The Eyes Have It
Chapter Sixteen – An Elevator, again
Maggie welcomed Marlena back with open arms. She had missed her friend and was anxious to share all the gossip and goings on around Salem that Marlena had missed for the past two months. They were having lunch together in the hospital cafeteria and Marlena was perfectly content to just sit and listen to Maggie talk, it meant that she didn't have to share anything. Marlena wasn't really paying attention to Maggie, she was just nodding and playing with her food until she heard Maggie mention Kate's name. That got her attention.
"What about Kate?"
"She just married Victor Kiriakis. Can you believe that? I know he's rich and all, but he's not exactly a pillar of the community. I guess she just got desperate after John fired her…"
"What?….what do you mean after John fired her?" Marlena's heart began to beat a little faster.
"Oh, I thought for sure you'd heard about that." Maggie continued. "Well, the rumor is, when John was in Dubai, apparently she snuck into his room one night and he caught her going through some of his personal papers and then she tried to seduce him. He fired her on the spot. I thought for sure he would have told you about that….hey, whatever happened between you and John anyway?" Maggie finally took a breath and looked over at Marlena who was staring blankly ahead and had turned white as a sheet. "Marlena, are you okay?"
"I have to go now Maggie," Marlena said as she quickly stood up. "I forgot that I'm meeting a new patient." Marlena rushed out of the cafeteria and headed back to her office. She felt like she couldn't breathe and she was starting to feel dizzy. Voices were yelling at her inside her head. What did Maggie say? John had fired Kate in Dubai? He wasn't with her? Why didn't he tell her? He couldn't tell you Marlena…you wouldn't talk to him. Was it true? Had John really been in love with her? Oh God, what had she done? She made John think that she never cared about him. She had wanted to hurt him just like he had hurt her, but he hadn't hurt her.
Marlena managed to make it back to her office. She collapsed at her desk and kept going over and over what had happened. How could she have been so wrong about him? Why hadn't she been able to trust him? Why did she always want to believe the worst about people? She had just thrown away the greatest love she had ever known. And now it was too late. John had left Salem never to return and she was sure that he despised her now. Marlena leaned back in her chair and let the tears flow...again, but this time she was crying because John did love her and because she loved him and she had never told him.
Slowly Marlena began to get back into her routine. She somehow managed to get through her days without really thinking about her life. The nights were harder. She felt lonelier than she ever had before and she knew that she would be alone the rest of her life now. No one could ever replace John Black in her heart. She lived on her memories of the time they had together and she knew she would keep him in her heart forever and never forget the biggest mistake she ever made in her life.
It had been two weeks since Marlena had returned to work. She was still operating on auto pilot, not really caring or feeling anything. She had just sat through a board meeting, not really paying attention and now she was in the elevator, headed back to her office when the doors opened and there stood John. Marlena's heart stopped. She hadn't seen him in over two months. He was as handsome as ever, but he looked very tired. He froze for a moment when he saw her, then walked in and turned his back to her. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and she could feel the tears welling up inside her. It was physically painful to be this close to him and not be able to touch him, to have him ignoring her. She couldn't leave it like this. She had to say something, anything. She had to at least say goodbye and that she was sorry.
When the other passengers got off, and they were left alone, she had her chance. He still had his back to her. "Hi, John," she said cautiously, "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Marlena. How are you?" he answered coldly, not looking at her.
"Oh God, what have I done?" Marlena thought to herself. "He hates me so much." She felt absolutely sick inside and a little unsteady on her feet. She braced herself against the elevator wall.
"I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you'd already moved back to Chicago."
"I'm leaving tonight. You won't need to worry about bumping into me again."
"No, that's not what I meant…..I just…" Marlena didn't know what to say. She began to bite her bottom lip trying to hold back the tears, but her eyes began to get blurry. "I'm sorry, John," she barely got out, her voice just above a whisper.
"Sorry for what, Marlena?" His voice was still cold and angry.
"Just….. sorry….," she stared at the floor. She didn't have the courage to look at him. When the elevator doors opened, she began to walk out, but she stumbled as everything began to go dark and she collapsed on the floor.
When she opened her eyes, she was lying on the couch in her office. John was kneeling next to her with a glass of water in his hands. "Here, drink this slowly," he said.
"What happened?" she asked as she sat up and slowly sipped the water.
"You fainted as soon as you walked off the elevator. I carried you in here."
"I'm sorry, John."
"You said that before," he answered as he rose and walked away from her.
"I seem to be saying it quite often lately." She placed her head in her hands.
John couldn't help but be concerned about her. God help him, he knew that he would never stop caring about her. "Maybe you should see a doctor," he suggested. "You don't look very well."
"No doctor can fix my problem," she mumbled under her breath. "I'll be fine, John. I'm sorry if I was any trouble." Her eyes began to fill with tears again. She tried to hide them from John.
John was worried about her. Even after all these weeks of trying to put her out of his mind, he couldn't walk away from her. He still wanted to take care of her, to comfort her, he couldn't help himself. "You still look really pale Marlena. Are you sure you're all right?"
"No, I'm not all right. I'll never be all right again." The tears began flowing freely down her cheeks now. "John, did you mean it when you said you loved me?"
John stopped and stared at her, "Why are you asking me this now, Marlena?" John did not want to go down this path again. It hurt too much.
"Please, I just need to know," Marlena begged.
"Yes, I meant it Marlena…..unfortunately for me." Marlena could see the pain and the hurt in his face and she knew that she had caused it. She had caused it all. She had this wonderful man in love with her and she had thrown it all away because of her own insecurities, her own inability to trust someone, to believe in someone. She had ruined everything. "I loved you too," she barely whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
John wasn't sure that he had heard her. "What did you say?"
"I loved you too," she repeated without looking up.
John couldn't believe what he was hearing. In all the months they had been together, Marlena had never told him that she loved him. Why was she saying it now? Why was she bringing back all the pain that he was trying so hard to forget?
"Why would you say that now Marlena?" He was angry. "You made it perfectly clear that it was over between us and that you wanted nothing more to do with me."
Marlena still didn't look up at him…she just stared at the floor. "I made a mistake John, one that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me."
John's heart, which hadn't felt anything for the past 2 months, was pounding in his chest. He was having a difficult time controlling his breathing. Did she really mean it? Was it possible that it wasn't completely over between them? He wasn't ready to get his hopes up yet. He was still hurt and angry.
"You completely shut me out for months, you won't talk to me, you won't tell me what the hell happened and now you're telling me this? What's different now Marlena? What changed?"
Marlena could barely speak. She felt like her stomach was sitting in her throat. She had hurt this man so terribly and she didn't see how he could ever forgive her or believe in her again.
"I know the truth now, John. And I know that I'll never love anyone again the way that I loved you." She finally looked up at him. "….the way that I still love you." They both stared at each other, neither one moving, neither one daring to hope that it wasn't over between them. "Do you think that maybe…one day…you'll be able to love me again?"
"I never stopped loving you, Marlena." John admitted, his eyes now filling up with tears. "But I can't go back to what we had before."
Marlena's eyes went back down to the floor. John could see her chest rising and falling as she silently began to sob. He slowly moved over to her and knelt down on the floor, taking both her hands in his. "I can't go back Marlena because I need more." Marlena just nodded her head like she understood. She hadn't really expected him to forgive her.
"Marlena, look at me," he ordered, gently lifting her chin. She tried to stop crying long enough to look him in the eyes. "I need more from you. I need a commitment. I don't want to just spend occasional evenings and weekends with you…always leaving before it gets light. I want to be with you every day. I want to go to bed with you every night and I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to eat your lousy macaroni and cheese and I want to rub your feet after you've had a hard day at work. I want to marry you, Marlena."
Marlena didn't move, she didn't say a thing. She was in complete shock. This couldn't be real. She knew she had to be dreaming.
"Marlena?…. Did you hear me? ….. Honey? ….. Say something?" John was getting worried that she was about to pass out again.
Marlena finally took a breath and without changing her expression, she said, "So you think my macaroni and cheese is lousy?"
John burst into laughter, "That's what you got from everything I just said?"
Marlena looked down at John's hands holding hers. She began rubbing her thumbs gently across his fingers. "Do you really mean it John? Do you really still love me?"
John lifted her hands up to his mouth and kissed them. "I love you, Marlena. I love you with all my heart. And I know that I could never be happy without you in my life. So please, tell me that you'll marry me."
If it was possible to die from happiness, Marlena was sure that she would drop dead right now. She couldn't believe that she was being given this second chance, that this incredible man wanted her as much as she wanted him. Her heart felt like it was going to pound its way right out of her chest. The tears began to flow down her cheeks again as she nodded her head and tried to speak…. "Yes….oh, yes, I'll marry you."
John grabbed her in his arms and pulled her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. They were both crying now. Marlena wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. She buried her face into his neck and let the tears fall. She couldn't believe that she still had any tears left, but now they were tears of joy. John tried to hold every part of her at once. He rubbed her back, he held her head, he touched her face, he couldn't get close enough to her. He felt like he was whole again, that a part of him had been missing and now he had it back and he would never let it go again.
"I'm so sorry John…" Marlena began as she cried into his neck. He lifted up her head and began planting soft kisses all over her tear-stained face.
"Shhhhh…..no more crying," he whispered as he kissed her softly and tenderly. "Tomorrow we'll talk about everything, but not now. Right now, I just want to hold you." He slowly placed kisses on her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids, her mouth. Marlena held John's face in her hands and nuzzled her face against his. She just had to touch him, she had to let him know how much she loved him.
"I love you so much…Dear God, I love this man so much." She told him, her eyes still full of tears.
John felt like his heart was going to burst. That's all he needed to hear. He lifted her up off the floor and spun her around in a circle. Marlena laughed as she held on tight. He set her back down and stared into her eyes as he wiped the tears off of her cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you Baby and I always will." He grabbed her face and began to kiss her. He kissed her deeply and passionately, but slowly, taking his time. He was in no hurry. He had the rest of his life to make love to her.