The bunker door swung shut with a bang as Sam and Dean stomped dejectedly down the stairs. A hunt had gone wrong. Again. People had died.
Sure, they'd ganked the bloody thing…But not before it left behind a trail of bodies that had left a community reeling. Too many of them turning up after they'd taken the case. After they should have been safe.
Sam had been so sure it was a werewolf. All the signs were there.
It was a skin walker. Bloody psychotic thing, too. Thought it was on some damn holy mission.
You don't suspect the friendly local stray. Especially when you're looking for a werewolf.
The mistake had cost another five lives.
"You hungry?" Dean asked quietly. "Pretty sure we've got enough stuff in the kitchen to whip up some burgers."
It was his way of showing that he didn't blame Sam for what had happened. He hadn't realised the mistake either.
"Not hungry." Sam mumbled, head hanging as he walked away looking miserable. "I'm going to bed."
It didn't matter that Dean didn't blame him. He blamed himself.
He'd picked the case. Done the research.
If only he'd realised sooner.
Those two girls never would have had to die.
He pushed his door closed before sitting onto the side of the bed.
He stared at the blank white wall, no energy left. Feeling hopeless.
They were supposed to be saving the world. Now it seemed that they couldn't even do a simple hunt right anymore.
How the hell were they going to stop the darkness?
"I need a drink." Sam sighed to himself.
Good thing he had a supply for days like this. He didn't feel like facing Dean again yet.
He leant over, reaching under the bed to retrieve the bottle tucked underneath.
He didn't even bother with a glass. Just took a long drink from the bottle, feeling a temporary sense of relief as it burned down his throat. Helping him to tune out the mess of thoughts rolling around in his head.
It didn't last.
Why did the bastard thing have to make its last act in life biting those two girls?
Why was there no cure? Nothing but a silver bullet to the brain.
He'd done one. Dean did the other. Same time…so neither had to suffer the knowledge of what was about to happen.
He took another long drink from the bottle. Letting his head start to become fuzzy. Glad on this occasion that alcohol hit him quicker than Dean.
The he put the lid back on and pushed the bottle back under the bed with a sigh.
Drinking till he couldn't even think anymore was Dean's coping mechanism, not his. Just like their father.
At least Dean didn't have kids to care for. Kids to find him passed out in a drunken stupor after a hunt gone wrong. Or have him just disappear for the night, to return hungover and irritable the morning after.
Sam sighed again, tempted to pull the bottle back out. The new train of thought being even more depressing than the last.
He didn't though. Just flopped backwards onto the bed, one arm flung over his face as tears threatened to fall.
He wasn't sure he deserved to escape from the pain of his thoughts anyway.
Exhaustion was what eventually spared him. He passed into unconsciousness still sprawled out on his back on top of the covers with his legs handing off the side of the bed. He couldn't find the motivation to move.
Sam was in the middle of one of many recurring nightmares, when the unidentifiable monster bearing down on him suddenly dissolved, followed by the entire dank, dark room he had been cowering in.
He slowly straightened up and looked around warily. There was an expanse of white as far as he could see in any direction. The floor was only just distinguishable from anything else, which left him feeling strangely disconnected.
"Long time no see." A voice commented from over his shoulder
Sam swung around and stared at the man standing behind him, so close they were practically nose to nose now that Sam had turned around.
"You…you're dead." Sam stated bluntly.
Gabriel stumbled backwards theatrically, throwing a hand over his heart. "Oh, Sammy! Sensitive as always." He righted himself with a grin. "Sure, I'm dead. But when does that mean anything in your crazy life?"
Sam hadn't moved, still trying to figure out what the hell was going on here.
Gabriel waved a hand in front of his face, "You with me sasquatch?"
Sam nodded vaguely, "I'm still dreaming, aren't I?"
Gabriel nodded sagely, "Yeah, we're in your head Sammy, but why on Earth should that mean it's not real?"
Sam blinked, then smirked, "Did…you just… quote Harry Potter?"
Gabriel's grin became wider at the sign of Sam starting to smile. "Guilty as charged. Still, Dumbledore makes a good point, don't you think?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah, guess so." He looked around again. "So, why are we…wherever we are?"
Gabriel frowned slightly. "We are here…which is, well, nowhere really…because you, my friend, are having a very bad day." He shrugged a little, "I was worried about you."
Sam's slightly smile vanished as the events of the past few days returned in a rush. In fact his whole body seemed to somehow shrink in on itself as his head and shoulders dropped and his face fell.
"Oh. That." He said gloomily. "I don't want to talk about it."
He turned away from Gabriel's look of concern, and started walking away. Heading in no direction in particular.
In the silence of this nothingness of a place he could hear Gabriel keeping pace just behind him.
"What do you want from me?" He asked quietly. "The worlds going to hell…again. No, not hell. Worse than hell."
He spun around again, causing Gabriel to nearly run into him. "And don't tell me you're here to help. You're dead! You can't help us anymore."
Gabriel held up his hands in surrender, but didn't speak, just let Sam finish venting. He knew that there was no one else Sam felt he could talk to right now. Sometimes being dead had its advantages…He was a safe person to say anything to.
"The damn world is about to fall apart! Again! And once again, it's our fault. It's my fault. And now I have to save the world. Again." He threw his hands in the air. "What if I don't want to be the one to save the world this time? Did anyone think about that?!"
He turned away again and continued walking…stalking really at this point, his anger and despair evident in every movement.
"Just once…Why can't someone else fix everything? Why can't the angels…or, hell, the demons!" Gabriel smirked at the choice of words, but Sam didn't seem to notice, "Fix the stupid world?! It's their world too, you know!"
He sighed, some of the anger in his posture and his voice draining away. "I don't want a normal life…not anymore. I know now that that life was never meant for me. But…why can't it go back to the way it used to be? Just me and Dean making the world a safer place. Hunting things, saving people, and all that crap."
He stopped walking, but didn't turn around this time. Gabriel didn't have to see his face, though. He could see the defeat in Sam's posture.
When he spoke again his voice was barely more than a whisper, and Gabriel wouldn't have been surprised to find that he was hiding his face because he was crying.
"We can't even do that right anymore. What's the point if we can't save people? It's our job, our responsibility. We know what's out there. We have to help the people who don't."
Seeing that Sam had finally run out of steam, Gabriel stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You know something Sam, that's what I love about you. You have had to deal with more crap in your life than anyone should. You, and Dean, have more reason to be bitter than just about anyone. And yet, you still want to save people. You still care about the world, even if you don't want to right now. You still mourn the loss of innocent life."
Sam just shrugged, he wasn't depressed enough to stop caring entirely...yet. Gabriel was right though…he wished he didn't care so much. It would make everything hurt so much less.
"And, you're right. I can't help you, not directly anyway. Sorry, but being dead does put me a little out of the loop…" He saw the faintest trace of a smile twitch at the side of Sam's mouth and smiled himself. "No, I'm here more for…emotional support."
Sam turned his head to look at Gabriel, brow furrowed, "Emotional support? What's that supposed to mean?" He looked down at Gabriel's hand, which was still on his shoulder... "You better not be planning any…funny business…"
Gabriel laughed, pulling his hand away and raising them placatingly. "No funny business. I promise."
Sam smiled a little, "So…?"
"I'm here to remind you of something." Gabriel told him.
Sam raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"You feel like you're not doing enough. Saving enough people." Gabriel raised an eyebrow back at him, and after a moment Sam nodded.
"Sam. You have saved more people than…well anyone." Sam looked at him sceptically. "It's true! And I am going to demonstrate."
Gabriel clicked his fingers and Sam suddenly felt the floor beneath his feet shift, as the section they were standing on began to rise up above the rest…a strange sensation when you could hardly even distinguish the floor.
"For a better view." Gabriel explained cryptically.
He waited till their little platform had stopped. "Sam, do you know how many people you have saved in your lifetime from ghosts alone?" Sam shook his head. "Hundreds."
Below them a large group of people materialised, showing the people Sam had saved.
"And then there were the vampires," Gabriel continued, and another large group of people appeared below. "Werewolves, shifters, djinn," with each monster mentioned more people were added to the group below.
Gabriel glanced at Sam, who was staring down at the people, face unreadable.
"Then there's the demons, can't forget those." The group expanded dramatically.
"I could go on all day…" He smirked at Sam, who had glanced at him. "But I won't. So lets just add in all the other assorted monsters you've handled…including a few that didn't even have names." The group nearly doubled.
There were now thousands of people milling around below them. Many of them were just faces in a crowd, but some of them Sam recognised, and he swallowed reflexively, trying to keep his emotions in check.
Gabriel gave him a gentle smile and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly before continuing.
"And those are just the ones you saved by doing your job. Killing monsters. But you, you care too much to stop there."
He waved his hand, and the group parted in the middle, forming a clear space. "You were there for people who had just lost the people they loved…the ones who thought they had nothing left." A small group appeared in the gap, most of them mothers of those Sam and Dean had failed to save. "You helped them find a reason to live."
Sam felt the tears overflow and run down his face, finally letting go. Letting the emotions he'd been pushing down come bubbling to surface. Letting himself cry.
"Even when you weren't working…you never stopped caring. You always had a kind word for the people around you." A young woman appeared in the gap. "You saved her while you were at school, without even knowing it. She was just about to give up, and then there you were there with a smile and support."
Gabriel wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulder, letting him sob freely. "You worry that you aren't doing enough. Sam, you have done so much more than enough. Sam, you were the one to dive into hell to save the world, believing that there was no chance you would ever get out again. You. Saved. The. World. Sam."
Suddenly, there were people as far as the eye could see. Men, woman, children, teenagers, old people.
Gabriel waved his hand, drawing Sam's eyes across the enormous group. "All of them are here. Because of you. I know things are tough right now. That they seem hopeless. But they're not. You will find a way, Sam. Because you care enough to not stop until you do."
He clicked his fingers again, and the people began to slowly disappear again, one by one.
Sam watched, his tears finally subsiding. He wiped a hand across his face, then dried his eyes with a hanky that Gabriel made appear out of thin air to give him.
"Thank you." He whispered, and gave Gabriel a hug. He felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off his chest. The tension of keeping his emotions in check finally released. And in its place, a new sense of hope. A renewed motivation to do what it took to save the world, one more time.
Sam and Gabriel stood together, arms around each other's shoulder, just watching the somewhat hypnotising sight of the group below slowly disappearing.
And when the last person was gone, Gabriel turned and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder again, giving it a final comforting squeeze. Sam looked into his eyes and smiled. He understood. It was time for him to go.
Sam nodded, then closed his eyes. The pressure of Gabriel's hand faded away as he drifted into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
He would wake up the next day, fully rested for the first time in…years, knowing that whatever happened, they would find a way to make everything ok again.
Hi everybody! So, I decided to try writing something a little different! I hope you liked it!
And I hope that you all have a great Easter break!