Chapter 31: I said shut the fuck up, you quiephs! stop calling Ebony a Mary Sue, okay, you don't even know what's going to happen, okay, so fuck you! Fangs to my bff Raven for the help!
"I always knew you were on Voldemort's side, you son of a bitca (Buffy rocks!)," Sirius said to Snape.
"No, I'm not! I was teaching them something!" Snape claimed.
"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some black Voldemortserum out of my pocket and gave it to Sirius. He made Snape drink it.
He did, angrily. Then Lucius took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snape. Then Professor Trelawney and Lucius made us leave with them while Snape told his secrets. Lucius took Vampire and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a million times. Professor Trelawney took me to a dark room.
Now I was going to go back in time to seduce Voldemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nirvana were all over. Hermione, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a black bag from Tom Rid's store. "What's in the bag?" I asked Professor Trelawney.
"You will see," she said. I opened the bag. In it was a sexy, tight, low-cut, black leather gothic dress.
It had red corset stuff and there was a silt up the leg. I put it on. My friends helped me put on black fishnets and black pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blood-red lipshtick."You look fucking kawaii, bitch," B'loody Mary said.
"Fangs," I said.
"Okay, now you're going to go back in time," said Professor Trelawney. "You will have to do it in a few sessions." She gave me a black gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnets like in Resident Evil. Then she gave me a black Time-Turner. "After an hour, use the Time-Turner to come back," Professor Trelawney said.
Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensieve in front of me. Everyone went in front of it."Good luck!" Everyone shouted. Darkness and Willow gave me Death's Touch Sign. Then… I jumped sexily into the Pensieve.
I was in front of the school. In front of me was one of the sexiest goth guys I had ever seen. He was wearing long black hair, kind of like Mikey Way, only black. He had green eyes like Billie Joe Armstrong and pale whit skin. He was wearing a black ripped up suit with Vans. It was… Tom Bombodil!
Editor's note: I'm going to assume she was reading The Hobbit. And not quite sure why she needed the Pensieve if she had a Time-Turner… some things are better left unasked, I suppose.