Peeta's POV
Dammit Peeta. You're an idiot. She's crazy. She doesn't know what she wants and until then you should just stop trying! I think to myself. I need to make her feel better. I don't know how to make her say yes. I don't even know how to seduce her. We've been married 10 years and it's not like we haven't had sex before. She always makes me use a condom so that she doesn't get pregnant. She knows how much she doesn't want any. She'll do anything to make sure we don't have kids unless it's on her terms. I love her and want to her to be happy. I'm too overcome with emotion. What's something she likes to do? Somewhere she likes to go. She likes the woods. Could we go to the woods together? Maybe then she would be okay with it, when she sees that I understand her. I'd make a great father, right? And she'd be the best mother. But she just doesn't see it.
I want a child. I thought she said she wants a child. But then she doesn't. She makes no sense. She's hot then she's cold. I want her to want children but I don't even know. I'm overcome with so many emotions. I'm angry, confused, frustrated. I love Katniss but she can't see it. I'll paint her a beautiful picture, I decide.
Upstairs, I put on an old shirt of mine and being mixing colors. I mix a primary blue with this amazing purple to make a perfect night sky. I paint her and me, lying beside each other in the meadow. She's pointing at a star that is brighter than the rest. Her head, decorated with its usual long braid, is on my shoulder. I'm looking at her face like I've never seen anything more beautiful. And it's true. She is perfection. Just as I'm finishing up, I hear footsteps downstairs. I change back into what I was wearing before and wipe my painted face down.
"Peeta?" Katniss calls.
"Coming!"
"Oh Peeta," Katniss gushes as she rushes to me. She wraps her arms around me and kisses me. She kisses me with more and more passion each second. I have to pull away.
"Katniss, what is this about?" I ask.
"Oh Peeta. I saw a little boy," she gasps. "Delly's nephew, actually. He looks just like you and I realized how much I love you. And I can't keep you from what you really want. He was so sweet and I think I want a baby. But I only think. I don't guarantee or promise anything, okay?"
"Oh Katniss," I murmur as I pull her into me.
"Peeta," she whispers before we fall into a warm, silent embrace. I don't want this moment to end. Only it has to. She pulls out of my arms and looks me in the eyes. I naturally divert my gaze. She moves my head so I have to look into her eyes. "I love you. I want a child with you. But I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt our kids. I'm sorry, okay? I wish I could but…I know you don't understand but you do know how private my feelings are. I'll explain on my own terms, okay?"
"Okay." I kiss the top of her head.
"And Peeta," she says. "Stop making such good food. I'm starting to gain weight." Katniss winks.
She's all I've ever wanted. Since I was five, I've been in love with her. Always. But I need to keep her happy. I smile at the staircase and follow Katniss to bed.