The Eyes Have It

Chapter 26 - Surprise

John was "pacing" in his room...rolling his wheelchair back and forth. It had been several hours since Marlena had passed out on the floor. And even though she had only been unconscious for a few minutes and was already coming to when the nurses came in to help her, John had been scared out of his mind. They had taken her to another room and asked her to spend the night so they could keep an eye on her blood pressure, but Dr. Bader had assured John that she was just fine. They had given her a mild sedative and just wanted her to get a good night's sleep and they were waiting for some lab work. John knew that she was sleeping now, but he had to see her anyway. He couldn't rest until he saw her with his own eyes. He convinced his nurse to sneak him into her room while the hospital was quiet.

The nurse pushed John into Marlena's room and agreed to leave him for a few minutes. She was sleeping soundly and John was happy to see that the color had returned to her beautiful face. He took her hand softly in his trying not to disturb her, but needing to touch her. He blamed himself for everything that she was going through and he hated it. He knew that she would never leave his side, no matter what his condition and he couldn't live with that. He knew that he would never be happy and he could never make her happy. He had to somehow make her understand why he had to have this surgery. He had no choice.

"I love you, Marlena," he whispered as he softly kissed the back of her hand. "And I would do anything for you, but I need you to support me in this. When I saw you start to collapse in my room, I couldn't get to you. There was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. What if something worse had happened? And I couldn't do anything to protect you? Sweetheart, I couldn't live with myself...I can't live with myself." John closed his eyes as a tear slowly fell down his cheek. "Please God, help Marlena to understand what I need to do and keep her safe if I'm not around to protect her. I love her so much and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her...caring for her, loving her, being the man that she deserves."

John froze when he felt Marlena begin to move. Her head moved to the side and he thought he heard her whisper his name, but luckily she didn't wake up. He didn't want to disturb her. He knew that she needed her sleep. He placed a kiss on his finger and then softly touched it to her lips. "Sweet dreams, Baby. I love you. I'll see you in the morning." He stared at her face for another moment before he quietly wheeled himself out of her room.

The next morning, John was trying to be patient, but was not very successful. First they told him that Marlena was getting some lab work done. Then they took him down for his physical therapy. Then they told him she was in with Dr. Bader. John was getting very frustrated and the nurses were getting tired of assuring him that everything was fine. John was already eating his lunch, actually just playing with his lunch, by the time Marlena finally showed up at his door.

She stood against the door frame and watched John as he absent-mindedly pushed mashed potatoes around on his plate. She finally had to clear her throat to get him to look up. "Hi Sailor," she called softly, a little apprehensively.

"Marlena!" John called out, ecstatic to see her. He shoved his lunch tray aside and patted the bed next to him. "Baby, come here. Are you all right? I was so worried about you. What did Dr. Bader say? Is everything okay?"

Marlena walked towards the bed and placed her hand in John's out stretched one. "Shhh...I'm fine. I'm sorry if I scared you yesterday." She sat down next to him.

John felt a little nervous. Marlena looked strange. He didn't recognize the look on her face...nerves?...apprehension? ...something was different.

John placed his hand on the side of her face. "Marlena, honey...tell me what's going on. What did Dr. Bader say? Did they find anything in the lab tests?"

"I'm fine...really, John. I just over did it a little. Honest."

"Oh Baby..." John felt incredibly guilty as he let out a huge sigh and pulled Marlena into his arms. He held her tightly against his chest as he softly stroked her hair. "I'm sorry. I knew you were spending too much time on me...worrying about my condition. You've worn yourself out..."

"John...shhhhh..." Marlena pushed herself back up so she could look in John's face. "It's not you...or your condition...it's my condition."

John's heart stopped for a moment. "What? What condition? What's wrong?"

Marlena placed her hand on John's chest to calm him down. "Nothing's wrong... John..." She paused as she looked into his eyes. She still couldn't believe what she was about to say.

John was feeling very nervous. Marlena was acting very strangely.

Suddenly, Marlena's face lit up with absolute joy as her eyes filled with tears. "John...I'm pregnant."

"What?" John was sure that he couldn't have heard her right.

Marlena nodded her head. "It's true. I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."

John's face turned absolutely white as he tried to comprehend what she was saying. "Are you serious?"

Marlena burst out laughing. "That's exactly what I said to Dr. Bader when she told me."

The color slowly began returning to John's face as he realized that Marlena was indeed serious. John began to stammer..."But...how?...when?"

"She thinks I'm about 6 weeks along."

Marlena could see the wheels turning in John's head as he did the mental calculation. He smiled and closed his eyes as the memory returned...and all he said was, "Hot cocoa."

Marlena smiled and nodded as she repeated the words... "Hot cocoa."

John looked down as he took Marlena's hands in his own. "But I thought ...you couldn't..."

"So did I," Marlena answered softly. "But somehow...we managed..." She looked up and caught John's eyes with hers. Her heart melted when she saw the love and the joy in his eyes. And any worry or apprehension she had about how he would react, immediately vanished.

John reached out and touched her face, "A baby." His eyes traveled down to her belly and he rested his hand there, "Our baby."

Marlena rested her hands on top of his. "Our baby," she repeated. They looked up at each other and Marlena began to laugh as she realized they were both crying. She reached over and wiped a tear off of John's cheek.

He pulled her close and began to place soft kisses all over her face. "I love you so much, Marlena."

"I love you too." She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a long, warm kiss on his mouth…feeling him, tasting him, breathing him in, letting him know just how much she loved him. She settled herself next to him, resting her head next to his. "Think of it, John, our very own baby."

John wrapped one arm around her and placed the other hand on her tummy. "I can't believe it. To think that there's a little life in there. I hope she's the spitting image of her Mother."

"Or a gorgeous little boy, just like his father."

"So are you really okay? How do you feel?"

"I don't really feel anything yet, just tired. Dr. Bader wants me to take it a little easy and cut down on my work load a bit."

"Absolutely. You need to slow down and take care of yourself. I don't want you to worry about anything. I'll take care of….." John stopped. Who am I kidding? He thought to himself. I can't take care of anything. Not like this. John was quiet for a moment before he began again.

"Marlena? I need you to listen to me, okay?" John spoke very softly as he held her against his chest and softly stroked her head and her arm. "I know you're dead set against this surgery, but I need you to hear me out. I can't stand the thought of sitting in a chair and watching you run and play with our child. I want to give horsey rides and piggy backs. I want to play catch and soccer and tag. I want to build a treehouse. I want to do everything that a Dad does that I can't do right now. I have to take this shot. I just have to."

Marlena didn't say anything. She had remained very quiet and still the whole time John was talking.

"Marlena?" John asked, terrified that she might become hysterical again.

"I know," Marlena admitted, very quietly.

John turned her face towards him. Not sure that he heard her.

"I know," she said again. "I've always known. I just kept hoping and praying that there was some other way."

Relief flooded John's face. He grabbed her tightly and placed kisses on the top of her head. "Oh Baby, it will all be fine. I swear to you, nothing will go wrong. I have complete faith in my surgeons and there's no way that I'm going to leave you. I have so much to live for…..you and now our baby. We're going to have an amazing life…you'll see. I love you so much Marlena."

Marlena just hugged him close, knowing that she had to let him make this decision, but terrified just the same. "I love you too, but I'll never forgive you if you leave me John Black."

John grabbed her face and stared at her with the most intense gaze she had ever seen. "Never. I swear to you." Marlena tried to catch her breath as John took her mouth in the most passionate, loving kiss she had ever known. And all her fears and worries just floated away….at least for awhile.