Mikau: Hello again! Thank you so much for coming back for more! And a big thank you to last time's reviewers for taking the time to let me know your thoughts: shouldbeworking (Yeah, I can't wait until his darker side is revealed. Slowly but surely, but that's more of the climax.), bourbon, Guest, EverThePhantom, and q (You know, her seeing him with Vermouth really would be interesting.). Today I'm also updating Falling in Love Literally, The Healing Process, and Just Passing Through. There's also a new fic called Mausoleum: A Prompt Exchange Collection. It's all sorts of genres, situations, and characters suggested by the members of the Poirot Café forum. It's all kinds of nonsense, kind of like Just Passing Through, so take a look at it. By the way, voting for the 10k Competition on Poirot Café (that the first two chapters of this fic are an entry in) is going on now. If you have time, stop by and read the five fics participating and vote for your favorite! Anyway, here's hoping you enjoy chapter three!
Disclaimer: If I owned it, there would be a lot more "set" events that you see in typical shoujo manga. ALL of the school festivals and the sports days and Valentine's and the stereotypical beach events and the class trips and the Halloween parties and the karaoke events and the Christmas specials… You get the picture. Who needs murder? …Ugh. I'm a crappy shoujo writer, aren't I? -.-
….
Chapter Three: The Explanation and the Realization
For the remainder of the week after Misa had arranged the karaoke outing, Azusa had been extremely anxious about it thanks one hundred percent to Misa herself. The scheming friend made a point of coaxing the idea of a romantic relationship between Amuro and Azusa into the latter's head, and now it was one of the chief things on Azusa's mind.
It made the days between Wednesday and Friday pass more quickly, thinking about "Does he like me?" "Is he looking at me?" "What should I say if he talks to me? I have to act natural!" "Does he think I'm pretty? …Am I pretty?" "He smiled at me! Does that count as flirting? Oh…no. He smiled at Satoko-chan too…" "Should I cut my hair or leave it long? Does he like girls with long hair?" and "I wonder if he's thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of him."
Unfortunately, her constant stream of lovesick thoughts were making her more accident prone than usual, and Amuro ended up having to cover or clean up for her as a result. He'd caught and steadied her when she slipped on the dishrag she'd dropped, and he'd cleaned up the remnants of the plate that broke when she'd been sneaking glances at him instead of paying attention to where she was going.
But, really, no actual harm had been done by Azusa's little crush, so Misa gleefully encouraged it. It made Azusa giddy for the most part, so what was the harm? Misa was happy to see her friend enjoying a little schoolgirl romance for once.
The trouble came when, on Friday, Misa pulled Azusa aside and impressed upon her the importance of the outfit Azusa chose for karaoke.
"It'll be his first time seeing you out of your work clothes, so you want to make a good impression, grab his attention, and cement his interest," Misa lectured in grave seriousness.
Azusa pulled out her order pad to jot down notes.
Misa rolled her eyes and took the pad and pen away. "Look, Sweetie, all you have to do is be the sexy Azu-chan I know and love. Just put on a little makeup—not too much. You don't want to look like a slut—and wear a cute outfit, okay? You know what you look cute in. Amuro-san doesn't seem the type to like flashy, sexy girls, so just go classy, okay?"
"Classy," Azusa repeated to herself so that she wouldn't forget.
The problem was that it took Azusa about thirty minutes of pulling out everything in her closet that night to find the intersection of "classy" and "cute". She finally decided on a large, wide-necked sweater over a lacey camisole paired with jean shorts over a pair of tights.
She had seen a lot of girls downtown in Shinjuku, Harajuku, and Shibuya walking around in similar outfits this fall, and she thought that they looked cute without being overly showy. Misa had worn an outfit like that before too, and it gave her, Azusa thought, a fun yet feminine air about her.
By the time Azusa finally decided on an outfit and applied a conservative amount of natural-looking makeup, she was running late—five minutes late as she got off the train at Beika Station and rushed down the stairs to the meeting place…where she found her crush with a questionably clad Satoko-chan hanging off of him.
She didn't know how long she had been standing there gaping, looking stupid and feeling heartbroken, when Amuro-san looked up and noticed her.
It felt like hours as she stood rooted to the spot, feeling like an absolute fool. Amuro-san was nice to everyone. What he had done for her wasn't special. He would have done it for Misa or Satoko or any other of the Poirot waitresses. It had just happened to be Azusa. It was a coincidence that they liked the same music, that it meant so much to both of them; it wasn't like that one similarity made them soulmates.
She had been delusional. She didn't really know anything else about him besides his taste in music. What had she gotten so excited about? She'd gotten caught up in Misa's crazy fancies and worked herself up over nothing. He was attractive. They liked the same music. He was nice and polite and considerate. Was that really so much to start planning a life together on? What had she been daydreaming about these past three days? She knew so little about him, and yet she'd made so much out of it.
Now that she was coming to realize her folly, it was easier to see him so cozy with another woman. After all, it wasn't like she'd had any claim on him. She hardly knew him…. So why did it still hurt so much?
It was about then when Amuro and Azusa's eyes met, and a look of mortified panic flooded Amuro's face. It was gone in a flash, and he was calling out to her: "Azusa-san! Help me with Yukimura-san! She's feeling light-headed!"
Azusa blinked, and then it made sense. Amuro and Satoko weren't doing anything indecent. He had simply caught her as she passed out, and he was now doing everything he could to keep her from ending up on the ground.
Azusa felt a tremendous weight lift off of her heart, and it was with joy that she raced over to her friends to see what she could do to assist them.
By the time Azusa actually got over to them, Satoko was more or less recovered…and looking a little perturbed as Amuro helped her over to a nearby bench.
"Stay here. Azusa-san and I will go buy you some water," he instructed, taking Azusa by the wrist and pulling her along after him before she could protest.
They rounded a corner on their way to the vending machines, and Amuro came to a stop with a longsuffering sigh. He released his hold on Azusa as he leaned back heavily against the wall.
"Thank goodness you came when you did," he muttered, catching Azusa by surprise.
"Huh?" Her eyelashes fluttered in confusion.
He looked up at her and smiled warmly. "I wasn't sure how I was going to get away from that woman before you showed up."
Azusa blinked again, still not comprehending. "I'm sorry. What happened, Amuro-san? I don't understand."
He grimaced as he explained, "I don't want you to think less of Yukimura-san, but…I'm afraid she's been coming on to me a little strongly while we've been waiting for you, Kujiro, and Misa-san. She pretended to faint so I would have to catch her. I really wanted to just drop her, but…that wouldn't have been right, and she was all over me like an octopus, anyway, before I could do much about it. I'm just really glad that you came, Azusa-san," he chuckled, grateful to her for getting him out of that scrape.
Azusa frowned, trying to piece things together. "You mean…Amuro-san, you weren't interested in the advances of a pretty girl like that?"
Satoko was gorgeous. Far prettier than Azusa with better clothes, a more natural way with men, and a distinct knowledge of how to do her colors, how to fix her hair, and how to hold her head just right so that the boys all went gaga for her. Azusa couldn't compete…so why did Amuro-san want to get away from Satoko's attentions?
Amuro scrunched up his nose, disgusted at the very suggestion. "Azusa-san," he replied very seriously. "While I don't condemn liberal ideologies, I consider myself to be fairly moderate and honestly embrace conservatism in my personal life. Girls like Yukimura-san repel me. I'd much rather be with a modest, unpresuming girl like you, Azusa-san."
He paused and seemed to think about what he had said. His cheeks colored. "W-What I meant to say was—!"
She smiled softly, a little sadly. "Don't worry. I understand. You didn't mean me specifically. You just meant a girl who was modest and unpresuming like me. Don't worry. No misunderstandings here." She put a little more force into her grin until it started to look…well…fake.
Amuro didn't look satisfied with the conclusion of the conversation either. He bit his lip and looked like he wanted to say something, clear things up, but…he shook it off, mentally chided himself, and let it go.
"Come on. Let's go find the vending machine. I'll buy you a hot chocolate or something to warm you up. You must be cold wearing those little shorts and those thin leggings in the middle of October." He pushed himself up off of the wall and continued their journey, not bothering to take her hand this time.
She was a little disappointed…but…hadn't he said that she was his type? That was something, wasn't it?
And now that the mix-up about Satoko-chan had been satisfactorily resolved, her crush was making a comeback, but this time she resolved to come to like him for what she knew about him, the real him, instead of all of the silly fantasies that Misa had been filling her head with.
"You don't have to buy anything for me. I'm not really all that cold. I mean…the sweater's nice and warm, and the tights are actually thicker than they look," she protested when he brought up purchasing her something yet again in front of the machines.
"No, really. Get anything you like," he urged. "Consider it my apology in advance for the way Yukimura-san treats you after this. She's probably going to be a little sore about you and me going off together and leaving her behind after I snubbed her like that."
Azusa winced. She could just imagine the disharmony that this would bring to the café. "Oh, all right," she conceded, selecting the milk tea.
He picked a bottle of regular water as well as an oolong tea. As he bent down to retrieve the beverages and stood back up, he got a good look at Azusa's outfit for the first time. He had noticed the sweater, shorts, and tights before, but he hadn't actually noticed while he'd still been worked up over his ordeal with Satoko.
He handed her the milk tea and continued looking at her for a minute before decreeing, "You know, that looks really cute on you. So long as you're not cold, you know. It's…trendy without being too revealing like other girl's outfits can be. I like it."
"Thanks," she giggled, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "I had a hard time picking it out. That's why I was late. I really wanted my makeup and everything to be perfect, so…"
"Your hard work paid off," he encouraged her softly, gently but warmly with that slight teasing air that made her heart beat just a bit faster.
Once they returned with the drinks to the bench where they had left Satoko, they discovered that the remaining two of their party had arrived and were ready and raring to go.
Misa had been late due to wardrobe issues as well, and she had held up her hulking, adoring boyfriend Kujiro ("Kuro-chan") due to that.
"I just hope my incredible beauty is well worth the wait," Misa snickered, feeling very much that it certainly was.
Her ego was helped along by her loyal boyfriend assuring her that it truly was.
Kujiro-san was a big, lanky young man of about six and twenty with hair that had been dyed the exact shade of a beet. He wasn't terribly smart, and he was often quarrelsome, but he loved his Misa-Misa more than anything, and that slavish affection was enough to make one feel that, deep down, he was a nice young man who just needed a little more guidance. It was difficult to dislike him.
With their party all assembled, they set off towards the karaoke box, and Amuro was finally able to start calming down.
When he'd seen Azusa gawking at the sight of Satoko all over him…he'd panicked. Even though he knew deep down that it was a mistake to encourage affections for each other on either side, he couldn't help but not want her to think he was a lousy jerk that could be taken in so easily by the likes of a woman such as Yukimura Satoko. He didn't want her to have a poor opinion of him or in any way misunderstand what had happened between himself and their coworker.
It would have been better for the sake of keeping them at a safe distance from one another if she did think ill and misunderstand, but…he didn't want her to. He wanted her to respect him…even though he didn't deserve it.
There was, however, the flip side of this to think about: Azusa hadn't seemed very jealous when she'd stumbled upon a scantily clad woman hanging off of him. She'd been astonished, embarrassed…but not stark raving mad with jealousy.
And that was disappointing.
She hadn't cared. There were no thoughts going through her head of her being the one in his arms instead, he could bet on that.
Even when Amuro had explained what was going on, how he was the victim of sexual assault, she still had wondered at him not wanting Satoko's attentions. As if he would want someone like that writhing all over him. He had no idea where all Satoko had been.
But still, Azusa hadn't been able to fathom Amuro not enjoying Satoko's advances…and she didn't seem to care whether he was enjoying them or not. It made no difference to her.
And that bothered him, kind of making him resent his feelings towards her. Here this oblivious girl had somehow managed to get into his thoughts and win influence over him, and Azusa wasn't even conscious of her effect, didn't really care one way or the other about his love life.
It bothered him. And it bothered him that it bothered him.
…
"Who wants to sing first?" Misa trilled as she bounced into their assigned room. "Azu-chan, how about you?"
Azusa colored and waved her arms in protest. "Oh no. I couldn't go first. I'd be too embarrassed. Why don't you go, Misa-chan? You have such a pretty voice."
Flattery got you far with Mizutani Misa, and so their self-appointed leader graciously took the mic, singing something awful by some cutesy girl band.
Amuro really didn't care for pop idol groups like that. As Azusa had said when he'd insulted her by assuming she listened to such trash, pop groups like that were just so…fake. It was all about the outfits, the makeup, the dance moves, and not so much about the actual music and lyrics. Watching groups like that, you could tell that they didn't actually feel what they were singing. To Amuro, that emotional connection was the most important part.
He snuck a glance at Azusa (whom Misa had conveniently placed right next to him), and while she was smiling contentedly and listening to the performance, clapping for her friend, he got the impression that she felt the same way he did about the music selection. She wouldn't say anything, though. She'd never speak badly about her friend's bands, even if it was just to honestly state that she didn't like it because it was inauthentic. She was the "go along to get along" type, not wanting to cause anyone any problems or be a source of tension within the group. He was willing to bet that Azusa would gladly sing such pop songs if asked simply to pacify the others and not make a scene.
And she did. After Misa had sung two songs on her own, she roped Azusa and Satoko into singing with her. Amuro could tell that Azusa was a little shy about it, but it wasn't bad. I mean, she didn't sound bad. The song was horrid—something about alligators and shampoo or…?—but Azusa didn't have a bad voice. Satoko and Misa both sang tolerably well, so the performance wasn't complete torture.
And Azusa kept sneaking glances at him as she sang. Just little peeks here and there, and then she'd smile almost imperceptibly wider, her eyes would twinkle just a little bit more.
Or maybe that was all completely in his head. Still…
He smiled amicably at her, watching her reluctantly dance around with Misa when the older girl urged her to do so.
It was cute.
But he really needed to do something to stop having that thought over and over again. It was a problem.
For the past three days it had been: She smiled. "Cute." She dropped a plate…again. "Cute." She laughed at something a customer said to her. "Cute" but he was keeping his eye on that customer, and if he tried to get Azusa's number, he and Amuro were going to have a problem. Everything she did was cute, cute, and cuter than the last.
It wasn't going away as he tried to ignore it either. The thoughts were only becoming more prevalent. He was just lucky it had yet to affect his work. His little crush would have to end before it became a serious issue—a liability.
But…
She tucked her hair behind her ear as she laughed with her friends. Her smile was so brilliant, so real… It was soothing.
He liked the way she made him feel, this giddiness, this contentment. Indulging in his feelings for her made him happy.
…Only he had no right to be happy. It wasn't his call. He'd sacrificed "love" and any personal happiness in service to his country. His life wasn't his own to give to any woman, no matter how sweet or charming or good. He'd already pledged everything to Japan.
His mission—dismantling the Organization—had to be his priority. So much time and effort—human lives—had been expended in order to get him where he was now. It had taken years to be promoted up through the ranks and gain a codename. If he slipped up, if he allowed himself to be distracted by these feelings and made a mistake…got himself killed, it would be a long time before another agent could make his or her way up the ladder of the Organization again. He and Scotch had been their best bets…and now he was all they had left.
—Unless they wanted to invest their hopes in the FBI and Edogawa Conan.
The latter wasn't a bad choice, but the former…thinking about that man made his temperature soar through the roof.
It necessarily dragged up memories of Akemi.
…And THAT was why Amuro couldn't tolerate this crush he was beginning to develop on Azusa. Akemi was dead…had been dead for almost a year now…and she still haunted him.
See? Love was no good. It would only mess up his head and rob him of his focus at a time when he couldn't afford to falter.
If he did, more people would die.
So these feelings had to go.
Besides, as evidenced earlier by Azusa's lack of a jealous reaction from the incident with Satoko wrapping her tentacles all over him, his crush was unrequited. He thought he had seen signs of similar feelings in her these past few days, but…the jealous test trumped anything else. She didn't care for him. He was wasting his time, endangering lives with his immature folly, and only asking for hurt and rejection.
He'd steel his heart against her. From now on he wouldn't let her affect him. He'd make himself stop seeing her as a woman like he did with every other woman in his life.
Amuro snapped out of his thoughts as Azusa made her way back to her place beside him on the couch.
His resolutions of just moments before crumbled and dissolved as she smiled bashfully at him.
His mild-mannered, "Amuro Toru" mask settled back into place, and he gave her an encouraging grin. "You have a nice voice."
She laughed, shaking her head as her hands went to her cheeks to cover the blush that was rising there. "Amuro-san, you're too nice to me. Don't flatter me; I might accidentally start believing you."
He rolled his eyes fondly and gave a soft snort of amusement. "If I had said that you were good enough to sell out a concert at the Tokyo Dome, that would be flattery and shameless flirting. I simply said that you had a nice voice."
Azusa blinked, cheeks burning a rosy hue in the dim light of the karaoke booth. "So…would that constitute just regular old flirting?" she asked tentatively, unpresuming.
He opened his mouth, but no witty reply, no judicious response to mitigate the misunderstanding came out. He blushed softly and turned to look at Satoko going up to the mic just so that he wouldn't get caught up in those pretty sea foam eyes and say something stupid like "Yes".
"It's called honestly. It's simply the truth that your voice is very pleasant to listen to." He remained still, calm, despite the urge to squirm in embarrassment. "Despite the fact that the music choices of your friends are a little…"
She smiled, but that was the only confirmation that he got. "Thank you very much, Amuro-san."
He shrugged, trying to seem cool, unaffected. "You're welcome."
There was a beat of semi-awkward silence, but it was soon obliterated by good old Misa.
….
Mikau: These two are so fun to play around with. What do you think of the characterizations so far? I know they're a little different from what we see in canon, but I feel like ninety-nine percent of the canon characters lack any real depth. Haibara, Kaito, and Shinichi are some of the best, but I feel like most of the characters are just walking whiteboards waiting to be doodled on. I mean, they have their basic character elements, their goals and basic personalities, but they're not very fleshed out, so what I'm doing here is trying to expand upon what we see in the manga and anime. Hopefully I'm doing a good job. -.-; Well, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. Let me know what you thought! I've just finished a fic, so I'm very persuadable at the moment regarding what I focus on next. I'm at least going to chapter five on this, but if it goes any farther is really up to readership, so let me know if you want to see more. Thanks again! See you soon!