Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.
AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.
And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want, "preps."
I, the American retail wearing British vampire Sue, coughed up blood.
Satan kneeled down beside me.
"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"
I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fulfill my duty as the noble, gothic Mary Sue."
Satan sobbed. "I love you, Ebony."
"I love you two. I'll... I'll see you in hell," I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.
B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and every single gothic person she could think of.
Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly, and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.
When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late. The Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.
A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.
A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.
All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN: I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.
When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the goffic power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding, dong, the sue is dead...'
Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon-like again.
All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.
And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.
Meanwhile...
Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of Fanfiction time.
She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.
She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. "Where are my emo clothes?" She asked herself in confusion.
And then it occurred to her...
For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.
Ebony suppressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.
Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.
"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocritical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.
Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."
/End Crap Fic.
AN: Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:
AN: Shut the fuck up, preps! Get a life! YOU SUCK! Oh, and from now on I'll be on vacation in England until, like, August, so I wont be able to update for a while, lolz. Fangs to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed! FUCK YOU! MCR RULES 666!
I woke up in the Nurse's office on a special goffik coffin. Hagrid was in the bed opposite me, in a coma, 'cause Vampire and Draco had beat him up. Mr. Norris was cleaning the room.
"Oh my Satan, what happened?" I screamed. Suddenly, Voldemort came. He looked less mean then usual.
"Get the fuck out, you fucking bastard!" I yelled.
"Thou hath not killed Vampire yet!" He said angrily. Suddenly, he started to cry tears of blood, all secretive.
"Voldemort? Oh my fucking God, what's wrong?" I asked.
Suddenly... Lucius, Professor Trelawney, and Sirius came! B'loody Mary and Vampire were with them. Everyone was holding black boxes. Voldemort disappeared!
"Oh my fucking God, Ebony! You're alive!" Screamed Vampire. I hugged him and B'loody Mary.
"What the fuck happened?" I asked them. "Oh my Satan! Am I, like, dead now?" I gasped.
"Ebony, you were almost shot!" said Sirius. "But the bullet could not kill you, since you were from another time."
"But fangs anyway!" said Lucius, holding out his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!
"Oh my God! I can't believe Vampire's dad shot you!" I gasped.
"Well, to be honest, I was possessed by Snape back then," said James.
"Yeah, he was a spy," Sirius said sadly. "He was really a Death Dealer."
"And he was such a fucking poser, too!" Said Lucius. "He didn't even really know who GC were until I told him."
Well, anyway, everyone started to give me presents. I was opening a black box with red 666s (there was a DVD of Corpse Bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Norris looked up angrily, 'cause he hated goths.
"Hey, has anyone fucking seen Draco?" I asked.
"No. Draco told me he would be watching House of Wax," said Professor Trelawney. "He doesn't know that you're better. Anyway, the nurse said you could get up. Come on!"
I got up. Lucius, Sirius, and Professor Trelawney left. I was wearing a black leather nightgown. Under that I had on a sexy black leather bra trimmed with black lace, with a matching thong that said 'goffik girl' on the butt and sexy fishnets, the kind hooked on to my thong (if you don't get the idea, message me, I'll tell you). I put on a black fishnet top under a black MCR t-shirt, a black leather mini with black lace and Converse shoes. I left the hospital wing with B'loody Mary, Willow and Vampire.
"Oh my fucking God, let's celebrate!" gasped Willow.
"We can go see House of Wax with Draco!" giggled Vampire.
"Let's go listen to GC and cut ourselves (666)!" said Hermione. We opened the Common Room door sexily. And then... I gasped... Draco was there, doing it with Snape! He was wearing a black t-shirt with '666' on the front and baggy jeans.
"You fucking prep!" We all yelled angrily.
"Yeah, you betrayed us!" shouted Vampire angrily as he took out his black gun.
"No, you don't understand!" screamed Draco sadly, as he took his thingy out of Snape's.
"No shit, you fucking suck, you preppy bastard!" said Willow, trying to attack him (you rock, girl!). I ran suicidally to my room. I (sexily) took a stake out.
"Ebony, no!" screamed Draco, but it was too late. I had slit my wrists with the stake. Suddenly, everything went black again.
Sincerely,
An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P
A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.
Editor's note: … I don't really need to say anything here, do I? And I didn't write this, by the way.