Chapter 21: Fuck you, okay! You fucking suck. It's not my fault if it's spelled wrong, okay, 'cause that bitch Raven was supposed to spell it. Fuck you preps! Woops so Raven fangs for the help. By the way, Transylvania rocks hard! I even got to go to the castle where Dracula was filmed!

Later we all went in the school. Draco was crying in the common room.

"Draco are you okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not, you fucking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He started to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I started to cry 'cause I was afraid he would commit suicide.

"Its ok, Ebony," said Vampire comfortingly. "I'll make him feel better."

"You mean you'll go fuck him, won't you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran to get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pale face. I was so turned on 'cause I love sensitive bi guys. (if you're a homophobe then fuck off!)

And then… we heard some footsteps! Vampire got out his black invisibility cloak. We both got under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHO'S THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filch come. He went under the invisibility cloak and started to meow loudly. "IS ANYONE THERE?" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No, fuck you, you preppy little poser son of a fucking bitch!" Vampire said under his breath in a disgusted way.

"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! WHO SAID THAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Then he heard Filch meow.

"Filch, is there anyone under the cloak?" he asked. Filch nodded. And then…Vampire frenched me! He did it just as… Mr. Norris was taking off the cloak!

"WHAT THE-" he yelled but it was too late, 'cause now we were running away from him. And then we saw Draco crying and bursting into tears and slitting his wrists outside of the school.

"Draco!" I cried. "Are you okay?"

"I guess so." Draco wept.

We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (see isn't that depressing) on the gothic red bed together. As I was about to put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Fudge and the Ministry of Magic walked into the school!

Editor's note:…Yeah.

I wonder what would happen if Ms. Rowling saw this. And 'imma wiserd.' And all the other really, really bad fics out there. Or, rather, her reaction to it. (All of it.)

But it's kind of unavoidable, isn't it? If it's a book, there will be bad (really, really bad) Fanfiction for it.

Even the Bible. (Kill me now.)

And as a response to questions I've been asked: No one is sure if this is legit or the work of a brilliant (really, really brilliant) troll. I think that the author was serious.