Chapter 22: Holding On (part 2)
Elisabeth woke up in the middle of the night to a coughing fit. Trying to keep quiet, she buried her head in her pillow to muffle the sound. After about a minute, she raised her head, gasping for air. Her chest was hurting, but she ignored it. The tears streaming down her eyes. She couldn't let any one know though, she couldn't get people worried for no reason. Instead, she sat up and started hugging her pillow, hoping that the pain would pass. Telling herself that everything was worse in the middle of the night, that if this had happened in the day, it would be no big deal.
As she started to calm down, she looked around the darkened room. The place was quiet, meaning, no one was rushing over to check on her. Good.
She took the pillow and set it back down in it's spot and attempted to lay back down and fall asleep. Her chest still hurt, but she decided that she could ignore it for now. There was no use in getting worked up over it.
ooo
Gabrielle got into bed with Andy and watched for a minute as he watched tv. "So, Thanksgiving is coming up," she informed him.
Andy, without even looking over to her, nodded. "Yes it is," he casually responded.
"You know I'm having it here this year, right?"
Andy looked over to her. "Are you trying to get somewhere with this?" he implored.
"I just wanted to know if there was anyone that you wanted to invite. You know, like your son," she suggested. Gabrielle was curious about this boy. If she could ask him his birthday, she could figure out what she wanted to know. Besides, it was no secret that Andy was curious, and she wasn't about to be the one to keep him from meeting his son. This way, he could meet him with her there, because she knew that Missy would have to be there. The last thing that she wanted was a chance for Andy and Missy to be together alone.
Andy looked to her with genuine surprise. "Let me get this straight, you want to invite Missy and Johnny over here?" he questioned.
Gabrielle nodded. "I think you should meet him. I mean, he is your son," she explained. Even if there was an ulterior motive behind it, she did truly believe that they should meet each other.
Andy smiled to her. "All right, I'll get a hold of her tomorrow and let her know."
Gabrielle returned the smile. "Good," she replied.
Without another word, she leaned over and kissed him. Although she still loved him, there was a question of trust now. There was a hurt that made no sense to her, but still made a huge difference in how she saw him, how she felt about him. After all this time, one would think that it wouldn't matter, but it did. The kiss that she gave him, was merely a charade. It was covering up the insecurity and betrayal that she currently felt. If she found out however, that Johnny came along after they had broken up, things would change. They would go back to what they had before. If not, then she would have to talk to him, confess what was going through her mind.
ooo
Elisabeth awoke next morning to the alarm.
"Good morning Ellie," Jessica greeted as she got down from her bed. She went over to the dresser and grabbed her clothes. "I'm gonna go grab the bathroom before the princess does. I'll make sure to let you have it before she does. Okay?"
Elisabeth sat up and nodded. Her chest still hurt, but she went ahead and forced a smile until Jessica left the room. It was after that, that she realized that she was still having trouble breathing. Sitting there, she lowered her head and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down, convince herself that she was fine.
As soon as she opened her eyes, she discovered a couple of smeared blood marks on her shirt. They weren't big marks, but they were noticeable. She started trying to figure out where the blood came from, then, her eyes widened as she remembered. Last night, the coughing fit. Quickly, she turned and lifted her pillow. On the back side, she saw a red stain where she had been coughing.
Right now, she wanted to cry. All she wanted to do was sit there and cry to herself, forgetting about everything that was going on in her life. That wasn't possible though. Holding back her tears, she sat the pillow back down, making sure that the blood stain was down so that Jessica didn't see it when she came back into the room.
The next thing she did was force herself out of bed, which was harder than usual this morning. She seemed to be having a harder time waking up, she was just really tired. It didn't matter though, she had to ignore it and quickly get changed before anyone saw the blood on her shirt. Once dressed for the day, she waited for her turn in the bathroom and then headed downstairs where House, Cuddy, Jessica, and Tommy were sitting at the table eating their breakfast.
"Woah, what's wrong with you?" Tommy blurted out right away.
House and Cuddy both looked up to Elisabeth with concern. Standing there in the doorway, she looked weak, fragile, pale and somewhat disoriented. Cuddy got up and walked over to her. "Honey? Are you feeling sick?" she implored, knowing that the answer had to be yes.
Elisabeth stood there and nodded. There was no getting out of it now.
Cuddy sighed and felt the young girl's forehead. "Greg, she's got a fever."
Elisabeth looked over to House who just looked over to Cuddy, as if he were pondering whether or not to ask what he should do about it. She wasn't scared. Not now, not anymore. It didn't matter. Last night, and this morning she had been a little scared, but it passed. Being scared wasn't going to change anything, so she decided not to waste her time on it.
"You want me to stay home with her?" House offered.
Cuddy looked to him, let down. She was hoping to hear something good, that this wasn't all that bad of a situation and why it was going to be okay. She needed to hear it. Instead, she was let down. "No, I'll stay with her," Cuddy flatly answered.
Elisabeth looked over and saw Jessica. She was trying to hide the fact that she was worrying. Jessica quickly looked down to the table, as if she were ashamed to have been caught. Cuddy told her to go back upstairs and put her pajamas back on, and she obliged. Slowly, she left the room and carefully made her way back upstairs. Along the way, she passed Rachel, who looked like she was too busy to even notice that she looked sick. Good. One less person to answer questions from.
Elisabeth entered the bedroom and decided to grab a new shirt instead of the one that she wore last night. The one from last night, she shoved under the bed and hoped that no one would check under there for a while. The longer that she could go without anyone finding out about the blood, the better.
The young girl climbed back into bed and pulled out her journal.
Sometimes I wonder if this was all worth it. Last night, I started coughing up blood. Not too much, but enough to let me know. I can't possibly have that much time left. This could all be an over reaction, but I doubt it. When I get sick, I don't get sick like everyone else. I don't do anything like anyone else. I can't just get a cold and be miserable for a week, I can't just get a cough and be fine in a day. Instead, I sit here couching up blood and waiting for my breathing to get even worse to the point where I'm back in the hospital. I'm sick and tired of sitting here, slowly falling apart while everyone else around me watches me with pity, wishing that they could do something. There is nothing that anyone could ever do. It's over, and it don't matter any more. None of it does. I could have been the best person out there, the nicest and sweetest and I would still be dying. I could have been the worst person ever, and I would still be here dying. The only difference in the end is the amount of people that would miss me, and right now, I don't really care who misses me. I won't be here to see it.
I don't even think that I want anyone to miss me. I hate seeing people cry over me anymore. All it does is remind me of the pain that I have caused to others through out my life. I know that my family can't help it, they love me. They have to realize though, that I love them too, and I know that if it were anyone else here that was going through what I'm going through, they would hate the idea of me being miserable over their misfortunes. I just want this to all stop already. Not just the things that have been going on recently, but ever since I was little. The special treatment, the smiles of relief that my parents would show every birthday.
Elisabeth sat there, tears streaming down her face as she stared at the page in her journal. Every feeling that had been pent up for a while was right there in front of her. All she wanted to do at this moment was become numb to everything. She wanted to some how just block out the entire world and forget about everything and everyone. Just let herself not care for a few hours. She wanted to forget the fact that her father was most likely on the edge of some sort of break down that would occur as soon as she died, to forget that her mother was grieving the loss of her daughter before her time even came, to forget that she had one sister who needed her to get through the day and the other who needed her to let her know when she was over doing things and when boys liked her, that she had a brother that she was leaving behind before she could teach him how to ruin Rachel's day without getting in trouble.
She closed the book and laid back down. No use in fighting the sleep that she desperately needed any more. She was stuck here all day anyways, and there was no other way to escape reality.
ooo
House sat in his office. It was more towards the end of the day as he just stared at a file, hoping to get his mind off his daughter at home and get some sort of idea of what was wrong with the patient. He needed something to distract him, but his distraction wasn't working for him.
The door opened, and he looked up, pretending to have been rudely interrupted.
"I don't think that this patient is going to make it," Morgan announced after approaching his desk. She could see through his little act. She had been able to get it out of her co-workers what was going on with his little girl at home.
House suspiciously raised his eyebrow. "Really? That seems odd considering that we got him stable a few hours ago and he was taking to the treatment," he stated. Either she was lying, or Chase was lying when he had told him that everything was okay, and so far, he trusted Chase more than he trusted Morgan.
"People crash, and people die," she mentioned.
House just watched her as she walked over to his bookcase. "The only thing that kept me from being a doctor for a while was that I hated to see people die," she mentioned and then looked over to House to see how he was reacting. So far, he looked like he was just trying to figure out what was wrong with her. "When I was younger, my older sister died," she informed him.
"I don't give a damn about your past life or why you became a doctor. I hired you based on what you can do, not how much I pitied you," he spat and then pretended to go back to his work.
Morgan stood there a moment and crossed her arms. "You've watched someone die before too haven't you? Someone close to you?" she implored. Her eyes were glued to him.
House slowly looked up to her. "What the hell are you trying to do here?" he questioned. There was something seriously wrong with all of this, and he didn't like any of it.
Morgan remained stoic. "I'm upset," she flatly stated. "And I just wanted to know that i'm not the only to have sat there and watched someone I love die right before me while my entire family fell apart. My parents growing further and further from each other while us kids grew to resent them after a while," she explained, waiting to see when she had hit a sore spot. She needed to catch his interest.
House sighed as he looked up. "Either go write a soap opera out of it or go do your job. I don't care what you do just as long as you're out of here and that patient is living," he explained.
Morgan shrugged. "Fine," she replied and then started to turn and leave. "Just remember, you can talk to me about the one you watched. Any time at all," she announced as she left.
House just sat there, watching her walk down the hall. "Great," he sighed. He knew what she was wanting to do now. Him. Someone told her about Elisabeth and she was trying to use it to get him.
Okay, so I was able to update a lot sooner than I thought. That could be considered a good thing. I know this chapter is pretty depressing, but I think everyone who is still reading this story at this point knew to expect it sooner or later. I was also just with a family, at a funeral service so I wasn't in the happiest of moods while I wrote this. I do hope you like it though. Let me know what you think.