally incredibly gross." Angel nodded.

"I was just thinking that too." Angel added and Buffy giggled and he smiled she missed that half grin. It still wasn't a full smile and she was bound and determined to make it a full smile. They looked away from one another and the silence fell for a moment. Then Buffy spoke up.

"You were ploughing a field." She said and Angel looked to her and a small smile tugged at him.

"You were carrying a tray." He added and she smiled nodding. It seemed so long ago that happened.

"You wouldn't come in." She stated and he nodded standing by that choice.

"No, I wouldn't go in."

"So that's why I had to carry a tray. So I could come out to see you." She finished looking into his eyes that seemed to dance in the fire light. He changed war does change people he looked worn and tired.

"That kiss," He remember their first kiss and she smiled again. Her green eyes sparkled in the fire light like green gems that he could look into forever. "Which I kissed every day of my walking,"

"Every day I was waiting," She added and he nodded she was still waiting. Longing, longing to see your face again."

"I'm not the same person Buffy." He warned her he's killed and seen death and even looked at it in the eye. "Whatever you wanna call it my spirit? That's what I fear, I think I'm ruined Buffy." She wanted to cry for him knowing she would never truly understand his pain and what he has gone through. "They kept tryin' to put me in the ground. But I wasn't ready,"

"Angel…" She just wanted to hold him.

"But if I had… if I had goodness Buffy I've lost it. If I had anything tender in me I shot it dead." Angel explained and Buffy felt her eyes watering up. He was trying to say he wasn't good enough for her but that wasn't true she still wanted him. "How could I write to you after what I done what I seen?" And just before Buffy could stand up, walk over to him and hold the shack door opened with Cordelia coming outside.

"Number one," She started ruining the two young lovers' moment. "Shut this door it's freezin'," She then closed the door and Buffy sat feeling hot now with embarrassment. Angel sat there sitting still also feeling embarrassed that someone was listening. "Number two," Cordelia walked across the way to the other shack. "Shut that door it's freezin'," And she looked to the couple as they sat there someone dumbfounded. "Layin' on my back, my fingers poked in my ears tryin' to shut out who's heart is warming who's, who's carrying a tray…" Buffy smiled a little trying not to laugh. "If you wanna get three feet up a bull's ass just listen to what sweethearts whisper to one another." She then stood in the doorway of the other shack. "In fact if y'all gonna wimble-wimble all night I'm gonna sleep in with them." She then shut the door and Buffy let out a sigh but she was embarrassed that happened.

Buffy stood up slowly looking around the dark woods and back to Angel. He needed come inside it was too cold to be out here all alone.

"I'll say good night," Angel started meaning he was going stay out here but Buffy turned around quickly shaking her head.

"No," She said looking at him. "Please…don't say good night." Angel then stood up and followed Buffy into the empty shack and shut the door behind them. Buffy's heart started to race she was alone with a man. She then turned around and faced him. "Wars make some things pointless," Buffy started. "It's hard to imagine a wedding I think even my father would recognize that." Angel then stood there.

"Buffy I wanna marry you." He plainly stated and she smiled. "If you'll have me." Angel offered and that was a huge offer she couldn't and didn't want to refuse.

"Isn't there some religion where you just have to say "I marry you" three times," Buffy smiled looking at him. "And you're man and wife?" She asked and he continued to look at her.

"I marry you," Angel started and Buffy's heart melted. "I marry you, I marry you." He finished and Buffy laughed mostly because she was nervous. "Why is that funny?" He asked.

"I think it's "I divorce you" three times and you're not married anymore." Buffy answered and he gave a small smile.

"I can wait for you." Angel said but Buffy didn't want to wait anymore. They've waited long enough it was time.

"Oh Angel," She looked at him going weak at the knees and wanted to cry. "I marry you, I marry you, I marry you, I marry you, I marry you," She repeated over and over and he walked closer to her and cupped her cheeks pulling her in for a kiss. It was even better than the last kiss they shared which was their first. Buffy started to wrap her arms around his neck pulling him closer. She longed for this kiss and felt amazing to have. She then pulled away realizing where this was heading and she was getting nervous. "I have so…I have so many buttons sorry." She then looked up at him and gulped. "Will you turn your back?" And he nodded turning away and Buffy fixed herself up a little like trying to make sure her hair was ok she loved it in braids but when the braids came out sometimes it was wild. She was getting very nervous she had never been with a man before but then Angel turned around. This was his wife now by all accounts he wasn't going to turn his back.

"No," Angel said unbuttoning his vest and Buffy looked up at him. "No I will not." And Buffy smiled and he walked closer and her heart started to pound wildly this was really happening he was home and before her and they were about to consummate a love that has grown over three years three long years. Angel leaned in and kissed her again this time there was no holding back and she threw herself to him letting the tears fall. Angel held her as close as humanly as possible kissing down her neck. Buffy then unbutton his shirt and took it off seeing the scars. She touched them feeling the rough edges as he watched her. He was both scared on the inside and outside and she just wanted to kiss the pain away. She then leaned in kissing one. Angel closed his eyes taking it in. She moved to another scar kissing it and then kissed up his chest to his neck. Angel couldn't take it anymore he needed her and pulled her kissing her passionately and picked her up. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist like she did the first time and he fell to his knees. They fell to the floor kissing not wanting it to end.

As much as she wanted him to rip her clothes off this was all she had to travel in. So he had to be gentle but that would allow them to savior the moments they were about to share something they both dreamed about for three years. The buttons were being undone but not quick enough. Finally Buffy's outer dress was gone and it was just her undergarments. All Angel had left were his pants but he realized they were on the floor he wanted to make love to her somewhere soft so he wrapped his arms around her and picked her up and placed her on the makeshift bed. Buffy fumbled to get rid of his pants keeping what she wanted most. Angel pulled over her thin shirt and her little pants off of her and they were both finally naked in front of one another.

Angel for a split second had no idea what to do. He's dreamt of this moment but now that it was here what does he do besides kiss her. He pulled away looking at her and admiring her she was very beautiful something he thought he could never have nor deserve to have. Buffy looked up at him knowing he was just as nervous as she was. So to tell him she wanted this and was ready she took his hand and placed it on her breast and leaned in kissing him and that gave him the ok that he could go on. This kiss became even deeper and they became engulfed in one another as the small fire inside the shack gave them enough light to see one another. Their shadows danced with the fire's flame but their bodies would keep them warmer than the fire ever could.

Buffy gasped as Angel advanced inside and waited for a moment making sure she was ok. Buffy looked up to him and kissed him and he started to rock his hips finding a steady rhythm. For Buffy it only hurt for a moment and from then on it became wonderful. He continued to kiss her down her neck still rocking and Buffy wrapped her legs around him holding on. They did their best to keep it quiet not wanting to disturb Cordelia and the others but small cries of pleasure escaped them along with them calling to each other by name.

Buffy wrapped her whole body around him holding on for dear life never want to let go and his rocking became more intense. She let he head fall back as the feeling was intensifying for the both of them. Angel propped himself up a little not breaking the perfect rhythm. Their eyes locked and they could see each other's souls. He wasn't sure how much longer he could last and then she felt him lace his fingers between hers gripping her hand and she squeezed back. He leaned for another kiss and she excepted and gave one last thrust. Just then bliss took over her and she felt him release too. They were finally one something they thought might never happen. Angel held her close and she held him back hoping it wouldn't end as she placed a trail of kisses on his shoulder to his neck and then to his face and then found his lips. Buffy let silent tears fall as he kissed her she was happy she finally had him. After three years of waiting not knowing and living in fear he came home to her.

Buffy laid on Angel's chest hearing the thumping of his heart a great sound to hear a sound she could listen to all night knowing it would put her to sleep. Angel laid there letting his hand glide up and down her back. He finally felt like he could rest and sleep without fear. And finally he had the woman of his dreams in his arms.

"I'm so sleepy," Buffy said and Angel smiled and nodded agreeing. "But I still want,"

"What?" Angel asked and then looked down at her. "You couldn't possibly," She smiled giggling. "I mean not that I wouldn't." He quickly added just to make sure letting her know he was ready when she was.

"No, no," Nuzzled up against him for more warmth and smiled. "I'm spent," They've done it a few times well more than a few but who was counting. "Pleasantly numb even." Buffy then looked up to Angel. "You?" She asked and he nodded he was numb and it was amazing.

"For now." He added and squeezed her a little more.

"No I just don't want it to end it's perfect I want this night to keep happening." She then felt Angel kiss her head.

"Sleep we'll make more like it tomorrow." He assured her and she nodded. Buffy sighed as sleep was finally taking over. Buffy laid there on his chest feeling safe, warm and loved something she hadn't felt in years.

"Angel," She was soft in her voice as sleep was getting the better of her. "I love you." And he smiled and kissed her head again.

"I love you Buffy." And he meant every word with every fiber of his being. Angel wrapped both arms around her and finally closed his eyes only hearing Buffy soft breathing, the crackle of the dying fire and the whispers of the trees as the wind blew in the cold winter's night.

Yeah they're together I hoped you enjoyed it. Well two more chapters this is a short story compared to my others. So what's next well for those who've seen the movie you know what's next and know the dread and tears about to come. For those who don't the next chapter is on its way and that'll be posted tomorrow and then chapter 18 will be posted Tuesday. Comments and reviews are welcomed thanks for reading.